Mom’s BodyBlog

I knew I was weak.

But I am also vain.

And I had itchy feet.

So I thought it wouldn’t do any harm.

I picked up my light weight abs roller.

I used it.

I thought it was "no sweat" !

I paid for it.

Today.

Feels awful.

It aggravated the side effects of Luvox!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!

THE PRICE FOR VANITY.  FOR WANTING TO LOOK GOOD.  FOR WANTING TO FEEL BETTER FASTER.

After a somewhat tumultuous week, more in my mind than anywhere else, the past two days seemed much better for me.  Reason being , I had taken a full dose of Luvox the past two nights and it seems to be giving me better sleep .

Yesterday morning I woke up without the nausea but still had sleep full of dreams and by bedtime I started feeling nauseous again.  Before that I would dread waking up each morning, after I switched over the anti depressant but on half dose, cos nausea was my constant company. 

This morning I got up.  No nausea.  And when I thought hard. No dreams, either.  I must have slept well.   I looked into the mirror.  Still have those bleary & tired eyes.  But overall, I must have been in quite a good mood.  Launched into  a shopping spree and bought TWO pairs of shoes & FOUR dresses!!!  I know that blew half my salary but they were worth it.    Some times a girl has to pamper herself. 

Two days ago I walked into a hair salon I had never been to and told the hair stylist owner…"I am putting my trust in you.  Do whatever you want to do with my hair."  I sat back and relaxed.  I ended up with a new hair make over, highlights and all!!  Sure looks different from how I have looked the past  couple of years but I like it.  Oh, sure I don’t look that familiar anymore to people who knows me and who prefered my old hair style but WTH!! I like it , so there!!

Oh, I also managed to start working out again last night although it was really a very light work out.  Still, I started and that is what matters to me.  During the week I had also began a semi detox program by incorporating freshly juiced vegetables & fruits into my diet.  Though it wasn’t intensive I found that there were signs of my body being cleansed.  Relief of water retention as well as a lighter feeling.  OK miracles like losing weight immediately doesn’t happen,lol.  Just the feeling of being fresher and lighter is good enough for me.  I may be impulsive but not extreme when it comes to my body.  I love  my body!! 

Apparently my "case" is not a "normal" one cos my psychiatrist has not encountered one like mine in his years of practice.    Next week I will go through a transition period whereby I do a quick tapering off of Lexapro (in just 3 days!) and onto another med Luvox, a more sedative version… He thinks I am not getting enough good deep sleep….

Ok. So I am going a little crazy over the way things are turning out for me.  I haven’t really been working out consistently.  Last few days I have been having blackouts.  Felt like passing out.  Feels like gastric , only that I know it wasn’t likely.  I have an old injury at my abs.  When I was 14  I was assaulted and I was punched in at the abdomen.  No use crying over spilled milk even though it wasn’t my fault.  Even though I was only 14 and the culprit was 26, a known person.  That is in the past.  I still have to live for the present.  For a while I had been coping well with my abs.  Regular crunches helps so much cos it strengthens my abs.  I haven’t been doing crunches lately so I guess once I regain my strength I have to be consistent. 
Yeah, I am feeling pretty weak.  To a point where I have difficulty getting out of bed.  Why, last night I went to bed before 11 pm and I could only drag myself out of bed at 11 am today.  At about 7 am this morning my little girl got in under the cover with me to give me a cuddle.  So young, at 6 years old , she understands when I really cannot get out of bed to send her to school.  Some days when I cannot get up, she would bring her hair accessories to my bed for me to help her.  I am sad     I have come to a point like this but I guess I just have to bear with it till I regain my strength.

I did gather myself together this evening to cook a meal of pasta & chicken patties for them and I am glad I did cos it was well appreciated. 

My days are so short when the anti depressant affects me.  I get so tired.  Taking it before bed allows me make the most of each day but it also means a whole night long of dreams.  Sure I sleep well but still the dreams never leave.  Sometimes they are good and sometimes they are nightmarish.  Two days ago I got up in the morning to find that I erased all the messages from my cell phone.  I had to sheepishly call up my work colleague to get him resend some info I required.  Yeah…it was erased with the rest of the messages.  The information in my phone isn’t all that important that I need to back up the phone but it is a pain when I do things unconsciously.  I have learn not to take everything too seriously since I went on medication knowing well that the medication affects me badly sometimes.  On most days I am alright with it .  There are just some days when it gets unpredictable.

I had to miss my walks the past 3 days cos I couldn’t get up.  Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.