“A Pound of Flesh…”

“The mind is the result of the torments the flesh undergoes or inflicts upon itself”  - Emile M. Cioran (French philosopher, b.1911)

It’s a cliche to implore someone to try something new. New things are glossy, shinny, and attractive. There is no discovery without trying something new. Of course, anyone who’s been around the block once or twice will tell you to read the fine print when you try something new: a new endeavor is also an opportunity to form an intimate relationship with failure. You can’t embark on any quest worthy of your time and effort without stumbling, without falling short, without looking stupid. And you can’t reach any level of proficiency without dealing with your "stuff." You know…your insecurity…your doubt…your weaknesses. This too, is what it means to "try something new."

So, I’m looking at myself in the mirror and I seeing all of my weaknesses. I’m telling myself that there is no way in hell that I can fix these weaknesses in time for the May show. And I’m looking at tape measurements that aren’t moving, and I’m asking myself if I’m doing all of the right things. Yeah, I think I look better when I see myself in the mirror or view photos. But on the other hand, I have learned to not trust everything I see a long time ago. I’m a scientist for cryin’ out loud. I know that some things we think we see do not really exist, and some things that we cannot see do really exist. It is a paradox of the human condition. But being a fan of the humanities as well, I am also convinced that the impulse to be our own worst enemy is part of the human condition too.

I kill myself daily when I train. No, I don’t mean my muscles or even my creaky joints. I literally try to kill imperfections of thought when I train. To generate so much pain that I become numb to the chaos that is now my life. To build an exterior so tough that I remain standing when others fall down. I am building a foundation that will last long after time robs me of my size and physical strength. I am training for the daily contest that starts before the sun rises and lingers into the dead of night. This morning, I disrupted anyone within earshot as I hoisted 85lb DBs for shoulder presses and then threw them down to Hades when the set was over; did upright rows for 21s using 135 lbs on the Olympic bar in the power rack; made 35 lb laterals feel like ton through focused effort and intensity; did 225 lb close-grip bench presses to wake my triceps from the dead; then dragged my tired ass to the treadmill to shred any fat that would fall off my frame. And when I left the gym, I left no doubt about what I came to accomplish. I slayed the enemy. Make no mistake, he will be back. He always comes back… And I’ll be waiting.

This entry was posted on Friday, October 30th, 2009 at 11:40 pm and is filed under Other. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.