jessica_rabbit’s BodyBlog

Today was a tough one for me… well, everyday is tough, everyday I work, that is.

You see, I work at a coffee shop in a mall. A coffee shop that sells ice cream, milkshakes, cookies, bagels, pastries, bagel sandwiches with yup, you guessed it; yummy sausage, egg, cheese…CREAM CHEESE.

Here is the cherry on top of the sundae…I work for my in laws and right along side my fiance.  Quitting is NOT an option, as we run a tight ship with everyone assigned to a specific shift, day in and day out.

Now, mind you I have my fair share of plain old joe with a splash of milk.  Not a fan of all of the sugary lattes or frozed coffee drinks.  IT’S THE DAMN MILKSHAKES!  there’s always just a few ounces left in the blender…they need a happy home in my tummy.  and the ice cream. do you know how hard it is to see people nearly every day indulging?  These people are laughing, smiling, sharing a moment with family or whoever…these are NORMAL people.  I sit on the sidelines thinking…"can’t have this…I have a show."  Not to mention a gym fanatic boyfriend who monitors everything in the kiosk.  He has to bury the apple fritters because he thinks I’ll eat them all.  Which I might….but being told ‘NO’ makes me want it more!

Then it happens.  I have a spoon of ice cream.  then it’s all over!  Next thing I know I’ve eaten three scoops and the moodswings begin.  Fifteen minutes after consumption I become this raging lunatic sensitive to everyone and everything.  I get ornary, or tired, or lazy. sometimes even depressed!  almost always get a headache.  i don’t understand myself.  i know what it does to me, so why do I keep doing it? 

  between the caffeine and all the sugar I can’t keep my head on straight. i wonder if anyone else is confronted with a situation like this.  I’m starting my second season of competitive figure and I have the white devil on my tail tempting me at any second! 

I am gearing up for Shannon Dey’s show in May this year.  Coming into my second season as an amateur there are a few things I’d like to work on, including the mistakes I made during the 2007 season.

I found myself struggling with the diet last year. Competing can be a lonely road of solitude.  At 23, most people my age can’t understand/relate/care so that put a damper on my social life.  the interest in the sport is almost non existent in my town as well…so my only option right now are my Bombshell Camps and of course bodyspace.

there are certain sacrifices i have to make… genetics can’t carry me all the way!  my goals for this year is to place in the top three at all my shows and to win an overall at a level V show.  I can’t shake the feeling i had last year in my stomach on show day when i looked at my fellow competitors and thought, "I should have done this, I shouldn’t have eaten that"

this next show i am going to give 110%.  i am going to make myself the priority….

i am using the blog to motivate myself, document my success and failure, and as a way to look back. as einstein once said. "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

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