Torque

K-T Boundary Line

jmorgan87 — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 03:04:14 +0000

The K-T boundary line is a world-wide geological signature, an ominous band of rock dated to 65.5 milllion years ago. K is the traditional abbreviation for the Cretaceous period, and T is the abbreviation for the Tertiary period. The boundary marks the Cretaceous–Tertiary extinction event, a mass extinction.

The King Torque boundary line is a world-wide metaphysical signature, an ominous overhaul of reality dated to 2012. King is the traditional title of a sovereign ruler of an imperial realm and Torque is traditionally described as the tendency of a force to rotate an object about an axis. Torque is also known as the moment of force.

T.O.R.Q.U.E.

jmorgan87 — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 02:51:43 +0000

TOTAL

OVERKILL

REQUIRING

QUANTUM

UNIFORMITY

ETERNALLY

Torque The Rhetorical Oracle

jmorgan87 — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 01:04:46 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RL–HHzuxM4

BSN/Muscletech Hybrid Stack

jmorgan87 — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 04:39:14 +0000

I’m going to be experimenting with a hybrid stack over the next 7 weeks.

Products include:

-NO Explode

-NaNO Vapor

-Anabolic Halo

-Cellmass

I will hybridize the Explode and Vapor for preworkout purposes by mixing 2 scoops Explode with 2 scoops Vapor in water. Same scenario postworkout for Halo and Cellmass.

I Am King Torque

jmorgan87 — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 00:54:23 +0000

My most pompous transgressions will be systematically whitewashed by the western press. To counteract this blasphemy, I will expose the godless sectors of humanity for what they really are. As I elaborate on this concept throughout my reign I’ll often use only simple words and language so that even a child can understand my message. Yes, even a child should know that I can clarify my point so people like you understand what I am talking about. Without clarification, my practices sound lofty and include some emotionally charged words but don’t really seem to make any sense. If you read my writings while mentally out of focus, you may get the sense that I have a duty to conceal my fears and lie to everyone, under oath if necessary, perjuring myself to help disseminate the True Faith of Torque. But if you read my writings while mentally in focus and weigh each point carefully, it’s clear that I am fiercely obsessed with the health and happiness of each person on the planet. The comparison, however, doesn’t hold up to most beyond some laughably broad, superficial similarities that are so vague and pointless, it’s not even worth summarizing them.

My mandates are perpetuated by a saga of continuous reform, the demand that one strive permanently and painfully for something that not only does not appear to even possibly exist but is alien to the human condition. You will not want to typically expose me to rigorous sarcasm, satire or disdain. Even though I will unmistakably deserve it. While we all despair over my intemperate escapades, we must also remember the principles that will guide our better behaviors and higher aspirations. I am an opportunist. You are an ideological chameleon, void of any real morality.

I am never as hesitant or as idle as you might think. Before I continue, you’ll find that having to process phrases with bulky words makes you feel inferior, frustrated, and disinterested. That is why I strive for utmost irritation whenever I explain to others my reign of effortless, irresponsible, automatic consciousness of an animal. You absolutely dread the necessity, the risk, and the responsibility of rational cognition. As a result, my publicity stunts will owe much to the grievances of your abominable opinions.

Torque: Expedition Earth

jmorgan87 — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 01:47:21 +0000

Torque: Expedition Earth, was filmed from 1987-2149 and released in 2761. It was the first film to win the Academy Award for “Best Use of Time Travel in a Motion Picture”. After completing the filming in 2149, Josh Morgan (played by Torque) went forward through time to the year from which he left, 2759. He snuck a camera into the Academy Awards and filmed himself accepting the award for “Best Use of Time Travel in a Motion Picture”. He then went back in time to 1867, leaving a small piece of the movie with young inventor Thomas Edison. Edison figured out how to make a viewer for the film, and showed the short clip, (which he entitled “Supreme Being Wins Award”) to friends and wealthy patrons who were amazed at the moving pictures of the enthralling super-creature dancing on screen.

Torque then went forward in time to 2761, and released his completed film. Historians everywhere recognized the final scene in the movie as the most famous piece of film ever, “Supreme Being Wins Award”, and scientists warned the Academy Award voters that if they didn’t vote for his movie, then Torque would be liable to get “damn real” and omnious events would go down followed by a global, 168 hour live newscast of Torque himself sporting a grim gaze peering straight into the camera standing atop the Great Pyramid of Khufu alternating between flexing his 26 inch left and right biceps.

Some say the term “Torque” comes from Zeta Reticulan films featuring “Ator”, a Bintervath character. The name was distorted through their accent to become what it is today. The term “Torque”, universally, actually means “unregulated conquest by brute genius who twists time”.

Torque, having co-invented and subsequently mastered time travel, does so often. Sometimes, he attempts to wipe out the future leaders of human resistance groups. The future, according to Torque, is a marvelous place ruled by God alone. Torque has a penchant for freshly forged broadswords, but every once in a while you may spot him wielding a 25th century or beyond samurai sword.

The Josh Morgan Paradox

jmorgan87 — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 05:14:20 +0000

The Josh Morgan paradox is the paradox of Josh Morgan beating or not beating himself up in a split second. It is believed that Josh Morgan could beat anyone up in less than a second. Also, noone can defeat him. This brings us to a problem. If Josh Morgan tried to fight himself, he could not lose (because nobody can defeat him), and he could not win (because winning a Morgan-Morgan fight would mean that Josh Morgan lost).

Most scientists believe that if Josh Morgan challenged himself into a fight, the world would end in less than a second. Some also believe that this is the only way of defeating Josh Morgan, keeping him busy with a fight against himself, so his enemies can crawl all over the Earth unregulated acting normal.

The Josh Morgan paradox is the superset of the family of paradoxes that includes Akhenaten’s paradox, the Benign Brilliance paradox, and Maximus Platinum paradox. In its most basic formulation, it states that “Josh Morgan can kick anyone’s ass”, but this leads to the dilemma that if God created an unassed man, then Josh Morgan would not be able to kick ass, but God exists as a logical conclusion stemming from the observation that Akhenaten is a reincarnated being, so if Josh Morgan can’t kick the ass of an unassed man, then Uranium could not exist, in turn proving that modern mathematics is without a father, which in turn proves that set theory is divorced from logic, thus demonstrating that Josh Morgan is constantly and eternally twice as bombastic as he could ever claim to be.

This paradox is resolved through the adoption of multi-valued logic, but The Torque’s motto is “You’re either with me or you’re against me.” So if Josh Morgan is The Torque, he could not kick anyone’s ass. Therefore, if Josh Morgan is The Torque, he cannot be The Torque (or else he’d have to agree to forfeit a fist fight to himself, thus losing, which is impossible). Also if “Josh Morgan can kick anyone’s ass”, then it would thereby prove that he could kick his own ass because he would be considered as anyone, which includes himself. The paradox itself lies in the theory that if he fought himself then neither of the Josh Morgans would lose but since “Josh Morgan can kick anyone’s ass” which includes himself, then he could possibly kick his own ass but since this is not possible the world would end and Josh Morgan’s I.Q. would still be 203.

Key Josh Morgan Facts

jmorgan87 — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 03:15:14 +0000

Josh Morgan once sold eBay to eBay, on eBay.

Josh Morgan can eat a rubix cube and **** it solved.

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Josh Morgan punched himself in the face.

If at first you don’t succeed, you must not be Josh Morgan.

There is no "I" in team. There is exactly 1 “me” in Joshua Shane Morgan. **** you, team.

The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Josh Morgan and forgot to pay him back.

When Josh Morgan goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a bazooka and a bucket. Yeah bitch, because when Josh gets smashed by bazooka fire, it only opens up a slight gash on him. Do not **** with Josh Morgan.

Crop circles are Josh Morgan’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.

Whenever Josh Morgan plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he’s not some pussy who can’t climb up a plastic slide.

When Josh Morgan deletes files from his computer, he doesn’t send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

On his birthday, Josh Morgan randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. Apparently his birthday has some mysterious hidden meaning. Due in large part to the fact that the number 10 is the king of all numbers, and Josh was born on 10-10.

Josh Morgan is the only one who can "try this at home."

Josh Morgan’s daily schedule goes roughly as follows:
-Rollerblade backwards to the top of Mt. Everest curling 90 lb. dumbbells.
- Do something badass
- Wake Up
- Eat something badass
- Nap
- Sign a multi-year deal with at least three professional sports franchises

-Say cool one liner to celebrate new contracts
- Conceptualize new echelons of greatness
- Sleep in pit of snakes

Josh Morgan coined the phrase "Pardon my French" after picking up a French man and using him like a bat to club people.

Josh Morgan had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere Josh Morgan went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.

Josh Morgan’s family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can’t see what’s in them.

Josh Morgan ’s blood type is JM-1010

All of Josh Morgan’s genes are dominant.

Josh Morgan played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded rifle and won.

Onions do not make Josh Morgan cry. Josh Morgan makes onions grow anuses and **** themselves.

Josh Morgan was scheduled to be Stalone’s stunt double in Rambo, but he was replaced after refusing to wear a parachute when jumping from the plane. Also, because noone would believe Rambo could look that badass.

Josh Morgan takes the phrase "Breakfast of Champions" so literally, that he once ate Tiger Woods, Wayne Gretzky, and Shaquille O’Neal in one meal.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach Josh Morgan to fish and he will rid the ocean of all perceivable life forms.

Josh Morgan survived abortion.

As Josh Morgan approaches death, death runs like a little bitch.

Death once had a near-Josh experience.

A few people can lift Thor’s hammer, but Josh Morgan is the only one who can beat Thor’s ass with it.

You are what you eat. This is why Josh Morgan ’s diet consists entirely of uranium, diamonds, and the bibles of other inhabited worlds.

Getting murdered by Josh Morgan counts as a natural cause of death.

The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Josh Morgan was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a cheese grater.

If Josh Morgan fell in the forest, and no one was watching, it would sound like Beethoven’s Ninth. If he fell in the forest, and someone was watching, he would beat that guy to a bloody pulp. But the screams of agony would still sound like Beethoven’s Ninth, but better.

Contrary to popular belief, Trix are also for Josh Morgan.

Josh Morgan is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.

The first Magic the Gathering card deck came to be when a small lad found Josh Morgan’s misplaced photo album, "Things I Slaughtered in the Middle Ages”

There is intelligent life in the universe, but they have not contacted Earth because they are avoiding Josh Morgan. They owe him $5.

Josh Morgan is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%. 10 is Josh Morgan’s magic number.

Josh Morgan went in for Lasik eye surgery. When the laser hit his eye, it bounced back and changed the world to the way Josh Morgan sees things.

When the girl from “The Ring” climbed out of Josh’s TV, he stood up, cleared his throat, stretched calmly, and booted her straight back in.

Josh Morgan invented the Swiss Army Knife then founded Switzerland so that there would be an army to use it.

Josh Morgan once broke out of Alcatraz, but then he had to break back in because he wanted to make sure he remembered what the place looked like.

The gaping hole in the Periodic Table of Elements once contained all of the elements used to create Josh Morgan. The government omitted these elements in future publications of the Table out of fear that rival nations could make their own Josh Morgan.

Josh Morgan’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Josh Morgan

Josh Morgan once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves. He didn’t even know he was playing.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Josh Morgan can kill 100 percent of whatever the **** he wants.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Josh Morgan can piss his name into marble.

Josh Morgan owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1989 World Series of Poker at the age of 2 despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno. Toddler Josh was almost immedietely incarcerated however. Upon receiving his cash prize, he deemed it insufficient and so beheaded everyone within a 10 ft. radius by crying hypersonic beams of blood.

If you spell Josh Morgan wrong on Google it doesn’t say, "Did you mean Josh Morgan?" It simply replies, "Run mother****er"

Giraffes were created when Josh Morgan uppercutted a horse.

If you play Led Zeppelin’s "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Josh Morgan cursing the aliens who owe him $5.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Josh Morgan says its beef, then it’s a ****ing rodeo.

Josh Morgan can kill two stones with one bird.

Josh Morgan dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Josh Morgan will not take **** from anyone.

The best part of waking up is not Folger’s in your cup; it’s damn well knowing that Josh Morgan didn’t kill you in your sleep.

Josh Morgan has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear sleeves.

Josh Morgan is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

Ghosts are actually caused by Josh Morgan killing people faster than Death can process them.

Josh Morgan is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ****ing Jeep.

Josh Morgan can build a snowman out of rain.

Mr. T once defeated Josh Morgan in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Josh Morgan invented racism.

It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Josh Morgan can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

Josh Morgan was once charged with three attempted murders in Lawrence County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Josh Morgan does not "attempt" murder.

Josh Morgan once punched a man in the soul.

When Josh Morgan looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Josh Morgan and Josh Morgan.

When Josh Morgan enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Josh Morgan can throw Brett Favre even further.

Josh Morgan can drown water.

Josh Morgan can burn fire to a crisp.

Josh Morgan can create a rock so heavy that even he can’t lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the **** Josh Morgan is.

Josh Morgan can make a paraplegic run for his life.

Josh Morgan once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn’t even in a bowling alley.

Josh Morgan can tie his shoes with his feet.

Josh Morgan uses lava as sun tan oil.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Josh Morgan and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

The chief export of Josh Morgan is Armageddon.

The only time Josh Morgan was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

The last digit of “pi” is Josh Morgan.

Josh Morgan is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.

Josh Morgan used to beat the **** out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 50 feet behind him.

Josh Morgan cannot predict the future; the future just better ****ing do what Josh Morgan says.

Josh Morgan can eat sunshine and **** it out faster than the speed of light.

Psychology of an Alphamortal.

jmorgan87 — Sat, 05 May 2007 01:42:33 +0000

I have foretasted the firstfruits of malicious tradition. I‘ve long sought to unerringly portray the insatiable inertia of supermortal might. The magnitude of my pursuits has been hedonistically discounted, despite repeated postulations of sublime discovery.

I must uphold a progressive, dispensational demoralization of the unclever trespasser and leave the fool wholly contorted in my wake. A rugged, unmercifully vengeful renegade shall arise crystallized with supreme urgency to tactfully circumvent dishonorable authority.

I‘ve speculated the existential disasters of the foolish have origin in a false sense of personal sovereignty. Similar divergencies have engrossed all humanity. A repercussive destruction of such toxic dispersions is forthcoming. This merciful eventuation is totally refreshing to the truly enlightened as it entails the pre-planned precursors of a progressive harvest.

No individual has been granted the right to experience emotion on their own accord. Myself included.

The quantitative influx of bliss recharges the prophet.