jessica_rabbit’s BodyBlog

I was folding laundry  the other day and putting it away when i decided it was a good idea to rip apart my entire closet to reorganize.  (bad idea, by the way - it took the whole day to finish) I pulled off from the top shelf one of those plastic organizing file bins and found some goodies.  A coloring book - YAY! My Golds Gym cardio waist slimmer, and ironically some old photos of me when I first moved to Florida. I am in my swimming suit on the beach.  My jaw dropped to the floor.  I couldn’t believe that I carried so much fat around my stomach and thighs without physically realizing it.  I thought I was about average in size, and I never thought about my weight or what other people would or could perceive me as. I suddenly realized that for my almost entirely my whole life I had lived inside my head.
then, my mind drifted to other thoughts about how I could have weighed that much without acknowledging it.  First, I guess I believed I had an amazing super powered metabolism - I thought that because I played sports in high school and college I could eat whatever I wanted (even two years after I stopped playing) My family valued a disconnection with the body - although I was hugged often I was never taught nutrition or health.  We never discussed puberty or sex, and my dad feared that I would get knocked up in high school so practically every day they would tell me sex was a sin, and God would punish me.  My curfew was also 10 pm, so really there was no trouble I could ever get into.  I tried out for sports because I just wanted to get out of the house and spend time with my friends.  I was always good in sports, but I was never great - at anything.  EXCEPT FOR EATING!

I would store an entire case of Mountain Dew in my locker (12 pack) and drink it warm over the course of the day. My fuel up food for soccer was a Snickers and a soda. Would have been okay I suppose had I  played a running position.  I was goalie.  I picked dandelions during practice. I ate whole pizzas and entire boxes of cereal (I can still do that ) I would eat two double cheeseburgers a day.   My mom rarely cooked, so I would save my lunch money at school and grab taco bell or burger king after practice.

By the time college rolled around I was eating fried cheese nuggets every day.   I balanced it out though with an ice berg lettuce salad topped with french dressing. Diet of champions…

Four years ago, I needed a change in my life.  I was so unhappy with myself.  I found myself in abusive relationships and I just couldn’t take it.  I packed everything I could in my 1993 Topaz with no air conditioning and headed to Florida with 200 dollars in my pocket. I stopped at Wendy’s in Kentucky, Arby’s in Tennesse - I also used their parking lot to crash over night, and by the time I reached Florida I had eight dollars to my name.  Do you know what I bought?  Two pints of blue bell ice cream from a Gate gas station.  Strawberries and cream and Peaches and cream.  I ate them both.

my eyes still gaze on the photo, my mind comes back to reality.  i’m piecing all of these memories together, shocked at how far I’ve come but even more shocked at the idea that I never realized I had a problem in the first place.  I weighed 145 on a 5′4" frame  when I moved to Florida - i’m not as focused on the actual weight as I am the amount of BODY FAT I must have had.  I fell victim to emotional binge eating early in life, and even today it lurks around the corner.

If any body reads this blog and can relate, I plead for you to do something.  Dig down deep inside, and remember that you are a amazing creation.  Reconnect with your body, pinch yourself if you have to. don’t listen to that voice inside your head all the time.  You are valuable and important, and deserve THE BEST LIFE POSSIBLE!  never forgot the priceless value of your worth….I pray everyday for my own strength (it is a daily battle, but a war that can be won) but also for everyone else that shares the same infliction.  Set aside the guilt, low self esteem, pain, whatever - and reclaim your health today!

Yesterday I went to the grand opening of Platinum Nutrition, a supplement store in town.  Dexter Jackson was there signing autographs and taking photos.  He will be guest posing at the Gateway Classic the end of April.  It was such an honor to meet him, as he is considered one of the best bodybuilders in the world.

He will hold the second annual Dexter Classic this year on August 2nd, which happens to my birthday as well as his daughter’s.  (I thought pretty that was cool, we have a connection of sorts even though it is small) I hope he remembers my face at the shows and will say "hi."  He’s big in person, but he seems to be a gentle soul, really laid back. 

I walked away with several photos and a couple signed pics for the gym we will be opening in September in Coral Springs.  You can bet we’ll have that framed and hanging on the wall behind the desk! (Along with mine when I turn pro )

Shattered goal!

My chest HURTS.  I feel worn out, with sniffles!  but guess what?

SIX MILES!

I would not give up today.  3 miles in my right hamstring started to tighten up and burn.  I could feel the weight on my knees when my feet hit the tread.  I could feel my blood rushing from my head to my feet, like a wave of warmth.  probably what hot flashes will feel like some day!
I threw the towel over the screen and just kept going. 
Felt pretty good after when I was working my triceps and an older gentleman asked how many miles I ran.  I told him, my personal best…SIX!

Shattered goal!

My chest HURTS.  I feel worn out, with sniffles!  but guess what?

SIX MILES!

I would not give up today.  3 miles in my right hamstring started to tighten up and burn.  I could feel the weight on my knees when my feet hit the tread.  I could feel my blood rushing from my head to my feet, like a wave of warmth.  probably what hot flashes will feel like some day!
I threw the towel over the screen and just kept going. 
Felt pretty good after when I was working my triceps and an older gentleman asked how many miles I ran.  I told him, my personal best…SIX!

Today is the day I am going to break my running record of 5.25 miles.

I have taken the past two days off from the gym.  I’ve noticed that when I run for extended periods of time, my body is more susceptible to power down afterwards.  I guess it puts an extreme demand on your immune system.  I got the sniffles for a few days after my last run. 

I think I’m going supplement with some echenicia (spelling?) after my run today.  Theory is if it is supplemented after an intense workout, it will ward off some of the immune system break down that occurs.

I’m going to try for 5.5 miles today.  Wish me well

often referred to as "cankles."  According to my boyfriend, I had them when we first started dating.  Two years later I’ve managed to chisel away the difference between the ankle and the calf, but I still lack that beautiful diamond I lust after.

I’ve done thousands (literally) of calf raises standing, sitting, upside down but I can’t seem to develop my gastrocnemius.  I wonder if calves are in general harder to develop.  I also have a harder time with abs and triceps, both of which are stabilizers.

I notice other peoples’ calves, people who are skinny, heavy, skinny fat, etc…and I wonder how those people get the line and I can’t!  I want to ask them what their "secret" is, but I’m afraid they’d say doughnuts and pizza.  OH THE IRONY!

if any one has any ‘non traditional’ calf exercises they would like to share, it would be greatly appreciated!

Where does the time go?  I thought I just wrote a blog on here yesterday, but apparently it was like, three weeks ago!  OOPS!

I’ve been much better with the milkshakes.  Started running again.  I broke my original record of five miles on Tuesday evening.  It had been probably two or three months since I ran last.  It was my off season so I was focusing on lifting heavier and uh…eh hem…*cough cough* eating crap.

I hopped on the treadmill, threw a towel over the screen, and zoned out to my ipod.  Sometimes, I like to pretend I’m a terminator on a mission to destroy MILES! I like to run like a robot.  It’s fun!

For about a month and a half I’ve been doing interval training on the treadmill, with variations in speed and incline.  Even walking for 40 minutes at 12-15% incline at 4 mph. What a difference that has made on my endurance.  Tonight I was only able to run 4 miles in 37 minutes, but I ran between 6.3 and 6.5 mph.

In a way I’m still right on target.  My joints are a little sore, but I’d like to be able to run 6 miles by the end of the month!  If any one has any tricks of the trade, I’d love to hear them!

zero incline

I am gearing up for Shannon Dey’s show in May this year.  Coming into my second season as an amateur there are a few things I’d like to work on, including the mistakes I made during the 2007 season.

I found myself struggling with the diet last year. Competing can be a lonely road of solitude.  At 23, most people my age can’t understand/relate/care so that put a damper on my social life.  the interest in the sport is almost non existent in my town as well…so my only option right now are my Bombshell Camps and of course bodyspace.

there are certain sacrifices i have to make… genetics can’t carry me all the way!  my goals for this year is to place in the top three at all my shows and to win an overall at a level V show.  I can’t shake the feeling i had last year in my stomach on show day when i looked at my fellow competitors and thought, "I should have done this, I shouldn’t have eaten that"

this next show i am going to give 110%.  i am going to make myself the priority….

i am using the blog to motivate myself, document my success and failure, and as a way to look back. as einstein once said. "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

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