Jul’s Journey

Feeling so good today after meeting with my figure coach…  I will not do the show in Erie, PA and instead opt for a natural figure show in October which is 6 weeks out from tomorrow.  Those last few weeks should allow me to firm up my backside and get my diet in better control. 

I think if I can loose a few more pounds of fat…I should be in good shape. (no pun intended) Regardless, I will do the show - no more putting it off.  AND with this setback I have been able to set my next goal of doing an NPC show in the spring (after more muscle gain).

I think what I have been losing sight of in this journey is how far I have come.  I did not start off overweight, but still I was never satisfied with the way my body looked (like most).  With that being said, I found myself focusing on the wrong things over the past few weeks…. I focused on the mistakes I made on my diet, the cardio I did not do and the flaws in my ever changing body.  How sad…. When we make such committments, whether we are at our "ideal" or not, we should really focus on the good things…. for some, it is the determination to make a change, the decision to drink more water or cutting fatty foods from our diet, for others it is to train for a marathon, transform our bodies or win a contest…. regardless of what the change is….we still need to celebrate that we are all moving in a better direction to be healthier, stronger and be encouraging role models for those that are still determining whether they should commit to a change.

Today I am going to celebrate having a body that I am not ashamed of…. I am a 38 year old mother of 3 and I am happy with my body!!!  I hope you all can celebrate your acheivements….big or "seemingly" small….

okay…. i don’t even know how to start this… i am upset…i am frustrated….i am feeling like the wind has been taken out of my sails…at the same time, I want to be realistic.

I talked on the phone today with my figure coach….she questioned my desire to do this?  recommended I not do ANY NPC shows as I do not have enough size…and suggested I consider whether I continue this process….

THe issues I have with this, aside from the very weighty financial committment I have put into this (training, supplements, suits, babysitters, memberships, etc.) is that if I didn’t have the desire to do this…..I wouldn’t have put myself through 20 weeks of torture…. (don’t get me wrong, I love it….) but I don’t like not eating out with my friends and family, not being able to eat a pb&j when I desire it and beating myself up for licking the knife with peanutbutter on it…… I HAVE NOT EATEN CHEEZE-ITS FOR 16 WEEKS.  to people who know me….they understand that sacrifice….  I have been getting up at 5 am…. doing cardio and trying to do cardio at the end of the day before bed for what seems like forever…. NO DESIRE???  NEW GOALS???  

Its not like I expect to win the competition….would just prefer not to be last…..okay….so I have some choices…

1) I can bail and take a soak in a bathtub full of cheezeits!!!!

2) I can keep on trying and do a natural show instead of an NPC show for my first go at it

3)I can go back to the drawing board…and try to gain more muscle and try another show next spring….

4) forget her and just stay with the plan…..

or sit and cry…..

Okay… I got in after 11pm and couldn’t do anything but sleep last night…. At the game, my kids had hot dogs, french fries (man did they smell good….) nachos…. cotton candy….. I had filled myself up with broccoli and chicken before we left, which was a great plan, as my stomach did not like the large amounts of broccoli I consumed   Later I sipped a protein drink……and then they pulled out the peanuts…..   (that is when I broke…I ate about 10 of them….)

How is it I can go all day….eat everything just right and then do that?????????  Thankfully it wasn’t worse than that…but I need to really not budge at all…. Lets face it….my butt (which is not yet ready for stage) is not going to get in shape if I keep eating peanuts…..   How do people do this???   Maybe I need to take obsessive medicine so I can over obsess to the point of being dedicated????

On the upside…. I did get to the gym by 5:15 and did 80 minutes of cardio!!!!  I ended up bringing a jumprope and gave all the morning gymgoers a giggle with my inability to jump rope more than 2 minutes straight…  I still was able to give myself some great spikes in the heart rate (which I usually don’t get until my late cardio).

today’s goals… get some work done for my fall work season…. have an awesome shoulder and arm workout….eat clean… drink  more than 1 gallon of water…. do evening cardio… and do some house work!!!!    (Yup- need to do some!!!)

finally, I am going to try to enjoy what I have accomplished up until now.  Try to enjoy the changes I have made in my body and not get too down on myself because I may not be ready for the show in 10 days….

Forgive me all who actually read these blogs… I just need to keep myself accountable and this was my way to do it today. I did not cheat…. i will not cheat….i am still clean….

I have not even licked the knife that I made pb&j’s with for my kids…. I went throught the wendy’s drive through and got my kids some bad for you frosty’s and frenchfries…. ( I guzzled my water and sipped coffee….)

tonight is a ballgame….and I will keep myself out of trouble….everytime I think about putting popcorn and peanuts in my mouth I will excuse myself and run stairs and laps of the stadium… (maybe I can get in some extra cardio)

My hope is that my next post is of the same heading….. will see….

Forgive me all who actually read these blogs… I just need to keep myself accountable and this was my way to do it today. I did not cheat…. i will not cheat….i am still clean….

I have not even licked the knife that I made pb&j’s with for my kids…. I went throught the wendy’s drive through and got my kids some bad for you frosty’s and frenchfries…. ( I guzzled my water and sipped coffee….)

tonight is a ballgame….and I will keep myself out of trouble….everytime I think about putting popcorn and peanuts in my mouth I will excuse myself and run stairs and laps of the stadium… (maybe I can get in some extra cardio)

My hope is that my next post is of the same heading….. will see….

Alright…my days of cheerleeding are going to serve me well… I am 6 1/2 hours into this day and have managed to eat clean.  No peanut butter….no fruit….just what I am allowed on my program…. I am going to look into some beverly int. products that many have raved about…. will see if those things help me out….

had a killer leg and ab workout just moments ago….did a LOT of supersets and that really got my heart rate up… love it!! Looking forward to finding a way to get some HIIT cardio in tonight…not sure how yet as there is NO time…. taking my three kids to a minor league baseball game (yes, I am packing my shake and dinner). While they munch on hot dogs (yuck) I will have my chicken & asparagus…. then my protein drink just in case…..

My mantra….I will eat clean today…. I will eat clean today…..

today is the day that I will eat clean…so clean I will squeak!!!

No peanutbutter, no carbs that are not approved…the only treat I will allow myself is coffee with splenda…

this is my mission!!!

So, here I sit with Skippy natural peanut butter….stress eating…..how can this be???  Okay, hold on….I am putting the lid away and I think I managed to get away with only an extra 200 calories…tack on an extra 20 minutes of cardio tonight!!  Holy moly…. what am I doing?  Sometimes I wonder if I want to make myself fail….i was completely clean….no problems, watched my three kids eat doritoes and subs as I sipped water and coffee…. watched them play in a creekbed for two hours…fun!  And I reward myself with 200 extra calories to have to burn off….  great….. i have to get this clean eating thing down….or my first show will be in 2010….

On an upside…Did my cardio at 6 am and at 10:30 I had a great back/chest workout even with the pinched nerve in my back.  Still little or no feeling in my thumb and first two fingers and mobility is challenging.  Been icing and stretching, but still no improvement. 

So, today…I have cardio - an hour and eh, ummm  20 minutes and maybe some steamed asparagus (with some small source of protein…) what is wrong with my self control these days??

I know earlier I was ranting about how great it is to have a day off…and I just found myself out walking….. thankfully i did not run…just a good healthy jaunt with my best gal!  More to unload the days events than anything else. I need to really focus on the diet this week….get myself 100% and apply myself doing cardio.  Mornings are so hard to really bring up the intensity…I always feel so sluggish and sick to my stomach…. ah, well… must go to bed, 5 am comes quickly….

Ah, finally a day to let myself rest.  What a great feeling to know all I have to do is eat clean.  Two weeks out and no goofing around.  I see my figure coach  on wed. and she will let me know if I should do the Erie show in sept. or hold off until Oct. 6 for the cleveland show.  Regardless, I am realizing that either show will be fine.  This is my first attempt.  No pressure…just fun!  I can imagine the more time you invest into this, the more of a desire to have great results would be.  I do not want to focus on that (which is hard for me), but realistic….