Never Settle For Less

A common trait of the Macho Man is Homophobia.  The hatred and misunderstanding of gay people runs through the veins of every machismo king on the planet.  It’s ridiculous, close minded, and hilarious all at once.  My question has always been simple.  What’s the use?
The Burning Question…Why Hate Gay People?

Of all things to be uptight and afraid of this one confuses me the most.  Gay men choose to live their own lives and take on male partners.  I won’t ever be able to figure out why they do (but they do)!  With that being said I have to ask "Who Cares?".  Seriously, why is it any of YOUR concern who a person chooses to date, marry, or congregate with.

Living in Atlanta makes it virtually impossible to avoid gay people.  A major pride parade and weekend are hosted here. An entire section of downtown is populated by gay people.  With that said  I’ve seen way too many macho men get wrapped up in ridiculing gay men.  Before I got a clue about life I used to think their jokes were funny.  Then I woke up and realized it was childish.
If you’re a man that makes fun of gay men here’s a question.  How can you hate someone so intensely based on the way they live their lives?

What to do if/when a gay man hits on you

Before I continue I have 2 pieces of information I must share:

1. I’m not gay
2. I’ve been hit on by gay men

Yes I’m a straight man defending gay men on a masculine web site.  Shoot me.

The first time a gay man hit on me I was furious.  My blood was boiling beneath the surface.  My eyes filled with rage and I balled my hands into two tight fists.  I was embarrassed beyond belief and I felt violated in a way that I still can’t put into words.  My better judgement kept me from getting into a fight that day.
The 2nd time a gay man hit on me I was surprised.  He “stalked” me for a short while before I let it be known the interest wasn’t mutual.

The 3rd time a gay man hit on me I laughed.  I learned to take their passes for what they were and move on.  The event in and of itself isn’t life changing at all.  It’s good for a quick story, not for a life long crusade against gay men.

Conclusion

If you’re a macho man with homophobia here’s some advice:

1. Grow Up
2. Respect People for who they are
3. Realize 99.99999% of gay men are never going to bother you
4. Grow Up
5. Have a conversation with a gay man (He’s a person too)
6. Figure out why you hate/fear gay men
7. Grow Up
8. Knit a sweater
9. Remind yourself that 99.99999% of gay men are never going to bother you
10. Grow Up!!

Homophobia is by far one of the most ridiculous things I’ve come across in my lifetime.  If you’re an adult macho man and you hate gay men get your act together.  They aren’t out to conquer (or even threaten) the world you live in.

Me - 4

Macho Men - 0

The assault on macho men only gets better next week.

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Juggling women seems to have become some type of sport.  It’s not a recent phenomena either.  It seems to have been passed down from generation of caveman to generation of caveman as the thing to do.  You would think something passed down through the centuries would have some positive impact on life.  Unfortunately, it does nothing except bolster the male ego (for reasons I’ll never fully understand).

Here’s a story I’m sure you’ll enjoy.  It happens to perfectly illustrate my point as well.

About a month ago a close friend and I were talking about women, sex, and dating.  The conversation floated and drifted from topic to topic.  We go back and forth as friends do during the normal flow of a conversation.  Eventually, the conversation went into the number of women I man should have under his belt and/or date at the same time.

Let me start by saying we were on opposite ends of the spectrum on this one.   He has some caveman/Macho Men tendencies so I really shouldn’t have been all that surprised.  According to my good buddy a man’s purpose in life is to

"Sleep with as many women as possible.  That’s what we’re supposed to do.  If I have a son I’m going to tell him to have sex with as many women as he can.  That’s what they are here for."

Statements like this make me sick.  First, its incredibly ridiculous.  Second, the idea is passed around to millions as if its ok.  Third, it makes women (except the ones in OUR family) out to be objects used for sex.  Fourth, the creative energy used in attracting, seducing, and later having sex with several women could be better used with many other aspects of life.  So why pour the majority of it into misleading women?

My father taught me something a long time ago that I still carry to this day.  He caught me at the point when I was just becoming interested in girls and sex and said something very profound.

“Don’t treat any woman different than you’d want  your mother or grandmother to be treated“

That is without a doubt some of the best advice he’s ever given me. That one sentence has helped me keep my head on straight and respect the women in my life.

Mr. Caveman if you’re out there please pay attention.  You can still be a man without juggling and misleading 3-4 women for your own personal gain.  Trust me…its not that bad.  You may actually gain some respect for women

The Assault on Macho men continues.  Today’s topic is emotions or the lack of emotions men tend to display.  There are millions of stories I could tell about this one but I’ll pick my absolute favorite.

A few months ago I was watching a discussion on BET.  I’m not a big TV fan but I’ll give it a shot if something interesting or stimulating is on.   This show was called something like "The Fall of Black Men".   Every topic under the sun was thrown around from single parent homes to homosexuality.

The crowd seemed to be a good mix of young, middle aged, old, professional, blue collar, single, and married men.  Decent intellectual conversation was going on.  Even the most taboo topic (homosexuality) didn’t generate the crowd uproar that I expected.  Everything was cruising along fine then out of nowhere it happened.  The mood of the room took a turn for the worse.

Why you ask?  A middle aged man in the room brought up the topic of showing your emotions.  He specifically mentioned crying and when is it "Ok" or "Not Ok" to cry.  To say I was shocked at the responses would be like saying there’s sand in the desert.  The room exploded and no one was able to get a word in edgewise.

After 30 seconds of chaos the moderator regained control and handed the floor over to a man who appeared to be around the age of 25.  I could tell I wasn’t going to like his answer.  You could see him building up his macho man reply. He cocked his hat to the side and slumped down in the chair and began to speak.

"I’m a man and I have a son.  I tell my son like my father told me…crying is for women!  REAL MEN DON’T CRY. PERIOD.  If you’re out crying where people can see you then you just aren’t a real man.  That’s all there is to it.  You can cry in private, but don’t let me see it.  That’s just not what a man’s man would do."

My jaw hit the floor.  I couldn’t believe my ears.  There was a 25 year old man on national TV telling the world that a real man doesn’t cry.  The reason?  Crying is weak.  He went on to say (and reiterate several times) that crying is a sign of weakness.

So let’s get this correct.  In order to be a real man you have to

• Hide your feelings
• Lie to yourself
• Practice a deficiency in communication skills
• Be “hard” at all times possible

Thanks but no thanks.
Unfortunately plenty of my fellow men think the same way.  Is it me or is that just a little bit immature, childish, and ridiculous?

A real man can express his emotions without feeling “weak”, “soft”, “squishy”, or “fake”.  It’s called communication.  It’s a good skill to have.  Try it out…you might like it.
Round 3 next Monday

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As I promised last week I’m going to deliver the first article in the Assault on Macho Men Series.  My first article is about the talents that men have and hide.

Somewhere in ancient history the great man’s man (whoever that is) decided that only a few tasks on this earth were indeed manly.  They include

• Killing animals with your bare hands
• Launching projectiles
• Chewing Rocks
• Lifting Huge Objects
• Dragging your knuckles on the ground
• Pounding your chest
• Construction
• Staring at women
• Sports or Athletics

Since the great man’s man has decreed it then so it shall be.  We as men are supposed to do things like bite rocks, lift boxes, and bash each other’s heads in.  In the year 8 A.D. this behavior was acceptable when we didn’t know any better.  It’s slightly ridiculous to see the number of men who frown on creative writing, poetry, speaking, singing, art, and plays as “feminine” professions.

Here’s a perfect example.  A little over a year ago I decided to look into professional speaking as a career path.  I’d began to speak often and I was slowly falling in  love with the experience (while simultaneously losing what was left of the passion I had for my job).  The females I knew where very encouraging for the most part.  Not only did they encourage me but they wanted to be actively involved in my new career.   I was very uptight about sharing these same feelings with any males because I didn’t know what to expect.

Slowly but surely I began to open up to my male friends to very mixed reviews.

“That’s pretty cool”

“That’s stupid”

“That’s ok I guess”

“Aww I see you getting in touch with your feminine side”

“Haha. You write poems now?  How do they start roses are ride violets are blue?”

“What kind of man goes around talking about his feelings like that?”

“Are you gay or something man?”
When the negative sarcastic remarks started to pour in I was caught off balance. A million thoughts ran through my mind.  Why was I being treated like this?  Why were men taking my innermost desires and dreams and turning them into a big joke? Was I going to be outcast from my male peer group because of this?

This inner battle went on for about a month before I’d had enough.  I soon realized that I was acting out of character and allowing the opinions of others to shape the career path I chose to create.  I became angry with myself for falling prey to such basement level motivations.  Eventually I decided that people were going to say something either way.  What difference doesn’t make to me one way or the other?

That’s when I realized the difference between myself and the macho men.

The macho man is not expressive.  He is a sheer brute like the many brutes that came before him.  Even if he can’t jog a 1/2 mile, bench press half his body weight, or climb a flight of stairs.  He can still be MACHO.  He can still drag his knuckles on the ground, chew rocks, scratch sticks together for fire, and throw projectiles into the air.  After all isn’t that what we all want out of life?  The drag our knuckles on the the ground, chew a rock, and then throw that rock at a defenseless animal ?  Well I don’t but I know plenty of people who do.
MACHO brutes hide behind their vail of pride and never really explore their true talents.  They are too consumed with worry over what is masculine and feminine in this world.  Lifetimes have been wasted hiding behind the macho curtain.  I prefer to take the curtain away and live the way I see fit.

I’ll explore my talents even if they are “feminine”.  I can take comfort in knowing what my talents are and knowing that I’m doing my best to develop them.

Hey Mr. Macho Man! “Can you say the same?”

Have you ever payed any attention to what the image of a man is "supposed" to be?  If you haven’t then pick a man out of a crowd (any one should do). Fire up a conversation about sex, emotions, life, dreams, working out, eating, or anything remotely emotional like homosexuals (OH MY GOD A GAY DUDE IS WITHIN A BAJILLION FEET OF ME!!!!! OH MY GOD!OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!) and you’re likely to get some sort of pre-programmed Macho Man grunt.

Somewhere in the evolutionary chain the dean of all that is "manly" decided that in order to uphold the code you must:

1. Hide your true talents
   
2. Display no emotion
3. Juggle 3-4 women
   
4. Practice Homophobia 24/7

Even though it happens daily I’m always shocked to run into a true "Macho Man".  I don’t understand what you’re trying to communicate.  However, I do know how ridiculous the mentality is.

With that said I will launch my own personal assault on the Macho Men of this world.  I plan on showing them that its ok to be talented, show your emotions, be of normal size, and dream all while being a man.  It’s possible.  I know because I do it.  It’s actually very fun.

On Monday for the next six weeks I will launch a full scale assault on the six tenants of being a Macho Man.  Don’t turn into cavemen on me before its over .