jessejack’s BodyBlog

So my fitness project has hit a little bump in the road due to my financial situation and my cupboards being bare. I have very little good food. Most of what I have is junk. Stuff my wife eats and crap I have left over from before I started eating right. That’s pretty much all we have left to eat, and even that is going fast. So why don’t I go to the store and get more? Well, I’m an unemployed full-time student. That means I get "paid" my financial aid twice a year. I won’t get that money for another couple weeks. I’m not sure exactly how we’re going to survive but we have no cash to buy food with. Hopefully we can beg, borrow, or steal to get by. But until we scrape up the dough I don’t have anything to eat but microwave popcorn and oreos.

I feel that if I can’t feed myself to grow it would actually be worse for me to go lift than it would to sit around like a couch potato. So, I’m taking a break from the gym until I can adequately stock the fridge. I’m still checking BodySpace every day so hopefully I will stay motivated to jump back in as soon as possible. I actually feel really guilty about it but oh well.
The other thing is that since I’ve been going to the YMCA it’s been totally screwed up. I think it was about 2 months ago I paid my membership dues and I still haven’t got a membership card. About a month ago I got a call saying that they never received the payment for my first month; I told them I paid it and produced my bank statement showing the payment to YMCA. OK, so we’re cool she said. Well, here I am still waiting. I even asked them last week when I was in the gym if I had to pay another month’s dues and they said I wasn’t even in the computer yet. Obviously the girl at the desk doesn’t know anything if I’m not in the computer, so she took a message to have the membership lady call me. Still waiting! Every time I go in there I have to explain my situation to the desk person to get in. They usually don’t hassle me so that’s not a big deal. I’m not letting that hold me up, it’s just an irritation I’m hoping will get solved over my time off.

So, yeah, besides that, drama with school, drama with life, and other crap, things are going pretty shitty! But nothing worth crying about.

Today I took my body measurements for the first time (well, since the last time I was fitted for a Tux, but that doesn’t count). So now I can see how truly pathetic they really are! But that’s OK. Now I have some empirical evidence with which to approach my body transformation scientifically. I’m not afraid to look my problems in the face and tell the whole world, because I figure it’ll be all the more satisfied when I’m totally huge and looking back on my old self.

So, nothing to do with working out here…but my wife is pregnant, she had her first ultrasound, and she’s having twins. Pretty crazy! I’m excited and terrified at the same time.

So I am worried that I’m starting to get off track. The first couple of weeks I took it easy. I would be sore for like a week straight so I wasn’t exactly a constant presence at the gym. I figured that’s alright, my recovery will increase and I will hit the gym more often, and I’ll just play it by ear: when I feel recovered, I’ll go, and I’ll rest until then.

Sure enough my recovery time has gotten shorter. I am ready to go today and I feel like I should be in the gym right now. Unfortunately the wife is sick and someone has to watch the little one, and I don’t think the gym has drop-off childcare today. So I’m stuck at the house. I don’t blame her because it’s normal — she’s pregnant, by the way — so I should be supportive of her. But it frustrates me because I’m all amped up and I can’t get out of the house. And it’s a little troubling because if she’s sick today she’ll probably be sick the next day, the day after, etc. So I’m a little concerned about how I can be supportive yet not let it hold me back.