Sometimes I hate being me. Sometimes the exact same things pushing me up in the gym, drag me down in other aspects of my life. Being hardheaded as I am helps so many times, but sometimes I just hit the concrete wall and drop down on my ass.
Haven’t got much to say lately so i stayed quiet most of the time. Even if I am not updating my bodyspace regularly i still visit it every single day, and sometimes even twice for that matter. It’s just that I am under so much pressure because of so many things in life. Most of that pressure comes from my ambitions, which i have too many and fail to achieve any entirely.
"Only when we loose everything we are truly free." I reminded my self of this line when I sat to draw last night. I had so many distractions I just could not concentrate on creating art. I am just not sure i am moving in this or the oposite direction in my life, but I think both ways can bring me to the same spot.
I met this man he was interior decorator, at least that is the fancy name for someone covered in wall paint from toe to ears. Tall, dark fellow with thick mustaches and wrinkled skin on his face, not so much because of his years, as from constant squinting on the cigar smoke that was never far from his mouths. When I told him, full of inspiration and desire, I was a painter and I also wish to become artist of some level, the only reaction of this man was a faint smile. he than told me a story about his artistic path. You see he wasn’t painting walls his entire life. No, his real passion was painting murals on the church walls, only when the weather is bad and air humidity does not allow to paint on the high walls he does this second job to support his survival. How funny I thought to my self, one day you paint with gold and silver and create epic scenes from the Bible and inspire faith in so many people and the other day you haggle with those same people over a few coins for a days worth bread and watter.
However, this man didn’t seamed to be disturbed by this sad truth at all, and while I questioned him further he gave a jewel of wisdom that obviously kept him sane in his burning need to create art and not paint walls. He said "Being artist is OK as far as creating art goes, but to really create art you have to remove your self from the constant distractions in everyday surroundings." This was mind boggling at the beginning, but more i thought about it the more it made sense.
If I have to think about will I earn enough money to survive and will I have a rent to pay at the end of the day I can not set my mind free and let the creativity roam freely. Oh and trust me when I say I have so many distractions right now I sometimes wonder how can i create anything at all. Must be I have this incredible talent which is not easily stopped by simple mundane things in life, but than I take a look at my art and I get back in reality, which usually comes like a smack across the face with a wet towel.
Even as I write this I am distracted almost three times, first by my financial manager who is a old wench and in the moments of absolute absentees of intelligence she managed to transfer entire sum of money intended for paychecks to a bank account not connected to electronic paying business server and now it will take about 12 hours for women from accounting department to book it by hand, instead of doing it electronically in like five minutes. Guess who is working the late shift in the IT sector, alone. Yeah, it’s a no brainer, just like my boss. Oh yeah and now they are calling me to fix a machine of which I only know name and model because it is written in big bold letter on a plate screwed on the side of the machine. The best part is they call me to fix it because the machine has a keyboard on it and this means the guy from the IT must know something about it, right…
The way my life goes right now I will never become and artist, and because I am very nervous I am experiencing emotional eating cravings, but the closest place to get food is like 5 miles away so I will resist by force. the good news is I have lost another inch on my waist and still strong and powerful in the gym.
I am currently working out seven days a week, with four days in the weight room, two days on the bike and two days boxing. I am probably in the best shape of my life as far as mu physical condition goes, I just need to loose another 5% body fat and I will be satisfied.
malibuilder
View all comments | Leave Comment