mamakurl's BodyBlog

Okay- 7 days and counting!  I am so excited, but I am a bit nervous.  We all know what vacation brings- lots of EATING!  However, I am prepared to get lots of steamed fish- fried fish makes me want to barf now!  And I have prepared for my workout down there.  The place has a gym, but I am also taking some dumbbells and resistance bands.  I plan to run each morning on the beach- a peaceful, reflecting time for me! OH… but the part I look forward to the most?  Spending this time with my kids and husband and soaking up some good Alabama sunshine!

As I continue to transform my body, I can’t help but wonder what I really want to accomplish from all of this. So I decided to sit down and think about it.  There are things that are musts and things that are dreams.  Those dreams CAN become goals depending on how much you want to put into them.  Four months ago I was not happy with my body image.  I didn’t feel pretty.  I didn’t feel good.  So I decided to change that.  So far my body has responded well to training and though I would like to say I have succeeded in keeping up my diet, I can’t.  That’s still a goal.

Competing comes in next. I originally wanted to compete in a local NPC competition in August.  I have decided I am not ready. I am looking for October or November.  I need to build more muscle and perfect my dieting as well as posing and stage presence before I ever step on stage. I am not one to half-ass things.
These are goals that I have set out to accomplish.  They are both something that I want. Then comes the dreams.  A dream would be to grace the cover of a fitness magazine.  Could this become a goal- maybe.  But I am not sure that I want to give up enough to do so. I am a full-time working mom of three beautiful kids and the wife of a wonderful man who supports me in most things. But I have to wonder if this would be one of them.  Giving up money and time that would be better used for my family is something that I don’t know if I’m ready to do.  Modeling seminars, photo shoots, portfolios, clothing, hair, make-up.  All that stuff adds up- as it does in competitions.  I almost made the jump to attend a modeling seminar by Julie Lohre. I really want  to do it, but as I thought more about it I decided that I didn’t want to do anything until I know that this dream HAS become my goal and I am ready to give all my effort in making it happen.

Right now, I’m sticking to my transformation in building a healthy, muscular physique and better myself inside and out.  Becoming confident in who I am and not worrying about the small stuff.  The rest will fall into place.

I am starting to think that I just have some extra skin floppin’ around on my belly.  I hate it too, because I am afraid that it will not go away!  I am upping the cardio right now and doing lots of ab work- I want to look GREAT this summer in my bikini.  I have had three kids in the last 7 years and in that time I have never felt this confident in my body.  It’s nowhere NEAR what I want it to be. I want to see that definition in my abs and in my back more.  I know it may take time and I may not reach my goals this summer, but I know that I will succeed.  My eating has been better- it took a nosedive in the last month.  I haven’t had the drive or the time this month as school comes to an end.  Too much going on- but now I know I have to get back on track, especially if I really want to compete.  I am struggling with this again.  I go through periods where I am dying to compete and get into the groove, and then other times where I could care less.  I have so much on my plate, why add more?  It’s a goal of mine and I will do it someday, but I am starting to wonder if now is the right time.

I feel fat today.  My job right now is INSANE!  Things are going crazy in my school system and jobs are being cut left and right.  I’ve been so stressed that I have just forgotten what I need to eat and have given in to the comfort foods that I love!  Sometimes I wonder if I am really cut out for all of this. It is so hard for me with my busy lifestyle and three young kiddos.  I want it so bad, but I don’t know if that is enough sometimes.  I haven’t gone to the gym for two days in a row.  I don’t know if I need to take a tiny break for a couple of days and then jump back into it on Sunday or what.  UGHHHHHHH!  I will be glad when things around here settle down and I can breathe easy.  Then maybe I can concentrate on my goals better.

I picked a show date! YEA!  Now, I am nervous as all heck!  I talked to my coach tonight and she walked me through a lot of what I need to do.  I am going to go for a used suit since this is my first show and I don’t know if this is the organization that I want to stick with. I have to buckle down on my nutrition now since I have a goal.  I am at twelve weeks out right now.  I have to start practicing my posing and get on the ball.  I am just happy that I have a goal ahead of me now, something more than just "looking good."  It will be great.  I just have to stay focused and dig up the nerve to get out there and do it! August 2nd, everyone!  I’ll keep you posted on my progress!

AGHHHHHHH! I feel awful today.  It’s been awhile since I have "partied!"  This mama doesn’t get to do that very often- but in Kentucky- YOU HAVE TO PARTY FOR THE DERBY! I had a great time.  It was nice to meet up with friends.  But I will be paying for it today.  I can already tell my workout today will suffer.  I am going back to bed and hoping that when I wake up I will feel much better than I do now so I can head to the gym!  I have to take progress pics for my coach tonight.  I will be posting them later!

Wow!  I am having a me moment right now. I have been complimented all day today on my progress.  I love warm weather!  For the first time, I got to show off my newly sculpted arms and shoulders.  I had people at the gym complimenting me on how my body has transformed.  Even going so far as to say they were jealous! WHAT!!! Jealous of me and MY BODY?!  WOW! I have longed to hear someone say that! We went to a derby party tonight and again I was complimented on my arms and shoulders. I have worked so hard these last two months and the compliments just really add to my happiness and confidence. I know I shouldn’t rely on others to feed my self-esteem, but after dealing with the constant weight gain and body change of three kids in six years, your self-esteem definitely takes a hit.  But I feel pretty, no dammit! I feel hot!  And healthy and satisfied and still determined to do more.  Thanks to everyone for keeping me focused and accountable!

So I got my plan this month from my coach.  I decided that I would really like to try fitness.  The whole routine part is so awesome- but at this point, HA!  I wouldn’t even get close to doing any of those strength moves!  But I got my plan and looked over it tonight.  HOLY CRAP! Are you kidding!  This is like hieroglyphics! No, seriously, you fitness gals are workin’ it!  My plan was 10 pages of weight training, functional moves, strength moves…etc, etc, etc.  I have to start doing yoga and frankly, I don’t get into yoga.  I have a hard time because it is so…slow.  I like to constantly move.  However, I’m sure it would be fantastic not only for my flexibility but for my stress levels!  Anyway- after looking it over I wondered-uh, did I make the right choice here?  But I love challenges and this might be the ultimate! LOL!  Wish me luck and I will keep updating.

Okay, so I am back on track. I think I have been on a junk food binge for the past week.  AND I FELT LIKE CRAP! Everyday I was tired, sick to my stomach and just…BLAH! Sorry, no other words to describe it!  It dawned on me that my body is telling me to stop feeding it garbage!  So today I ate super clean, worked out at the gym- weights and cardio- and I feel great!  I have WAY more energy and I feel good about myself.  This is such a hard road.  I have set up a phone consultation with my trainer. I figured she would kick my but into gear as well.  I WILL NOT give up on my goals.  I have already come so far and I won’t quit. Keep pushin’t it… keep pushin’ it…