mamakurl's BodyBlog

I am lacking motivation lately.  I don’t know what the deal is but I am just exhausted and frustrated.  I think part of it is my job.  I am getting burned out and need summer break to get here fast.  But I’m not sure about the rest of it.  I see my results and I look at how far I have come in two months, but still, I find myself sneaking foods I don’t need and skipping out on necessary workouts because I am tired.  I don’t want to fall out of it.  I just need a boost of motivation from somewhere.  Guess I need to reevaluate where I am at and where I want to be.

I don’t know what it is about this week, but it has completely worn me out.  I haven’t been motivated to do much of anything at all, but I have managed to make all of my workouts. I don’t know that I’ve given my all this week, but I’ve eaten pretty good.  I just feel like my body is telling me it needs a little break. I’m going to go easy on it this weekend and hit it hard again on Monday.

I have been super crazy this week with trying to eat clean. I have blown it this week. Now, I am struggling with getting back on track.  I really want to do this, but it is extremely hard.  Food is definitely my weakness.  I can work out everyday all day and do just fine, but to find the willpower to stick with food my body needs… man, it’s rough.

AGHH! Why can’t people be supportive of your goals.  I am so sick of people telling me I don’t need to lose weight!  I have said time and time again that I am not "trying to lose weight"  I am trying to get my body into shape and lose body fat! I live in an extremely small town. When you tell someone you want to compete, they immediately picture a bodybuilder. They don’t know what is out there and the image that I am going for.  I’m not trying to diet because I want to lose more weight.  I am a healthy weight, but I need to lose more body fat and add lean muscle.  I want to feel good in my bikini this year instead of hiding everything in my tankini.  I want to feel energized and healthy, not sluggish and tired.  Oh, well.  Done with my ranting! Back to the gym at 5 am.

I have been trying to drink a gallon of water everyday as recommended, but it is hard!  I carry around a liter bottle of water and refill it when it is empty. I know that I need to drink about 4 of them to get in my gallon.  It’s pretty easy when I am at school just because I constantly have to drink something to save my voice.  What’s not good is the effect of all the water because first grade teachers don’t get bathroom breaks! But I find that when I get home and get busy with my kids and dinner, I don’t drink as much.

I’ll still keep on it.  I’ve been drinking around 3 liters a day which is pretty close.  My workout today was killer. Legs/butt/ back are very tired! I actually got a compliment though from a couple of trainers at the gym today.  They were not my trainers but they were there working out.  They told me that they were impressed with my work ethic and form.  I was very pleased! I’ll take all the compliments I can get.  In fact, I think my head is getting bigger by the second.

Okay, so I am still too nervous to actually find a competition and enter, but I am going to pick a date for an upcoming show and work out like I am going to compete.  Who knows, maybe I will get up the nerve to actually enter if I look good enough!  There is a show July that I am looking at because it is not to far away- VA.  That gives me April, May and June to train and diet hardcore.  I am also going to go to the Ms. Fitness KY to watch and take notes.  I’ve never been to a competition before so this will be my first- I’m a competition VIRGIN! LOL! I just thought that the more I learn about it all and the more I train as if I were in a competition, the more nerve I might get up to do it!

Who-hoo!  It’s spring break and I get a week with no school! I still went to the gym at 5 this morning before the kids got up.  I had a great workout- lots of sweat and pain! lol.    I get to be with my kids today and enjoy every second.  So I won’t write anything else because I am wasting good wrestling time with my 16 month old!

Okay, I am finding that my lifestyle is not cut out for dieting.  We are constantly being invited over for dinner or drinks.  I don’t want to say no, but I can’t eat what they fix.  I’m okay with being DD, but it’s getting harder to turn people down. They don’t really understand what I want to achieve by doing all this.  All I keep hearing is "your small enough, you don’t need to lose weight… blah, blah, blah!" Tonight my mother-in-law fixed lasagna because our priest friend was going home to India to visit.  I had to go and trust me when I say she makes some damn good lasagna. Every time I do that though, I feel as if I am pushing my goals back.  It’s just frustrating.  Such hard work and discipline!

I had my cheat meal today- Mexican rice and chicken.  It was goooood… I have also lost 2 more pounds since last week.  I am on spring break this week so I don’t have to work. But I am still going to go to the gym at 5 or 5:30 before the kiddos wake up.  I can always nap later in the afternoon.  My workout should change up after this week.  I am excited.  I love a challenge!  I did functional training today and I have to admit I am very sore.  I definitely need to increase my endurance and flexibility.  Next on the list!

I can’t believe the difference already! I didn’t expect to see that much of a change this soon.  Yea, mama!