Good riddens to FAT

I do not know if I’m tired or hungry or both. Feeling a little sore. A new desire had come in, today - the wish to learn kickboxing!  I will learn kickboxing after dropping some weight!

The one person who’d rat out on me, turned back.

Snob or not, proved to be a real friend overnight. Getting my weights routine re-written and diet getting stricter.

Feels good to know that everything is going to work out well after all.

:D

Just when you think you had it all figured out, something fails! I surrounded myself with all "positives" to help me reach my fitness goal. Well, that’s when things turned smooth for the past few days. Slowly, but eventually I found a weasel ready to sabotage my efforts! I do not hate the weasel, because of the whole "best friends for life" jingle to make matters worse.

Day before yesterday - sweet surge. "C’mon this aint gonna kill ya. Burn it off. Like you don’t have enough to burn anyway."

Me (post day before yesterday) - Guilt trip (read prev. post)

Yesterday - "I got you dinner. Okay, it’s a little oily. So what? Hey, don’t say no to the sugar free strawberry ice cream I got you."

Me (yesterday) - By the time, I finished the oily dinner, I was ready to throw up. I quit on the ice cream, lost my temper (a bit) and said a stern "Stop it".

Today (Me) = "I misplaced the regime you charted out for me. Could you please tell me now? I’ve till evening after work to hit the gym. You’re coming right?"

Answer =" You misplaced the regime, huh? No, I can’t repeat what I wrote, figure it out for yourself. You can go to the gym by yourself. I have other things to do."

Me  =" Why the ego, man? You know bodybuilding better than most of them out there. You’ve been at it for six years and more. I’m asking you humbly, help me out with the routine. It’s ok you cant come to the gym to guide. Just chart it out, I’ll do it by myself."

Answer = "Yes, I do have ego. And yea, I’m not gonna help you out, you cow."

___

Right, the "you cow" part was unnecessary and exaggerated. Besides, it made me realize one thing - I had been sabotaged for the past few days on my diet and the final blow was on the effort to kill my interest to even try and change the way I look.

Knowing myself better than most, I tend to shell myself with the statement - people can like me the way I am and how I look. If they cant, it is their problem, not mine.

Today is probably the first day (in a long time), I felt that sentence doesn’t help me at all. I’ve decided to go to the gym and get a personal trainer.

Next question that you, as a reader, would ask me is why seek anyone’s help. Can’t you workout by yourself? Answer to that is - I’ve a nice bone fracture history and can’t afford to damage the healing bones.

It’s best to work out right and take guidance than stay arrogant and stuck up ending up in the wrong direction. To me, more than anything else, all that matters is results. New Years - here I come!

Yes, right now - my mind is on a trip - a guilt trip.

One bite led to another and sure enough I had consumed so much of sweets (loaded with cream, butter and sugar)…that hey, all the past workouts flew away screaming….

I had walked 3miles earlier the binge. With every step I had told myself, I’ve to track my food.

ZZzzpppt…back to reality. I got myself a notebook and am going to write down everything I nibble, drink and eat. And for the love of God, I’m missing coffee and tea sooooo bad..

I hope in the next 31 days, I will show the progress I’m looking for. And I’m sure to drink coffee to heart’s content on Christmas.

Gifting oneself is an art. Now that I’ve started making a huge list of what I want to eat + drink on Christmas, it seems as though my list outdoes my effort. Slap in the face realization!

I cleared out my cupboard, threw away bottles of cheesy-cheese spread, mayo, chips and all the tiny things that could tempt me.

If you read my prev. post - Upset. I was totally damaged then. I found the strength to call up the nasty friends and told them, this is it. Enough’s enough. I am not going to take **** like that no more. One of them decided to permanently destroy my confidence while the others said they’d love to wait and watch. Some friends, huh?

I changed the immediate circle I mingle with. I also happened to meet an old friend. She was very close to me those days. I was shocked when I met her. She had nearly doubled in weight and undergone complicated operations. The reason for the operations - she was obese.

Reality slap for the second time. I do NOT want to see myself like that. I WANT to prove the old bunch of friends how I can transform.
I’ve got to hit the weights tomorrow and quit late nights asap. Time is running short, days are numbered!

Pictures don’t lie, unless you know how to use PhotoShop

On as serious note though, it is the photo that made me realize that fat = fat. Nothing more and nothing less. But I was laughing away when I did the body stats section. Am I huge! For a fact, I have decided to change this feeling in a month. I’m hungry right now and I feel like indulging in some really unhealthy food. That previous sentence is so ironical. The stomach wants something while the brain wants something else. End of this post, I’m going to whip up a bowl of wholemeal pasta with vegetable sauce and tell myself this IS going to be better for me than a burger with fries and coke. Watching WWE keeps me charged…hehe. They’ve put in hours of training into the shape they are in. It’s not all that simple for the entertainers.

My transformation has begun. At least now, I don’t have to say, "I’m going to start".

Cheers,
K
http://www.kaavya.info

I was thrashed a couple of days ago. All because of just one thing - my weight! Of all the things that could possibly affect me, a few comments did. It’s true no matter how hard a nut you are, its simple words that could crack you up. I hadn’t slept the night after I had let the comments sink into me. In the past two days, I fully recovered on the sleep-part. I want to thank all those who read the prev. post and replied. I just had to vent out my feelings and I was glad there were people to hear it~

Yesterday - I saw a fabulous T-shirt. Just one problem. It was the price that pinched me (al though it was expensive). The fact that I was perhaps 5 sizes bigger than the last size in that design was what pushed the already hurt mind more.

Miracles happen at the least suspecting times. I bought the shirt. I don’t regret that decision. Perhaps all the indication on my weight is a good thing. Perhaps I AM taking my obese look too lightly. I was supposed to go to gym everyday, which I haven’t for the past 4 months. Now, look at what that impact has made on me, I’ve gained weight like never before!

Depression is a companion of the obese. This is something I noticed over the period of time. I don’t let anything bite me and after all that strength to face things, I had succumbed to  let my peers make spitting fun of my weight. I had let that happen.

The decision - not anymore. I’m going to change. I’m going to workout right, eat healthily and do some weight-training and somehow fit into that T-shirt for new years.

I hope those who are still reading this, know for one fact - If it weren’t for moral support from the prev. blog entry, and knowing the fact that there are people who believe I’m not the worst person on earth because I’m fat and ugly is what keeps me going.

Thank you all.

Cheers,
Kaavs
http://www.kaavya.info

For the time being I am terribly upset. I can not sleep. I know at the back of my mind, this is really not going to benefit anyone, and its going to give me dark circles and lots of yawns at work tomorrow. The pain is from the bleed inside. Rude comments. Mocking at the mass that I am made of. So, I need some peace with my mind and with my soul. I can feel everything turning into a blur. For nothing seems right to me at this point. I am upset. Rude comments hurt more than anything else.

I’ve pulled down my website for a short maintenance and in the mean time you can access this page for my info.

Cheers,K

www.kaavya.info

It’s official launch is on 29th March 2009. This is dedicated to all those who want to lose weight and get fit.

~Stay True, stay Metal..