josiethefiend’s BodyBlog

Well, I survived. My worst offense yesterday was 5 grams of premium, 70% cocoa dark chocolate, which I allowed myself to have to top off my successful day of eating clean. Yay! I’ve never been able to hold out for a whole day before. Now, the real questions is, can I do it for two days in a row?

Thank goodness there were strawberries in the salad bar today. But I wanted the pizza so bad!

And, thusly, the other good news is that I’ve finally made it down to 145 pounds, even. I am terribly excited about this.

Had my first real bout with sexism in the weight room yesterday, and it left me fuming. Some girls up stairs were having a hearty laugh about goodness knows what. One guy wondered to another what all the fuss was about, and a comment was made about women being like chickens, always ****ing clucking away. This resulted in some laughs from the guys, several of which followed by various sorts of looks in my direction. Some of them seemed slightly embarrassed, like they had just forgotten I was in the room, and others seemed kind of smug about it.

This made me very uncomfortable, and thus furious that they would make me uncomfortable in what I think of as “my sanctuary”. Perhaps even worse, the man that made the chicken comment was the man in black, whom I’d come to admire and enjoy seeing around the gym. He’s always there and always working hard, and seems to be friends with all the other guys there. Bah. It just made me so angry. I got a little hypersensitive, and kept an eye on everyone from there on, and could clearly see them watching me work out, with what I at least interpreted as a critical eye. There’s two older guys that are always glaring at me, who were in the room as well at the time, and that certainly didn’t make me feel any better about the whole situation. Bah, ****. I’m not there to feel uncomfortable, or like I’m being tested, or like the joke of the weight room. I’m there to get strong. Stupid boys.

No big surprise I’m always the only girl in the weight room. The idiots would probably have skinnier girlfriends if women were made to feel welcome in such places. Bastards.

I’ve been eating SO well today. I’m really proud of myself. I’ve shown some serious restraint. Huzzah! Now if I can just not cave when I get home, I will have won the battle of the day. That always seems to be where I fail, no matter how good I’ve been during the day. But, the extra protein continues to help. A little goes a long way toward keeping me satisfied. Oh, and I’m getting better about water. Bottles seem to be key, cups don’t seem to cut it.

And, I can just tell I’ve lost a little weight, even though I haven’t weighed myself.

I’m stepping up my abwork a bit at the gym lately. Otherwise, things are the same and going well. I’m feeling very inspired, given my successful shopping trip this weekend. And the new shoes, are a huge plus. I wish I could wear them everywhere, all the time.  Silly Nike, making uber comfortable, embarasingly sell-outish shoes.  But, I really don’t want to waste them or wear them out! I’m thinking next time I loose a few pounds, or an inch, whatever, I celebrate with some fake tanning. You know, the spray-booth crap. I’ve never really had a tan. Might as well give it a try.

I would kill for a gooey, nearly dripping, peanut butter and jelly sandwich right now. Ugh. Stupid processed foods, calling out to me. But I WON’T eat one when I get home. Nope. Not gonna.

Are the best thing, ever.  In case anyone didn’t already know.

Lifting has gone really, really well this week. I was impressed with myself. And thusly, I’m very excited for lifting tonight. I am just so hell-bent on seeing those muscles grow and those numbers go up. I’m also very intent on finding more ways to improve my nutrition. Much harder than going to the gym, believe it or not. *sigh* I wish I had the funds for a nutritionist and a personal trainer, but alas, I will have to figure it out on my own.

One thing I did figure out today, is that I need to cut my calorie intake down a bit. My calculations were based on me at 151 pounds, and I hadn’t thought to update them until I read an article in Women’s Health today. I’m now and 145.5, and thusly need less calories then I did before. Woops. Failed to take that into account. I thought I had just reached the point where weight loss slows to a crawl, and was totally comfortable with that. The idea that I may have better progress with another tweak of my diet is encouraging.

Also encouraging, the extra protein seems to really be helping. I feel less tired throughout the day, I’m recovering quicker from my workouts, and my hunger remains satisfied for longer after eating. Woot.

I think I am finally (albeit slowly) starting to learn that the more I ask of my body, the more my body will ask of me.

For example, this morning I failed to resist the call of my boyfriend’s cereal stash, and ate a big bowl of fake Capn’ Crunch w/ Crunch Berries with skim milk for breakfast. I felt horrible all morning, from about half an hour after eating it until this afternoon. I still feel a bit icky. Ugh. A few days ago I decided it was okay to have about 4 servings of reduced fat Cheese-Its as my snacks for the day. I got so sluggish and bloated it was ridiculous.

My body can no longer accept atrocious eating. I must get this through my thick skull. What with it constantly needing to keep up with the demands I make of it to burn fuel efficiently and build muscle, it can not seem to tolerate empty, crappy foods.

I’m also learning that my protein intake is woefully inadequate for my activity level. Hell, it’s vaguely inadequate just for being an adult human being. Depending on which of the sources I consulted you look at, I should be getting between 150 and 200 grams of protein per day. By my best estimates with the help of my food log, I’m getting 35 grams on a good day. It’s usually more like 24. Yikes! There’s no way I’ll build much muscle, or recover fully from heavy workouts, if I don’t get that number up. But how to do it without ingesting way more calories and fat then I need? *sigh* I think I may resort to supplementing, which seems just so lame, but I think it may be necessary.  I’m not a "real" bodybuilder, at least I’d feel embarassed to call myself one when my physique is only just starting to look muscular, and so it seems totally weak and poser-ish to be thinking about supplements.  Those are for the big dogs in my mind.  I’m doing some research to figure out what to do there. In the mean time, I’ve put away the Cheese-Its and bought a box of Boca Burgers for my snacks today, and some salmon pasta for lunch. But even all that will only get me up to 79 grams of protein for the day, and I think I’m too full to eat the last two Boca Burgers anyways.  Fie!

Bah. Good nutrition is hard. Good pesco-vegetarian, weightlifter nutrition is even harder. But I did bicep curls with 35 lbs yesterday, so the idea of getting to 40 lbs totally makes it all worth it.