meangela010’s BodyBlog

Are you happy? Just in general with your life and where you are.

Should you try and be grateful for what you have , appreciate what is good in your life?

Or if you find yourself discontent reguarly , should you try and change things?

So I haven’t lost a pound yet but I feel much better now that I am really sticking to it. All of my muscles are sore which tells me that I have not been working out as hard as I could /should  be in the past. I have been eating much better but to many of my calories are coming from fat. I find that if I have 1/2 a almond butter sandwich and put almonds in my oat meal in the same day then with all of the other little things that come up about 40% of my calories came from fat and unfortunately protein gets the short end of the stick in the high 20’s to low 30’s.

Any way like I said I FEEL better and that makes a world of a difference. I will continue to try and fine tune my diet.

So I hit the weight floor yesterday for the first time in a while. Over the last few months I have just been taking weight lifting classes at the gym. They are easy and you don’t have to think to much about what you are doing. Also if you tend to feel uncomfortable on the weight floor its much easier to hide in a weight lifting class.

Being that yesterday was a holiday it was very busy which is always discouraging. The number one thing I wanted to so was squats with the squat rack. Its my favorite! So I walk to the back of the gym and sure enough someone is using the rack and one more person is in line. Well then I guess I will do some chest press we have like 12 benches. But wouldn’t you know it ever single one was occupied. OK then! the next major muscle would be back, I will do some lat pull downs! And can you guess…. of course every piece of equipment was being used. I was very frustrated at this point and almost left but I knew I would regret is so I hopped on the assisted pull up thing for a while and then made the rounds again. I never made it to the squat rack but I got everything else in. It was kind of a random little of everything work out but that is what I needed and I felt great by the time I left.Which is the whole point right ?:-D

After saving my last post I realized how dramatic it was. Out of all the thing that could go wrong in my life and everything I have to loose, I am afraid of eating to much today? Maybe its time to reassess my priorities.

But I still don’t want to make a pig of myself.

So today is my sons 3rd Birthday party and I am terrified. How am I going to stay away from the cake, candy, munches and other evil yet wonderful foods??!!! I don’t want to cheat and I think that it sounds ridiculous that what I am saying is that I don’t think I will be able to control myself. How retarded is that??!! It should be as easy as not stuffing my face and thinking about what I eat before I eat it. But when I’m in the moment I make all kind of excuses and justifications.

I know that I should be more positive then this but its so hard. I have failed so many times how can I make today different?

So last week I could feel my self teetering on the brink of really making the commitment and buckling down on my diet. I could acutely see myself standing on a cliff and ready to jump then taking a step back for fear of failure. I mulled this over for a couple of days in my mind then I did it, I jumped, I committed to myself that I was going to make a change as I did the first time when I lost 50lb.

Just as before it has not been easy, I will do great all day and then my husband gets home and gets all prissy that I don’t want to eat what he is cooking. He tells me that I am turning in to a food Nazi, to which I replied that I was trying to but he certainly is not making it easy. I have learned that if I cheat a little then I end up cheating a lot, and I ALWAYS feel like crap after eating crap both mentally and physically.

I think that I just suffer from the same problem that most Americans do. We have been able to gluten our selves our whole life. Media everywhere is a contradiction, on one hand you see promotions to eat healthy and exercise but on the other we are polluted with food advertizements and movies which make it easier for us to lie to ourselves and think that we can have it all.

To anyone that reads this you will have to forgive me I am not very good at putting my thoughts in writing, I hope this doesn’t sound to much like an uneducated ramble.

And I have not given up, I will rise above, I will not make excuses, I will influence those around me, or I will do it on my own. One way or the other I will succeed in my goals!