Kerlster’s BodyBlog

Yesterday, I started back into the gym telling myself that I was going to be serious about getting fit and be CONSISTENT.  I pull into the gym parking lot and it’s completely jammed packed.  The thought of turning around and going home flickered in my mind and I thought that it would better if I didn’t so I spent 10 minutes looking for a spot.  As I walking up to the doors, I thought to myself, "What if it’s a zoo?"  I kicked that thought out of my mind and just told myself that I would make do with whatever equipment I could get my hands on.  So ultimately, I made it over the hurdle of talking myself out of going.  I knew deep down that besides not getting a workout in, I would go home and give in to self-destructible behaviors:  laying around sloth-like in front of the TV, drinking vodka, and gorging on whatever I could heat up the fastest.  Where has that lead me?  10 pound weight gain since November, depression, low self-esteem, and fatigue.

For years, I have lusted and fantasized over having a fitness competition ready body.  While serving in the Marine Corps, although I was fit (hey, that’s why Uncle Sam paid me the big bucks), as far as my physique went, I was not where I wanted to be and I never was motivated to be consistent enough to achieve that goal.

Now, that I have been out of the USMC for 10 years and in my 30’s, I am really starting to feel the effects, physically, of not being serious about my fitness goals.  Age ain’t nothing but a number, and I want to be a ****ing Brickhouse no matter the age.  Poor diet and lack of exercise has played a huge part with my depression and lack of self-esteem. Sure, I had a shitty childhood being raised by Mommy Dearest, but damn it, that was back then and it had nothing to do with me.  My mother had her own issues that she needed to and still needs to work through.  Living with depression and low self-esteem has effected my interpersonal relationships and my quality of life, in general, and I refuse to allow it to keep me in their stranglehold any longer.  So, ultimately, not only will leading an active lifestyle keep me physically fit, I believe that it will keep me mentally fit as well.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 18th, 2009 at 7:03 am and is filed under Training. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.