BLAST’EM BIG!

I don’t know what to make of my life’s transformation almost 45 years later but I can’t help but admire my work-in-progress. It’s like having an out-of-body experience as I watch my mind recalibrate its thinking from negative to positive, the scaffolding build up around my physique as it hones its shape and build up its muscles. The lines in my face have eased and the smile has grown wide.

When our eyes connected, I saw the burning light in my eyes! I felt a catch in my throat! HE’S EMERGING FROM HIS DARKNESS! The strong, confident, beautiful man is fighting his way out of the sordid mess and is about to take back my life which I would be more than happy to relinquish.

All that crap that has damaged my mind, body and soul has fallen to the wayside and all things new now have a reason, a place and a focus for me. There’s now one direction and that is up!

2009 is going to be MY year!

Everyday without fail, I turn to bodybuilding.com to read threads, check others’ progress, etc. when I came across stayfit2008’s post. Three things stood out: his awesome physique, his learning curve and ageism. He said: "I once was told a few years ago "you’re 40 years old now. Your body is finished growing muscle".

I’m so sick of hearing that! WE’RE STILL F*CKING YOUNG!!!

He adds: "I want to defy the belief that our bodies quit growing at some mystical age. I am a bodybuilder, with knowledge comes growth."

HEAR, HEAR!!

After I finished reading his bodybuilder of the week, I was so on FIRE! I mean, if he can do it, I KNOW I can do it and so can the rest of the 40++++++!!!

WHY THE F*CK DO PEOPLE KEEP SAYING, "WE’RE DONE, WE’RE OLD, WE’RE FINITE!" I hauled my ass to the gym and I was going to prove EVERYONE WRONG! I CRANKED MY IPOD AND STARTED TEARING UP THE GYM!!

With my teeth gnashing, I flung those weights through. every. f*cking. rep as if my life depended on it and threw ‘em across the room. I didn’t give a flying RAT’S ass who heard my LOUD GRUNTS, I just pushed myself way beyond the limits like never before! After every rep, I STRETCHED my muscles so outta space, I swore I saw my muscles just POP POP POP!!

Yeah, tell me I’m OLD, YOU @*%$#&! BASTARD!

By the end of my workout, blood coursed through my veins, setting my muscles on fire! I felt FREAKING ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m positive that the patrons looked at me warily as if I had gone MAD but I didn’t give a f*ck. I just blew out of the gym and left it in a smoldering heap of metal and concrete.

Yeah, tell me again that I’m OLD, f*cker.

Here I am, still clicking on people’s pics and adding them to my ‘list of friends’ because of their impressive physique and / or knowledge of the sport. When I came across darkwatcher758’s progress photos, I was blown away by the difference between the 2 images.

On the left under the dreary blue lighting with his back against the wall, he wore an XX-L tshirt that covered his heaviness. He looked so dejected and had no where to go but face head-on what he came to be. On the right in the warm amber glow is a handsome fellow with his collar loose, head tilted in "cockiness" as if to say, "look at me now". I could actually feel that confidence exude from my computer monitor!

In a weird way, I don’t even know this guy but I felt very proud of him and for him! I gotta say, Kudos! Kudos for a job well done!!

Darkwatcher, I hope you inspire so many others as you have inspired me today.

I’m getting frustrated, overwhelmed and inspired all at once!

For the past few days, I’ve been navigating this BB.com and have been going all over the board. For every post, every profile I clicked, I’ve been directed to MORE jaw-dropping photos. I just turn green with envy and I look at myself in the mirror and think, GACK! WHY CAN’T I HAVE THOSE HUGE GUNS? BARNDOOR BACK? BROAD CHEST? ETC?!?!?

I’m so hungry for those muscles that I could eat Hola Bola’s shoulder cap, StillHungry’s big gun, SteveP78’s lean abs or any of those guys who I added to my list just to get at THEIR MUSCLES! Fortunately for them, I’m not some protein-starved, crazy-ass werewolf about to hunt them down to gnaw on a muscled thigh. (Although this would be a great script for CSI:Miami!)

I have to tell you, I am EXTREMELY impatient with time and / or progress. I once took an oil painting class in college and the teacher constantly told me, "Quit fighting with the canvas! You MUST take your time with the oils." I just wanted to get my paintings done in a hurry and I didn’t have time to wait for the oils to dry to stroke another layer of paint! All through the semester, I "muddied" my Picassos until one day the teach told me that if I don’t quit fighting, she’ll flunk me. So I had to paint with patience. I was practically beside myself but stroke after stroke, I laid the painting down on canvas until it came out "awesome"! I think she was more impressed by my patience than my painting because I thought it was terrible. Heck, nobody wanted it even if I PAID somebody to take it.

It’s the same with bodybuilding. I’d workout like crazy and then criticize myself impatiently. "You workout those arms for an hour and yet I don’t see anything! Look at these guys for Gawd’s sake! They can flick your fish-stick arms with their muscled pinkies." (Yes, I do talk like a cruel muther-f to my sorry-ass-inner-skinny-dweeb or good-fer-nothing-inner-fat-ass depending on my state of mind / body).

Now I know I just got back into the game after a 3-year hiatus since Katrina hit NOLA and I shouldn’t be a sudden overnight sensation after 4 months, expecting to rank right up there with the big boys. As KINGmosayebi said to me in a threaded post when I complained about my lack of progress, "Stay consistent like this guy (gettinghuge5). You’ve only been at it 4 months." I am aware that gettinghuge5 has been at it for 2 years but the thing is, I’m looking at his progress in 4 pics!! Skinny, okay, built, SHAZAM! That’s all done in 4 words!! (Man, if bodybuilding could be like that, we’d all be squeezing the skinny-ninnies off the planet.)

So really, I need to be realistic and look at the gaps between those four pics to see where he’s coming from and I should do the same. PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE!

That’s my new mantra in my quest to a STUPENDOUS body. Patience is now my new virtue in which I shall exercise daily. I shall work out patiently. I shall drink protein shakes patiently. I shall progress patiently and bestow gentle criticisms to thyself. Hell, I’ll even let some gym idiot exercise his mouth on his cell phone while holding up the pec deck and I’ll patiently exercise some other bodypart that would eventually clock him later.

Therefore, I will let patience test me and my muscles and I should be rewarded sometime next week!

Okay, I’ve jumped around a bit on my blog and I’m still not sure how to navigate it but I’m ready to start blogging.

A little bit of my history first. I was a skinny little runt when my brother introduced me to weights. I half-heartedly got into it because I was a lazy-ass kid who wanted muscles but I didn’t want to do the work. (Kind of like fat people who moan that they can never be skinny while consuming fried chicken, french fries, cake and a diet coke).

I worked out in the gym off and on, more off because I wanted more fun. I was still a skinny kid with a barely-there muscles. When I took off for college, I put on pounds from eating fast foods, red beans and rice and spaghetti. I became a soft kid whose pants grew from 27 to 30 and my weight went from 152 to 175 lbs. Actually, I was glad that my skinny frame filled out.

It was then that I decided to return to the gym. I worked out relentlessly, following the bodybuilders’ workout plans but never their diets. I just ate what I wanted (my VERY FIRST BIG MISTAKE that I carried over the years). I grew larger in muscular size and my pants grew another 3 sizes which remained for the next 8 years: size 33 and my weight stayed at 195 lbs.

When Katrina hit, my life stalled and I stressed out a lot! I avoided the gym and I ate out of control which caused my weight to shoot up to 220 and my pant size to 36. In my head though, I thought I was “beefy”.

In March of this year, I was on a business trip when I was shaving at the hotel bathroom sink, stark naked in front of a mirror and saw my back profile in the mirror behind me. My back was broad but when I looked down, I was horrified to find huge rolls of fat hanging from the back and sides. I jumped up and down and it shook like Homer Simpson’s jellified quakes!!!

It was at that moment I decided to change my body. I didn’t go back to the gym but I did go on a diet. In six months I went from 220 to 165 lbs. Sure some thought I did it too fast but it’s done and the majority (myself included) thought I look great! My face leaned out, my stomach was flat, my clothes hung well. Some people actually hated me!! *nyuk, nyuk*

In late August, a client of mine thought I look great but after a few visits with him, he said, “You know, are you still dieting because you look like you’re starting to shrink.” I was just maintaining my weight and swore that I would never go up in size again but when I looked in the mirror, he was right. My muscles were withering away.

So back to the gym but first, instead of simply following the bodybuilders’ workout plans, I also followed their diet plans. I slowly gained weight in all the right places, from 165 to 185. My muscles, as if they remember their size and places, came back once more.

This past Thanksgiving, my relatives who came over were shocked to see me buffed. My nieces and nephews gawked at my “huge” arms and asked me “to make a muscle” which I proudly flexed for them. I finally have hit my bodybuilding stride but this is only the beginning.

While I’m happy with the body I’ve acquired within 3 months, it has given me focus to see how much and how far can I push this body. The people I’ve encountered on this board are my inspiration. Some are lean, some are BUILT but what inspired me is that they pushed their bodies to the limit and are still going for more! Their bodies, while they vary in muscle size, are beautiful by their own genetics but attainable by anyone through hard work!

That said, this is my starting point and I want to see myself grow from here on out. To all of you, I welcome your comments, critiques, suggestions, etc. I will post my daily exercises, supplements, diets, etc. for you to review.

Here goes, day 1!

In the meantime, feel free to use my workout chart below to keep track of your progress. At my age, it sucks to try and remember what poundage I used last.

workout chart template