Blog Entry
Wow- my body has been all over the place. My routine, my eating habits, my self-image. It’s pretty crazy. One day, back at age 14, I learned to hate my body. An inheritance, a rite of passage, I don’t know, it just came with the age. Well, not too long after that I gained my first ounce of muscle through lifting 4 and 5 lb weights. I’ll never forget the day - I was truly amazed. But since then, I’ve done and have been and have experienced so many different things. Compulsive overeating, undereating, overexercising. I learned about the true art of eating clean back in the summer of ‘07. I knew life would be different for me; I had discovered a precious gem. But it wasn’t that easy. I’ve been tested many times since. I’m still afloat and alive and kickin but not where I want to be. I just can’t believe it’s still a battle. It’s still a battle and I don’t ‘diet’ like other women. I don’t engage in self-criticism when chatting with other women. I don’t even hate my body like I used to. And yet it’s something I need so crucially. I need to feel strong and relatively happy with my body or I truly feel like nothing. I feel inept and just deeply deeply unhappy.
August 28, 2009 at 2:10 am
The endorphines from working out should help with that. But they are not, and as you see you have made progress over the years by learning what works for you, that is a huge acheivement. Another thought is…Could you imagine where you would be now if you had never found that clean eating in 07. Just a differnent way to think about it. You should be proud. Please don’t be offended about this idea, but maybe you should mention how you feel to your personal doctor (for MRI) and see about a counselor. Something is either bothering you or maybe you might have some kind of enbalance. (MRI will show this) My heart goes out to you because you shouldn’t ever feel deeply deeply unhappy. Life should be a happy joyful journey. I hope you the best! darrell
August 28, 2009 at 2:58 am
I can relate. I was pudgy as a kid til HS. My mother was obese as an adult, and I inherited her metabolism. I’ve always had to be conscious of my weight. I try to look on the positive……..It’s forced me to exercise & watch the diet. So now, I’m in better health & shape than 95% of guys my age. Hope you have a good day & keep charging!
August 28, 2009 at 3:17 am
ditto- i know that feeling hun&being a PT there seems to b an extra pressure-but as u i refuse to conform to women’s typical ways of criticisng as i feel so grateful for all the things i hav&can do! Use gratitude as a tool to help u overcome this unhappiness. but remember - ur not alone we all have those days&the same type of feelings…but self belief&faith can only make us stronger!