Jeff Jones

I am not usually one to discuss passing gas, "who stepped on the duck", cut one, or whatever slang term you wish to use when it comes to farting (don’t you hate that word?), anyway here is what happened to me tonight.

I’m doing bench dips, with this being my first night of adding a 10lb weight, and began to feel the urge to "let one", soes I scanned the room, and saw no one in sight, so I let it go - silent but deadly is the slang that comes to mind. Sort of happened mid bench dip.

No sooner than the noxious fumes hit me, here comes this young chic and guy, just chit chatting away. As they passed me, they stopped talking. There was no one I could blame it on, so I just kept doing the dips, hoping I did not shit myself, and feeling painfully embarrassed. Can you imagine what they thought? "Tonight at the Y, there was like this big fat bald guy who shit himself in the gym - it was gross to smell an old guy’s fart".

After completing the dips I darted for the locker room for an immediate inspection of the skivvies - upon completion of a visual inspection, I was back in the weight room - everything was fine, perhaps a near miss.

I then proceeded to go upstairs to use the ab thingy, and guess who was up there working out? That’s right, the infamous couple. As I entered the area they both looked at me and did not say a word. I guess they were waiting to see if anything followed me.

My conclusion. Life is life, we are who we are, and getting older just teaches us more humility. Although this story does not paint a pretty picture - shit happens.

Sometimes u just feel like a ho. I was tempted, I took the bait, and then afterwards I felt unclean, dirty, a bit slimy, and no, it was NOT  satisfying. Of course you know I am referring to food, as no one will "bait" me for sex at this juncture in my life, but that is another blog for another day.

Today is cheat day, have done well all week with eating. My kids had a basketball game at 9am this morning (that’s right 9am on Sunday), so I said let’s go to Shoney’s and eat breakfast - today is C_H_E_A_T Day! 2 biscuits with gravy, and a pancake with strawberries, with a Pepsi, followed by a coffee. How do you place misery in words when you are not a writer? Currently, my innards are protesting, and I feel sure they will break the security barrier, I just hope I am home when they cross the police line. TMI?

What the hell, I earned it, but don’t worry, that will not happen again anytime soon. Poor choice of cheating. No matter what I say to help me justify my skanky actions, I still feel like a HO.

One day, when body fat is low, muscles are large, I hope to feel like a ho, you know, a real HO.

OMG, it rocked, it felt hard, and it felt good. The testosterone is slamming. I forced myself into the zone tonight and it was better than any drug I have ever taken. I looked at each weight, each set, and each rep, and I said ‘you are going to have to kick my asse or I’m gonna kill yours’. I had no idea I could reach this level of euphoria during weight training. Afterwards I was spent, my body cramping, and sweat pouring. I make this promise to myself - my body will change, and I will continue kicking asse with these changes. What a boost!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why did you wake me up last Tuesday night? You knew my flight was on Wednesday. I showed you up, and still flew on Wednesday, you showed me up, by keeping me in bed and on the couch for the next 4 days whilst in Mississippi. I think you knew I had a 12 hour drive back home on Monday. I think you are a prick. 

I showed you tonight, and got a good session of weight training, you showed me by making me lightheaded and nauseated on the elliptical. If you were a person I would call you a prick to your face, but since you are NOT a person, I will just call you a prick.

Today a friend stopped by my office and commented about my weight, we haven’t seen each other in awhile. I began telling her about you guys/gals on this site - I was like bragging about how cool you were. Puzzled she looked at me and asked how many of you I had met, I paused, and said ‘none-why’. She then asked if I realized that I was talking about you guys like we were friends. I proudly told her that I had never been to a site where so many people were in one place for the same purpose - self improvement. Went on to explain that whether they were fat like me, or skinny trying to bulk, we have the same ultimate goal, and that we are truly a community. I know it sounds a bit sappy, but you know it’s true. I told her about Shawn, Maddi, Willie, DNA, Blaxican, Amy, Paula, Savage, Brian, and how Nicole was in a nearby City. I spoke as if we were at the same gym.  I showed her numerous progress pics of you guys, and explained how that motivated me to stay on course.

She told me it was ‘weird, but whatever makes you happy’, I told her, yes, I was getting happy with me, and I could not be doing it without the support of others on this site.

Okay, there you go, got a bit sappy, but I really am past the point of meeting certain stereotypes of how I should speak and act.

Thanks to everyone, I’m a week away from the mid point of my program, and it’s because of this site, and you people, that I am seeing progress.

Well, I did it this evening for the 4th Sunday in a row. The most amazing part is that I  walked away unsatisfied, like saying ‘yea, okay another meal’. I have craved sweets really bad for the last couple of weeks, so I ate a piece of cake with ice cream. The taste was strong to me.  I did eat most of it, but between the guilt and the sick feeling from the high dose of sugar, I pushed away the last bites. Months ago, I would have gotten up for more - one plate was never enough. Is this important to you, probably not, but I wanted to record the fact that the satisfaction was nowhere near what I had hope for today.

BTW, had a fantastic workout today, and even had time to sit in the steam room. Very rough workout, but worth the pleasure of feeling committed. Cardio was almost close to DNA’s cardio!

Decline Crunches: Yesterday, I felt a knife gut my lower abs and upper groin area, the pain was such that I could not raise up on the decline anymore.  I had not reached the 12th rep yet on the first set, I was on number 11. There is no humble way to exit the upsidedown hell of a decline bench when you can’t raise up - so over the side I went, ass and elbows, and landed on my side. Once safely on dry land, and not caring who watched me beach, I took a breath - fetal postion and all. Did not even want to look around to see who saw this act of reverse aggression. I collected myself, laughed at how weird I must have appeared, and moved to the cardio room.

I moved onto cardio. Had a fantasic 15 minutes on elliptical, and then did HIIT for 15 minutes on treadmill (5 minute warm down).

My weight training was great yesterday, until those crunches, they were last. You know, I never felt the pain again, until 1am when I went to bed. As I went to lay down, the pain came back. This may be TMI, but it hurts through the side of the pube pad (gross I know - DO NOT TRY AND PICTURE THIS WHILE STANDING oR OPERATING HEAVY MACHINERY). Several times in the night the pain woke me up as I was turning over.

You know what? My elbow has been a real shit for about 3 weeks, but I haven’t stopped, I’ve worked around the bas%^$#. My pain from the decline bench did not and will stop me, except for crunches for awhile.

Did measurements yesterday and was simply estatic over the results, so when I got to the gym, I was ready not to make nice on the body - I wanted to push harder.

Guess where I’ll be today? That’s right, but hopefully will not land on floor with my shirt half way up my back scaring the younger generation.