Mom’s BodyBlog

Gosh!! I almost got slammed in by the 4WD hood this morning.  There I was wondering why there was the groaning sound when I steered the wheel…thought I ought to check on the power steering transmission fluid….  I usually don’t drive that car but I wanted to park it out of the hot sun.  Give me my little Honda City any day or my Kia Spectra.  Just not the huge 4WD with no reverse sensor…

Not much has changed.  The zapping is still there.  But I am not letting it bother me..just go on with my things today and good news is I managed two very short workouts on my mini stepper. 2 sessions of a mere 5 minutes each… burned a lot less calories today…probably was about 70-80 cals only.  Under "normal" conditions a 10 minutes session will easily burn 100 cals.  Nope, not gonna take it too hard on myself.  Not gonna let all these get me down.  Yeah, you are right, I am …. surprisingly not really bothered that I have to go through this withdrawal anymore cos I do see the light at the end of the tunnel.

So what if I am weaker these few days?  In a way, it allows me not to feel too guilty about not working out to the max. At least the nausea is gone for now…

Waking up yesterday and today was pretty hard.  Now it is the feeling of being nauseous….yeah as though I am having morning sickness and for goodness’ sake I know I am NOT having morning sickness…not at all!!!

It looks like I am putting training on hold while I get a grasp of my physical self.  Good news is I have been eating rather clean.  I got myself a new weighing scale…trying to convince myself the old one was faulty since I was putting on more weight.  The good news is the weighing scale comes with a body fat & body hydration analyzer.  And the ‘bad news’ is NOPE…my old scale was perfectly in order.  Translation…yes, I am heavier.  Good news is I have finally accepted (after the feedback from you guys & girls…) that the weight is muscles and not fat cos  now that I am not really training…my weight is sliding down.

Hmm…surprising to find yet another silver lining in miseries….
First, in being diagnosed as having double depression and going into therapy …then finding out that exercise complemented the therapy…leading on to a happier and a much better looking person.  Even my perpetual dark eye bags are gone….no more needing heavy make up to conceal them.

And now, the weight gain…is yet another indication I am further IMPROVING!!!

;)

It is all about zapping today….brain zaps!!  I can’t quite describe it but it goes something like this…feels like electrical impulses going back and forth in my head and there’s palpitations and feels as though my heart is dropping into my stomach real fast…like a roller coaster downward dip…feels AWFULLY AWFUL!!!!!!!!!! Then there are the shivers and tremors.  And topped with terrible VERTIGO!  How much worse can it get???? I know I shouldn’t be whining like this but I wish it would stop soon.  Mentally I feel pretty strong but physically I have to keep on going….keeping myself busy to distract myself from all these… Ah…when I am driving…that is the scary part cos when the vertigo hits…I lose balance …yeah, even when seated in the driver’s seat…. Overtaking has become a night mare cos when I turn my head as a precaution (too many blind spots in my car…what is this with modern cars…??? They are coming up with more blind spots!!) cos I don’t trust my rear view mirror 100%!

Want to find out from you if this is a stage I have to go through.  Feels like my body is changing shape…  I used to wear jeans up to size 33 and when I lost weight, I went down to size 28.  And lately even though my body looks better….size 29 seems to be a struggle for me to get in….  if you look at my progress pics you’ll see that I have actually shaped up quite a bit so why are my jeans (too) snug and my tops getting shorter…The tops maybe getting shorter cos my chest seems to be fuller now and my upper body more defined but I am lost when it comes to my pants esp now when I hardly have the bulging belly I had!!!  It is rather scary ,too cos my weight is edging up and I haven’t done any binge-ing.  And I am very active and still do workout.

Yup, I could get up alright this morning and here are the bruises from yesterday EMBARRASSING fall & roll over the pavement in front of the group of migrant cobblers and the nice lady having a fruit punch in the shop.  About teh only injury I have seems to be internal.  Occasionally I lose balance cos of the pain around my knee, more like on my lower inner thigh so I really must watch how fast I get up from a seated position.  That aside I think I am really okay.

With these, my days are more bearable…
p.s. The headphones are for drowning out all other sounds eg. children fighting, demands to be let in my sanctuary,etc.

As if it wasn’t bad enough I have to go through these miserable weeks of withdrawal.  Tuesday, someone rammed my rear bumper.  And today I fell down and rolled over (s l o w  m o t i o n) on the pavement and it wasn’t cos my shoes were slippery.  I must have blacked out and lost my balance.   And thank goodness I had jeans on.  No broken skin.  Right leg hurts.  Right arm, too.  Twisted left side of my waist.  Dunno if there is anymore damage…apart from my ego…. I think I am not hurt that badly but I will only know by tomorrow.

And it is also a good thing I wasn’t driving that time or something more serious could have happened.

WITHDRAWAL SUCKS!!!!

Looks like I have to launch into cold turkey on the anti depressant.  I had been tapering off …half dosage for the 3 weeks and this week I was supposed to do the "every other day" …I have done an "OFF", "ON", "OFF" so far…and I found that "OFF" isn’t as worse than "ON".  In fact "ON" was giving me more trouble so I checked with my psychiatrist this morning who told me I can opt to go "OFF", "OFF", "ON" or I could try going "OFF" all the way and that the withdrawal symptoms will persist for a couple of weeks…that if I can tolerate being "OFF"  from now on….it is ok with him.

I am now opting to go "OFF" all the way….COLD TURKEY!!!! Cos I have discovered a solution to the jitters and nervousness , the light headedness, the slight anxiety attacks… working out or simply sweating it out!!  So watch it monstrous depression, here I come…..don’t you get me down again!!!

Sure I am a bit scared about this whole tapering and weaning off bit cos if I go into relapse….it means TWO MORE YEARS of darned therapy….and therapy is like putting my life on hold…

What I am up to now with all those poses in the pics I uploaded!!??

Although at a first glance it seem as though I am trying to advertise "services".  Rest assured, I am not.  I am just so very pleased with the way my legs & glutes seem to be shaping up plus I decided to try out some of the poses I see the other girls do.  AMAZING!!  I actually look hot!!!  ;p

I find it funny posing like that in front of my self timing phone camera.  And believe me I had great fun doing i all ,too.