So I sent my progress pics in to my trainer and he sent me a new diet plan for the week. . . . and it's ALL fish. . .we're talking even my breakfast the one meal that I normally at least get to look forward to. . . I was so upset by this haha.  I was in complete girl mood being moody and grumpy over this ha!  I did go grocery shopping and bought pretty much everything except one of the fish he told me to get cuz I couldn't find it.  The prepping and cooking took forever and I only did enough for 1 day. . .and it was a TON of fish.  Any tips or ideas on how to make fish not so crappy?? I know my pics were pretty bad but come on now. . . BLAH. . who eats fish at 5 am??? Apparently I am this week

So I went and bought a weighted vest yesterday to start using during my cardio. . . hahaha and it freakin kicked my butt!!! Geez I only put in 15 lbs worth of weight and my legs felt so weak.  Hopefully this helps me shed some of this bodyfat a little quicker :P

 I took my progress pics this morning and was NOT happy with them at all. . . I felt like there was no difference at all from last Sunday  if anything I felt like they looked worse.  Trying to keep the negative thoughts out of my mind though.  Now I just need to get some motivation to go hit the gym this morning and at least get my cardio out of the way.  

Wow so I'm freakin hungry right now and want to eat bad stuff haha! I won't. . . but just sayin! BLAH!!

I was doing inclined treadmill lunges yesterday and my trainer came over to talk to me and I just proceeded to tell him I disliked doing lunges on there and all he did was say "Do you need some motivation? Do you need to see the pics you sent me!!!" haha he then told me to learn to love it cuz I'd be starting to do cardio with a weighted vest the following week. . .why do I despise cardio so much right now?!  Necessary evil I suppose.

I noticed how my bodyspace showed I weighed 124lbs . . .that made me laugh. . .that was awhile ago . . I'm more about 135 lbs right now . . sooooo I guess I'll be changing that.  My trainer thinks I'll be competing around 120-125ish depending on how I look. . .125 is pretty comfortable for me. . I normally fluctuate around 125-130. . so getting down to 120 should be interesting.  I can remember back around 5-6 years ago when all I did was run . . I was 117 at one point. .thats lowest I can remember but I also had no muscle at all.

So yesterday I was supposed to take progress pics so that I'd have something to start off with. . . completely HORRIBLE.  I seriously felt like crying. . . they looked like I had never worked out a day in my life and I refuse to even send them to my trainer right now. . I will admit my so called diet hasn't been followed for over a month now. . I've just had no will power lately or desire. My trainer gave me a new diet to start today. . .so that's what I'm doing.  Pretty much all fish yet again. . i HATE fish!  I know that's a bad attitude to have towards this and I know fish is high protein and low calories which is what I need right now but wow I'm sick of it. The hardest part for me again will be to get rid of my chocolate and sugar cravings. . .since I've been eating sweets lately they're in my system and I crave them. . I know the longer I go without them I'll forget about it and not crave them as much.  I'm sorry that this blog is just me complaining but I just needed to vent today.  I WILL stick to this diet and will take another set of progress pics this weekend . . and perhaps one day I'll be brave enough to post the transformation haha  I'm just mad at myself for allowing all sorts of cheating to go on during the week and coming up with excuses as to why it was okay.  . .my so called cheat day which was supposed to be 2 cheat meals turned into a binge day but then slowly spread out over the whole weekend. NO MORE!  I was so embarrassed by the pictures I took yesterday. . . I know I need to learn to love my body and being upset with myself right now won't do any good. . all I can do is look forward and visualize how amazing I will look.     

I go through cravings like crazy!  I really really wanted pancakes and I came across an oatmeal pancake recipe awhile back.  I did some more research and adjusted the ingredients a little more and was pretty happy with the outcome.  

5-6 Egg Whites

1/2 Cup of Oats

1/2 Cup Wheat Bran

1 Scoop Protein Powder

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

1 1/2 tsp cinnamon

3 Tbsp Ground Flaxseed

I put everything in a blender to make sure it gets mixed well and then pour the batter onto a griddle and YAY pancakes!!  I did use some sugarfree syrup today but I guess you could top with other things like fruit and/or nut butters.  This is obviously not something I'll have often but it definitely got rid of my craving and I don't feel too horrible about eating it!! =) 

Crazy Tuesday at work!  I'm so mentally drained right now. . .its been so busy the past couple weeks!  I had to leave work early to head downtown and go to the social security office to get some printout that states my name and my ssn# and verifies they go together. . all because my bank somehow managed to mess up one of the numbers and that required me to go fix their mistake?! haha . . . . and I managed to park a little further away from the building then I thought and was walking around like a lost person (because I was . .. ).  Soooo after that I headed back to work to make up some of my time and ended up leaving late.  When my schedule gets screwed up like that it cuts into my workout time  

 My eating went well today and I'm looking forward to tomorrow!  I plan to kill it in the gym!!

 I'm way excited its a short week for me and I have Friday off!  I kind of want to go get a massage . .. that would be amazing!!