Mom’s BodyBlog

Not all things bad, are bad.  Good do come out of bad, too.  I make it a point to see that.  I have been in a torture the past few weeks and the worst were the past few days.  Over side effects, over being unable to workout…

I knew I hit a plateau where my weight is concerned sometime back.  It simply refuses to go down.  I am not hoping that my weight goes down to where I started on a profile on BS …hmm…that was the peak of depression and struggling against side effects, too over the previous anti depressant.  Anyway, today I was pleasantly surprised that instead of going up, my weight actually is down by more than 1 lb.  No great significance but I am trying to see the light of things here..    And although I can’t be sure how accurate my weighing scale is ( I have read about how inaccurate weighing scales are in calculating bf%) my bf has dropped a bit ,too. 

For me, this is also time where friendships are put to test.  No one likes to be around a wet blanket.

If you have suffered clinical depression, you will know what I am talking about.  To a lot of people, we - the sufferers, the patients, the ones who are unlucky enough to have the dreaded depression & its cousins and kins, WE ARE A BUNCH OF "FEELING-SORRY-FOR-OURSELVES"  PEOPLE.

But our side of the story, if we pluck enough courage to talk about it, it most likely would save our lives.  For me , it did.  For if I didn’t, I would have carried out some horrendous hit job on myself.  No jokes here.  I speak for myself.  When I slip into the verge of giving up, I have no doubt many of you have seen some of my blogs which I have removed since, there was real danger lurking.  This time round, I am nowhere near that danger I talk about.  But I must say the suffering is real, especially when the side effects get too much and there were many times the past few weeks I wanted to trash the anti depressants yet at the back of my mind knowing I cannot afford to.  It is pure torture.  I know I will get through it but I don’t know how much longer it will take.  I just wish it would be quick! 

I want to get well

I want to get out of bed tomorrow morning

I want to get back to my routine of working out

I want my life back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so exasperated with how things are turning out. 

With medication settling in, I am in the mood for some naughty fun.  More of a hypothesis.  If I was available and looking, would there be anyone interested?  LOL

The ad would look something like this

WANTED

======

A MAN -MUST BE CONSIDERATE,LOVING  & FINANCIALLY STABLE

MARITAL STATUS : SINGLE/DIVORCED

SPECIAL NOTE : MUST BE AT LEAST 5′11" TALL

IMPORTANT : MAIN "PACKAGE" COMES WITH "EXCESS BAGGAGES"

p.s. Let’s just face it , I am bored stiff right now….

:)

I am keeping my fingers & toes crossed.  So far I am responding well to the additional dosage of Luvox.  At least it is not that hard getting out of bed.  Side effects?? Doesn’t seem as though there is any major ones for now.  Only feelings of anxiety every now and then as well as light headedness.  That is so minor compared to what I had been going through.  I do feel a bit more productive today although I totally forgot   I was supposed to collect my little girl’s multivits at the hospital.  Must go & get it tomorrow.

Yesterday I took Cosy & Furry to the vet for their routine de-worming & vitamin dose.  Both cats now at about 6 months old weigh 3.2kg (more than 7 lbs) each.  These cats were raised by me from the time they were a few days old when I picked them as strays. I was concerned Cosy had a bulging belly and wondered if she’s pregnant.  Vet asked if I heard any cat calls.  Nope, I said but my little girl had told me she saw a pink thing at Furry’s "private part".  So, the vet sketched the cat’s penis and asked little one if that was what she saw.  She nodded shyly and said it looked like a "star-fish" .

It was only today I thought about the incident.  There I was at the vet’s with my little girls and his nurse was nowhere to be seen.  And we were talking about the cat’s male organ and about mating.  What a dingbat I was!!!  I wonder what the vet thought I was trying to do!!! Boy, am I embarrassed now that I think of it all.

And just the other day when I wrote in my blog about not liking being called a "hot ass" and I got some remarks as to how to describe my cats…. yeah, nice pussy, cute kitty…

On a more serious note, we have to find a good home for Dot & Spot.  I cannot cope with 4 cats & 2 girls turning the house upside down.  And kitty poop STINKS!!!!  Despite maintaining the litter box a few times daily.   I am reluctant to give them away since they are part of the family but with my condition with medication and all, I think kitty poop will drive me insane!!!

It has been a trying day from the moment I woke up till now.  My 9 year old is starting to be difficult again.  She has always been a difficult child since she was a baby.  Refuses to sleep till well past midnight.  Refuses to wake up in the morning.  In the afternoon she would take a nap…yeah it is a vicious cycle.

She is stubborn.  Refuses to follow in class.  Always caught by her teachers with her pencil & paper, sketching & drawing pretty pictures of girls, fairies, flowers, all the girly stuff.   My, she has a temper! One that matches mine.  Only that I have kept mine pretty much under control over the past year.  My girlfriends are shocked to know of her stubborn ways as well as her answering back.  They tell me ,"If it was their child they would have slapped her".  Yeah , that is how they deal with their kids.  So, I ask you, do I spare the cane & spoil the child??  Just for your info, no amount of reasoning will work.  Most of the times I have had to get really loud and angry to get her to stop her nonsense.  And I hate doing that. 

I have to admit she is probably very mildly autistic and she definitely has ADD issues.  Of course it doesn’t help now that she is into pre-puberty.

Is there any other way ?  I have resorted to talking to the school head mistress who assured me she would talk to her.  She knows what I am facing…and yeah I really feel like crying…

Today I heard some bad sad news.  An acquaintance I have known for more than 15 years had been diagnosed to have clinical depression months back.  At one point his wife had asked me about my experience and I had offered to gather some online information for them on the matter.  I made a detailed compilation knowing how tough it was at that stage.

A mutual friend of ours gave me a shock this afternoon when she told me he was being admitted to the mental hospital for shock therapy, for psychosis.  He has lost more than 20 kgs in a short time and when she saw him yesterday he was being treated for dehydration cos he didn’t wanna eat or drink.  It sent chills down my spine cos I was like that about a year ago.  I am sad cos he has reached that point where shock therapy is required.

I have already lost an older brother just a few years ago to what I conclude as severe depression without ever being diagnosed.  For me, I realized I was gong down the same path when I started doing the things my brother did during his last years and yes, I went out to search for a psychiatrist on my own.  Initially I was in denial but when my health started to go and I didn’t care anymore about life, I knew I had to go and get help for help will not walk up to me and knock at my door.  And I am glad I did.

But I am also sad for him.

with my girls at school I would get some peace & quiet at work.  Looks like they made sure there were substitutes!!!!

  And here, Cosy makes herself comfortable.  Must be the cold from continuous rain outside.  Even mummy refuses to change into her signature short shorts!!!

I didn’t believe my eyes when I saw scraps of white paper on the ground when I got up this morning!!!  Sandy & Sunny decided to open my mail for me.  What was left of my pap’s smear which came in by mail was just enough to tell me there was nothing to worry about.  It was still wet & soggy from rain and presumably from their yucky saliva so I left the bits on a garden stool to dry.  When I came back from breakfast, I discovered everything disappeared!!!!