jessica_rabbit’s BodyBlog

I was folding laundry  the other day and putting it away when i decided it was a good idea to rip apart my entire closet to reorganize.  (bad idea, by the way - it took the whole day to finish) I pulled off from the top shelf one of those plastic organizing file bins and found some goodies.  A coloring book - YAY! My Golds Gym cardio waist slimmer, and ironically some old photos of me when I first moved to Florida. I am in my swimming suit on the beach.  My jaw dropped to the floor.  I couldn’t believe that I carried so much fat around my stomach and thighs without physically realizing it.  I thought I was about average in size, and I never thought about my weight or what other people would or could perceive me as. I suddenly realized that for my almost entirely my whole life I had lived inside my head.
then, my mind drifted to other thoughts about how I could have weighed that much without acknowledging it.  First, I guess I believed I had an amazing super powered metabolism - I thought that because I played sports in high school and college I could eat whatever I wanted (even two years after I stopped playing) My family valued a disconnection with the body - although I was hugged often I was never taught nutrition or health.  We never discussed puberty or sex, and my dad feared that I would get knocked up in high school so practically every day they would tell me sex was a sin, and God would punish me.  My curfew was also 10 pm, so really there was no trouble I could ever get into.  I tried out for sports because I just wanted to get out of the house and spend time with my friends.  I was always good in sports, but I was never great - at anything.  EXCEPT FOR EATING!

I would store an entire case of Mountain Dew in my locker (12 pack) and drink it warm over the course of the day. My fuel up food for soccer was a Snickers and a soda. Would have been okay I suppose had I  played a running position.  I was goalie.  I picked dandelions during practice. I ate whole pizzas and entire boxes of cereal (I can still do that ) I would eat two double cheeseburgers a day.   My mom rarely cooked, so I would save my lunch money at school and grab taco bell or burger king after practice.

By the time college rolled around I was eating fried cheese nuggets every day.   I balanced it out though with an ice berg lettuce salad topped with french dressing. Diet of champions…

Four years ago, I needed a change in my life.  I was so unhappy with myself.  I found myself in abusive relationships and I just couldn’t take it.  I packed everything I could in my 1993 Topaz with no air conditioning and headed to Florida with 200 dollars in my pocket. I stopped at Wendy’s in Kentucky, Arby’s in Tennesse - I also used their parking lot to crash over night, and by the time I reached Florida I had eight dollars to my name.  Do you know what I bought?  Two pints of blue bell ice cream from a Gate gas station.  Strawberries and cream and Peaches and cream.  I ate them both.

my eyes still gaze on the photo, my mind comes back to reality.  i’m piecing all of these memories together, shocked at how far I’ve come but even more shocked at the idea that I never realized I had a problem in the first place.  I weighed 145 on a 5′4" frame  when I moved to Florida - i’m not as focused on the actual weight as I am the amount of BODY FAT I must have had.  I fell victim to emotional binge eating early in life, and even today it lurks around the corner.

If any body reads this blog and can relate, I plead for you to do something.  Dig down deep inside, and remember that you are a amazing creation.  Reconnect with your body, pinch yourself if you have to. don’t listen to that voice inside your head all the time.  You are valuable and important, and deserve THE BEST LIFE POSSIBLE!  never forgot the priceless value of your worth….I pray everyday for my own strength (it is a daily battle, but a war that can be won) but also for everyone else that shares the same infliction.  Set aside the guilt, low self esteem, pain, whatever - and reclaim your health today!

Europe has changed me in so many ways.  I went with my mom, dad, and brother for two weeks in the beginning of April.  I was really nervous because the trip was two weeks long and I have a show on the 26th of April.  I packed several cans of tuna and a tub of protein and hoped for the best.

Once I arrived in Europe we stayed with some family in Heidelberg, Germany.  My second cousin is in the military so we were able to secure some "American comfort" by eating food off of the post.  My thinking is more along the lines of "why eat what we do all the time when we can experience the culture?" Not so much for my parents, who LOVE Popeye’s Chicken!  Needless to say I ate tuna that night and washed it down with a warm whey protein shake.

Two days later we hop on a tour bus to travel all over Italy for seven days.  We went to Venice, Pompeii, Rome, Vatican City, Tuscany, Naples, the island of Capri, Pisa, and Florence.  People walk and ride their bikes everywhere, so it wasn’t a huge shock that there weren’t any gyms I could sneak into.  Not even in the hotels! Pastries for every morning’s breakfast, and pizza and ice cream for lunch.  I beat myself up for it at first, but then towards the end of the trip I broke down.  I had three gelatto (italian ice cream) cones in a row.  I had a ginormous slice of pizza with olive oil, portabella mushrooms, and pepppers.

I didn’t even want to step on the scale when I arrived back in the states.  I lifted my shirt to discover I no longer had abs, just a protruding food baby.  my body had been puffy and dehydrated from the thirteen hour flight.  As soon as my flight touched down, I thought, "It’s go time!" My contest is two weeks away.

When I came back from Europe, my weight rocketed to 124.4. This morning I am 115.6.  For the past two  weeks I have had just two pieces of Ezekial toast for my carbs.  I ran an average of 4.5 miles daily, sometimes gettiing in two cardio sessions.  I still lifted heavy.

I am the leanest I have EVER been.  I didn’t weigh 115 in middle school.  the cuisine of Europe is almost entirely pure.  They make their foods in house fresh with fresh ingredients.  There isn’t anything artificial, no preservatives. They use natural fats.  I am convinced that this was one of the main factors as to why I was able to rebound so quickly.  Even if you purchase something prepackaged, you won’t find the nutritional breakdown on the back, just the ingredients, calories, and fat.  The ingredients are minimal too.

Coming back from Europe I have had this re evaluation of what’s important to me.  I haven’t had one cheat meal.  If I could, it would be sent in from Italy.  Our American food is TRASH and it shouldn’t be in our mouths.  You buy egg patties at the store from Walmart in the frozen food section.  Do you know what is listed in the ingredients?  Artificial egg flavor.   I work in a coffee shop that sells ice cream and sweet treats.  I have no desire for them.  They are laced with harmful chemicals and toxins.  eating a pastry here is like  allowing a mad scientist to conduct a nuclear experiment inside your mouth.  The saddest part of it all; we allow are children to eat this junk.  "oh, they are kids.  it’s fun.  They can handle it."  NO they can’t.  their poor bodies are in stages of development where they need all the nutrition they can get.

If you want a cheat meal, or a dessert, look for independent shops or cafe’s that make their own product.  Ask them what ingredients they use.  It’s your right as a consumer, and it’s your money.  You are  the customer and you have the choice.

I encourage everyone to try an authentic exotic restaurant that specializes in foreign cuisine.  My taste buds have been changed forever!

Yesterday I went to the grand opening of Platinum Nutrition, a supplement store in town.  Dexter Jackson was there signing autographs and taking photos.  He will be guest posing at the Gateway Classic the end of April.  It was such an honor to meet him, as he is considered one of the best bodybuilders in the world.

He will hold the second annual Dexter Classic this year on August 2nd, which happens to my birthday as well as his daughter’s.  (I thought that was cool, we have a connection of sorts even though it is small) I hope he remembers my face at the shows and will say "hi."  He’s big in person, but he seems to be a gentle soul, really laid back. 

I walked away with several photos and a couple signed pics for the gym we will be opening in September in Coral Springs.  You can bet we’ll have that framed and hanging on the wall behind the desk! (Along with mine when I turn pro )

Yesterday I went to the grand opening of Platinum Nutrition, a supplement store in town.  Dexter Jackson was there signing autographs and taking photos.  He will be guest posing at the Gateway Classic the end of April.  It was such an honor to meet him, as he is considered one of the best bodybuilders in the world.

He will hold the second annual Dexter Classic this year on August 2nd, which happens to my birthday as well as his daughter’s.  (I thought pretty that was cool, we have a connection of sorts even though it is small) I hope he remembers my face at the shows and will say "hi."  He’s big in person, but he seems to be a gentle soul, really laid back. 

I walked away with several photos and a couple signed pics for the gym we will be opening in September in Coral Springs.  You can bet we’ll have that framed and hanging on the wall behind the desk! (Along with mine when I turn pro )

Do not, for any reason buy Easter candy early. 

I did this a week ago, excited to make baskets with pastel crinkle paper and plastic eggs.  “I better get a jump start on this basket making,” I thought to myself.  Bought the cadburry creme eggs, the Ferrier Rocher coconut almond balls, kitkats, Reaster Eggs, jelly bellys, white chocolate, oh…the list goes on. 

I opened the candy bags and made the baskets and stuck them on my closet shelf.  Then, in the middle of the night, I heard a soft voice come from my closet. It said it was lonely, and needed to go to the party.  I asked it, “what party?” It replied…

“THE PARTY IN YOUR TUMMY!”

I didn’t know what to do. I had to obey.  It was like I was sleep walking, operating within a whole new realm of consciousness. 

I didn’t shock me one bit to find the metallic wrappers of my midnight feast on the closet floor the next morning.  Lesson learned.

Shattered goal!

My chest HURTS.  I feel worn out, with sniffles!  but guess what?

SIX MILES!

I would not give up today.  3 miles in my right hamstring started to tighten up and burn.  I could feel the weight on my knees when my feet hit the tread.  I could feel my blood rushing from my head to my feet, like a wave of warmth.  probably what hot flashes will feel like some day!
I threw the towel over the screen and just kept going. 
Felt pretty good after when I was working my triceps and an older gentleman asked how many miles I ran.  I told him, my personal best…SIX!

Shattered goal!

My chest HURTS.  I feel worn out, with sniffles!  but guess what?

SIX MILES!

I would not give up today.  3 miles in my right hamstring started to tighten up and burn.  I could feel the weight on my knees when my feet hit the tread.  I could feel my blood rushing from my head to my feet, like a wave of warmth.  probably what hot flashes will feel like some day!
I threw the towel over the screen and just kept going. 
Felt pretty good after when I was working my triceps and an older gentleman asked how many miles I ran.  I told him, my personal best…SIX!

Today is the day I am going to break my running record of 5.25 miles.

I have taken the past two days off from the gym.  I’ve noticed that when I run for extended periods of time, my body is more susceptible to power down afterwards.  I guess it puts an extreme demand on your immune system.  I got the sniffles for a few days after my last run. 

I think I’m going supplement with some echenicia (spelling?) after my run today.  Theory is if it is supplemented after an intense workout, it will ward off some of the immune system break down that occurs.

I’m going to try for 5.5 miles today.  Wish me well

so, I logged into my account today and received a message from a moderator. And I paraphrase -

 I pulled two photos from your profile today because you were pulling on your panties, and it’s against the rules. TOO STRIPPERISH.

needless to say, not only was a little humiliated, ( I take pride in my work and would never want to portray that stereotype) but I was also a little peeved.  For the record, I didn’t wear "panties" in any of my photos.  My photos were also professional quality images, which was featured in Southern Muscle Plus. These photos weren’t suggestive in any way  and the only thing they showed off were my hipbones!

What baffles me beyond belief is the fact that my photos were pulled when there are half a dozen girls with photos on here (that I know of and have seen myself) where they are wearing thongs, look naked, only wearing HALF their underwear, bent over, laying on a bed wearing lingerie holding champagne, and having the bottoms so low that their pubic area is actually showing but you can’t tell cause they shave.  And to top ALL THAT OFF, the images aren’t even professional.  There are girls on here who actually wear stripper outfits in their photos…so how is that OK but my playful fun photo isn’t?

The icing on the cake is that I have received several private messgaes from people who have actually thanked me for such classy photos.  One even said he felt guilty for looking at some of the other women’s profiles because they came close to soft porn and he was a married man!

Trust me, I’m not here to seduce anybody!  I’m here to do the best I can  at tracking my own personal fitness while helping other people acheive their dreams by supporting them and offering advice!  I consider myself a professional, as I hold several certificates, an Associate’s Degree, and soon a B.S. in food science/dietics.  I am also a proud competitor in the NPC, an association I would not risk losing my affiliation with. 

Well, I feel a little better now. 

often referred to as "cankles."  According to my boyfriend, I had them when we first started dating.  Two years later I’ve managed to chisel away the difference between the ankle and the calf, but I still lack that beautiful diamond I lust after.

I’ve done thousands (literally) of calf raises standing, sitting, upside down but I can’t seem to develop my gastrocnemius.  I wonder if calves are in general harder to develop.  I also have a harder time with abs and triceps, both of which are stabilizers.

I notice other peoples’ calves, people who are skinny, heavy, skinny fat, etc…and I wonder how those people get the line and I can’t!  I want to ask them what their "secret" is, but I’m afraid they’d say doughnuts and pizza.  OH THE IRONY!

if any one has any ‘non traditional’ calf exercises they would like to share, it would be greatly appreciated!