Never Settle For Less

Failing is a natural part of life that everybody experiences.  As people grow, mature, and branch out they inevitably run into circumstances that test their will and guts.  In order to overcome failure you must realize that failure is a temporary condition.  Nothing more and nothing less.  Follow along with me as I tell a personal story about facing failure in speech contests.  Enjoy

November 2006 Area Humorous Speech Contest

My first attempt at bringing home first place in a speech contest was in November of 2006.  All the details are still crystal  clear in my mind.  It was a cool, clean, and crisp Saturday morning.  I was  heading off to represent my club in the Area Humorous Speech Contest.  I was on  cloud 9 when I arrived.  By the time I left I was disgusted and dejected.
3 people were competing that day.  A heavy set man around the age of  30, a petite older woman around the age of 50, and myself.  We were all  there for the same reason: crush the competition and move on to the division level.
Competition makes me feel alive so I was pumped and ready to go.  I was fully prepared to blow the audience away and take home  the crown.  I’d practiced the speech and its elements at least 20 times.  My audience would be treated  to a humorous speech about car mechanics and what they really do to your car.   My opening was sure to draw them in, the body was sure to grab their attention,  and my closing was sure to send them off laughing.  It was nearly perfect. All I needed  was for my name to be called.

15 minutes before the speeches began we drew numbers to decide on the  speaking order. The heavy set man was first, I was second, and the woman was  third.  I took my seat and waited eagerly for the competition to  begin.

The heavy man’s speech was ironically about his weight.  He talked about why  he was fat.  He poked at his belly.  He made a few jokes about the fattening  foods he planned on eating later on that day.  Then he went for the jugular.  In  a totally unpredictable move he began to explain how his mother was disowning  him until he lost weight!  The crowd erupted with laughter.  He walked away from  the stage and went back to his seat.

By my estimation he’d done a decent job.  His opening was alright, he encouraged mild chuckles at his jokes, and he seemed to touch a sympathetic note by  talking about being overweight.  Good but not better than what I had in store.
Next up was me.  As my name and credentials were being announced I readied  myself for battle.  I took it up a notch from the beginning.  Unlike the first  speaker I asked for audience participation.  Everyone closed their eyes,  held out their right hand, and imagined they were holding their auto mechanic’s  face in their palm.  Then on the count of 3 they all smacked his face for extorting thousands of dollars  from their pockets!

As I expected they all exploded with laughter. They were hooked.  I weaved in and out of disastrous run ins I’d had with my very own  mechanic.  They learned about how I’d suspected him of driving my car on a date,  painting it the wrong color (twice), and even trying to hold on to it longer to  pull more money from my pocket.

Each punchline brought more and more laughter.  My confidence was growing  with every passing second.  For my ending I offered them one golden nugget of advice.  I paused and used my serious lecture face “The next time your car breaks down on the highway and you feel your wallet  getting lighter do yourself a favor…leave it there and go buy a bus pass”.

More explosions of laughter (the contest master was still laughing when he came to shake my hand as I exited the stage) .That was it!  No doubt about it.  I’d won.  Everyone smiled and cheered as I  took my seat.

Finally came the older woman.  She told a story about the advantages of  having 2 husbands to a crowd that was 85% woman.  Every single woman in the  house (they’re husbands obviously weren’t there) nodded in agreement.  They  giggled the entire time as she talked about how wonderful it would be to have 2  people buying clothes, 2 people paying for cars, and 2 people begging for her now divided attention.

The premise behind the speech was a good one.  I didn’t care much for the  delivery.  Her speech was filled with double negatives, improper subject verb  agreement, and other assaults on the english language.

After we were all done the judges left to tally the votes.  Before I could  make a move 5 or 6 people from the audience come over to congratulate me on a  sure victory.  Then the other contestants came over and did the same.  I thanked  them all and remained in my seat eager to her the official verdict.
The contest chair took the cards from the judge.  With a look of uncertainty  he began to make the announcements.

“Our third place contestant is…Marcus Smith” he said.

I looked around to make sure everybody else had heard that.   Surely, something was wrong.  DEAD LAST.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  It took all I had  to walk up to the podium, take my award, and return to my seat without absolutely pitching  a fit.

My body temperature began to rise as I read the 3rd place certificate.  Everything seemed so unreal.  I  could hear the 2nd place (the older woman) and 1st place (the fat man) being  announced but it didn’t seem like I was in the room.  They were in another world  were people couldn’t understand the quality of a good speech.

After the competition was over I left quickly.  I hopped into my car and  slammed the door.  I sped home weaving in and out of traffic like a NASCAR  driver.  When I got home I threw my certificate on the floor and tried to forget  that I’d even been to a competition.  I felt robbed.

Fallout from Losing

• Audience Participation? Check
• Attention grabbing opening? Check
• Great Eye Contact? Check
• Great Pace? Check
• Well Placed Jokes? Check
• Fantastic Witty Conclusion? Check

Things weren’t making sense.  Thinking about the competition only served made my blood boil even more.  I decided to continue entering contests until I won.

2007 Failures

I don’t want to depress you with stories of sorrow so I’ll just say this. During 2007 I got spanked in 3 more competitions.  I was not pleased. Sadness , anger , and near tear drops :’( were the norm.  That was up until December of 2007.

December 2007 Triumph

On December 3, 2007 I finally came out on top.  This time I faced 5 skillful adversaries. 1 was a relative newcomer, 2 of them have been speaking for half of my life, 1 had spanked me in an earlier competition, and 1 speaks for a living.

The earlier beat downs I took taught me some things about topic selection, delivery, how to not throw tables when you lose, proper movement, story development, and how to really connect with an audience.  I’d need all those tools on December 3.

So now came the moment of truth.  Time to use all the tools.  We drew numbers and I ended up going last. I was so focused on my speech that I barely paid attention to the other 5 orators.  I had to ask around afterwards to find out that I’d beaten at least 3 great speeches.

My speech started off by taking the audience back to my childhood.  I told the story of a childhood neighbor growing a garden in a neighborhood with notoriously poor lawns.  The story had it all

• Intrigue
• Jealousy
• Humor (I spied on her)
• Visualization
• Focus on the audience

I didn’t stop with that story.  I explained to them all how the story tied into their personal and professional lives.  How they had the opportunity to grow through Toastmasters (the speech organization).  How Napoleon Hill (Presidential Advisor), Peter Coors (Chairman of Coors Brewing Company), and Tim Allen (movie stare) all started out in a room just like the one they were in.  I explained that they too could grow and achieve great things by exploring their creativity and expressiveness in Toastmasters.  Thundering applause rang out at my conclusion.
I had finally done it!  The lessons I’d learned from past failures came together in what was my best speech.  Against the highest level of competition to date I’d finally come out on top.
So how does this relate to you?

Conclusion

Failure is a good thing when you allow  yourself to learn from it.  When you lose you are forced to look inside and discover why you didn’t come out on top.  Are you unprepared?  Are you overmatched? Did you take things too lightly? Did you overlook critical details?  Are you really taking steps to improve? Did you give your absolute best effort?  Have you learned anything from  your past failures?

Always remember that failure is temporary and fleeting.  Just because you’ve been trounced once doesn’t mean you’re cursed to lifelong failure.  Every time I got thrashed in a contest I learned something.  Every loss was an opportunity to figure out what people did and didn’t like.  Every loss was an opportunity to experiment.  Every loss was an opportunity to challenge myself and GROW.

Use your failures as learning tools to propel yourself to the next level.  You (and the rest of the world) will be happy you did.

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Several weeks ago I challenged myself think outside of the box for a post.  I created a post called "20 Motivational Thoughts".  I got great feedback from it so I’ve decided to do it again.  I’m going to shorten the list to 10 this time.

1. The day you stop believing in yourself is the day you perish.
2. Sacrifice what you want now for what you’re destined to have later.
3. People are 10 times better at what they want to do versus what they have to do.
4. It’s unfortunate that people don’t believe in themselves.  Imagine what a great place our world would be if they did.
5. Surround yourself with an equal amount of cheerleaders, critics, and advisers.  You’ll need them all.
6. Dedication is a necessary habit.  It’s challenging to build but necessary to succeed.
7. Dream with the heart of a child and turn life into your playground.
8. If you’re worried about losing you already lost.
9. If YOU don’t care about yourself then no one else will either.
10. Do you want to go down as #1 or #999,999,001?

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A million and one things call for our attention each day.  From the time you wake up until the time you lay down you’re on the go.  With this kind of load its tempting to give a mediocre effort in order to slide some things off your plate.

Wait!  Before you do that allow me to interject with The Top 3 Reasons to Give 100%.  You may just change your mind.

1. Time

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  Time is our #1 asset.  It’s the one of the few things we can’t control or ever hope to recover.  Once a minute is gone its truly gone forever.

With that said you may be asking yourself this question “Isn’t giving less than 100% in the best interest of my time?”.  Intuitively, this seems right.  You can “get something done” and get it off your plate.

There is a major problem with that mindset.  Half done tasks, workouts, projects, or other undertakings ALWAYS come back to bite you (often as even bigger issues).  I struggled immensely with this issue when I began my engineering career.  I constantly felt overworked and over tasked.  Instead of stepping back and analzying my situation I would do what I know now is the worst thing imagineable.  I’d put about 50% of myself into my projects so that I could clean out my task list.

The cycle would look like this:

• Put 50% of myself into my projects to clear my task list
• Pass the half completed work on to my manager
• Celebrate that my plate was empty!
• Get a storm of emails from my manager explaining what I needed to repeat
• Curse, whine, cry, sigh
• Start each half done project over from scratch

Dejected I’d trudge back to my desk and begin again.  This time I’d have even more to work on (the old 50% workload plus the new workload that comes with the territory).  After a few more trips in the repetitive workload cycle I realized that I was wasting a good chunk of my productivity churning out useless trash.

Although it may feel that putting 50% efforts into your projects is ideal it almost never works.  Inevitably the tasks that you slight will come back to you and you’ll have to start over from scratch.  In the meantime your most valuable asset will be wasting away.
Place a high premium on your time and spend it giving 100%.  Using 100% for one hour is a lot better use of your time than giving 20% for 5 hours.  Do the math.

About a year ago I had a terrible experience at one of my favorite restaurants.  The entire experience was terrible:

• The waiter was dressed in sloppy clothing
• A couple that came in 15 minutes after me received their food 10 minutes before me
• The silverware was dirty
• My food was undercooked
• The waiter took our orders incorrectly
• The assistant manager (the mangager wasn’t there) was extremely unapologetic for the entire ordeal

Before that experience I was easily spending $40 a week behind those doors. Over a year’s time thats $2,080 in revenue to a local restaurant.  I haven’t been back since.  If they lose 9 more people just like me (very likely based on the conversations I had) then they’ve lost $20,800 of annual revenue.  I’m sure the owner would much rather have the $21k.  He could’ve easily retained that money and received new customers through referral (I love to share good news ) had the restaurant been staffed with people who were putting their best foot forward.

I’ve never hidden my goals of being a professional speaker and writer and I won’t do it now.  By day I am a Supply Chain Environmental Health and Safety Analyst and at night I work on my speaking/writing career.  Since I’ve started to take my speaking and writing (blogs/poems/seminars/short stories) more serious I’ve run into a dilemma that fits perfectly into this article.

Working a full time 9-5 in a large company is very tiring.  I often have ideas zooming around in my head during the day that I can’t wait to come home and express.  Sometimes I’ll settle in to start writing and everything will flow like fine wine. Other times I’ll sit down and feel tired, lethargic, and my creative spark will be nonexistent.

I’ve forced myself to produce things for the sake of producing them a few times during my slumps.  The result is always the same…a very poor piece of work.  I feel vindicated for a short period of time before I realize that I’ve churned out some trash.  As a result I’ve stopped  writing or planning when  I’m obviously not up to giving 100% of myself.  The combination of providing poor value and conciously knowing that I’m pumping it out is enough to make me stop.
Anything you do from working out to writing is worth 100% of your focus.  Only then can you provide and receive the value you truly deserve.

3 - Carry Over

Think about 5 people that you know.  Whats your impression of these people?

Which ones do you consider to be:

• Hard Working?
• Dependable?
• Honest ?
• Decisive?
• Enjoyable?
• Lazy?
• Unreliable?
• Liars?
• Indecisive?
• Pain to deal with?
• Courteous?
• Jealous hearted?
• Vengeful?

Now look at the answers you’ve either written or mentally placed next to each question.  Notice a trend?  If not, keep looking.  The people who have the traits you desire (hard working, honest, enjoyable) don’t have many of the traits you don’t desire (vengeful, lazy, unreliable).  Attitudes and personalities transfer across all aspects of life.

It’s very rare to see a person who is a hard worker develop a serious lazy streak.  It’s equally rare to see a very lazy person sustain a hard working streak.

Ever met a royal pain in the butt who was also the most courteous person you ever met? I seriously doubt it

Do you have any extremely unreliable but extremely enjoyable friends? I have exactly 0
It just doesn’t happen.

If you begin to give 100% in one area of life you’ll soon be doing it everywhere.  Doing so will in turn give you more Time (1) to provide the Output/Value(2) important to you and those around you.

Anything worth doing is worth doing at 100%.  Never has a situation existed where this statement wasn’t true and the situation never will.  Once you begin to go at full tilt you’ll enjoy

1. More Time
2. Better Output
3. Carry over into other parts of life

I hope you enjoyed it.

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Today I’m going to step outside the norm and do something special.  Instead of writing an article I wanted to stretch my mind.I came up with 20 moving quotes in an hour.

The following is the result of that hour.  Enjoy

1. The longer you sit still the farther behind you fall.
2. Opportunity is only limited by imagination.
3. Everything we see, touch, smell, taste, and feel is the result of a dream come true.
4. Life is a series of cleverly disguised challenges.  The winners seek them out and destroy them.
5. Harriet Tubman couldn’t read, Albert Einstein didn’t speak until he was 3, and Ray Charles was blind.  What’s wrong with you?
6. Conforming is easy.  Being true to yourself is a true challenge.
7. Pressure is only felt by those who acknowledge it.
8. To be a king you must think, speak, and act like a king.  Before you know it you’ll end up on the throne.
9. When you get to the end of the road you realize something remarkable…There is no end.
10. Experiencing fear is experiencing life.
    
11. Being afraid to make a mistake is the biggest mistake you can make.
12. Make a new friend every day and you’ll never be lonely.
13. Smiling energizes you and everyone around you.
14. If patience is a virtue then action is distinction.
15. Self-control is everything.
    
16. In order to change the world you just might have to change yourself.
17. Hating someone wastes more time than forgetting they ever crossed you.
18. The most powerful word in the English languages is “no”.  It’s the only one that forces us to think, react, and improve.
19. I’m not what you say to me I’m what I respond to.
20. Life is like a safe deposit box. Put in nickels and dime and you’ll have loose change.  Put in diamonds and pearls and you’ll have a kings ransom.  Start saving now!

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Victory is a basic human need.  It’s right up there with food, shelter, water, and reproduction.  Few things in life rival the extreme jolt of energy that comes from winning.  Sometimes its a friendly contest amongst friends.  Sometimes it’s an athletic competition.  Sometimes its a personal goal that you’ve been striving to achieve.  Regardless of the situation winning provides joy, excitement, and energy.

Our society, our  ancestor’s society,  and the society our children will live in thrive on it.  It’s an undeniable fact of life.

• The President wins the election
• Salesmen win the trust of their customers
• Teachers  win the satisfaction of knowing they are passing on knowledge
• Bodybuilders win the fight with their bodies
• Writers win the support of their fan bases
• Race car drivers win races
• Husbands win the affection of their wives in order to marry them
• Good Doctors win their battles with disease and injury

As you can see millions of situations arise on a daily basis that challenge our willingness to win.  From running for public office to shedding a few pounds.  Someone (or something) must gain from each situation.

Why is this the case?

Why is society so competitive?

The answer is simple.  The evolution of society depends on it.  We couldn’t have leadership without elections (somebody must win the election).  We’d have no Super Bowl if NFL players weren’t out on the field every week striving for a win.  Advanced medical technology wouldn’t exist if the need to defeat discomfort, broken bones, and disease never existed.  The entrepreneurial drive to win and create a company gives jobs to millions of people across the globe. You wouldn’t be able to read this blog if the drive to create an easy medium of communication (aka win) wasn’t created.

Society Urges Us to Lose

• I don’t want to look silly
• I’m afraid no one wants to hear what I have to say
• I’m not comfortable with the material
• It makes me nervous
• That’s too difficult for me

In summary, the biggest fear in modern American society is being an outlier in our group of peers. Our natural urge is to win.  Winners are by nature outliers that rise above the competition.  Is it healthy to suppress one of nature’s basic urges?  I’d have to say no.

Play Hard or Don’t Play at All

In order to satisfy your need to win you must play hard and put forth your best foot.  I’ve learned this lesson the hard way in several aspects of life.  Most notable of those has been my experiences with dating.

The second half of my senior year in high school and all 4 years in college were spent dating the same girl. The relationship in and of itself was great.  I learned a million and one things about women that I would not have known otherwise.  However, it SEVERELY handicapped my ability to initiate conversations, keep interest, and generate any dates with strangers.

When I first broke onto the scene I was very unsure of myself.  I’d make meager infrequent attempts to gain the attention of women I didn’t know.  If anything went sour during the exchange I’d immediately turn tail and run leaving behind a trail of smoke.  Sometimes I’d even trip when running away.

As time passed I fell into a deep slump.  The rejection and and nervousness where getting to me.  I wasn’t playing the game to win.  I was just playing to play.  I wasn’t presenting a person that any woman would want to date. No wonder I was falling flat on my face every time.

Gradually I changed my attitude.  I worked on small victories like saying hi to women as they walked by.  Giving compliments to women on their hair, clothes, body, etc.  Asking female coworkers and family members about approaches.  Eventually I worked up the courage to start conversations, continue them, and ask for numbers!

Once I decided to play hard or stay home everything changed for me.  It became easy to start conversations, generate some interest, and get over the nervousness.  Now I’m at the point where I’m willing to talk to the majority of women that I find interesting.  This was a huge win for me personally because I struggled with it for a few years.  I decided that if I was going to play I might as well play hard.  Sometimes I fall flat on my face and sometimes it works like a charm.

If you’re going to undertake a task its worth giving it your all.  Otherwise you’re just plodding along going nowhere.  When it’s all said and done you’ll be much better off. Why show up just to yell “present” when the role is taken? Make your presence known.

Time is too Valuable to Spend It Losing

A friend of mine recently asked me why I always have to shoot for the top.  Why do you have to push it to the limit?  He mentioned 2 things specifically

1. My insane drive to lose weight (250 lbs down to 205)
2. My intense dedication to speaking (~40 speeches in 17 months)

Up until he asked me I’d never really thought about it.  I sat for a second and let the options run through my mind.

Then it hit me.  I value my  TIME too much to waste it not getting results (aka Losing).
Time is the one resource that is truly limited and out of our control.  Once its gone you can’t have it back.  If you waste $50 you can always make it back.  If you waste 50 years they are gone forever.

If you want to win you have to learn to place value on your time.  Certain things just aren’t worth it.  Petty arguments, mild pain, spending 100% of your free time planted in front of a TV, and getting involved in things that really don’t interest you are all a waste of your most valuable resource.   Look at what you do and how much TIME you spend doing it.

In all likelihood, you’ll be surprised at just how much time its spent doing absolutely nothing of value.  Imagine if that time was spent on value added activity.  Think you could win more then?  Think you would be happier?  Think you could have more of what you desire?

I do.

The formula to winning is right before our eyes

1. Release your winning urges
2. Play Hard or Not At All
3. Value your time

It’s really that simple and straightforward.  Winners listen to their urge to win, give 100% in their efforts, and spend their time doing the things that matter.
If you’re to get in the game you might as well shoot for the championship.

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THAT’S JUST NOT FAIR!

The battle cry heard around the world.  That’s just not right!  That’s not fair!  Things shouldn’t be that way!  Fairness (or lack thereof) is leaned on when the chips are down.  When all hope is lost.  When things just don’t seem to go our way.  When someone else has the decided advantage.

Whenever I hear “Oh that’s just not fair” I cringe. Not because I hate the word.  I cringe because it’s an excuse used by us. The “little guys and girls of the world” to explain a perceived playing field imbalance.  Standing on the top of a mountain and yelling of the unfairness of the world brings nothing into our lives.
It’s a simple fact of life that some people have gifts that others do not.  Everywhere I go I run into someone who has an advantage over me in

• Size
• Strength
• Intelligence
• Speed
• Physical Attractiveness
• Wealth
• Writing Ability

It used to drive me up a wall to meet anyone with an advantage over me.  It didn’t take long for that to change.  I grew tired of being angry and jealous of the gifts that others have.  I realized just how big a waste of my time it was.

Fairness Exercise

Now ask yourself this.  How much of this can I(or am I willing to) change?  If you’re willing and able to change all 10 then I’m very happy for you.  You haven’t wasted a second of your time and you’ve created 10 just causes to fight for.

For the rest of us lets review the list.  How many of the worlds unfair dealings are you willing to change?  If its not very many then here’s a question.  How much of your time did you just lose making that list?  How often do you do this every day?  Couldn’t your time be better spent crafting a life you want? Of course it could.

A World of Fairness

Imagine what the world would be like if everything where fair.  If everything were equal.  If we all had the same talents, motivations, and experiences. We’d all be robots waiting for the next program to download.  Oh so exciting .

Where would we be without the “unfair” genius of Shakespeare, Langston Hughes, Martin Luther King Jr., Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, etc etc?

What would modern life be like if the “unfair” creativity behind inventions like Ipods, computers, bluetooth technology, fuel injection engines, mp3s, or the internet had been suppressed?

In all likelihood if life were “fair” we’d still be rubbing rocks together to make fire.  We’d still think the world is flat.  TV’s would still weigh about 300 lbs.  Our lives would be without music, art, electricity, and comedy.  Is that “fair”?

Bad News/Good News

Bad News

As long as we are breathing things will remain”unfair”. There are some things that never change.  Celebrities will have children that are born into homes valued at or around $999,999,999,999,999.99 USD.  Some people will be born with the ability to sell dirt in the desert.  Some people will have brains with the processing power of a supercomputer.

If you’re one of these lucky few then here’s a sticker for you

You win.  Go away.  Seriously leave now .

Good News

The playing field can be easily leveled.    People have many talents and advantages that they either don’t acknowledge or don’t know about.  The good thing is they are right below the surface.  You just need to discover them. Once you discover them things clear up dramatically and you no longer feel the need to deem things “fair” and unfair”.

Our world isn’t 100% fair.  That fact makes it an interesting, compelling, and exciting place to live in.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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