Never Settle For Less

Failing is a natural part of life that everybody experiences.  As people grow, mature, and branch out they inevitably run into circumstances that test their will and guts.  In order to overcome failure you must realize that failure is a temporary condition.  Nothing more and nothing less.  Follow along with me as I tell a personal story about facing failure in speech contests.  Enjoy

November 2006 Area Humorous Speech Contest

My first attempt at bringing home first place in a speech contest was in November of 2006.  All the details are still crystal  clear in my mind.  It was a cool, clean, and crisp Saturday morning.  I was  heading off to represent my club in the Area Humorous Speech Contest.  I was on  cloud 9 when I arrived.  By the time I left I was disgusted and dejected.
3 people were competing that day.  A heavy set man around the age of  30, a petite older woman around the age of 50, and myself.  We were all  there for the same reason: crush the competition and move on to the division level.
Competition makes me feel alive so I was pumped and ready to go.  I was fully prepared to blow the audience away and take home  the crown.  I’d practiced the speech and its elements at least 20 times.  My audience would be treated  to a humorous speech about car mechanics and what they really do to your car.   My opening was sure to draw them in, the body was sure to grab their attention,  and my closing was sure to send them off laughing.  It was nearly perfect. All I needed  was for my name to be called.

15 minutes before the speeches began we drew numbers to decide on the  speaking order. The heavy set man was first, I was second, and the woman was  third.  I took my seat and waited eagerly for the competition to  begin.

The heavy man’s speech was ironically about his weight.  He talked about why  he was fat.  He poked at his belly.  He made a few jokes about the fattening  foods he planned on eating later on that day.  Then he went for the jugular.  In  a totally unpredictable move he began to explain how his mother was disowning  him until he lost weight!  The crowd erupted with laughter.  He walked away from  the stage and went back to his seat.

By my estimation he’d done a decent job.  His opening was alright, he encouraged mild chuckles at his jokes, and he seemed to touch a sympathetic note by  talking about being overweight.  Good but not better than what I had in store.
Next up was me.  As my name and credentials were being announced I readied  myself for battle.  I took it up a notch from the beginning.  Unlike the first  speaker I asked for audience participation.  Everyone closed their eyes,  held out their right hand, and imagined they were holding their auto mechanic’s  face in their palm.  Then on the count of 3 they all smacked his face for extorting thousands of dollars  from their pockets!

As I expected they all exploded with laughter. They were hooked.  I weaved in and out of disastrous run ins I’d had with my very own  mechanic.  They learned about how I’d suspected him of driving my car on a date,  painting it the wrong color (twice), and even trying to hold on to it longer to  pull more money from my pocket.

Each punchline brought more and more laughter.  My confidence was growing  with every passing second.  For my ending I offered them one golden nugget of advice.  I paused and used my serious lecture face “The next time your car breaks down on the highway and you feel your wallet  getting lighter do yourself a favor…leave it there and go buy a bus pass”.

More explosions of laughter (the contest master was still laughing when he came to shake my hand as I exited the stage) .That was it!  No doubt about it.  I’d won.  Everyone smiled and cheered as I  took my seat.

Finally came the older woman.  She told a story about the advantages of  having 2 husbands to a crowd that was 85% woman.  Every single woman in the  house (they’re husbands obviously weren’t there) nodded in agreement.  They  giggled the entire time as she talked about how wonderful it would be to have 2  people buying clothes, 2 people paying for cars, and 2 people begging for her now divided attention.

The premise behind the speech was a good one.  I didn’t care much for the  delivery.  Her speech was filled with double negatives, improper subject verb  agreement, and other assaults on the english language.

After we were all done the judges left to tally the votes.  Before I could  make a move 5 or 6 people from the audience come over to congratulate me on a  sure victory.  Then the other contestants came over and did the same.  I thanked  them all and remained in my seat eager to her the official verdict.
The contest chair took the cards from the judge.  With a look of uncertainty  he began to make the announcements.

“Our third place contestant is…Marcus Smith” he said.

I looked around to make sure everybody else had heard that.   Surely, something was wrong.  DEAD LAST.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  It took all I had  to walk up to the podium, take my award, and return to my seat without absolutely pitching  a fit.

My body temperature began to rise as I read the 3rd place certificate.  Everything seemed so unreal.  I  could hear the 2nd place (the older woman) and 1st place (the fat man) being  announced but it didn’t seem like I was in the room.  They were in another world  were people couldn’t understand the quality of a good speech.

After the competition was over I left quickly.  I hopped into my car and  slammed the door.  I sped home weaving in and out of traffic like a NASCAR  driver.  When I got home I threw my certificate on the floor and tried to forget  that I’d even been to a competition.  I felt robbed.

Fallout from Losing

• Audience Participation? Check
• Attention grabbing opening? Check
• Great Eye Contact? Check
• Great Pace? Check
• Well Placed Jokes? Check
• Fantastic Witty Conclusion? Check

Things weren’t making sense.  Thinking about the competition only served made my blood boil even more.  I decided to continue entering contests until I won.

2007 Failures

I don’t want to depress you with stories of sorrow so I’ll just say this. During 2007 I got spanked in 3 more competitions.  I was not pleased. Sadness , anger , and near tear drops :’( were the norm.  That was up until December of 2007.

December 2007 Triumph

On December 3, 2007 I finally came out on top.  This time I faced 5 skillful adversaries. 1 was a relative newcomer, 2 of them have been speaking for half of my life, 1 had spanked me in an earlier competition, and 1 speaks for a living.

The earlier beat downs I took taught me some things about topic selection, delivery, how to not throw tables when you lose, proper movement, story development, and how to really connect with an audience.  I’d need all those tools on December 3.

So now came the moment of truth.  Time to use all the tools.  We drew numbers and I ended up going last. I was so focused on my speech that I barely paid attention to the other 5 orators.  I had to ask around afterwards to find out that I’d beaten at least 3 great speeches.

My speech started off by taking the audience back to my childhood.  I told the story of a childhood neighbor growing a garden in a neighborhood with notoriously poor lawns.  The story had it all

• Intrigue
• Jealousy
• Humor (I spied on her)
• Visualization
• Focus on the audience

I didn’t stop with that story.  I explained to them all how the story tied into their personal and professional lives.  How they had the opportunity to grow through Toastmasters (the speech organization).  How Napoleon Hill (Presidential Advisor), Peter Coors (Chairman of Coors Brewing Company), and Tim Allen (movie stare) all started out in a room just like the one they were in.  I explained that they too could grow and achieve great things by exploring their creativity and expressiveness in Toastmasters.  Thundering applause rang out at my conclusion.
I had finally done it!  The lessons I’d learned from past failures came together in what was my best speech.  Against the highest level of competition to date I’d finally come out on top.
So how does this relate to you?

Conclusion

Failure is a good thing when you allow  yourself to learn from it.  When you lose you are forced to look inside and discover why you didn’t come out on top.  Are you unprepared?  Are you overmatched? Did you take things too lightly? Did you overlook critical details?  Are you really taking steps to improve? Did you give your absolute best effort?  Have you learned anything from  your past failures?

Always remember that failure is temporary and fleeting.  Just because you’ve been trounced once doesn’t mean you’re cursed to lifelong failure.  Every time I got thrashed in a contest I learned something.  Every loss was an opportunity to figure out what people did and didn’t like.  Every loss was an opportunity to experiment.  Every loss was an opportunity to challenge myself and GROW.

Use your failures as learning tools to propel yourself to the next level.  You (and the rest of the world) will be happy you did.

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For weeks now I’ve been resisting the temptation to create a "things I’m thankful/grateful/happy to have/ridiculously in love with" list. Once I decided to do it I next had to settle on a list size.  5 couldn’t hope to cover it all and 100 would be overdoing it.  With that in mind I sat down to create the list and eventually ended up with 25 things I’m really grateful for. It’s an experience that really clears the mind and puts things in perspective.  Here it is:

1. My Grandmother - for raising me and putting up with my childhood antics
2. My Father - for instilling 1,000 good values into my system
3. My Mother - for suffering through the pain of bringing me to earth
4. My Brother and Sister - providing inspiration, humor, and energy when no one else can
5. My Aunt - for being one of the most understanding people I’ve ever met
6. My Cousins - for ummm…well…hmmmm
7. My Friends - for being one of the most supportive groups of people anyone can ever hope to have
8. My Girlfriend - for tolerating and supporting my madness (I almost feel sorry for you)
9. My Creativity - for waking me up in the middle of the night with energy, ideas, plans, poems, speeches, books, business ideas, and everything else under the sign
10. My Curiosity - for helping me delve into random things that help me grow
11. Toastmasters - for helping me discover my true talents and purpose
12. Chuck Kinnebrew - for being one of the first people to provide career guidance
13. Phil Parker - for being one of the first to provide honest entrepreneurial guidance
14. Terrence Moore - for being one of the first to challenge me in ways I couldn’t imagine
15. The internet - for providing a wealth of resources, knowledge, and entertainment
16. Georgia Tech - for providing the first truly challenging experience of my life.  I hated it while I was there but I can’t replace the lessons I learned.
17. Cordele, GA - for giving me a greater appreciation of the world
18. 50 long gone pounds of fat - for unlocking my inner motivation and perseverance
19. My current career - for providing a solid business background and showing me what I really want to do with my existence
20. The Future - for shining bright and holding endless possibilities
21. My overactive brain - for keeping me alive and kicking
22. U.S. Citizenship - for giving me the freedom to do whatever I (legally) please
23. My courage - it may be foolish, outlandish, and ridiculous but it’s MINE!
24. Technology - for making so many things easier and more accessible
25. My blog readers - for supporting me, reading my thoughts, and passing my information on to zillions of people

Feel free to comment on my list or leave your own list in the comment section.

If you like this blog please bookmark this page or RSS subscribe.  To RSS subscribe scroll to the bottom of the page, click on “entries RSS”, and select the page you’d prefer.  Forward this information to anyone who can draw benefit from it.  Thanks for reading and have a great day!

I’d bet you any amount of money that your life is a series of routines and patterns.  Those routines include everything from the time you wake up until the time you start counting sheep. In order to illustrate just how routine our lives are I’d like you to answer the following questions:

• What time did you wake up?
• What time did you eat breakfast?
• What time do you go to work?
• What time did you go to lunch?
• What time did you drop the kids off for school?
• How many times a day do you check your favorite webpage?
• What time did you eat dinner?
• What time did you leave work?
• What time did you workout?
• What time did you tuck the kids in to bed?
• What time did you got to sleep?

Now answer that question for the past 10 days.  Unless you are extremely sporadic you’re bound to see a trend develop. Those trends are unique to you and your life fully justifies them.

Nothing really seems wrong with your daily habits until you want to create a significant change. The interesting thing is that it doesn’t really matter what area of life you want to change.  It can be anything from reading more literature, starting a new workout plan, getting your own business of the ground, or meeting new people.  In order to be effective at those things you must fit them into the very fiber of who you are.  Your routine is just that.  It’s the shining definition of who you are day in and day out.
So many people get started on things but never quite finish them out. People pledge to build better relationships, lose weight, become well read, and be more active in their communities all the time. In the beginning they take off like a rocket ship.  They’ll talk to everyone they see, work out like a championship athlete, read 10 pages per day, and sign up for charities like crazy.  That burst of energy usually lasts for a few weeks.  Then before you know it they’ve crash landed back to planet earth.  After they rise from the smoldering ashes the old routine takes over like it never went away.
Creating significant change in your life is something that takes a good bit of time and commitment.  I refuse to say its “hard” because that word doesn’t mean a whole lot to me.  It won’t happen in 2 or 3 days and reasonable people really don’t expect it to.

Reprogramming yourself falls into 3 major phases:

1. Identification of Patterns and Gaps
2. Reprogramming
3. Maintaining the program

Phase 1 Identification of Patterns and Gaps

Identifying and acknowledging that you do indeed fall into a morning routine that includes X-rated magazines, 12 cups of coffee, and a CIA evidence kit be a slight challenge.  It may be embarrassing.  It may me even be a little demeaning. You’re here because you’re a trooper and you want to change things…you can handle it.

In order to create significant changes in your life you must be able to map out your day.  Identifying your patterns allows you to do just that.

When I weighed 250 lbs I wanted nothing more than to lose weight.  I constantly read magazine articles, web pages, newspaper articles looking for information on how to get it done.   I daydreamed about ripping off my shirt and revealing rock hard six pack abs below. I soon realized that I’d have to change my entire lifestyle to do it or else I’d keep sporting the spare tire.
My first challenge was finding the right time to workout.  Research and previous failures told me that I’d need to find a time that I wouldn’t readily wiggle out of.    At the time my days looked like this:

12:00 A.M. - 7:30 A.M. –> Sleep

7:30 A.M. - 8:00 A.M. –> Prep for Work

8:00 A.M. - 8:15 A.M. –> Travel to Work

8:15 A.M. - 6:00 P.M. –> Work

6:00 P.M. - 6:15 P.M. –> Travel Home

6:15 P.M. - 8:00 P.M. –> Dinner

8:00 P.M. - 10:30 P.M. –> Read, Watch TV, Play Video Games, Talk on Phone, etc

After 10:30 P.M. –> Get ready for bed and go to sleep

Wash, Rinse, Repeat every single day

At the time the mornings were off limits.  Its not that I wasn’t capable of working out in the morning.  I just flat out refused to do it.  Instead of interrupting my much needed beauty sleep I decided to squeeze a workout into my remaining 4.5 hours of life after work.

Now think about a significant change you’d like to make. How much time a day would you need to start making this change.  Take a look at your day to day schedule.  Do you see any time slots that could be moved, shifted, or tightened to accommodate that change.
I’m sure you can readily identify some time you could move to start getting things done.  That’s the painless part of this exercise.

Phase 2 Reprogramming

During phase 2 your way of life begins to change dramatically.  That new activity becomes a part of who you are.  Everyone who attempts to reprogram themselves goes through the same cycle.

Excitement

It’s very easy to tell when someone has picked up something new. THEY ABSOLUTELY WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT .  I remember when I started working out.  Everyone I ran into had to hear about my workout schedule, the foods I ate, how much fun I was having, and how much stronger I was feeling.  Back in those days if you talked to me you were going to hear about it whether you wanted to or not.  Now that other people do it to me I see just how annoying it can be .
The same thing happened with a close friend of mine. He picked up a sales job with high hopes of supplementing and eventually replacing his income.  We couldn’t have a conversation without him brining it up. He worked Company X’s name into every possible sentence.  To an outsider I’m sure he seem hypnotized (or at least crazy).

I experienced this again with another friend and his blog site.  One day out of the blue he decided to start a web site that would serve as his personal rant. This e-rant would bring him traffic in waves, glory, and eventually a big company buyout. For 3-4 days he worked diligently on the main page design.  His first post was a passionate declaration of what his site would have to offer filled with all the bragging and profanity that should accompany a personal rant site.

The next time I saw him he stopped me in my tracks.

“Did you see my post?????!!!!!!” he shouted with pride in his eyes.

“Yes, yes I saw it” I said.

That enthusiasm soon died off due to the next step.

Dip/Slump/Negative Feelings

That immediate rush of excitement is great.  You’re doing something new, the possibilities are endless, and the world belongs to you!

Then it happens.  Reality rears its ugly head.  Excitement and reality are like fire and water.  Excitement serves to ignite the fire.  Reality comes through and slowly puts the fire out.

This is bound to happen to anyone attempting to reprogram themselves or change their behaviors.  The 10 Million dollar question is “How do you handle this dose of reality?”
Fight or Flight?

Remember this concept from elementary school?  If not here’s a brief refresher.  The fight or flight response is the natural tendency to either run or fight in the face of danger.  That dose of reality is the flash of danger that triggers a fight or flight response.
Unfortunately, this is where many people slip in the reprogramming process.  It’s much easier and convenient to just give in and say “I can’t”, “it’s too hard”, or “that’s just not for me”.  Think about it.  They just roll of the tongue so easily.  They’re so comforting.  They’re there to stroke you when your feelings are hurt and provide a soft cushion to land on.   Statements like this relieve all the pressure from the situation you tried to correct.

There’s just one problem…it really does you no good in the long run.  None…Nada…Zip

Staying to fight is truly the road less traveled and for good reason.  Fights can get nasty.  Fights drain you mentally and physically.  Fights also introduce the possibility of doing something most of us dare not do.  It’s something so horrendous that it makes most people cringe just thinking about it.
Fights introduce the possibility of PAIN, LOSS, EMBARRASSMENT, or outright FAILURE.  We don’t like that word very much these days.  It’s a nasty little demon.

Here’s something to chew on when you’re thinking about reprogramming yourself.  If you start something and then stop at the first sign of danger you’re wasting your time, energy, and other valuable resources.  On top of that you’re still failing to do what you set out to do.  No matter how comfortable it may seem it’s really not helping you do what you set out to do.  If you stick with it and fight at least you’ve given yourself the chance to be fully reprogrammed.  9 times out of 10 thats all it takes to let the program become a part of you anyway.  Remember, without pain we’d never know what pleasure truly  is.

Phase 3 Completely Reprogrammed

If you’ve made it this far that means you’ve decided to fight rather than give up.  At this point you’ve done 95% of the hard work.  The highs of excitement put you on cloud 9 at the beginning.  Each day you jumped into the task giving it your heart and soul.  You set reminders for yourself.  You charted your accomplishments.  You sounded off to everyone that would listen about your new goal, program, or lifestyle.

At some point you experienced a dip in motivation to keep things going.  That zest that you had for this new lifestyle began to choke as results came slower than you expected.  Negative images and thoughts began to creep into your brain.  People may have urged you to return to your old lifestyle, you considered giving up, you considered going back to your old habits, and then you had to make a decision.

Will you fight or will you run away.  Hopefully, you decided to take the road less traveled and continue to fight.  People who resist the urge to run away begin to notice a change in themselves about a month into their reprogramming process.  Those things that were once too inconvenient now fit perfectly into your day.  Those mountains that you couldn’t climb over are now molehills that you stomp on.  Before long the new habit is so important that you don’t feel whole when it isn’t done.

That’s when you know you’ve successfully been reprogrammed.  Congratulations!

Conclusion

Reprogramming yourself and developing new habits isn’t a “hard” thing to do.  All it takes is consistency.  I’ve been through this process several times.  Most notably with weight loss and blogging/writing.

The first time I did it was when I decided to begin working out and lose weight.  In order to do it my lifestyle needed a complete make over.  Reprogramming myself was the obvious answer.  I experienced all the steps mentioned in this article.  When I began I was too excited to sit still.  Shortly  after that I became impatient and began doubting myself.  When the time came to fight or run I decided to stay and fight until the job was done.  Before I knew it was working out 5 days a week.  It’s developed into an unbreakable habit that’s helped me lose 50 lbs, improve my bench press from 180 lbs to 370 lbs, and drop 5 pants sizes.  Pretty effective if you ask me.

The second time I entered this process was when I decided to blog and write articles.  When I started I could write for 4-5 hours on end.  Words would glide off of my fingers and onto the page like magic.  It was effortless.  As the weeks passed it began to feel more like a chore than something I could genuinely enjoy and continue.  I was writing articles, submitting to blog carnivals, and checking my statistics like crazy.  When the numbers weren’t what I wanted them to be I began to reconsider my decision.

Was it really worth it?

Should I be doing this with my time?

The answer was a resounding  “Yes”.  It was  worth it and I will continue to do it.  I already have plans to continue writing, submitting to carnivals, submitting to ezines, and providing value for years to come.  The emails and comments I get on my blog and home page let me know that my writing is doing what I intended.  There’s really no reason to stop now.  In due time the proper results will come.

Reprogramming yourself is a process we all attempt at some point.  All of us try and many of us fail.  Failure to reprogram yourself is your own fault because you can only do so by selling yourself short and giving up.  Always remember that the process of changing your habits always follows this outline:

1. Identification of  Patterns and Gaps
2. Reprogramming
1. Excitement
2. Dip/Slump/Negative Feelings
3. Fight or Flight?
3. Completely Reprogrammed

This process mirrors life.  You get out of it exactly what you put into it.  Nothing more and nothing less.

If you like this blog please bookmark this page or RSS subscribe.  To RSS subscribe scroll to the bottom of the page, click on “entries RSS”, and select the page you’d prefer.  Forward this information to anyone who can draw benefit from it.  Thanks for reading and have a great day!

My outlook on life is an overwhelmingly positive one.  Finding gold in a stack of pennies is a specialty of mine.  Sometimes it gets me in a little bit of trouble but I can handle that.  I can forgive even my worst enemy at the drop of a hat.  Most negative things really don’t even register with me.  Overall I look for the best in situations and people…sue me.

With all that said I can still be brought back to earth.  I’m not so naive as to ignore any and everything negative in this world.  Sometimes I’ll see trends develop in people and it makes me worry about the world we live in.  I’m worried about the current state we’re living in and the future we’re destined to live.  As I sit and look at my personal picture of the world the image begins to change.  Normally that picture is bright and glistening.  Sometimes a dark spot or 2 will creep in and add a bleak tint to things.  I’ll be writing about those dark spots today.  They should concern you, me, and everybody you know.  It’s that serious.

Living a healthy lifestyle is Considered “odd”

This fact of life burns a big steaming whole in my back.  Maybe its one of those things I’m not meant to understand (like paying a doctor to tell you to go see another doctor).  Living a healthy lifestyle with a moderate exercise regimen, decent nutrition, and just minimal amounts of dedication has a million and one benefits and virtually no drawbacks.

I wouldn’t think doing something that helps to control weight, reduces stress and feelings of tension, enhances self-esteem, extends life expectancy, lowers your heart rate, improves posture, increases energy, improves sexual performance (;)), and considerably reduces your chances of coming down with the following diseases:

• Heart disease
• High blood pressure
• Diabetes
• High cholesterol
• Colon cancer
• Breast cancer
• Stroke
• Heart attack
• Arthritis

Each and every person on the planet lives to protect themselves and their best interests.  When a gun shot goes off we hide.  When the weather gets cold we bundle up with jackets and scarves.  Yet we flat out refuse to take care of our bodies.

I don’t know about you but I can sacrifice 45 minutes 3-5 times a week to avoid breast cancer, stroke, high cholesterol, decreased libido, and shortened life expectancy. 

Racism Still Exists

A few weeks ago a friend and I went into an Audi car dealership in Smyrna, GA.  We went to the dealership around 4:00 p.m.  I was dressed nicely in business casual clothing.  I’m African-American and he’s Italian.  We were IGNORED upon entering the building.  I was slightly offended but not to the point of frustration.  Not yet at least.

For 5 minutes I walked around looking at cars.  For 5 minutes no one said a word.  Receptionists looked at us and didn’t utter a word.  I gave them the benefit of the doubt and wrote it off as them being busy (even though no one else was on site).

10 minutes go by and still not a word is said. He and I continue to circle the showroom floor taking special care to look at every car.  Now I notice salesmen are getting in on the act of looking at us.   At this point I’m starting to get a little bit “excited”.

By 15 minutes I’d had enough and was ready to leave.  I stormed out of the dealership and into the parking lot.  Just as we were preparing to leave an African-American salesmen emerged from the blue and offered to serve us.  I walked through the procedures with him but I was only half there.  After the test drive I hopped into my friend’s car and we left.

It’s strange to me that racism still exists in 2007.  It saddens my heart to think that ADULTS still hold prejudice after all the killings, marches, and senseless arguments on the subject.  Maybe some things never change.

Women seek out Subordinate Roles in Society

For some reason far beyond my own understanding society trains women to seek subordinate roles.  Women who show some aggression, passion, or backbone are looked at with a crooked eye.  It really bothers me that women have been assigned to (and accept) the role of support staff when they really have so much more to offer.

As a result of this “training” we have far too many women aiming to grow up and be supported by a man.  I may very well dip my face in a bucket of alcohol if I hear another woman say she aims to be a kept woman.  Who aims to grow up and do nothing with their life?  What’s going on when full fledged adults make it a goal to contribute NOTHING to society?

Does anybody else see a problem?

I know women are strong people.  I wish more of them would act out these strengths in the world.

We all know the feeling.  You wake up on a Monday morning, roll over, and smack the alarm clock.  Oh my god not again!  It’s time to go to WORK!  It’s just plain sad that 70-80% of the workforce would rather be somewhere else.

I’ve had a small taste of spending 80% of my Monday through Friday time in a place I despise.  That’s no way to live life. If it has happened (or is happening) to you then I’m sure you sympathize.

70% is a really depressing number.  Whenever I see it I imagine all the people I work with groveling as they wake up and prepare for work.  In my daydream they all let out a collective sigh of disdain as they prep for the never ending day.  Sad, sad picture.

Conclusion

By no means is this a soapbox of mine.  I just feel that these things should cause a bit of concern on our green planet.  Now back to your regularly scheduled program.  Have a good one.

If you like this blog please bookmark this page or RSS subscribe.  To RSS subscribe scroll to the bottom of the page, click on “entries RSS”, and select the page you’d prefer.  Forward this information to anyone who can draw benefit from it.  Thanks for reading and have a great day!

When I was six years old I got a new neighbor.  That in and of itself isn’t a remarkable or drastic feat.  People move in and out of neighborhoods all the time.  She was different in her own special way.  She was one of the first people to give me insight into what this life is really all about.

Cordele, GA is my hometown. For those of you who don’t know its the Watermelon Capital of the World.  I wish I could say there is a lot going on there.  I wish I could say it’s a great place to launch your career as an astrophysicist.  I wish I could say it has more than 2 exits on the interstate.  I wish I could say the median salary wasn’t $25,000.  Unfortunately, I can’t say any of those things. I know you’re jealous. That’s ok .
However, I can say this.  The new neighbor that moved in next door around the time I was six was a blessing.  Thanks Cordele.
I lived on the "wrong side of the tracks" in a literal sense. A train track runs down through my town (have-nots on one side and have-it-alls on the other).  My neighborhood was made of 10 houses with notoriously poor lawns.  At least 8 of the front lawns looked like plots from the Sahara desert.  At some point everyone on the block had tried to plant flowers.  One by one they all failed.  Even my beloved grandmother with her midas touch of gold couldn’t get her flowers and trees to grow (sorry grandma).

My new neighbor didn’t have that problem.  2 or 3 days after she moved in I saw her out in the yard with a stick.  She bent over and put her 60 year old knees into the dirt and began to crawl around.  Curiosity got the best of me so I waltzed over into her yard to figure out what was going on.  To my disappointment she was only drawing small "X" shapes in the sand.  I said hello to her and went on with my day.

About a week later I noticed her out in the yard again.  This time she carried a bag in her right hand and a small shovel in her left.  At a pace all her own she methodically planted seeds at every "X" mark in the yard.  One by one she’d move over to a spot and follow this exact process:

1. Shovel dirt
2. Deposit Seeds
3. Cover the hole
4. Pack it down

I must have watched her shovel dirt for at least an hour.  The process was intricate yet simple.  I’d never seen anyone else go through such great lengths to START their garden.  It was obvious to me that she was up to something.  I just didn’t know what.
Over the next couple of months my new neighbor diligently watered her plants.  Every single day she’d be out in that yard.  Her movements were precise and calculated.  I’d never seen anyone so interested in pouring water into the grand.  It was interesting, boring, and crazy at the same time.  Watching her water plants was one of the few things that could make me sit still.

Every single day for the next six months the process continued without fail.  People in the neighborhood grew suspicious and began to gossip about the woman who was “obsessed with her garden”.

• Who does she think she is?
• Doesn’t she know plants don’t grow here?
• Why does she waste her time out there?
• Is she crazy??

About a  year later all her critics grew silent.  What was once a lonely plot of dirt was blossoming into a gorgeous front lawn.  Around the perimeter of her yard were trees that stood taller than anything else in the neighborhood.  Inside that small forest of trees grew rows of petunias, roses, and other assorted flowers.    In a little over a year she had the most dazzling yard on the block!

I was green with envy.  My grandmother had been trying for years to get grass to grow in her yard.  Meanwhile, our neighbor was building a tropical rain forest.
My neighbor’s flowers and my jealousy grew out of control at the same rate.  It became my mission to discover her secrets.  One day I decided to get up close and personal.   Since I was a James Bond fan at the time I decided to use some 007 tactics.  I pressed my body against the wall of her house and slid along the bricks until I made it to the edge of her garden.  As I peaked around the corner  I noticed that my neighbor was nowhere to be seen.  I knew she couldn’t have disappeared that quick so I advanced into her yard.  Out of nowhere a bucket of water soaked my face.

“Young man would you mind telling me what you’re doing snooping around in my yard!!!??’ she screamed.

“I…I…I…was trying to steal your secrets” I stammered out.

“What secrets are you talking about?” she asked in an irritated tone.

I gathered myself and explained that I was jealous of her yard and wanted to share her success with my grandmother.  She burst out into a taunting laugh that I’ll never forget.  After she got done laughing she asked that I pay very special attention to what she was about to say closely.  She paused for about 15 seconds and said something that I (along with everyone else on earth) really needed to hear:

“If you want anything on this earth to grow you must work towards that growth.  Some things may happen quick.  But that’s the exception, not the rule.  I haven’t done anything special except pay attention and water my plants with care.  I know what I have to do and I do it.  Tell your grandmother that’s the only “secret” she needs”

My little heart plummeted to the floor.  I was expecting her to surprise me with secret planting or watering techniques.  Instead she told me to poor water into the ground every day.

As an adult I can fully respect that message.  I’ve seen it work in my life and the lives of others.    In order to grow and progress you must be willing to go that extra mile, be consistent, and drive towards your goals whether you have 0, 1, 10, or 10 thousand people supporting you.  In the end it’s all the same.

So here’s the final question.

Are you leaving the water in the hose or using it to water your own personal soil of growth?

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I’m back with another version of the Motivational Thoughts series.  These are quotes I think of to inspire, push, and motivate myself.  It’s always fun to share them with others and see what they get out of it.  Enjoy!

1. Failure makes success taste that much better.
2. Constant complaining is terrible for 2 reasons:
1. No one really cares
2. It never ever improves your situation
3. Open yourself up to criticism and you’ll be surprised at what you may learn.  Don’t worry it can’t ALL be negative
4. It’s funny how thinking for yourself can earn you every label between loser and CEO.
5. All pain is perceived before it is believed.
   

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"You think so highly of yourself"

"How do you get that big head in the room?"

"I’ve never met anybody as cocky as you"

"Oh my god you’re just so arrogant"

"Your confidence level is totally unwarranted"

I hear this all the time so I feel compelled to write about it today.  My  ego, self-confidence, confidence, or foolish stupidity (depending on who you ask) is a constant conversation amongst those that don’t really know me.

Nothing is wrong with believing in yourself.  Let me repeat that.  Nothing is wrong with believing in yourself.  Even if your level of confidence is "unreasonable", "unwarranted",  "irrational", or otherwise unexplainable to the masses its still yours.  You should live your life feeling like you can climb buildings and accomplish whatever you set your mind on.  As long as your ego doesn’t harm others you’re doing just fine.

What does Ego really mean?

The word ego is simply defined as

“the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought”

I read that as simply “how you feel about yourself”. Your ego (or lack thereof) is a reflection of how you view yourself in this world.  If you think you’re a peanut then your attitude and actions will reflect that.  Likewise if you feel like a giant then your attitude will reflect that.  I can’t tell anyone how to feel about themselves but I’d much rather be a giant than a peanut.  That’s just my personal preference.

Wouldn’t you rather feel great about yourself and your abilities rather than just average?

Pros and Cons

I won’t pretend like everything about having a sky high ego is great. Here is a list of pros and cons.

CONS

• Not everyone will appreciate it
• People will misinterpret your actions
• Timid people will alienate you

PROS

• You feel great about yourself
• You tackle things you otherwise wouldn’t consider
• You can fail at things and not drown in your own sorrow
• You can bring the best out of others
• You can push yourself to the limit physically, emotionally, and mentally and be excited about it
• You enjoy your life and the experiences to come

The pros outweigh the cons .

New Acronym for EGO –> Energy  Generating Outcomes

After sitting back and thinking about ego even further I’ve come up with an acronym for it.

Energy

Generating

Outcomes

Here’s what that means.  It takes a good amount of confidence or ego to achieve things in life.  When I started out my efforts to lose weight the only thing I really had was the determination to lose weight.  That determination was fueled by my “over sized” ego.  When I decided to become a better speaker I knew I had to step up in Toastmasters.  After 32 speeches I’m 10 times better than I was 2 years ago.  That decision was also fueled by my ego.  Thats 2 life altering decisions I’ve made that were fueled by my “over sized”, “wild”, and “outrageous” ego. They’ve done nothing but make my life better.

Think about this.  The president (no matter who he is) has a healthy ego.  The CEO of the company you work for has a sizable ego. When you think about it, everyone that we admire in this society has to have a decent sized ego to reach the pinnacles of their careers.

So now here’s the question.  How much Energy Generates Outcomes for you?

Conclusion

Ego is not a bad thing.  Especially when it generates a positive energy and does good things for all.  Go about your day and feel good about yourself.  It’s the only way to go.

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Have you ever felt like the weight of the world on your shoulders?

Have you ever felt like there was so much going on and you couldn’t handle it?

Have you ever just needed to be able to clear your mind and start with a clean slate?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions then this article is for you.  Sit back, relax, and enjoy my 5 Powerful Methods to Clear Your Mind.

1 - Take some Time for Yourself

The majority of your time is spent with other people.  That can be both good and bad.  On the positive side you experience feelings of companionship, belonging, and teamwork most of your waking hours.  These are all great feelings and we need to have them to regulate our lives.

However, there are some dark spots in that cloud.  Belonging to a group whether it be coworkers, family, or other social groups require a great degree of conformity.  After all you wouldn’t belong to that group if you weren’t similar in some way.  Becoming too entrenched in a group can ultimately lead to losing your own sense of individuality.

Take some time for yourself to combat this loss of identity.  Being alone allows you to get in touch with the person that you really are.  A powerful way to clear your mind while you’re alone is to talk to yourself.  That’s right, I said it, have a good solid conversation with yourself.  While it sounds crazy its really nothing more than thinking out loud.  You’ll be surprised at how much you can express when its just you and…you.

2 - Put Situations in Perspective

Blowing things out of proportion is an extremely easy thing to do.  Mix in some high emotions and you never know what you’ll get.  Sadness or anger can quickly take a situation from a level 1 to a level 10.  Try to avoid making a mountain out of a molehill.  People will rarely climb to the top to see what the issue is.

Step back and take a fact based look at your life. Looking at things from a factual basis is a hard yet effective tactic.  Things like your  long term financial situation, health, fitness, and your overall sense of happiness warrant a good bit of your attention.  These things effect you on a day to day basis.

Getting your lunch stolen at work (I’ve had this happen before), the rumor going around about you wearing white after labor day, or that annoying juice stain on your carpet are collectively worth 3 minutes of your time.  Treat them like so and keep the train moving.
Focus your time and energy on those things that matter.  Treat the little things like little things.

3 - Be Creative

Creative outlets are some of the best stress busters known to mankind.  When you do something creative you can get lost in what you’re doing and just let some time pass.  Some of the creative things I do are:

• Write Poetry
• Write Blogs or Articles
• Take relaxing drives and look for alternate routes around the city
• Make workout plans for myself and others
• Make up “remixes” to popular songs to give myself a good laugh

That’s just a small list of possible things to do.  Explore your creative side to help reduce stress.

4 - Call an elderly person and have a talk

Older people are a wealth of experience and knowledge.  There is something about the wisdom of an older person that has a calming effect on you.  Most older people have either lived the experiences you are going through or know someone who has.  I’ve literally had conversations with an older relative where I felt like he or she was reading my mind.   Find a good elderly person to lean on.  They can shave years off your learning curve.

5 - Allow yourself to get angry, upset, or bothered.  You can’t sterilize yourself too much

We live in a sterilized world where you “can’t say this” or “shouldn’t say that” for fear of hurting someone’s feelings.  As a result its easy to let the mind get cluttered and confused.

Living a sterilized life and never expressing any emotions just isn’t human.  You don’t have to break glass and throw people out of windows but you need to let some things out every now and then.  Express control while allowing yourself to experience emotions such as:

• Aggression
• Anger
• Disgust
• Pleasure
• Pride
• Sadness
• Euphoria

Handling these emotions make you a better human being.  You’re not a robot so don’t act like one.  Sometimes you need to tell someone they are getting on your nerves.  It may shock and appall but it also helps with cutting loose of stress and clearing up the clutter.  Learn to express yourself, deal with the emotions, and move on.

Conclusion

Many of us are stressed out with cluttered minds.  Use the following 5 tips to ensure that you never go to sleep with a cluttered mind:

1. Take some time to yourself
2. Put situations in perspective
3. Be Creative
4. Call upon an elderly person and talk
5. Allow yourself to experience all emotions

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Inside the Mind of a Sprinter

Put yourself inside the mind of an Olympic sprinter right before a race takes place.  Since childhood you’ve dreamed of this moment and its finally here.  All your blood, sweat, tears, weight training, and mental preparation are about to pay off.  As you shed your warm up gear you and your coach connect eyes for a split second.  He smiles, gives you a nod, and waves you off to the starting line.

The other sprinters are already in place as you take your lane.  You take your final glance around the stadium and then get into your stance.  Instinctively your ears perk up as you await the starter’s gun.  Every muscle in your body tightens with anticipation.  Right before you can relax it happens.

On your marks…get set…GO!

Your feet tap the pavement quickly and you begin to separate yourself from the pack.  Halfway through the race the crowd roars.  Out of the corner of your eye you see another sprinter coming even with you.

What do you do?

Do you fold and let him win, remain nonchalant and hope for the best, or dig deep and pull out the victory?

By the end of this article I plan on giving you the information needed to dig deep and compete to win.

Barriers to Competition

For millions of years humans have been competing. By competing I don’t necessarily mean a sporting event or a battle.  It can simply be a disagreement of principles or ideas.

Even though the urge to compete is an essential part of our being many of us take the easy road and avoid it.  Competition is avoided for 2 reasons:

1. Aversion to Conflict
2. Fear of Failure

Aversion to Conflict

It’s amazing when you realize what is considered a conflict these days.  If you form and stick to an opinion that isn’t shared by others then you just may be labeled “disagreeable”, “antagonistic”, or “unpleasant”.  Even if you know the building is going to explode in 5 minutes you shouldn’t tell anyone.  That’s not being very PC .

Have we become so obsessed with “goodness” that we turn a blind eye when something actually needs to be addressed?
It makes me smile when I hear “We can’t talk about that”,”You might not want to say that”, or “What did you just say !?!?”.  These are signs that we’ve stopped tap dancing and starting getting to the root of the issue.  Heads may be rolling but at least things are getting figured out.  What’s so “unpleasant” about that?

Fear of Failure

That little voice in our head can get to the best of us.  It’s remarkably easy to let fear of the unknown totally dominate your life.  Look at the bad things that could happen to us out in the world:

• You could lose money
• You could be rejected
• You could fall flat on your face
• You could lose credibility
• Your may end up with nothing to show for it
• You could end up on YouTube with less money, rejected, flat on your face, less credible, nothing to show for it, with some apple pie on your face

OH NO! The apocalypse is coming.
Seriously, any failure in competition is temporary and should be treated as such. When I was 11 years old I cost my football team a regular season game.  Near the end of the game I threw 2 interceptions that sealed the deal.  I thought the world was going to collapse upon my tiny shoulders.  3 hours after the game I stopped crying due to lack of water in my body.

The sting of that loss stayed with me for a few days.  I moved around the house with little interest in anything beyond moping.  After my father tired of it he basically told me in his straight forward fashion  “suck it up, it’s not the end of the world, move on”.  It wasn’t the nicest thing he’s ever said but it was definitely effective.
People tend to make mountains out of mole hills when it comes to those things they fear.  I just don’t think fears should dominate us.  When you run across something that scares you ask yourself one simple question:

“What good comes from being afraid?”

The answer: “none”.

Avoid letting aversion of “conflict” and fear of failing bury your competitive spirit.  Keeping that competitive spirit alive will always do more for society than letting it die (no matter how large or small the impact).

Competition is Natural

Look around you at all the competition going on:

1. Coke vs Pepsi
2. Yahoo! vs Google
3. Home Depot vs Lowe’s
4. Wal-Mart vs Target
5. Microsoft vs Apple
6. McDonald’s vs Burger King
7. Yankees vs Red Sox
8. MySpace vs Facebook
9. HBO vs Showtime
10. Disney World vs Six Flag

This list could easily go on for days.  I’m sure you get the picture.  Without competition our society would not enjoy the benefits we have in the past,enjoy today, or will enjoy in the future.  Shouldn’t you embrace your competitive side and add your value?

Conclusion

Embrace competition in your life.  Whether it be a simple dispute or an all out sporting event.  The positives will outweigh the negatives . Feelings may be hurt temporarily but the lessons that come along with those feelings last a lifetime.  Competition, conflicts, or whatever you choose to call them bring the best out of people.

Don’t be afraid to step out there and expose yourself.  Only then will you know where you truly stack up and how to improve upon your current situation.

If you like this blog please bookmark this page or RSS subscribe.  To RSS subscribe scroll to the bottom of the page, click on “entries RSS”, and select the page you’d prefer.  Forward the page link to 4 or 5 people who you think may benefit from the information presented here.  Thanks for reading and have a great day!

A million and one things call for our attention each day.  From the time you wake up until the time you lay down you’re on the go.  With this kind of load its tempting to give a mediocre effort in order to slide some things off your plate.

Wait!  Before you do that allow me to interject with The Top 3 Reasons to Give 100%.  You may just change your mind.

1. Time

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  Time is our #1 asset.  It’s the one of the few things we can’t control or ever hope to recover.  Once a minute is gone its truly gone forever.

With that said you may be asking yourself this question “Isn’t giving less than 100% in the best interest of my time?”.  Intuitively, this seems right.  You can “get something done” and get it off your plate.

There is a major problem with that mindset.  Half done tasks, workouts, projects, or other undertakings ALWAYS come back to bite you (often as even bigger issues).  I struggled immensely with this issue when I began my engineering career.  I constantly felt overworked and over tasked.  Instead of stepping back and analzying my situation I would do what I know now is the worst thing imagineable.  I’d put about 50% of myself into my projects so that I could clean out my task list.

The cycle would look like this:

• Put 50% of myself into my projects to clear my task list
• Pass the half completed work on to my manager
• Celebrate that my plate was empty!
• Get a storm of emails from my manager explaining what I needed to repeat
• Curse, whine, cry, sigh
• Start each half done project over from scratch

Dejected I’d trudge back to my desk and begin again.  This time I’d have even more to work on (the old 50% workload plus the new workload that comes with the territory).  After a few more trips in the repetitive workload cycle I realized that I was wasting a good chunk of my productivity churning out useless trash.

Although it may feel that putting 50% efforts into your projects is ideal it almost never works.  Inevitably the tasks that you slight will come back to you and you’ll have to start over from scratch.  In the meantime your most valuable asset will be wasting away.
Place a high premium on your time and spend it giving 100%.  Using 100% for one hour is a lot better use of your time than giving 20% for 5 hours.  Do the math.

About a year ago I had a terrible experience at one of my favorite restaurants.  The entire experience was terrible:

• The waiter was dressed in sloppy clothing
• A couple that came in 15 minutes after me received their food 10 minutes before me
• The silverware was dirty
• My food was undercooked
• The waiter took our orders incorrectly
• The assistant manager (the mangager wasn’t there) was extremely unapologetic for the entire ordeal

Before that experience I was easily spending $40 a week behind those doors. Over a year’s time thats $2,080 in revenue to a local restaurant.  I haven’t been back since.  If they lose 9 more people just like me (very likely based on the conversations I had) then they’ve lost $20,800 of annual revenue.  I’m sure the owner would much rather have the $21k.  He could’ve easily retained that money and received new customers through referral (I love to share good news ) had the restaurant been staffed with people who were putting their best foot forward.

I’ve never hidden my goals of being a professional speaker and writer and I won’t do it now.  By day I am a Supply Chain Environmental Health and Safety Analyst and at night I work on my speaking/writing career.  Since I’ve started to take my speaking and writing (blogs/poems/seminars/short stories) more serious I’ve run into a dilemma that fits perfectly into this article.

Working a full time 9-5 in a large company is very tiring.  I often have ideas zooming around in my head during the day that I can’t wait to come home and express.  Sometimes I’ll settle in to start writing and everything will flow like fine wine. Other times I’ll sit down and feel tired, lethargic, and my creative spark will be nonexistent.

I’ve forced myself to produce things for the sake of producing them a few times during my slumps.  The result is always the same…a very poor piece of work.  I feel vindicated for a short period of time before I realize that I’ve churned out some trash.  As a result I’ve stopped  writing or planning when  I’m obviously not up to giving 100% of myself.  The combination of providing poor value and conciously knowing that I’m pumping it out is enough to make me stop.
Anything you do from working out to writing is worth 100% of your focus.  Only then can you provide and receive the value you truly deserve.

3 - Carry Over

Think about 5 people that you know.  Whats your impression of these people?

Which ones do you consider to be:

• Hard Working?
• Dependable?
• Honest ?
• Decisive?
• Enjoyable?
• Lazy?
• Unreliable?
• Liars?
• Indecisive?
• Pain to deal with?
• Courteous?
• Jealous hearted?
• Vengeful?

Now look at the answers you’ve either written or mentally placed next to each question.  Notice a trend?  If not, keep looking.  The people who have the traits you desire (hard working, honest, enjoyable) don’t have many of the traits you don’t desire (vengeful, lazy, unreliable).  Attitudes and personalities transfer across all aspects of life.

It’s very rare to see a person who is a hard worker develop a serious lazy streak.  It’s equally rare to see a very lazy person sustain a hard working streak.

Ever met a royal pain in the butt who was also the most courteous person you ever met? I seriously doubt it

Do you have any extremely unreliable but extremely enjoyable friends? I have exactly 0
It just doesn’t happen.

If you begin to give 100% in one area of life you’ll soon be doing it everywhere.  Doing so will in turn give you more Time (1) to provide the Output/Value(2) important to you and those around you.

Anything worth doing is worth doing at 100%.  Never has a situation existed where this statement wasn’t true and the situation never will.  Once you begin to go at full tilt you’ll enjoy

1. More Time
2. Better Output
3. Carry over into other parts of life

I hope you enjoyed it.

If you like this blog please bookmark this page or RSS subscribe.  To RSS subscribe scroll to the bottom of the page, click on entries RSS, and selec the page you’d prefer.  Thanks for reading and have a great day!