kermane’s BodyBlog

That’s what I am. To me I’m still that size Large. I’m still the girl who went from girl sizes to a medium in women’s when I was 13. The girl who seemed to be stuck in large always heading toward x-large. Thankfully I had that inner voice that screamed at me, though it didn’t always give me the best advice.

For a while there in high school my inner voice thought bullimia was the best solution to everything, thankfully the sane part of me took over after 2 years. That voice said" I refuse to be an extra large! I refuse to go beyond my fat pant size which was 14"

When they started getting tight I took action, and that was exercise. For a long time I was the cardio bunny. Jane Fonda would’ve been so proud of me and all my cardio, never mind my arms looked like twigs and my chicken wings flapped in the breeze when I waved at anyone.

You know that scene in The Sweetest Thing when Christina Applegate ask Cameron Diaz "What the Hell is this?" and she waves her arm and her chicken wing flaps in the breeze? That’s what I’m talking about, if you had put feathrs on me I’d looked like a chicken with my chicken wings and chicken butt(you know how their butt is big compared to the rest of them?)

So anyhow, I guess what I’m saying is my mind’s eye still sees that "large" woman. Anytime I look in the mirror, I see her and not who is really standing there. Its hard to break that mental image. Last year I finally relented and I’d bought some mediums, figured the world would come to an end because to be quite honest the last time I was a medium I was in junior high.

I’ve got the so called birthing hips. You know the kind of hips where I could probably squat out in the field pop out the baby and go back to plucking the crop kinda hips. So I figured I’d always be a large which to be honest pissed me off.

I’d see women who weighed more than me, and they’d wear a smaller size than me. And I’d be like "what the Hell have I done to deserve these big old hips??" But last year I had to buy a medium, why you ask? Because the large’s were falling off me unless I had the strings tied in 5 knots and even then they were baggy.

So when I pulled out those mediums at the first sign of nice weather imagine my surprise that they were baggy. Had I magically made them grow when I washed them?? I mean maybe that was possible since you can shrink your damn clothes maybe I’d found that magic cycle we all dream about.

So the other day I was at JC Penney’s. And I saw some shorts that had SWIM written on the butt part. Lately I’ve been into buying sweatpants or shorts with words on the butt, so I was like all excited and then I looked at the size. XS, I about laughed my self silly imagining me trying to squeeze into an xs, and looking like overstuffed sausage rolls. Then I found another pair that were a small. They were only $5, so I just bought them, didn’t try them on, just figured I’d wear them to work out in, no one would see me looking like I’d had to have my friend hold them at the bottom of the steps as I jumped into them to fit into them.

Imagine my surprise when I did try them on at home and they fit fine. I didn’t have to twist and turn and suck it on my bed to get them on, I just pulled them up. Imagine my surprise when I could breathe in them and my legs didn’t look like sausage rolls stuffed to the brim.

So sometime in the past year I’ve become a small woman. Though I will never wear a small on the top half of my body, because I’ve finally got my Linda Hamiliton Terminator 2 back and that’s ok with me.

Yesterday I worked that back, circuit style and did some cardio, today is chest day and some more cardio.

well not new friends completely, just some friends who like to dance. None of my friends do, irregardless how liquored up they might get either.

I on the other hand like to shake my money maker to quote the black crowes. I realized I"m back to feeling like me yesterday at a wedding of a friend. I was watching the bride get down with her friends, and I’m dancing in my seat. I so wanted to dance but I didn’t want to be out there by myself and look like some hanger on. You know the person no one is dancing with and looks lost in their own world.

The friend is really a son of my husbands friend, so besides my husband his friend, his son, bride and my husbands friend sister I knew no one else there. And its always more fun to act silly with a bud. A girl dancing by herself invites the unwanted attention of men sometimes, and several of the men there were feeling no pain thanks to their friends Bud and Coors.

My abscess is gone, along with it the staph infection that caused it, I don’t think I mentioned in the other blog it was a staph infection, just glad they caught it early, scary what could’ve happened if they hadn’t.

So anyhow I’m looking forward to working out tommorow, I feel rested and like me. Also I’m wondering if there’s a website PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO DANCE LOOKING FOR FRIENDS WHO LIKE TO DANCE.

Dancing is so liberating and freeing and I think alot of people are scared of being judged while doing it, myself included thus the reason I didn’t get out and dance by myself. Wait isn’t that a song by Billy Idol? Dancing with myself or something.

The obsession is with my own arse. Once upon a time it was on its way to being a shelf ass.  You know the type of butt if someone put a bottled water on said butt that person could walk around and the water would stay perfectly like it was on a shelf?

Genetics play a huge(pardon the pun) part in it. I look at my Aunt with her shelf butt and saddle bags and shudder at what my arse might end up looking like.

So its no longer looking like a shelf butt but I obsess over it, check it out each day looking for differences. I mean I obsess over it like some of you obsess over the scale. Is there less cellulite, is my butt line(where my butt use to sag and touch the back of my hamstring, I swear I have a line from the indentation of it on each leg) shrinking???

I really need to stop the insanity. In all reality since I do not notice changes in the mirror of my body as a whole each day what makes me think I can notice a change in my bootay??

Ok glad to get that off my chest, which I worked hard today. Week 3 of my 4 week high rep routine.

10min wu on treadmill

flat db press: 15×35x3

incline db press: 12×35x3

decline db press: 10×35x3

10min cooldown on treadmill

Later I did: 30min HIIT on rbike.

Hoping that by the end of this week I will hit 1000 miles on my treadmill, I"m at 996. I’m starting my birthday challenge on MOnday, clean eats til my birthday on August 16th.

Been having to say that to myself the past couple days. Its hard to abstain when your hubby has M & M’s every night, and still looks good. Aww to be able to get away with that. So far so good for me which is good, I’m starting my clean eats to my birthday thing on Monday, want to see how I do, its in August so not that far off.

So I must admit I like to watch reality tv now and then either a model show or one of those Real Housewives shows. New REal Housewives, I watched one lady pay $120,300 in cash for furniture for her house. In cash!!!!!! My jaw was on the floor, 1st over the amount of money she spent, 2nd for her paying in cash.

Today I worked Back/biceps

10min wu on treadmill

one arm lat pulldown: 30×35x3

seated military press: 15×35x3

standing hammer curls: 10×35x3

upright rows: 30×35x3

10min cooldown on treadmill.

Later I did: 30min HIIT on my rbike.

Was pedalling away like a mad woman when I was like : EWW what’s that smell??? Well it was me. I was glad I work out by myself because I stuck. My dog ran out of the room when I came up from the basement.

Made sure to get cleaned up I don’t want to disgust the parents later today at baseball. Supposedly its going to rain, but keeping my fingers crossed it will not. My kiddo is doing so good hitting now, now to practice catching and throwing.

I was disappointed Tara didn’t win last night on Biggest Loser but once Helen weighed in 1st and I saw what she weighed I knew she won. 3 years in a row the women have kicked arse on Biggest Loser.

So in my activities yesterday I got to experience both, up close and personal. And no it was not a plumber working on my sink. In fact the Man Boobs I saw when I picking up my son. The guy had some nice boobs, and basically needed a bra. I felt bad for him.

They jiggled when he walked like normal braless boobs. It was hard not to stare at his man boobs. I had to keep telling myself to stop. I felt like a guy, oogling some woman’s boobs, only I’m a woman and he was the guy.

The Butt Cleavage, I got a double dose of, while at a meeting for one of my sons activities. Two women, sitting side by side with their butt boobs hanging out. My hubby laughs at me when I say, I must have a shirt on long enough so my underwear does not hang out because all my jeans are low riders. I love my low rise jeans, I will never go back to jeans that go up to my belly button and make me feel like a cow. Alas, manufacturers insist on making nice looking women’s shirts that do not go all the way down to meet my low rise jeans.

NOw standing that is not an issue, but when one sits, your bootay hangs out and shows the world your underwear or lack of underwear. Alas neither woman in question had underwear on. Its like going by a car wreck and knowing you shouldn’t stare but you can’t help yourself. I was just grateful my son had to sit with his fellow members and not right next to me. I could just hear him "Mommy their butts are sticking out and they’re not wearing underwear"

Nothing wrong with going commando as long as we all don’t know you’re going commando.

Anyhow I did legs yesterday:

squats, sumo squats, squats w/feet together, squats with my feet like a penguin, calf raises(toes in, straight, out) and lunges, 20min Spring intervals

Today I did chest:

circuits

db bench press w/flys

db incline press w/ incline flys

db decline press w/decline flys

db pec dec/w pushups w/hands on bosu

25min ss hills, 20min sprint intervals

Really tried to push with the sprints after watching Jillian have her team do 2min hard intervals, 1min easy, I can do 8mph fine at 2mph, and can just barely last doing 9mph for 2min.

I’m not a runner unless my life depended on it. I do not love running except for how high it makes my heart rate go.

It was evident last night that Bob’s team is not eating enough food, after their food journal especially. 2oz of fish???? Hello! We’re building muscle here, not starving it, probably why Christin gained a pound.

You have to eat, good quality and quantiy food to build muscle.

Today was the day for all idiot drivers to be out. Let’s see first we had the guy run the red light that had been red for at least 10 seconds almost hitting a Mom and her mini van and then going on his way. Then we had the crazy Grandma who evidently decided I wanted in her lane and kept speeding up and cutting into my lane then back again. Then we had the dude who was in the turn lane, I’m in the lane going straight, the dude decides he’s going to go straight and is driving alongside of me.

I literally wish I had been Dirty Harry today and whipped out my Magnum on them. I was just relieved my child wasn’t with me because then Dirty Harry would’ve come out for sure. Are people oblivious? Clueless, think the rules of the road do not apply to them??? I’ve not had a car payment in 5 glorious years and believe me if someone hit me because of their stupidity well you’d see me on Headline news. Crazed Woman in Ohio pulls 220lb man out of his car and whips his ass for him.

Speaking of Headline News we made the news locally for our local idiot who drives around on a motorized bar stool and wrecked it then proceeds to tell the cops "Yes I had 15 beers I don’t think I’m drunk" Of course he wants a jury of his peers and will get off, if my past experience with serving on jury’s and DUI cases are any indicator. He’ll get the dumb ass who served with me who said on one of the trials. " I don’t think he was drunk just because he drove thru barricades and almost hit some fair folks who were setting up for the carnival, he was just lost"

Uh hello, they have huge signs STREET CLOSED SETTING UP FOR FAIR, DETOUR with a big ass arrow. Hello the dude peed basically right then and there and refused a breath test, yes he was drunk and after we sat there for 10 hours and listening to dumb ass and the other dumb ass refuse to vote him guilty, causing us to be a hung jury the judge informed us this was his 5th arrest for DUI.

I use to pray to get on a jury figuring I’d get the case like my friend, who served on a jury for a judgement against an insurance company or my husband who had to deal with a federal case, no I get the ‘HECK NO HE WASN’T DRUNK HE JUST HAD 20 BEERS" kind of cases.

Anyhow I did cardio today: 30min HIIT on my rbike.

Its a nice 57 degrees here, so we’ll be practicing baseball after school today, my son is getting so much better at it. He’s in 1st grade and its his 1st year playing pitching machine.

Trying to decide if I"m going to suck it up and rent Twilight, I’ve not liked the books yet  several friends do so I’ve read them( and was bored out of my mind).

I was doing my best Michael Myers imitation today. I swear if you were walking down a dark alley and heard my breathing today, you’d jump around to make sure the famous Halloween killer wasn’t behind you. Huuuuhhhh, hEEEE. Add some creepy theme music and I’m set to play his voice in the next Halloween movie.

Why the weird breathing? One nostril is all the way open and breathing now, but the other is got that Michael Myers breathing in a mask quality going on. But hey I can breathe ok out of one after 2 weeks of breathing out of neither.

Today I worked chest/tris and did a mini ss cardio to test the hacking out my lung issue and its tons better today!

5min stretching

circuits

decline bench

65×8x3

decline flys

15×8x3

flat bench

85×8x3

flat flys

20×8x3

incline bench

70×8x3

incline flys

15×8x3

hammer db bench

23×8x3

cable flys

20×8x3

5min stretching

15min walking hills on treadmill

So last Friday while watching my son do karate somehow we got in a discussion about the Twilight books series. Apparently I’m a freak, according to some Moms there, because I think Stephanie Myers can’t write, her characters bore me to tears.

I love, love, love vampire books, movies etc and was so disappointed with the whole Twilight Series. Now I know its not because I’m not a teen judging by some of these Moms reactions. I have that effect on other Moms it seems. Couple weeks ago we went to a classmate of my son’s Birthday party and some Moms were aghast that s dance school had a teacher with a nose ring and tattoos. I asked "Does she know all the moves necessary to teach your child how to dance" Uhh, yes but she’s not a good role model with her body piercings and tattoos. WTF???

This same Mother told me I was not Girl enough to understand. Uh hello??? Last time I checked I have everthing that classifies me as a woman. This from a woman who never has a hair out of place, always has makeup and looked at me aghast when I said she try lifting weights instead of just cardio. She’s very petite, maybe 5′2" and does pilates and exercise dvds. I tried to explain that No she would not look manly from lifting weights but evidently she thinks I look manly?

Believe it or not I do clean up nice and have been known to cause a few stares in a good way I said. Some Moms were looking at her like she was being a B**ch and I agree though  I just had to laugh at her reaction to me, I’ll have to make a point of wearing tank tops and shorts next month when I go to pick my son up at school to show just how unmanly I look.