Lilithime

i am getting damn frustrated.  i really am starting to feel like a need a personal trainer to answer all my random questions i come up with and to remind me what im doing is working? i am falling into my same pattern of messing up because i don’t know the answers.  i have no idea why i do this… it is so frustrating…. ughhhhhhhhhh.  being a student is a very lame deal, because there is no way you can afford one.  aren’t there any free personal trainers out there? there should be.

i have an issue with eating a lot of meat as i was vegan my whole life.. body doesnt seem to like it too much.. high acidity from meat = bad? i dont know.. anyways.. this is what i’ve got.. how much cardio should i be doing and how many times a week? because these foods keep me really fully and i haven’t been hungry at all?

meal 1 - egg whites, 1/2 yolk, 3-4 pc extra lean turkey meat/bacon + tbs cheese (too much?)
meal 2 - 2 multigrain bread, turkey slices, vegetables, mustard or whatever.
meal 3 - high protein drink with soy milk (im lactose intolerant)
meal 4 - 1/2 cup soy beans
meal 5 - baked chicken and salad

thanks

im bored with my food already… any ideas?   im not looking to get a six pack or too muscular so i am kinda boggled on what i can allow in…

exercise wise, ive done everything ive needed to do today.  but man, am i ever stressed out.  i dont feel like im getting enough from my workouts because of all the emotional suffering.  i am really lacking in healthy friends, which is very deterring to me right now.  i wish there were more bodybuilding types in vancouver from here i do need a real change of scenery (i.e., friends…)

i feel like i am moving backwards, because the initial pain is back.  i am not really sure why i am having so much difficulty moving on.  i am baffled that someone who recognizes everything about me that is amazing would trade me off for fame that may never happen, substances, and the chance to party/meet other people that do the same shit.  i keep looking at myself thinking, how could i ever want/love that? I am so opposite.  I am all about moving forward in life and committing to things that matter.  But right now I am missing school and sitting at home staring at a computer screen, wondering what the hell to do in my current situation.  I feel so stuck.  it’s so unfortunate that counselors are so hard to come by here unless you have a family doctor, because I sure need someone real to talk to, in the sense that they KNOW what is right and can deal with my confused delusions about what is right….

Well.. writing about it is the only thing that makes me feel even slightly better… so I am trying. :/ I wish I wasn’t so isolated right now.

Religious fasting = kind of mandatory for me. :/ Wanting to know if it’ll hurt my gains at all… Feeling pretty awesome lately!! (I am sure you guys will be glad to hear that, ha ha.) The gym was also very awesome. I love the soreness after.. My gym is HARSH lacking in equipment though, damn.  There’s like.. Three leg machines (literally), and about… 5 arm ones INCLUDING DUMBBELLS.. isn’t that frigging ridiculous.. my god.. I will have to find another gym, but I HATE fitness world.   Too damn expensive when you’re in school full time… Take money out of my account monthly? WHAT MONEY?

Also, does protein intake affect quality of hair/skin/nails drastically?  I was raised direly lacking in protein, as little as 20g a day, and my hair was always really shitty and thin and oily and yeah.

ANYWAYS.. I am measuring tomorrow so yay Thanks for the support everyoneeeee.

any ideas? so far I’m liking live your life haha.. but I need more to get me going! thanks

Well.. I am still alive!  I am managing, at best I suppose.  I am not depressed or anything, just down.  It’s been a rough almost week.  I have definitely slacked on my cardio, big time.  However, I am still eating properly which is what I suppose matters the most to me.  I haven’t been eating as much as I could, but all the right things.  It’s been difficult to find the energy I need to exercise when I have so much doubt and bad memories clouding my head.  However, I did make improvements in my measurements which is of course great.  I will be uploading a picture from my halloween party, which is when I was at my heaviest/most out of shape (have never really bad that heavy)!! A good starting point

I am still very confused about my whole situation, where I stand, where I am going, etc.  It seems that all of my future plans are now discarded and I have to find a way through the rubbish. I am starting to see how detrimental it was to my future to be with someone who is so self destructive and self absorbed.  I am trying to remember how much the bad outweighed the good.  I see how damaging the mind games and negative mentality towards me was.  It is very hard to be with someone who is never truly happy.  I have read a lot about being in this kind of situation in the last few days, because it is one of the only things that has comforted me.  I recently found out, by accident, that my ex-best friend and my now-ex will be doing cocaine together at a rave tonight.  I was pretty devastated.  First of all, backstabbing, not cool.  Second of all.. I don’t want to see anyone I know take cocaine.  People don’t do drugs for no reason as far as I know… And in this situation, I know both of the people can’t truly be happy, and the only way they feel happy is via chemical outlet.  His mother and I pray all the time for him to go to rehab.  As a friend too, I would like to see it happen…… But I have accepted that it is out of my control..  I have accepted that I was meant to be above this, I was meant to be greater and I must pursue it.  I truly believe that I can be something great.  I also hope that in the future, if I can bring attention to myself, I would like so many people to know the harm that can be caused by these sort of situations.  I am asking for strength every day to overcome this, to render me no feelings of hurt or anguish, but rather indifference so that I can get on with my life.  I want my two years of suffering to be over.  I have so much to give, and I can’t waste it on someone that doesn’t want to help themselves, to be better for themselves, for me, for us.  I never want to see anyone in this position!

All the heart-felt comments in the last week have meant so much to me.  I hope I can make friends with you all.  It’s really helping me get through this, to be able to write, and to see so many people care.   And most of all, LIKE MINDED people

I just got out of one.  I know in the end I’ll be okay, but I won’t lie: I am still very devastated.  I am not religious, but god give me the strength to make it out of this okay.  Now seems like a better time than ever to work on  bodybuilding; positive change in all aspects of my life are needed.  If theres anyone out there that can lend some good advice, I am needing it right now.

Thanks everyone.

Stress is sooo deterring.  It really sucks.  I don’t know when or if the stress will ever go away, because the source is kind of an abiding thing that I don’t want to go away.  I am hoping for the situation to however improve, so that I can be happier.

So far for my routine, I am eating clean-ER (not entirely, mind you, I have no competitions YET or anything like that) but the main thing is I am getting in a ton of protein which is totally new to me.  I am noticing that I have tons of energy and I am not ravaging hungry anymore.  I am trying to make sure all of my complex carbohydrates are in my first two meals.  Yesterday, I had some vodka, so I guess that does deter me a bit.  I am also trying not to be too intense in my cardio… I am used to burning at least 600 calories a day and that just doesn’t ring as beneficial when I am trying to gain muscle… Not lose it all!  So, I am cutting my cardio down to a maximum of 30 minutes.  I haven’t started on weights yet, but I probably will tonight.

What are the best things to do when you cheat?  Whether its alcohol, or something that just isn’t a clean food.  Bust your ass more?  Longer cardio?  What do we do to make up for it?

Anyways, I am measuring myself every Friday I am thinking.  It seems like it’ll be fun!  I don’t really do scales, because they’re so inaccurate, and I certainly don’t have a tanita scale.  Anyways, I hope to see SOME improvement in my measurements on Friday

Wish me luck in improving my stressor… I do love it dearly.

This is my first post.  I am pretty stoked that I found this site. Seems like a lot of fun.  I’m always looking for a forum to participate in… meeting new people is fun..  Anyways, I’ve been in gymnastics forever, and was put out due to a knee injury.  Needless to say, I am now at my highest BF ever… lame.  However, I will have tons of fun fixing it.  I love competing, and just seeing the change, it is really fun.  I don’t really find it stressful at all ever, I guess I am too happy of a person!

In the mean time… I am looking for a really awesome protein powder that blends seamlessly into any drink.  I am having a major problem finding a NEW one, I currently use iso-femme… which is great.. but I’d just like to know there are others out there with some new flavors other than vanilla

I am pretty sick right now with strep throat so I am a little on the doubtful side of doing too much today.  For the past few days I’ve just been eating properly.  I am a little skeptical of eating so many complex carbohydrates early in the day, but I am just testing it out.  As far as I know, I am pretty sensitive to starchy things (gluten-free bread, rice, oatmeal, etc..)  so right now I am just starting with oatmeal for my 1st, and gluten-free bread for my 2nd and cutting it off there.  In my opinion, my soy protein drinks cover enough to be considered a starchy thing.  I do not want to get rid of them I am lactose intolerant and so this is kind of my only option…. Boo.

If anyone is bored and wants to critique.. whicih I would appreciate, as I’ve never ate so much protein::

1st - oatmeal, egg whites (1 yolk), extra lean turkey bacon
2nd - gluten-free bread, turkey, lettuce, cucumber, mustard
3rd - 1 cup soymilk (organic), 1 serving protein powder
4th - 1% cottage cheese & cucumber or strawberries  <– cut down to fat-free cottage? no fruit?
5th - spinach & egg whites OR protein drink (same as 3rd) OR chicken & salad

I have an issue eating meat so I am trying to experiment with other things.. Ideas?