Well its been a while since I posted anything up and for good reason-between my work, business, and family I've had little time to socialize in person and on the net, but one thing that I have maintained is my training. 

From May up until July, I had tried to do a cut cycle to shred for the summer, but it blew up in my face. I did not shred, though I dropped 2% in bf and am looking leaner. So after my failed cycle, in July I started my bulk cycle and a new routine and so far its been doing wonders for me. My old cycle had me training 5 days a week, and I was doing cardio in weekends. Now, I train 4 days a week, and do my cardio after my main workouts. The rest days has proven to be effective in giving my body time to grow and heal. 

I cut out a couple of things as well. I have stopped checking on my weight, so if you haven't noticed, my weight measurement is far behind. I actually don't know what I weigh to be honest neither do I care anymore. Earlier in the year I did, but it would always tick me off whenever I saw my weight drop or not rise at all. Now, I'm going by eye-if I look big, then there is nothing to complain about. Yeah my goal is to be 200 lbs at 8% bf, but I know I will hit that, though it won't be an overnight process; 3 words: determination, consistency, and patience. Without those, its easy to lose motivation for your goals.

I also stopped taking preworkouts. They would give me energy, but they made it hard for me to breath, and sometimes that $h!t left me feeling nauseated and gave me insomnia. Since I stopped taking them, I feel better; I sleep better and breathe easier in my workouts with more comfort. As far as energy goes, I'm going natural. I'm only taking 3 supplements now which are the protein, bcaa's and creatine, but I'll be cutting that out soon when this last batch finishes.

I'm thinking about competing next year I see alot of you guys post great photos of your comps and ya'll look like you're having fun. I wanna try it and see what happens, though if I do, I've decided that for my cut cycle next year I'll have a trainer set it up for me cuz I was way over my head on this one, haha...

Monday was a rest day simply cuz I had something else going on. Tuesday was the official start of my new training routine, even though my cut diet started on Monday. So far for both Monday and Tuesday, the meals have been the same:

cereal, morning protein

egg white sandwich with spincah with 2 slices of wheat bread

Chicken with rice

chicken with veggies

chiecken with veggies

post workout protein

dinner (chicken/fish with rice)

So far I'm beginning to feel the crash of depleting my carbs and calories (the rice is in very small portions). It was for me to puck up momentum for my workouts, but when I did, I knocked them out easy-which I didn't like. I thought I was doing heavy enough weights, but I'm guessing that I'm going to have to raise it up more to get my training on course. Today was back and as always my routine is on my workout tracker. Here's to day 7 tommorrow

I apologize for the late delays on these logs, but last week got real busy with me singing practice, taxes, work, and gym, but here's a sum up of what went down:

Day 3:

Diet-solid, ate each meal at the correct time. Since this was my last week of bulking, I went with the red meat, but stuck also to chicken and fish (tilapia).

Workout-Back-went really lousy due to forearms getting tired. Not one of my best performances I'll tell you that.

Day 4:

Diet: Same as the day before-stuck to mostly red meat and chicken. Supplementation also went the same: 1 protein shake in the morning and one post workout with BCAA's and creatine.

Workout-Shoulders: went really well. I was hitting heavy weight with more ease and had a great core/cardio session after for an hour; nothing but kickboxing and sledgehammers

Day 5:

Day 5 was moved to Saturday because I had singing practice on Friday night. Friday's diet caught me eating pizza twice: one for lunch cuz my boss was buying, and one during singing practice. I really will miss that during the next twelve weeks Saturday's diet was light-I only ate three meals that day. Since I'm up and about on my Saturdays, I have no time to set aside to eat compared to work (10 o clock break, 3 o clock break, lunch, etc...). Nothing healthy really, though I kept supplementation the same to maintain.

Workout: Arms-went great as well; was hitting heavier weight with more ease; I think my body is getting stronger :D

Sunday-rest, ate only three times as well. Like I said, the weekend is mainly my cheat days to basically not eat. Before I started working out, I would only eat2-3 x a day, which is no surprise that I weighed 135 lbs.

This new week begins my cut routine. I've basically stuck to a simple strategy: chicken, chicken, chicken. Yes this will get boring for me-may tempt me to break my cut diet, but honestly I am determined to shred. I need to know where my body really stands without all the bodyfat mass. Besides, its only 12 weeks, and I'm actually looking forward to less red meat and more cleaner meals. Cardio well also be a daily thing now. First 8 weeks, 30 min. after workouts; last 4 weeks, 20 min. in the morning and 30 minutes after workouts in the evenings. On my weekends, 30 min. in the day. I'm treating this cut as if I was going to compete on stage, so the mentality here is that of a bodybuilder.

Still continuing my last week of bulking. Diet was spot on in terms of timing and protein. Also my supps came in today, so I started taking them for the challenge. I'm now taking the infinite pro whey protein shake (mango-not a bad taste) and the BCAA from infinite labs. The reason I am not taking too much supps now is because of my upcoming cut diet next week-I wan to minimize as much excess of everything as I can. I posted my workout lof for today (chest) and I did a 45 minute cardio (kickboxing). This cardio will be daily starting next week (I'm only doing 2x per week in my current bulk phase). As for as mood goes, I felt great-pumped and ready-setting my target on winning this thing!

This is my first log for this contest, even though I signed up on March 31, I didn't start lifting till today cuz March 31 was a weekend for me, and I need the rest

Needless to say, this is my first week of the contest, but it also happens to be the last week for my current routine and diet I've been sticking to since January. Basically the routine was to lift heavy with less reps. Diet as to eat around 1-2lbs of meat a day (preferably red meat) cuz I wanted to ballon up in weight. The results were good, but I've been bulking for almost a year now and I feel like I'm way over due for a cut, so next week begins my new cut diet and training routine to compliment the diet. My supps have not arrived yet so I can't really give an accurate description of my diet today till I get'em, but basically it was something like this:

wake up: 1 protein shake
meal 1: 1 cup of cereal wit banana
meal 2 : 1 cup of tuna salad kiwi
meal 3: baby back ribs -half a rack-I'm gonna miss these in my cut cycle
meal 4: 1 cup of pasta with red meat with orange
meal 5: 1 cup of chicken strips
post workout: 1 protein shake
before bed: 1 casein shake

I skipped the post workout meal today cuz I had to mow the lawn, and I lost my appetite, but basically since January my diet has been similar to what is seen above.

Today I worked out legs. To get a full view of what I did, check out my training log on my bodyspace profile. All in all, a productive day for me. Spent around an hour and 30 min. in the gym today no cardio. I will weigh myself by the end of this week to get a good idea of where I am at.

So I've done some soul searching and I have come to the conclusion that I may be training and doing all this for the wrong reason. Since I started, my main objective was to be happy in my own skin. I wanted to be proud of myself for meeting goals and surpassing them. I wanted that sense of accomplishment in my life, because I really don't feel like I have done anything with it. Yes I have a college degree. Yes I won an international poetry contest. Yes I am now second in command at my company; I now take orders only from the business owner-everyone else takes orders from me Throughout this growth in my life, I was careful to keep my head. or myself to be blunt, humble, cuz I worked very hard to get to where I am at and at a young age as I am (I started out doing sewer cleanup and all sorts of nasty stuff at age 15), and I should be grateful for all this. And yet...

When it came down to this sport, I thought what I had acheive so far was good. I gained nearly 50 lbs in a year naturally, and I managed to learn of the science of this sport, diet-wise and training-wise, to break records I never imagined I could a year ago. But I have a problem now. It seems that I have met someone who not only dwarfs my achievements with his results, but also surpasses my gains with his gains on a daily basis, and now it has turned into a competition for me. What was once a way to relieve stress in my life has now become the origin of much of it in my life now. There is not a day that does not go by where that competitior in me lashes out at anyone I deem as a threat, especially him. I don't want to call it an obsession, but that's what its beginning to sound like to me. I find myself tearing myself apart every morning with the worst insults and critiques when I look at myself in the mirror cuz I am unhappy with my body-cuz it is nowhere near his level.

This ain't no psycho story here, but I do recognize a problem: that where once this sport was my passion, now has become my addiction. Or is it the desire to be someone that I am not? I know each body is unique in that it gains at a rate different from everyone else (especially when genetics plays a role), but I can't help but feel like a failure now. I want to lift, but not at the mindset that I have now; I want it like before. I wanted to do it because I love it, not because I have something to prove to someone else. I know this is all in my head, but its not going away, and that in itself is making me feel worse. I feel like this is my fault for letting myself get carried away over a silly fantasy or dream that was way over my head. I need to somehow turn this around not let it get to me this bad, but how? I sometimes feel like the only solution is to give up on the gym 100%, kinda like drugs or alcohol, but that may be wrong. For now, my goal for this year is set: 200-210 lbs @ 9% bf. I feel like if I don't hit this goal this year, I can forget about the gym next year...

So my mom has been depressed lately cuz a three year relationship she has had with a guy ended recently. I was surprised to see it get to her bad; no she's suicidal and all, but she feels like the relationship fell through because she wasn't attractive enough, or she is old, or this or that. Basically she started to blame herself, which drove me nuts. I keep telling her to get over it, but as she has pointed out to me, it is easy for me to say that because I am young. A breakup for a young guy/woman isn't going to stop us from finding another because we got youth on our side. For her not so. She is pressing 50, and though everyone tells her that she still looks 20 (I'm not lying), she feels the pangs of old age (wrinkles that were not there begin to appear, hair turning white near the temple, pains from joints she never felt before). So I guess this breakup has more of deeper meaning for her than I figured. 

Today was another typical Saturday for me-busy as hell. No time for gym, just keeping up with my responsibilities. Towards the end of the day, I went grocery shopping with her, and she was in a her depressed state yet again. I hate sounding unsympathetic, but I was so tired of it. You have to understand that this was the same woman that held down three jobs at one time for nearly a year, who helped me through school and through my 3 years of hell that I passed through after high school. The same woman who when I was a kid, would wake up at 5 am and drag my sorry butt through the streets with her while she cranked up Madonna's "Material Girl" on her Sony Walkman and ran like there was no tomorrow. It was just unlike her to be this sad, withered person, mopping around for a man, feeling old and feeble, when I believe that that same young vibrant woman that I remembered still is living within her with every beat of her heart. All I needed was for her to recognize that truth, and then it hit me: "Mom, it's a beautiful evening, why don't we go running in the park like we used to?"

And boy did that do something. Her face lit up and she took to it like fat kid on cake. She got dressed up and so did I and we went. It was late already, but we both hit the pavement hard, and I was surprised at how well she kept up with me. It had been years since she ran at the level she was going today, but she made it, and the evening could not have been more precious. Idk, there is something more surreal about running through nature's terrain rather than at a treadmill or Stairmaster. All I can say is that when we got back home, her character changed. For that brief period in the park, she was not my aging mom, but she was once again that single gal with the legs in her first year in the United States. She was that woman who recognized no barriers and who could crush any obstacle in her path. She was fierce and independent, not needing a man to help her get through this run (I certainly didn't help). She lost herself in that heat of the moment, in the run, in the beautiful scenery, somewhere. Reality took a backseat and she found herself again.

When we got back home she thanked me for the run and already was fitting plans in the next week for more runs. Obviously, this first run did not eradicate her depression, but let's just say she gave it an upper hook My personal advice: if you are feeling down for any reason, find something that you can lose yourself in. For me its fitness and I can definitely say that I got it from my mom. But for others it could be music, art, work, religion, innovation, something that you can find yourself and let lose your full potential. Its moments like that that truly define who we are, not the struggles in our life. How? Because those moments appear right when the struggles and problems do; we create those moments. We create our victories. No one can stop us in those moments because we are at our element. Though it never hurts to have a pal give us that little push like I did for her today to help us get there

Well, I've uploaded my progress pics for this month, and I can definitely say that I'm impressed-I like what I see in the mirror! It shows that my new routine and diet have definitely proved they work and that nothing is impossible to reach/obtain when you have a positive attitude and the drive to get you to your goals.

The only problem area that I am still dissatisfied with is my waistline. I've never been chubby, so to see love handles since I started this more than a year ago still remain is bothering me. I want to shred, but I am at a lost as to how to create an effective cut meal plan. My routine is in place, but I really am ignorant as to what meals I should consume during this new cut cycle. More research is under way for me, but if anyone has any suggestions, please do not hesitate to drop a line-I'd greatly appreciate it.

To finalize, I'd like to grow my legs more, which means lots and lots of squats, but I like challenge :D I'd like to also have more definition on my chest and back. Lastly, I'd like my shoulders to gain more strength and size, simply because they are my weakest parts of my body.

Hopefully I can give an update by December on my progress. I'm going to school now two days a week till then, so its going to be tricky to work out an effective schedule, but as stated before, with the correct positive attitude and drive, nothing is impossible. Be blessed...

Since I started getting serious about training a year ago, the idea of how bad  or tough it is to train without a workout partner never really crossed my mind. One of the things that I love about bodybuilding above all sports is that its a solo project: you get out what you put in. You can take your body to any direction you want; just tweak your diet here and there and change your routine. I love that. I never was a team player and probably never will be (I'm a pretty independent guy and proud of that), so bodybuilding appealed to me in more ways than getting built. By working out alone, I can come in anytime I want, set my routine to whatever I want (and currently I want mass), and go home whenever I'm ready.

 But lately, as my lifts are getting heavier and the gym is getting packed (its that time again) I've taken into notice that having a partner does have its benefits.  Watching those high school kids in the gym has pushed this on my face so that I can't ignore it anymore and I hate it. They come in in pairs and packs; they got spotters from left to right, and they keep the workouts interesting with conversations of some chick they want to bang. Me I'm stuck trying to lift heavy while keeping form and praying to God that my knees won't give way (squats are a b$#ch) or that my arms won't give way. Maybe because I'm young and all, but I like the idea of making friends in the gym; the problem is that no one around my age works out there. My gym has two extremes: the 50+ crowd, and the 18-younger. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm too neither crowd fits me. Either 50+ crowd is discussing about how Obama is a failure (which I could care less) or 18- are talking some really stupid s#$t that I grew out of. I'm not saying that I'm too mature for that and all, but no I can't relate to the fact that detention sucks and World history sucks because I work to pay bills and keep the food on the table to live and keep up with my life. I'd like someone with similar stats or better to work out with me, but there aren't a lot like that when I go in (and I go in right after work).

 I'm just venting so its not like I'm looking for a solution with this blog, but as my lifts get more intense a workout partner definitely appears to be more of a need than a want in my future. Maybe I was being to Mr. Independent for my own good because I know there's a lot guys out there that lift alone and have never needed a workout partner, so maybe I'm just letting this get to me. Now I feel kind of weak for admitting this, lol.

So this March dedicates my first full year of non-stop dedicated training and looking over my progress pics from the whole year I can say that I see...no difference at all. It could be because I'm my worst critic or I am used to seeing myself, but I am definetly not satisfied with my progress.

Am I being too harsh on myself here? Is it right to ask too much from myself and meet my demands? Or was I way over my head on this sport? I love working out and all, and I started 2011 out correcting my diet and lifting heavier, but I don't seem satisfied with myself. I feel like I'm still missing something. I take supplements, I log my progress, and yet the result shows I'm at a standstill. Is my progress thus far normal, and I'm simply being to hard on myself, or am I right to suspect something is amiss here? Anyone reading this, I'd appreciate your feddback; this has been on my mine for some time and I want to put all my suspiscions to rest.