Jul’s Journey

Okay…. it is past my bedtime, yet here I sit on this flashing computer, zipping around the BB site looking for some piece of magic information that will help me during the next 5 weeks.  Guess what….I think I found it……

Get this….. for me its not the excercise routines, what days to combine what body parts or even the different diets (let’s face it, those that are successful are consistent with their programs….)  It’s the people….their stories, their pictures and their amazing attitudes.  Yup, once again it is a social thing for me. 

Come to think of it….everything has ALWAYS been about he social aspect….. school… home with kids…..dating….marriage……family…..
. all the social…..the interaction….that is what drives me.  

Okay, I don’t want you to think that I am one of those people that goes to the gym, chats for an hour and leaves… I actually do my workouts….but I love watching people do their thing….love the silent comraderie that goes along with the workouts.  (I guess that is why I fail miserably when I work out at home.)

So, for those of you who think that no one is reading your blogs or looking at your pics, chances are….I am!  And chances are you have inspired me in some way….so, tonight I say thank you…..

Have a beautiful day!

Okay…today was a fun day…just cardio and abs!  Ah, I love days like this, when you can be creative with your cardio.  I mixed it up with a friend, spinning with jumprope intervals, then 5 minutes of intensive rowing…followed by the treadmill at a 15% incline with intervals 1minute on/1-2 minute recovery… FUN!!! 

Then abs…..:) another fun time…seriously, I love working them, seem to have to change up the excercises a lot to feel the burn the next day….

I realize now, being 5 weeks out how important my diet is….now, for those of you who have been around on my blog…you know I was 5 weeks out not so long ago…. and failed terribly….it was my diet, the peanut butter and pretzels specifically. So, here I am again, no longer am I going to mutter the words…."I have 5 whole weeks still…certainly this scoop of peanutbutter won’t hurt me…" Nope, no more justification.   No more silliness. 

It’s funny how we can talk ourselves into failure.  It seems if we can do that, we should also be able to talk ourselves into success.  This being said, at 5 weeks out, I will be mentally talking myself into the things that I need to do to reach my goal of walking on stage…and looking like I deserve to be there. 

Sometimes I wonder…. how much importance do i put on my perception of what others think of me? And is that bad, normal, odd, unrealistic, unhealthy, etc. to do so?

Is my personal quest for transformation geniune to me, or is it deep-rooted in my never-ending desire to get affirmation from others?  And what in goodness sake’s name makes a person care so much about affirmation or being liked? Was it something in my upbringing….in my past relationships….or is it just integral to my core?

Is it selfish to feel these things, weakness, or a sign of a person that wants to please??  And even bigger….can you be so concerned about pleasing another that you forget what it is you really want and like?

Okay…enough random thinking….

Had a great leg workout this morning….with my best gal…. man, it makes it easier to do this with someone else…thank goodness for her!!!! 

Did some supersetting and really put the emphasis on those glutes….(mentally, I keep willing my butt to lift…will see if that part of the training helps - LOL) Will plan to get an hour of cardio in sometime later…still going to focus on toasting those legs…

Have been working more now that school is in full-swing. Love my job and love that it is flexible so I can do my gym thing AND be with my three little loves!!!   I find the days that I work, eating clean is no problem. Its days that I am home working that I have a hard time keeping my nose clean. Still seeing gains, even with my minor slips, but this Sat. I am 5 weeks out…need to buckle down and take joy the fact that these next few weeks will show the biggest changes.( if i am good)

Plan to take pics today…looking forward to seeing if there are any changes….there has been in my clothes so…. I am optimistic!!! 

Do you know the little guy on the package of goldfish crackers??  fin, I think they call him….  he has an evil smile….its like he taunts me every time I see him with those dark sunglasses on…."go ahead," he says…."just two or three won’t hurt you…heh, heh."  

Pretty bad that I am that obsessed about food that I am writing about the character on the side of the package….boy, what have I become???

Alright….so, the good news, my body is leaning out…..the bad news….the clothes I just bought two weeks ago….falling off me… Now, I realized some people love that feeling, I don’t.  It makes me feel sloppy and unkept…. (I assure you all that if my husband reads this blog…he’ll be hiding all the credit cards…I now have complete professional wardrobes in size 8, 6, and 4……)  So, not only is this endeavor costing me some serious $$$ in food,  trainers, supplements and figure suits, etc…now it is the clothes I am wearing….

Good problems I realize, but still….. not so sure my money tree is going to do to well with all the pruning I continue to do to it!!!lol

Alright, I was really riding a high for a few days….feeling good about my workouts and such…even this morning doing shoulders, and arms I felt great (and again later doing my cardio) and then….something just snapped……

I can’t explain it, though I have some ideas on why this is coming over me like this.  Its one of those, "oh, no I just need to cry feelings…" no specific reason, but definately sent me running to the  i -c-e-c-r-e-a-m (it doesn’t look as bad if I spell it that way) and then after eating a scoop I had a real reason to cry…..I had been clean for three days and in one moment - not - UGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

I’ll regroup and the extra fat is not the end of the world, but the dairy takes three days to get out of the ol’ system……so pics this week should be a bit under impressive.

Okay….so for me it is the issues of the heart….when my heart is sad my stomach is empty apparently….or maybe my tastebuds are needing something, whatever it is….when that is out of balance, my diet suffers. The good news here is, if I can get victory over this, I can write a book, hope it helps others and enjoy the financial benefits  by tanning on the beach somewhere exotic (in between workouts, of course) and enjoying all my perfectly balanced meals prepared by a personal chef……

For now, it is water to flush this dairy out and an evening walk … uphill…..carrying weight….lots of it….

Okay… I got in after 11pm and couldn’t do anything but sleep last night…. At the game, my kids had hot dogs, french fries (man did they smell good….) nachos…. cotton candy….. I had filled myself up with broccoli and chicken before we left, which was a great plan, as my stomach did not like the large amounts of broccoli I consumed   Later I sipped a protein drink……and then they pulled out the peanuts…..   (that is when I broke…I ate about 10 of them….)

How is it I can go all day….eat everything just right and then do that?????????  Thankfully it wasn’t worse than that…but I need to really not budge at all…. Lets face it….my butt (which is not yet ready for stage) is not going to get in shape if I keep eating peanuts…..   How do people do this???   Maybe I need to take obsessive medicine so I can over obsess to the point of being dedicated????

On the upside…. I did get to the gym by 5:15 and did 80 minutes of cardio!!!!  I ended up bringing a jumprope and gave all the morning gymgoers a giggle with my inability to jump rope more than 2 minutes straight…  I still was able to give myself some great spikes in the heart rate (which I usually don’t get until my late cardio).

today’s goals… get some work done for my fall work season…. have an awesome shoulder and arm workout….eat clean… drink  more than 1 gallon of water…. do evening cardio… and do some house work!!!!    (Yup- need to do some!!!)

finally, I am going to try to enjoy what I have accomplished up until now.  Try to enjoy the changes I have made in my body and not get too down on myself because I may not be ready for the show in 10 days….

I know earlier I was ranting about how great it is to have a day off…and I just found myself out walking….. thankfully i did not run…just a good healthy jaunt with my best gal!  More to unload the days events than anything else. I need to really focus on the diet this week….get myself 100% and apply myself doing cardio.  Mornings are so hard to really bring up the intensity…I always feel so sluggish and sick to my stomach…. ah, well… must go to bed, 5 am comes quickly….

Ah, finally a day to let myself rest.  What a great feeling to know all I have to do is eat clean.  Two weeks out and no goofing around.  I see my figure coach  on wed. and she will let me know if I should do the Erie show in sept. or hold off until Oct. 6 for the cleveland show.  Regardless, I am realizing that either show will be fine.  This is my first attempt.  No pressure…just fun!  I can imagine the more time you invest into this, the more of a desire to have great results would be.  I do not want to focus on that (which is hard for me), but realistic….