Levidity’s Rants and Raves

So I’ve been out of the gym all this week mostly because my tat because I don’t want to **** it up because its scabbing and I’m not a big one on lotion and shit on it. So its my excuse to be lazy. But been sticking to my diet haven’t lost any weight this week but I think I look pretty good. Back to the world of lifting and not much else come Monday have to get ready for a couple photo shoots and my video. So need to work on my lame ass legs. But things have been good here busting ass in school and around the house. trying to keep up a good mentality so when I get back to working out I will still have the drive I have had. But a week off can kill one.

So the weekends I tend to slip, and this weekend was the worst in a while. My 4 year old daughter was very sick Friday so it kept me out of the gym did a little bit of light lifting at home with the few weights I have. Nothing to great.

Saturday morning never made it to the gym because wanted to make sure she was feeling better. She was fine so she wanted to stay at my mom’s and that was great because I haven’t went out in forever. So went out and got cocked, which doesn’t take much but then the next day I feel like crap and guilty for the empty calories, lol. But damn my abs look great when I am dehydrated, lol.

Spent all day today catching up on homework and housework then of course there is the cooking. Which is why I’m still up waiting on the damn rice.

I can’t believe the people who train, have kids, and have jobs, I am broke for time for a life because the gym 2 hours a day, school 6 hours a day 4 days and week and my daughter’s father isn’t around too much so we’re always together and a dog that perfers to be carried. I envy the people that do it with a smile. I try but sometimes I feel like my entire purpose is for someone else and I love that feeling but then I wondering why I am trying for myself. Errr. Just stressful.

My daughter has decided she wants to do pageants which I’m all excited about until I realized how much they cost $800 for a 5 year old’s dress she’ll wear once. Its crazy! But she wants to do it and I’m behind it. So I’m starting to do fundraising which is one more thing on my plate. I want another baby so bad right now but damn this one is expensive, lol.

I’m happy the weekend is over though get to get back to life and looking forward to the new tattoo on Tuesday working on pysching myself up for it.

My daughter is sick today and I’m trying not to use it as an excuse to stay out of the gym, I have daycare at my gym so I’ll probably go when I know there are no other kiddos there. She wants to go and so do I but I feel bad for her stomach ache and sleepy. I hate to say it but I somewhat enjoy when she is sick, because its the only time she wants to cuddle or just hang out with me. I have done a little training at home but need to be in the gym to get the full workout in. So me passing time while she’s sleeping is me doing massive amounts of stretching feels nice but very boring. Could use a partner but shes sleeping and the old mans at work, errrr I think I need a job, lol.

Basically, since I get a lot of questions about it, I am a fetish model doing a lot with shoes, corsets, bondage, wax, yeah the fun stuff. I also do custom bondage/fetish videos for www.BondageTales.com under the names Levidity and Skyler St James. But I got a new video request and I’m stoked about it I get to be cholorformed and carried around and made to play dress up. Pretty cool if you’re into having your fantasies acted out on screen for you. I am just excited because I quit doing the fetish work awhile back and have been focusing on pin up and burlesque and once again someone wants me for their own custom video. Makes me feel special and its going to my head. But they’ve specified lots of camera shots on my butt and there is more motivation. So I’m heading to the gym soon.

So I figured I do something different today instead of my normal split so I did a little of everything. And lots of squats did em light but my lord I can feel it. I have been working my calves and glutes just about everyday because they can take so much punishment without giving out. Today I did it though all week I’ve done light and high reps today I did as heavy as I could and begged my body for 8 reps for 3 sets and I can tell tomorrow will be a nice sore day. I really hate my gym though, because I go to a women’s only gym, because they’re close, cheap, have tanning and daycare. But the music sucks the old women drive me nuts and I feel like I’m in school because there is so much gossiping there. I keep to myself listen to my music and make sure when I leave a stack who ever comes to it next has to move the pin up. Its nice though because very few who go there are as motivated as me so the looks of envy are nice (yes I’m full of myself at times) even though I know as soon as I hit the showers its why is she working out. Oh well. I’m rambling again. Slowly striving for perfection.

Ok so I send out some personal messages regarding implants and I figured that was pretty rude on my part. So if I offended anyone sorry. I am looking to get my breast done and I am very concerned with rippling and with working out should they go under or over the muscle. I could use help from those who know the doctors have told me different things each so I’m looking for someone who has them and is into lifting who can give honest advice. I have a great surgeon who is doing them but I need to decide overall where they’re going and which type. Any advice would be very helpful. thank you

So training is going awesome and can see some small improvements from the renlentless cardio but My lifting hasn’t changed to much except I am doing glutes 3 times a week now. Also have went to less weight and higher reps on my legs because they look a little bulky. I’ve tanned the past 4 days and am a lot darker, then I was less than a week ago, helps to be Romanian with a very dark complected family. I’m going next week to get a tattoo on my rib cage, It will sort of screw me for competing since most don’t go for tats on figure competors, but oh well there is make up if I want to compete that bad. The tattoo is something that I have earned and can’t wait to show off on the body in progress.

So I’m pretty damn little most would say although my body fat is way to high for my frame making my size 1 way too snug. It sucks I only weight 110 and am at 14.5% which being so small shows big time. My gut is bigger than my boobs damn near. I’m sick of cardio because I see very little changes even though the scale and calipers tell another story. Errr in a very down mood today, but getting ready to go to school than its back to the gym. I might have a new training partner who is very waif like shes my best friend and the one who has all my jeans I can’t get into, and I want them back! I want to put on weight but good weight and get rid of this squishy thing I call a belly! Ahh yes very self loathing today, hmmm maybe the diet has to do with it, lol. Sad but probably true.

So I’ve been going through this site and checking out other women’s pages and some make me feel really good about where I’m at others have me drooling and lusting for a body like that. I have got some really great supportive comments but I am very hard on myself. 5 years ago when I delivered my daughter I weighed 112lbs which is the heavist I’ve ever been and once again my current weight. Which seems sickly to many but my goal is 115lbs and around 8% body fat. I looked at many other’s measurements and alot of the measure at what I do or really close although they’re cut and I’m not. My body fat is my biggest issue right now. My diet has been a lot cleaner than usual and cut out the pop now its water and tea only. And its driving me nuts. But all for abs of a goddess.

So this is my one weekend a month off. I usually train on Saturday mornings and do a yoga class with my 5 year old daughter but today being a holiday weekend and the day of Ann Arbor’s famous Hash Bash I’m home today. Think I’m going through gym withdrawls. My ex’s band is playing tonight and I think I might go. I quite smoking like 3 months ago and so in turn I try to stay out of bars because empty calories and shitty taste in my mouth isn’t something I dig to much. I think I need a night out if I’m going to skip the gym I might as well go do something I’ll enjoy nothing better than metal and a bunch of frat guys. Although being older than most of them seems depressing. I’m rambling but I’m stressed and venting always seems to help. I hate the holidays my family is very supportive of me and my diet and goals its just annoying because there is nothing I am craving but I am bored of eating.