joojnla’s BodyBlog

Im falling back into depression. Its been years since ive had an episode.   Well at least this time I didnt run to food  pizza cookies chips choloclate icecream  you know   Its so bad that doctor gave me xanax I dont want to take it.   I am taking my supplments  xtend dialene to prenatal fish oil and biotin. Im scared of xanax because I dont want my body to shut down.  People around me dont understand why i eat the way eat why I want to exercise.  I hear you are going to look like a man or you are getting to skinny (obviously most of these people are not in shape)  They dont understand that I love an atheltic toned body its what ive wanted for so loong on top of all my other personal issues I just feel like Im loosing control right now.   He told me to take 3 of those pills today. I only took one and I dont want to take anymore.     I need to find a way to deal with my depression.  You know he told me to write 10 things down postive about myself and Im still thinking. I know I cant compare myself to others but I see so many sucuessful people and I want to be one of those people.  I guess I have to keep pushing.  Hard work and thinking postive is what got them there I need to think and beleive the same thing.   I have to get over this fear that is occupying my mind its going to destroy me if i dont

I was talking to my trainer today Im wondering why the scale isnt moving.  I am doing 50 mins of cardio 5 days a week plus weights.  I told him what Ive been eating and Ive been overloading on the almonds and peanutbutter.  He told me this could be the reason why Im not loosing weigt. You grab a handful of nuts 3 times a day.  That adds up.  Portion control.  So We are going to see if things change with me elminating all nuts from my diet, since I am not controlling my portions.     So here we go 30 days no peanutbutter and no almonds  I can do this!!!!

What is up with all of these articles on men’s health and women’s health stating that chocolate milk is a great post workout meal.  I went to the store and looked at chocolate milk cow’s milk and soy milk and 1cup has almost 30 grms of sugar and in some cases high in fat.   I understand milk has protien but why would I do an hour of cardio and 45 mins of weights just to consume 30 grms of sugar ??? Discuss

I lost the weight I thought I would be satisfied I am not I want to compete.  Yes it sounds good in writing but I am learning more and more this is easier said than done. I think alot of people think walking across the stage in a beautiful suit is something anyone can do.  Not!! You have to work hard to get your body ready and I am learning this.  Hell I HONESTLY thought I would be stage ready in a year when I joined last year.  Now that I am doing my reading and research I see that women and men are working on their bodies for years  and these are men and women who looked great when they started.   I have found a new respect for everyone who competes.  I have the same goal now and I clearly understand that competing isnt the Miss USA contest.   Its hard work and dedication that will get me to the stage.  I am going to be totally realisitc and say I will be ready by Summer 2010 I will not get on a stage and make a fool of myself I want to be right and not insult this sport!!!  :0)  

So I should have listend to this when I was whole foods and found some cookies that were all nautral and only 9 grms of sugar and 15% carbs for 15 of them.   I looked at them and said ok I can have a few at night when I need something to crunch on.   Well they were so good I ate more than a few.   So I have learned a few things about myself One I seriously need to keep in mind portion control and two until I learn poriton control things like nuts and these cookies need to stay out of my shopping cart.   Like Dr Phil said if you bring it home you will eat it so why bring it home if it will not benefit the goal you are trying to acheive?  Yes this is a small slipup but its things like this that can add up big time and hurt my progress.   I have hit a plateau again andI think me eating too many nuts and those cookies could be some reasons.  Now its back to home hard core cardio at least 5  days a week to jumpstart the weightloss again.  I thought I would be happy at 145 but I am not now I want to get down to 135  lbs with 13% body fat here we go again last 10 lbs lol !!   THanks to all who read and respond all suggestions are always welcomed and appreciated !

I have stretch marks on my hips things on my sides and  few on my tummy.  Now when I was heavy didnt have any   I  am loosing weight and toning they are comming.   How in the world am I goingto have a career in fitness or modeling  or competeing  if I have these ugly marks invading my body??? ALl this hard work how can I wear a bathing suit on the beach and not worry about them I am hoping the more I tone up and the more tight and muscular I get this feeling of low self esteem and thinking people are only looking at them will go away!!   Please who ever reads this speak honest about stretch marks let me know how you cope if you have them as bad as me.   Can I have a career in fitness or model with them everytime I look at a magazine I see beautiful fit women free of stretch marks I hope to get alot of feedback.  Yes I am using vitaminE oil and cocobutter to prevent them from invading my uppperbody

I have really bad and I know this is clearly affecting my progress.  Like clockwork I get very hungry around midnight.   I usually eat a protien bar or fruit or I keep some of this oatmeal bread I made with protien powder or almonds. Not the best choices for late night right??  If anyone has or had  the late night munchies how do i get rid of them but if you do snack at night what are some better reccomendations soI dont destroy an entire day of good clean eating.  

I was going thru my closet and I have clothes in my closet that are too big Im kind of scared to get rid of them I dont know why lord knows I dont ever want to wear them again but there is some fear that I might go backwards and need them.   I know my body is changing but for some strange reason I dont see the change that others see.  I still think I need to hold on to this stuff.  Ok this must be the mental part kicking in.   I need to get it together and change my thinking quick.  So do i get rid of those  clothes or do I hold on to them  and let go of my fear of gaining all that fat back mind game mind games