Mom’s BodyBlog

Thought I would "broadcast" that today I feel a great deal better than yesterday.    Hopefully tomorrow will be even better.  Somehow dunno for whatever reason, whenever I feel too sick to carry on the day "normally" I feel guilty.  As though I was being lazy or something. 

Sure feels like sh*t!!!  After the initial couple of good nights’ sleep, I seem to start dreaming again.  Not just that, I feel awful.  Do not wish to elaborate too much here.  Just that I am trying my best not to let it affect me.  No, doesn’t look like I can work out.  Too weak and too much out of balance. Just can’t wait for my body to get used to Luvox soon!!

After a somewhat tumultuous week, more in my mind than anywhere else, the past two days seemed much better for me.  Reason being , I had taken a full dose of Luvox the past two nights and it seems to be giving me better sleep .

Yesterday morning I woke up without the nausea but still had sleep full of dreams and by bedtime I started feeling nauseous again.  Before that I would dread waking up each morning, after I switched over the anti depressant but on half dose, cos nausea was my constant company. 

This morning I got up.  No nausea.  And when I thought hard. No dreams, either.  I must have slept well.   I looked into the mirror.  Still have those bleary & tired eyes.  But overall, I must have been in quite a good mood.  Launched into  a shopping spree and bought TWO pairs of shoes & FOUR dresses!!!  I know that blew half my salary but they were worth it.    Some times a girl has to pamper herself. 

Two days ago I walked into a hair salon I had never been to and told the hair stylist owner…"I am putting my trust in you.  Do whatever you want to do with my hair."  I sat back and relaxed.  I ended up with a new hair make over, highlights and all!!  Sure looks different from how I have looked the past  couple of years but I like it.  Oh, sure I don’t look that familiar anymore to people who knows me and who prefered my old hair style but WTH!! I like it , so there!!

Oh, I also managed to start working out again last night although it was really a very light work out.  Still, I started and that is what matters to me.  During the week I had also began a semi detox program by incorporating freshly juiced vegetables & fruits into my diet.  Though it wasn’t intensive I found that there were signs of my body being cleansed.  Relief of water retention as well as a lighter feeling.  OK miracles like losing weight immediately doesn’t happen,lol.  Just the feeling of being fresher and lighter is good enough for me.  I may be impulsive but not extreme when it comes to my body.  I love  my body!! 

All set to blog..then I forgot what I wanted to blog about!!!    It is sooooooooooooo frustrating that I still can’t remember well.  Thanks to depression & anti depressants and crazy schedules.

Oh, well..I’ll just log off and blog when I remember what it is all about.

I guess these are some of the days when no one really wants to say anything to me for fear of saying the wrong thing considering the delicate situation at my end.  My last intake of anti-depressant was about 44 hours ago.  I am feeling kind of freaky.  In a world of my own. Yeah, I almost lost my balance but this is improvement compared to dropping at the pavement the last time I tapered off.  Vertigo , they call it.   In about 4-5 hours’ time I will start off with Luvox, a more sedating anti-depressant.  I feel really subdued for now.  Maybe the in and out of ER was a blessing in disguise.  My little girl had an infection and it has been a tough 48 hours or so.  She seems to be improving.   

Last night I began tapering off my current anti-depressant.  Half of the usual dosage for two days, stop a day and start with the new anti-depressant.  So far after more than 12 hours there is no significant disturbance except for a nagging numbness and tenderness on the right side of my face, forehead till chin…usually happens when the goodness-knows-why-it-happens allergy strikes.  I was going to walk but since I felt tired, I didn’t.  I think I will not try to over exert myself this week so probably will skip walks for the rest of the week and work out at home.  After all if I “decide” to pass out, I would at least be in the confines of the house and no significant inconvenience to anyone else.

I did after all had a short break out of town, away from the humdrum of daily routine.  So now I have to catch up with whatever that was left hanging when I left.  I began last night to do some house keeping on my desktop.  Imagine …it was low on memory and I have a 320GB HDD & 1GB DDR2 memory!  Well, a girl has gotta do what she has to do, spring clean!!  LOL

Yeah I am sick , so what?  The day I turned 40 was a disaster.  I had this terrible allergy which made me sneeze non-stop and gave me watery eyes the whole day even after I took an anti-histamine.  Then the house sitter called to say one of my kittens disappeared and yes, he did leave the main door ajar.  I was in the pet shop that very moment and I was gonna get new collars for my cats and after agonizing I went ahead and got 4 even though one "disappeared".  It was utterly miserable for me. There were 2 birthday cakes for me but yet minutes before I had dinner…. I was crying at dinner table at a restaurant….I pretended it was the allergy… YEP…sounds like those weeks I spent crying for no particular reasons in public places….

Later in the night, the house sitter called and said the kitten reappeared …says he has no idea how it got into the room with the others.  I figured, probably he never left the house and got closed in the kitchen which has an adjoining window to their "room".  High as it was, the gutsy fella must have jumped really hard to get up the window and then back down..

Maybe my liver is malfunctioning…I have been cursed being a Hep B healthy carrier…passed to me from two generations before…thank goodness I stopped it from being passed to my little girl.  I am all bloated.  Sure I feel sick but what is new..sounds like I am sick most of the time anyway.  Plus I don’t expect the transition period this week from one anti depressant to another to be all smooth sailing…I mean which medication is nice anyway???

:(

Apparently my "case" is not a "normal" one cos my psychiatrist has not encountered one like mine in his years of practice.    Next week I will go through a transition period whereby I do a quick tapering off of Lexapro (in just 3 days!) and onto another med Luvox, a more sedative version… He thinks I am not getting enough good deep sleep….

After making bread a few times using tried recipes, I tried making sweet bread & buns for my girls who prefers "nicer" bread today.  I added an egg and used soy milk in place of water.  I continued using butter (since my little one although allergic to cow’s milk can tolerate it) as per the recipe.  I had to add about half a cup of flour to the 3 cups it called for since I had added more butter and the egg to make a manageable dough.  I also added an extra tablespoon of sugar to the 2 tablespoon, some honey and an extra teaspoon of salt to the 1 teaspoon.  The bread turned out great!!  I don’t know if it was cos of the egg or what but the bread came out with a thicker, crumblier and sweeter crust.  I used a cold oven instead of the preheated oven which "professionals" prefer and I proofed the dough in a warmed oven.  Prior to making the dough I heated up the soy milk with the sugar & salt and added a couple of teaspoon of yeast.  That was left to stand for about 10 mins for the yeast to "eat" and grow….(now here’s hoping my fat cells won’t grow like those yeast cos they were really amazing to watch!!).  When the dough was placed in the cold oven waiting for the temperature to pick up I sat and watched the final bloom of the dough..it is nice to watch ! 

Ah, YES! The buns were a hit with my girls came back not for seconds but more!!!  My finicky eaters, I love them!!!  I haven’t managed to test the loaf I made from the same dough as it is still hot. 

p.s. I last checked …they sneaked back into the kitchen for yet some more …looks like they may be fussy at dinner time….lol!!