killah820’s BodyBlog

so ive decided to change my workout routine a bit… im tired of complaining about not making many gains.. altho i have slightly lost an inch or so here and there… but… notgood enough for me of course… sooo here’s the new routine if anyone wants to comment on it….

Mon - Heavy Leg Day (Lunges, Squats, Deadlifts and Seated Calf Raises — all very heavy weight)

Wed - Chest & Shoulders (emphasis on the shoulders)

Fri - Leg Day (Leg Curls and Extensions, Adductor & Abductor, Seated Calfs)

Sat - Back & Arms (emphasis on the back)

Mon -> Thurs — Cardio (30-45mins)

Sat — Sprints (20-30mins)

Mon, Wed, Fri - Ab circuit + Ab bends (M) + Side Bends w dumbbells (W) + Broom Twists (F)

Sun –> full day off + cheat day with food

hopefully this will help tone up my legs faster and help me see results so i dont think im a complete failure… ill keep posting updates on how this is going… im trying to get "fit" by end of may/june… we shall see

im having the worst fat day…  i feel like my legs look like those of a whale (even tho whales dont have legs, but each individual leg looks like a whale). it’s horrible and I hate feeling this way! Why can’t I be one of those type of people that can wait for results to happen and that can be patient?   Instead I’m the type that needs them now (as I’ve said in earlier posts).  Today is just bad… I’m literally afraid to put anything in my mouth.  It just sucks because I feel that with the way I’ve changed my diet over the past two months, I should be seeing some kind of results but low and behold, none!  Instead I’ve gone from being around 144 to 148…. now that may not be much to anyone but the fact of the matter is that its a lot to me when I’ve been struggling with weight my entire life.  I never seem to be able to lose it.  No matter how hard I work.  i’m dedicated to the gym, I’m dedicated to my diet more than ever and Ive even stopped eating chocolate and ice cream, my two favorite things! Yet I still see no results!!  WHY?!?!  ARGH, I hate fat days……

so its been about 4 weeks since i started getting serious about everything… my diet is still not where i want it to be but i can’t seem to stop snacking late at night (altho now the snacking is much healthier) and i can’t seem to cut out certain things… i just break down, esepcially during breakfasts and ill have cinnamon toast crunch or ham and cheese with my omelette…  its just frustrating because i keep feeling like i dont have the will power or strength to keep a clean diet even tho my diets cleaned up so much since this time last year.  maybe i’m being stupid.  I don’t know.

I’ve been trying to stay motivated but it’s getting harder and harder.  I love going ot the gym, don’t get my wrong but when you go and do all this and then you come back and end up snacking and then feeling liek it was all for nothing it doesn’t help your motivation.  I’m also a now person and these results take time.  I just don’t want to go back home and have my mother sitting there telling me i need to lose weight after everything I’m doing.  Why does will power have to be such a b*tch?  I just wish I could control myself more but it just seems like I have no control!!!

i am soooo sore its unbelievable… i haven’t been this sore in god knows how long and I have no idea why.  I stretch a lot pre and post workout… my hamstrings have been killing me for a good week….  i just started capoeira, that could be it but honestly when they first started being sore (i think it was a combination of doing leg day the same day that I started capoeira) i could barely walk…  i really hope they loosen up soon…

on the bright side…. i was really bad this weekend with my diet but come monday i cleaned up again and ive been doing well… my goal is to eat as clean as humanly possible till next friday… my bf is taking me out to dinner somewhere for valentine’s (i know its a couple of days after but I have classes and he works so its all good) so i plan on splurging on that meal espeically since ill be depriving myself for so long which is not easy considering im such a sweet tooth!  itll be a triumph over my body tho…

So I’m starting my diet, my new exercise routine and hopefully the transformation of my body.  This has been a long time coming.  I’ve been wanting to lose weight and tone up and "look hot" for ages but I never had it in me to start someplace to make it happen.  Now I’m putting the "pedal to the metal" so to speak and am going to make a change.

It’s hard.  First off, I live in a dorm, I don’t have my own kitchen therefore I can’t make my own food which sucks. So I have to resort to food from the dining hall, which I have no idea what’s in.  Secondly, because of the dining hall you constantly see desserts and you’re constantly watching your friends eat chocolate brownies or icecream sundaes or other goodies and all you can do is sit there and imagine that the grapefruit you’re snacking on is some delicious bowl of sorbet from some great restaurant.  Thirdly, you gotta hate all those girls that are thin as s**t and you watch them eat these cookies and all you want to do is beat them down with a stick because they can eat the stuff you can’t and stay extravagantly thin and gorgeous while you’re sitting there eating a grapefruit and bland, unseasoned stuff because you want to look like that and its not doing anything.  I’ve been "on a diet" for a year now.  I’ve lost close to 20 pounds which I’m proud of and I’ve put on muscle.  Granted my diet consisted of me cheating a bit here and there and having those snacks twice or three times a week but I just didn’t understand why I couldn’t get my stomach to flatten out

My goal is to flatten my stomach (to the point where it stays flat thru the majority of the day or it has a light bulge just in the front from eating a bit too much).  I want to have a tight stomach and very toned and somewhat defined legs.  I want to be able to go to the gym, in booty shorts that cling to my ass and a wear a wife beater that shows of my belly without caring that others are staring at me.  It still bothers me to walk into the gym wearing yoga pants because I feel like my legs and ass are much too big.  I want to be able to walk into the gym with confidence, start working out and take off my shirt in the middle of my workout because I’m hot or sweaty and have guys stare at me and girls get jealous of my body.  I want others to feel about me the way I do about everyone else now.  It sounds vain, it probably is, but Im tired of being the girl with the cute hot friends and never being the cute hot friend.  Guys stare at all my girl friends, but i never catch them staring at me.  It sucks to be honest.  I also want to feel comfortable putting on a bikini and going to the beach because I never have before.  And lastly, I want to get my mother off my back who, since I was 13 yrs old, has been telling me I’m on the "fat" side and need to lose weight.

This has been quite the first post.  Sorry to have written so much and probably sound like a conceited and sex appeal drive girl.  But fitness is all about that, looking good and I’m sure it’s crossed everyone’s minds.  So….. my journey begins.

p.s.–i didnt have any dessert today!