Levidity’s Rants and Raves

By most standards you probably wouldn’t call me fat, just average, which I hate. I’m 5′3" and around 117 (today) I used to be pretty tight now I am not and I am sick of it. It took almost a year to get through this self loathing mood and having such a "busy" life and using it as an excuse to not be able to work out. Bullshit! No more excuses. Now I just need a hard kick in the ass. My boyfriend is not very supportive because he’s on afternoons so we barely see each other so now I need a complete stranger to be like I’d do ya, that would make me happy. But I’m writing mainly for myself because if I post this for the whole wide world to admire than maybe I’ll quit making excuses and start making changes. I know I’m not fat but I’m not healthy either I make horrible food choices and now am paying for them with squishy thighs and weird back fat that I’m not sure where it came from. Oh yes one more late night trip to taco bell. I guess I have already screwed up sticking to an amazing diet today by starting the day with coco puffs but there is always tomorrow or the rest of today I should say. Here is where I end my rant.

so I’m back in the gym after screwing up my back again, I have a lot of back problems and sometimes they get the best of me. I’m up to about 120 now which is awesome. Now I need to cut which I’m busting ass on since I have a wedding to attend in about 2 weeks and everyone in the wedding is big and fat and I wasn’t asked to be in the bridal party so I’m going to be sure to show them all up, lol. I will post some new pics hopefully today and new measurements but I’m gym bound first need the swell ya know,lol. Well I’m back so I’m sure if ya care you’ll notice some changes.

so I’ve been doing a video workout program everyday this week good i know it sounds gay and not like the hardcore bodybuilder I wanna be but I actually am digging it doing the Abs diet workout #2 I have been doing it twice a day everyday for 5 days now. Don’t really get too much of a burn out of it but it keeps me pumped. I haven’t tanned at all this week so I’m feeling all pasty and gross but I’m still darker than my old man.

So never made it to the gym today busying doing house work and cooking and all that fun stuff but back to it tomorrow. Did talk to a couple people about setting up a work out program for me. Since on my own I am not doing all that well. Made some awesome protein brownies today. I’m not fond of chocolate but I made them for my daughter and boyfriend and was forced to try them and they were good. Spent the day reading for one of my classes to and after I finished every page I did 10 crunches needless to say I only read 8 pages before I decided that was enough for the day. I’m going to do shoulder here at home in a while but need to finish the rest of my muscle regiment at home such as hauling the laundry out of the dryer and into the closets and calf raises while putting dishes away. I think I’m working out more today then I have all week in the gym just trying to do my normal stuff while adding twist to it. Oh yes dedication lungles while walking the dog although the neighbors must think I’m insane.

So leg day on uesday went good still feeling it today. Yesterday i did only chest, no cardio which was strange becasue usually I tan for 20 mins, then do an hour of cardio, then lift for about 35 mins, but just tanning and doing chest I was out in less than an hour, it kinda threw my day off because I didn’t know what to do with myself after that. I will continue to change things up more today. Today I’m going to do tris and shoulders together and maybe calves and also do my cardio after lifting. To see how that goes. Switching up my diet too trying to work it out to something that doesn’t make me disguisted by eating the same thing 4 times a day then a couple other things. I have so much homework to do right now but I’d rather do the math for my diet, not good when my body is taking first place over my education, but damnit I better walk away with a trophy!

Ok I hate leg day because they’re fat and aren’t showing enough improvement for me to wear shorts just I know I’m fairly small but very bottom heavy (see pics) I go heavy on the things I can but I’m not bulking up enough to show anything I’m still holding lots of squish there any way here is my usual leg day. Any suggestions would be great! Thanks

treadmill 15% incline, 60 mins

eliptical 30 mins

abductor machine - 110# 3 sets 15-20

adductor machine - 110# 3 sets 15-20

hamstring curl machine - 50# 3 sets 10

leg extension (quads) - 50# 3 sets 10

leg press - 300# 3 sets 25

calf press - 400# 3 sets 25

Squats on smith machine - 60# 3 sets 15

Stiff leg deadlift with db - 20# 3 sets 10

So back to the gym today after the weekend off. The scale surprised me with 122lbs! funny couple months ago was at 110 and been busting my ass so much the scale is showing but too bad not much definetion coming out, grrr. But I’m much harder and I know it so I’m happy. Today I tried something new with lat pull downs started at 80lbs and did 5 reps wide grip then 5 reps close grip then dropped a plate and did the same did it with no breaks other than to change the pin made it down to 20lbs then the bar was heavier than the weight so I stopped there and did one more set of 80lbs wide grip and only made it to 4 and couldn’t get another one out it was great! Did an hour of cardio as well for the most of it was 3.5mph at a 15% incline on the treadmill 435 cals burnt. Not too bad I just wish my bf would start coming down. The gym only has the stupid hand held caliper which I know isn’t very accurate but its all they have. I think I may have to buy my own. Tonight will also be another 100 crunch night and see if I can get them to burn, which is pretty hard anymore have been doing weighted ab excersises and they still aren’t cutting very well they’re there just hiding.

So this week has SUCKED! Made it to the gym 2 times, yes I am a slacker but I stuck to my diet which is very bland and I made it to the store today for more eggs, chicken, and oh yes Franks red hot because I’m sick of not tasting anything. I have cut the muscle milk rtds from my diet because 350 cals and now at GNC on sale they have went up to $34 for 12! ridiculous! (if you know where I can get em cheaper let me know) Its friday night and I’m home bored been doing lunges on commericals during Dr. G. Just to say I did something. One good thing this week. I have been published again, this time in Secret Fetish Anthology 5, www.secretmag.com ! I’m stoked about it. Hell maybe someday I’ll make it to a fitness mag and off the smut rack, lol. I posted some new pics from yesterday showing some improvement not much as I’d like but I guess you have to work out for that, lol. Hope everyone had a great 4th and if you’re reading this hope it made ya smile

So yesterday was a grueling day of punishment and I ate it up! A little background to start the story, I work out at a womens only gym because its close and they have daycare other than that I hate it. There is no one in there that I’m like damn I wanna be that chick. I am that chick there, scary I know. I did legs yesterday and did them hard. I’ve been stretching like mad and their still tight and I love it! I did calf presses on the regular stack leg press machine because we don’t have anything specificially for calves so I usually do them on there staying around 350lbs but its way to easy so for shits and giggle went to 400 (the full stack) and managed 3 sets of 25! I’m pissed though, impressed with myself that I could do it but pissed where do I go from here. So next time it will be load the smith machine and see what I can do with out killing myself. I have to go buy new weights for home too because my pretty pink 10lbers are doing nothing for curls other than making me feel foolish. I have been able to do 20lbs for like 3 sets of 3 which is sorta lame but gotta start somewhere. But my arms are coming along pretty quick, very hard and peaking but not much defination yet but its coming!

 quick happy mom moment of yesterday too, my 4 1/2 year old daughter got her ears pierced she asked me when we got out of the gym and I was so happy with myself that of course I took her.

So I have been focused on school and family lately and my body lost out to the couch and needless to say once again I am back at it. I’m the best at starts and stops. My body seems to love it though. I’ll post pics tomorrow for my "new" starting point. I’m also doing M&F’s high/low carb diet (June issue) haven’t seen much from it yet but only been doing it for a week.