How honest is too honest
was telling my mom about a co-worker of mine asking me for advice on how to lose that last 5 lbs. My mom replied with "I wish I only had 5 lbs to lose but instead I have 40." I told her "You could only have 5 lbs if you lost 35." She replied with "I know, I know but it’s just too exhausting." I got annoyed (she yo yo diets really badly) and I said "Do you know why it’s too exhausted, it’s because you are overweight." Did I go too far, was I too honest with her. I am just tired of hearing her complain about her weight but yet she won’t try to lose any of it. She told me she was going to do the "No Carbs." diet and I said "DO NOT do that because as soon as you stop doing that you will gain all your weight back plus an extra 10 or so." Well that’s exactly what happened! I don’t want to hurt her but I feel that I have to be truthful with her. This is why I get so frustrated with her, this was her reply (we are emailing) "I know what you are saying. i could care less what I look like eachday…because I am FAT!". What kind of attitude is that. AAARRRGGGG!
April 10, 2008 at 11:15 am
I understand your frustration. Unfortunately if people don’t see immediate results they give up. I say be totally honest with her. Hopefully, she will watch your success and see that she too can be healthy. Have you ever shown her this website? Maybe she can find some motivation from some of the women on here.
April 10, 2008 at 11:17 am
You can best show your love and concern for your Mother’s health by being totally honest with your opinions when the subject comes up. Give positive support and advice and hope some of it sinks in. You cannot force her to do what it takes to improve her body, she has to come to terms with it and make her own decisions and learn from her own mistakes. I know it’s frustrating but I think being honest and supportive is the best you can do for her.
April 10, 2008 at 11:19 am
I think everyone that’s into fitness can relate to this 100%. Sadly, this is the attitude of most people which is why there are so many obese people out there. There’s a reason why all of these crazy diet companies and workout products exist…they’re making boat loads of money from people wanting either a quick fix or something that just isn’t hard work (8 minute abs, etc).
The issue is most people have this attitude with just about everything else in their lives. It’s all about attitude and perception. You can only do so much….if they ask for help, give it. If they don’t, leave it on the table and they’ll listen when they are ready to.
April 10, 2008 at 11:36 am
I have this same issue wiht my wife at times, though it is getting better. The really hard part about all this is that the longer they let it go the harder it is to get back into shape, which discourages them and creates a vicious cycle. I’ve learned over the last few months that they have to committed and it has to be all them. Being honest with her is good, but I dont think it will change anything.
April 10, 2008 at 11:40 am
That’s true but it’s difficult to sit back and watch that and listen to them complain and be depressed about it. Here is what I am going to do, I am going to write up a plan for my mom (6-12 week plan) and I am going to ask her to follow it as close as she can for that amount of time. If she hasn’t lost weight and/or doesn’t feel better about herself then I won’t bother her again! At least I will know that I tried my hardest to help her. She may only follow it for a day or two and then give up but I need to at least try something.
April 10, 2008 at 11:52 am
Okay so she’s willing to try it!!! YEAH! I told her to not set one big goal of losing 40 lbs because for her that probably seems like it will never happen and it will take too long. So I told her to set small goals (weekly or every couple of weeks) that seem obtainable and that she can work towards. I also told her that if she wanted a gym membership, my gym (Golds) is having a great deal ($10/month) and I would meet here there a few times a week to workout with her.
April 10, 2008 at 11:52 am
Been there and done that, and I feel your pain. THere was actually a point where I thought her complaining about her weight, and doing nothing about it, was going to ruin our marriage. Hopefully it works for you, but in my experince they have to hit a point where it’s so important to them that they have to do it. It sucks and I feel your pain. When you are into fitness you look at this differently, then the avg Joe. I noticed I was gianing too much weight around the middle and so I just changed my routine and it was gone in just a few months. I knew it wasn’t going to come off right away, people that don’t work out don’t want to, but still want the rewards.
April 10, 2008 at 11:53 am
Small goals is the best way to go.
April 10, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Plus she thinks she’s old (she’s only 48 or 49) so she can’t do certain things which is crap! I watched a 70+ year old run a marathon and he was more built than a lot of people I’ve seen!
April 11, 2008 at 5:46 am
Good for you! I faced the same thing with my attorney brother. Here’s a guy who I know can do anything. Yet he was always "too busy" because of the demands of his job and 3 kids. Couldn’t get through to him. Eventually he hit bottom in the form of a real health scare (thought his cancer was back - wasn’t but discovered his Chol & BP were ridiculously high). Now, suddenly & thankfully he has the time. As you obviously know, it’s all about priorities. I’m meeting him today to devise the plan. I think I’ll take a cue from you and set a 5lb goal. The best you can do is support your Mom and be supportive. Sounds like you’ve already gotten through. Good for you!!!
April 13, 2008 at 2:58 pm
While I applaud your concern for your loved one, it’s like anything else: You cannot change people. That motivation almost always has to come from within in order for it to stick.
Don’t make yourself crazy trying to change her attitude.
Congratulations on your marathon and, especially, on your beautiful baby!
April 13, 2008 at 3:06 pm
"Plus she thinks she’s old (she’s only 48 or 49) so she can’t do certain things which is crap!"
WHAT? Okay, forget about making yourself crazy - your mom is making ME crazy.
Tell her, "MOM, SOME GUY YOU DON’T KNOW SAYS THAT 49 IS NOT OLD. YEAH, CURT FROM BODYSPACE!"
Of course, she’ll probably think you’ve gone insane, but it would really mean a lot to me.
Seriously, tell mom that 48 or 49 is NOT old. Well, 45 (46 in August) doesn’t feel old anyway. Maybe I’ll become ancient in the next two or three years.