Jul’s Journey

Okay, okay….. I must be a woman….because each week I find I change my mind about how I am feeling…..(if you are feeling frustrated with me….just imagine how those closest must feel..pity them).  So, I probably don’t have to write the next several words to this blog… you already know I am going to talk about bulking and how it makes me feel big and sluggish and how creatine definately bloats you….and how I loved the feeling of being lean….. so, there you have it.  Bottom line is: I don’t like being big and soft, but I don’t want to be a scrawny lean either.  How do you balance all this?? How do you put it together?

Can you gain mass and lean out? Or do you have to get big, puffy and soft to end up with sizable musle gains????? I liken this issue to dabbling in the stock market.  Some people have the tolerance to risk dollars….they invest in high risk stocks that can reap much reward.  Others, because of their temperment, need to pick the solid safe route to increasing dollars…the gains may be slower, but the stress of the risk is low, making it more enjoyable for these types.

I think I am like the later when it comes to gaining muscle.  I need to play it safe….stay leaner and take longer for the muscle gains…. (so, is this a possible approach??? I do not know?!)

Some things I have changed this week:

1) Planning to eat VERY clean the next two weeks

2) Have added flaxseed oil to my shakes

3) Have added 1 tsp of creatine to my shakes

4) Have started taking 7-Keto beverly product….

5) Will increase my cardio moderately from 3- 20 minutes sessions a week to 3- 30 minute sessions per week and 1-45 minute session

6) Will continue to lift HEAVY…..

will this help?  I don’t know???  do you???

You know, as a child I always enjoyed building with blocks….it was relaxing and challenging at the same time…always fun to see how high you could build the tower before it toppled to the ground.  Today, I finally fell in like with the building phase of my body.  I had so loved the leaning and all the great results I saw day in and day out. Loved having my pants bag on me and finding clothes that looked good on me seemed effortless (something I had never experienced before). 

Building….well, that has taken some time to grow on me….three weeks to be exact, but wow, what a difference I see with my workouts.  Today was shoulders/bi/tris and I have increased my weights week in and week out.  This weak little girl is getting stronger and my muscles are starting to really take shape.  It is a gradual thing I realize, but the thrill of getting to that next weight is really driving me.  The achy muscle feeling is great too…. helps me to know that I really worked my body… 

A few days ago a man came up to me and told me that he was feeling a bit threatened by my abilities….noticing that we were lifting similar weights….. he was joking, but still….it felt good to be able lift bigger weights…. 

So, the plan is to continue working shoulders/bi/tris twice a week with other body parts on a single rotation (except abs which is 3 times a week).  I will do this for three more weeks…in hopes of really kicking my delts up a notch to balance my wide hip base…. then, I will move legs into the twice a week slot….for 6 weeks and follow with back for 6 weeks…. that will be a total of 18 weeks of building…. after that I will decide what to double up on for the last 6 weeks… (probably back to shoulders, but will see….) That will bring me to 24 weeks of bulking and then allow me to start my 12 week lean out…. not sure what contests I will do, and I may prolong the bulk a little bit more to hit a couple of fall contests…. will see…. this time around I don’t want to just try a figure competition…I want to compete!!!

wahooooo!!!!   I’m gonna enjoy the ride…..will post pics soon to let everyone see how meaty I am now…. still a size 4, but definately a softer version of myself….. I like to think of it as more feminine!!!

A great man passed today…..  He was a veteran of three wars…. flew airplane bombers in World War II, was in Vietnam and Korea…. had many honors including a distinguished flying cross….. was a great man who lived his life with honor and care for those around him.  His exterior was gruff at times, but you saw his soft and gentle side in the ways he admired his wife, cared for his dogs, and spent time with my children….specifically my son. He was a man that looked to enjoy life and was truly a great American hero…. Uncle Dick died today on Veteran’s day while listening to TAPs…. goodbye great sir…you will be missed and not forgotten….

So, I am thinking about creatine and taking some.  I have been really lifting heavy and feel like this may help with recovery.  Is this a good thing for women or not??  And will I be bloated from it or just have fuller muscles…???

Today was a big day for me… a life-changing day…and I am not sure how I feel about it…. I know in my heart that God is watching out for me, but personally I am reeling…..

I am hoping to take those feelings and put them into my family, faith and workouts…. Can’t even believe that I put workouts there…but when you are a 39 year old mother of three, there is little that is your own….and workouts are for me and by me… sounds selfish…. and I don’t like to be that way….

So, today, I had that amazing blood rush you get to your muscles when you have really worked them hard.  Did shoulders and bi/tri and some abs… wow… it felt great and I am already going up in my weights….this makes me VERY happy…. though, I am getting softer…. (UGH).  My pants still fit though… so, this is good…. I had a man from the gym walk over to me and tell me that I was intimidating him with the weights I was pushing… said he had to step up his game to keep up with the girls…. made me feel good…

Tomorrow is chest and abs… will see how that goes….will hope to get 20-30 minutes of cardio out to…my son is feeling ill, so will have to see…. regardless, I will get my early morning done and see how things go with him for the day…. poor little one…. I hate when they are sick…

Okay….one last thing, my 4 year old love to make things…. she is particularly fascinated with using water in things she makes…. tonight she called me into the bathroom where she announced she was having diarehea (sp) anyway, she was and as I stood there rubbing her back, I eyed my water bottle and instinctively grabbed it and began guzzling it…. got about 12 oz in me when I realized I wasn’t drinking water (duh), I began to spit out the water, instantly became ill and threw up…. (in the tub), apparently she decided to use my water bottle to mix her special shampoo…. yup…I drank soap water….. YUM!!!!!   I am still burping lavender……   Ahhhhhh, the joys of parenthood!!

Two weeks of bulking under my belt…. really am finding that the thrill of lifting heavy is in itself motivating. This is good because the changes in my body are enough to drive me crazy.  I need to fall in love with the softer me…

Today LoveJones and I worked legs… We are both so competitive that it makes the workouts really fun…..we tend to push each other and watching her crank the weights makes me want to too!  Ah, the beauty of good friends and workout partners.

So, I have been really doing a poor job of taking in water….and today I am suffering the consequences of that….headache and overall cruddy feeling…. ugh… thankfully I was able to keep it together for the workout. 

I am wondering how so many of these very fit women on this site keep themselves growing in muscle and looking so lean??  Is that really possible????  I am wondering how this is acheived….I presume they are eating very clean….hmmm….but what about cardio???  Alot? Moderate? hmmmmm…….

Any thoughts would be appreciated….

Wow, I am feeling so much better but all the people around me are getting sick of smelling me.  Okay, I realize this is not a normal thing to post about….but I am so gassy that I am killing myself and those around me…. this is just crazy….. so why am I posting this????   I guess I am because it is real and I am looking for any suggestions on how I can minimize this…. is this normal after changing diets???   I seem to rmember this happening when I first started eating a lot of protein, but please…..

 So, heavy weights are going good. I am good and sore…. I am trying to decide how I feel about being a softer version of the self I previously was.  I see so many women who - from their pics - never seem to get real "soft" as they work on gaining lean muscle….  Not being able to fit into clothes I wore two weeks ago or feeling like my body is not mine…. wow, it is so weird.  If anyone has any thoughts or has gone through this - please…..share?????  would love to hear how you get beyond this.  I think the issue for me is, it took so long for my body to transform to what it was that now I feel like I am undoing all my progress. 

Well, hate to be a complainer, would rather offer positive and encouraging thoughts…. but today, I think I am in need of them…

My best to you all…..

j

Alright, I should have listened to Chantie and Meredith…. I am sick….they said it would happen….said if I didn’t get the rest my body needed and to take a week off I would create problems for myself….so, here I am to eat my warm humble pie….. you girls were right and you obviously know your stuff….

I desperately want togo do my shoulder routine, but my body is saying no…. so, guess today I will focus on stretching and clean eating and start again on Monday…..

BTW, today was chest and abs….good workout…..again sore and again hitting much heavier weights than I had.  Guess I wasn’t pushing myself enough the last few months….. or maybe I am stronger????Nah…..

Will do cardio triathlon tomorrow….try to burn off the calories and maybe do a few more abs???  Will see….but definately the cardio….yay!!!

That’s right….9 pounds since Sat. and let me tell you I have not gained that eating a ton of junk….. I can’t tell you how shocked I am that this has happened so quickly.  I told myself I would stay within 10 pounds of my comp. weight, but whoa…..

So, what is a woman to do???  I want to gain lean muscle, but clearly I need to control my calories a bit more.  Tomorrow I plan on hitting some serious cardio and no weights and see if I can burn off some calories….will go back to my 10 week out diet too…. still lots of carbs and protein, but not as many calories as the last few days… and water….gotta get back to my gallon….silly me.

Now I understand why some women go off the deep end after competing…I just don’t want to be one of them.  Can I bulk for a few weeks and then lean for a few and keep going back and forth? or will that prove to be counterproductive to my goal of gaining muscle???  Oh, boy…. what to do, what to do…..

any advice….besides "put down the peanut butter" is appreciated…..(I already know I have to do that…) yes, our love affair picked right up off where we left it!!!!!     Gotta learn to be strong….gotta tell pb I am not that kind of girl anymore…that I have plans, and pb is just not included in that future…… lol…..I’m losing it!!!!!