So, you have just done a ton of dishes, I’m talking dirty chicken pans, protein shaker cups, and pots that yam startch has stuck to… and your dishcloth is now not only saturated with dirty dish water, but its just loggy feeling. That in a nutshell is how I feel at the moment. I trained three times before 2pm to try to get myself to have a little bit of a better set up for the rest of the week. Only problem being that I know tomorrow I will wake up probably feeling like a semi-truck hit my upper body, while my lower will feel like a old crunchy elastic band ready to break. My game plan is to drink as much water as I can before passing out, have a good stretch in a few and most likely get some more calories in me before the day is done.
Even though I feel rather ick, I must say I am looking miles a head of where I thought I would be at this point. I guess drastic training is working for my stubborn bod.
I think I have really gone off my rocker this time. Maybe its the heat, or my day of carbs. Whatever it is, I am creating magic. So after getting a ton of compliments on my changing physique, I have decided to commit myself to compete in 16 weeks time. After a lot of hard work, I managed for the first time since being sick to drop body fat. And have I ever. I dropped 6% since July 2nd. Still with no clear diagnosis, I have had enough of the waiting game. Something sparked inside of me again. The drive is back, and I’m not just cruising, but speeding forward with the flare that I was always known for. For the first time in 2 years I feel like me again. I feel energized, eager and fired up. Thank god, I was starting to get tired of being emotional.
When I was 15 I started training seriously. At this point in time I on top of my game in the dance world, mainly because I eating 300 calories a day to acheive the desired dancers body. I was running close to 50km a week, on top of dancing 26 hours a week. I had started weight training to try to tone up, to loose, yes even more weight. Although I was 125lbs, size 00 waist, I thought i was a blimp. Why couldn’t I get below 120, or even down to 110lbs? Thats all I wanted. Standing at 5′1, I was and am dense. I pack a lot of muscle. One day the reality set in that I would never be 5′10, 110 lbs and make it in the ballet world. That didn’t mean I was going to give up, but rather shift my attention. I continued dancing, getting stronger and started to educate myself. I picked up my first oxygen magazine. Monica Brandt was on the cover. I remember thinking that she looked like godess. I wanted to be that godess too. I probably read that magazine a 100 times before I made a game plan. I needed to first start eating more. Second I needed to learn more then the 5 exercises that I had been doing everyday. I hired a trainer, and after a few months I was introduced to a figure competitor. She told me about fitness competitions. From then on I have been training for one. One would think that in 5 years I would have stepped out on stage by now. I have had a few bumps in the road. By a few, I mean a tornado riped through my life. For better or worse, I have come out a stronger person.
If I have learned one thing through everything, it really is that life is about challenging yourself. It is about reaching your true potential. Becoming the person who you have always wanted to be. There shouldn’t be a need to hide behind baggy clothing, layers of make-up and a personality that is far from your own.So here I go, again. I thought I was ready in the beginning of the year to compete, but mentally and physically I just wasn’t there. Then I had to take 15 weeks out due to health stuff. But I’m back. Ladies and Gentleman, get ready to be dazzled.
So after being off for the last bit, and in off season, my company booked a promotional photoshoot for next week… My thoughts on this are 1) I am not in any condition to be wanted to be in front of a camera. 2) I am going to be doing a lot of cardio in the next week. 3) I need a tan.
Since I have been back in full swing, doctors cleared me to go full throttle again, things just have not been going my way. I have found it very ironic that injury and illness strikes when I am ensuring my nutrition is bang on, supplements are had and my exercise is peaking out. Pre-Cali I was battling a tear in my hip flexor, which is feeling almost better but still ice and painkillers later I can say that. Then once in California I got a touch of the stomach flu, and since I have been home it really has just esclated. I never get sick, I never overcome to injury, now here I am motivated like no other, ready to tear it up and I can barely walk to my bedroom because I’ve gotten so weak from not eating! This isn’t cool! My new game plan that I came up with mixes the best of all my worlds. I really created a no nonsense, yet terribly fun workout regime, that I have been able to do twice!!! Enough whinning, I am thinking positive thoughts, have kept food down for 12 hours. A good sign indeed! I’m thinking an easy cardio ride today on the bike, and maybe if all is going well even a little training!
My first trip to Golds Venice was interesting to say the least! I’ll be back tomorrow, I’m thinking bi and tris, not my fav but everything at that gym would be fun! Chest Back today was wicked buttttt I was so distracted! Too many familar faces, too many distractions. Period! But heck I love it down here! Sook much, I just feel at home. I live by the ocean, all of 4 blocks and in the cute tourist- health - yuppie part of Vancouver but it’s different! I will figure it out tomorrow, maybe it’s the sun or white beaches, or muscle beach!
Where to go from here? I am sitting with injuries, feeling kind of lost and a lot overwhelmed.
I miss having a plan of action, but whenever I kick my ass and really give it my all I either end up injuried, or ill or both. Take for instance now. I have tendonitis, suffering from a terrible reaction to new meds, now making me feel acomplishmentless. But then I got thinking, it doesn’t have to be this way. In the past I have done whatever I have needed to do to get the job done. Take school, if passing an exam ment staying up all night to do so, then I did! Or work, if going in 2 hours early to make sure things get done, consider me 2hours early! But with training lately, not to say I’m not still working it, but I’m not giving it 110%. All injuries aside, ups and downs, training is how I have been able to surpase it all! God Victoria get with it! So I go, up, up, up and away!
The next step for me, is stoping cutting and starting to eat like a normal human. Hard hard hard. I live this like a lifestyle, so for me not to measure, and weigh is hard. Mentally get ready to eat a lot of carbs again is freaking me out. And I am not talking a lot, like 75g a day. But still I am being a head case about it. I know what is right and now I just need to do it. Take 15 weeks, put on as much muscle as I can. Try to decrease my cortisol levels, and figure out if that will assist with my health stuff. Fingers crossed I don’t gain too terribly much.
I want to lift weights, not jump hurdles. So my health… I am literally at a stand still. Doctors are scratching their heads. My cortisol was off the charts, creatinine beyond normal. Tomorrow I get to do a 24hr cortisol test, literally being peeing in a container for 24 hours, then first thing Monday go in and get more blood work done. I have to get an echtocardiogram done within the next month (damn wait lists). And as for my training, I got told to can the weights and do cardio minimally. Now honestly, this isn’t going to happen. Until I get a diagnosis I am going to carry on my ways. I am still putting on muscle, and slowly, like turtle slow, leaning down. The thing that is getting me, is that I live a beyond healthy lifestyle. I am physically strong, cardiovasculary fit. I can run a mean 10km, and do sprints. I am flexible and well over all on top of my game. I eat abnormally clean, don’t drink, don’t use drugs nor smoke. I try to get as much sleep as I can, and do things to keep my stress down. I am young, these are supposed to be the best times of my life. I think what makes it worse is I have my goals, I know exactly where and who I want to be. Now all I am seeing are obstacles, over and over again. My eyes are on my goal, they always have been and will be… it doesn’t matter how much chicken I have to eat, cardio I have to do. My hands are raw from lifting and my body feels like a bus hit me, but that will never stop me. I am not sure if I am being too hard on myself, or trying to pretend like everything is alright… Am I being impractical, or silly? Medical professionals are stratching their heads and running tests, but where does that leave me? Without answers, not even knowing why I am getting poked, and yet the only thing I get told to do is stop the 1 thing keeping me saine through it all. The thing that is such a huge part of my life and my identity. Come on now, I am only 5′1, my hurdles can only be so high until I will crash and burn.
Almost done midterms, one more to go! I will be sooo glad once it over. Don’t worry, I have still been training my butt off- just the focus is off. Lifting lighter and not with the regular spunk from lack of sleep. But some how every morning I still manage to drag myself to the gym, yawning all the way but still there! One more Friday and then a little break… until finals.
Leave Comment