Never Settle For Less

All of us have turnkey moments in our lives.  Those moments when everything changes.  Those moments when lightning strikes and things become crystal clear.  The "aha" moments that we experience are immediate and unforgettable.  Up until today I’ve had 2 or 3 of these "aha" moments.  One of them in particular sticks out like a sore thumb.

One day in September of 2005 I happened to gaze into the mirror.  This wasn’t just any normal gaze.  This was a long, slow, and excruciating physical examination.  I stared in the mirror and examined every inch of my body from head to toe.

• Hair looking good? Check
• Arms still there? Check
• Neck still attached to my head? Check
• Legs doing fine? Check
• Toes in place? Check

As I turned away from the mirror I noticed something strange.  My stomach was sticking out further than I’d ever noticed.  For weeks it had been there but this was the first time that it ever repulsed me.

There it was staring back at me in all it’s glory.  When I had a shirt over it I could easily call it fluff, loose muscle, the pooch, or any nickname that would help me hide what it really was.  With the shirt off I couldn’t lie to myself.  I was a fat boy plain and simple.

In 30 seconds I ran the gauntlet of emotions ranging from upset, to indifferent, and finally ending up angry beyond belief.  Being upset did something very special for me.  It was the match that set my desire on fire.  I seriously doubt that I would have ever lost a pound had I not been real with myself.

Sometimes the things we need to see are right in front of us hiding behind a veil we create.  It doesn’t help to hide or dish out pet names.  Be real, up front, and honest with yourself.  Get mad, get upset, get pissed off.  After you get yourself all worked up use that energy to make a change for the better.  Do it now and don’t look back.  You’ll thank me later.

If you like this blog please bookmark this page or RSS subscribe.  To RSS subscribe scroll to the bottom of the page, click on “entries RSS”, and select the page you’d prefer.  Forward this information to anyone who can draw benefit from it.  Thanks for reading and have a great day!

Something dramatic happened to me on Thursday January 4, 2007.  I got beat down by a 60 year old, retired, short, and very well dressed man.  Yes its true.  All 209 lbs of my muscle bound humanity was dominated by an old man who probably couldn’t bench press 180 lbs with 3 people helping him.

So you’re probably asking yourself what was I doing fighting with an old man.  You’ve probably gone so far as to laughing at the the whole thing.  If you’re an old man then you’re probably patting yourself on the chest with old man pride (shame on you).  Let me explain myself.
I’ll have to admit I’ve been a little misleading up to this point.  There was no fight with a 60 year old man.  I’m plenty of things but I’m not disrespectful enough to place my hands on the elderly.

No, there was no physical confrontation.  This one was mental.  The 60 year old man that took me down to the canvas is my mentor.  He’s one of the few people that my personality changes around.  Normally I’m outgoing, gregarious, and opinionated.  When I’m around him it’s the complete opposite.  I always leave our meetings kicking myself and wondering what happened.
On Thursday he called me out on several things.  He disregarded all my proposed topics, poked fun at my speaking technique, demanded that I speak to a challenging crowd sometime in the next millennium, and challenged me to start playing the game or give the equipment to someone who would use it.  I think he enjoyed walking on my face.  After he was done he handed me a stack of reference materials and rushed off into the night.
Needless to say I wasn’t very thrilled with the whole thing.  Oddly enough, I wasn’t angry at him.  He hadn’t pointed out anything that I wasn’t already aware of.  It’s ok when you tell yourself you suck.  The blow is a LOT harder when someone else fills you in on that little secret.  It stings even more when they do it with a smile.

I was very upset about the whole thing until I sat back and reflected.  In 45 minutes he gave me a dose of what the real world tastes like.  He gave me a little remainder that before pleasure there is often pain. I hated it then but I can appreciate it.  That 45 minute conversation put a lot of things into perspective.  My energy is being refocused and I’m getting ready to take some major strides in planning and execution.  All because a 60 year old man kicked me around a bookstore.

Not everything in the world feels warm and fluffy.  Sometimes we need someone to say ” excuse me for interrupting but I was watching you and you’re not very good at that“.  It may not be what we want to hear, but if you open your ears you won’t hear criticism.  Instead you’ll hear a challenge.  Don’t take it personal, use it as a learning experience, and improve yourself.  I know I will.  I’m already tired of getting beat up by old men.

Failing is a natural part of life that everybody experiences.  As people grow, mature, and branch out they inevitably run into circumstances that test their will and guts.  In order to overcome failure you must realize that failure is a temporary condition.  Nothing more and nothing less.  Follow along with me as I tell a personal story about facing failure in speech contests.  Enjoy

November 2006 Area Humorous Speech Contest

My first attempt at bringing home first place in a speech contest was in November of 2006.  All the details are still crystal  clear in my mind.  It was a cool, clean, and crisp Saturday morning.  I was  heading off to represent my club in the Area Humorous Speech Contest.  I was on  cloud 9 when I arrived.  By the time I left I was disgusted and dejected.
3 people were competing that day.  A heavy set man around the age of  30, a petite older woman around the age of 50, and myself.  We were all  there for the same reason: crush the competition and move on to the division level.
Competition makes me feel alive so I was pumped and ready to go.  I was fully prepared to blow the audience away and take home  the crown.  I’d practiced the speech and its elements at least 20 times.  My audience would be treated  to a humorous speech about car mechanics and what they really do to your car.   My opening was sure to draw them in, the body was sure to grab their attention,  and my closing was sure to send them off laughing.  It was nearly perfect. All I needed  was for my name to be called.

15 minutes before the speeches began we drew numbers to decide on the  speaking order. The heavy set man was first, I was second, and the woman was  third.  I took my seat and waited eagerly for the competition to  begin.

The heavy man’s speech was ironically about his weight.  He talked about why  he was fat.  He poked at his belly.  He made a few jokes about the fattening  foods he planned on eating later on that day.  Then he went for the jugular.  In  a totally unpredictable move he began to explain how his mother was disowning  him until he lost weight!  The crowd erupted with laughter.  He walked away from  the stage and went back to his seat.

By my estimation he’d done a decent job.  His opening was alright, he encouraged mild chuckles at his jokes, and he seemed to touch a sympathetic note by  talking about being overweight.  Good but not better than what I had in store.
Next up was me.  As my name and credentials were being announced I readied  myself for battle.  I took it up a notch from the beginning.  Unlike the first  speaker I asked for audience participation.  Everyone closed their eyes,  held out their right hand, and imagined they were holding their auto mechanic’s  face in their palm.  Then on the count of 3 they all smacked his face for extorting thousands of dollars  from their pockets!

As I expected they all exploded with laughter. They were hooked.  I weaved in and out of disastrous run ins I’d had with my very own  mechanic.  They learned about how I’d suspected him of driving my car on a date,  painting it the wrong color (twice), and even trying to hold on to it longer to  pull more money from my pocket.

Each punchline brought more and more laughter.  My confidence was growing  with every passing second.  For my ending I offered them one golden nugget of advice.  I paused and used my serious lecture face “The next time your car breaks down on the highway and you feel your wallet  getting lighter do yourself a favor…leave it there and go buy a bus pass”.

More explosions of laughter (the contest master was still laughing when he came to shake my hand as I exited the stage) .That was it!  No doubt about it.  I’d won.  Everyone smiled and cheered as I  took my seat.

Finally came the older woman.  She told a story about the advantages of  having 2 husbands to a crowd that was 85% woman.  Every single woman in the  house (they’re husbands obviously weren’t there) nodded in agreement.  They  giggled the entire time as she talked about how wonderful it would be to have 2  people buying clothes, 2 people paying for cars, and 2 people begging for her now divided attention.

The premise behind the speech was a good one.  I didn’t care much for the  delivery.  Her speech was filled with double negatives, improper subject verb  agreement, and other assaults on the english language.

After we were all done the judges left to tally the votes.  Before I could  make a move 5 or 6 people from the audience come over to congratulate me on a  sure victory.  Then the other contestants came over and did the same.  I thanked  them all and remained in my seat eager to her the official verdict.
The contest chair took the cards from the judge.  With a look of uncertainty  he began to make the announcements.

“Our third place contestant is…Marcus Smith” he said.

I looked around to make sure everybody else had heard that.   Surely, something was wrong.  DEAD LAST.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  It took all I had  to walk up to the podium, take my award, and return to my seat without absolutely pitching  a fit.

My body temperature began to rise as I read the 3rd place certificate.  Everything seemed so unreal.  I  could hear the 2nd place (the older woman) and 1st place (the fat man) being  announced but it didn’t seem like I was in the room.  They were in another world  were people couldn’t understand the quality of a good speech.

After the competition was over I left quickly.  I hopped into my car and  slammed the door.  I sped home weaving in and out of traffic like a NASCAR  driver.  When I got home I threw my certificate on the floor and tried to forget  that I’d even been to a competition.  I felt robbed.

Fallout from Losing

• Audience Participation? Check
• Attention grabbing opening? Check
• Great Eye Contact? Check
• Great Pace? Check
• Well Placed Jokes? Check
• Fantastic Witty Conclusion? Check

Things weren’t making sense.  Thinking about the competition only served made my blood boil even more.  I decided to continue entering contests until I won.

2007 Failures

I don’t want to depress you with stories of sorrow so I’ll just say this. During 2007 I got spanked in 3 more competitions.  I was not pleased. Sadness , anger , and near tear drops :’( were the norm.  That was up until December of 2007.

December 2007 Triumph

On December 3, 2007 I finally came out on top.  This time I faced 5 skillful adversaries. 1 was a relative newcomer, 2 of them have been speaking for half of my life, 1 had spanked me in an earlier competition, and 1 speaks for a living.

The earlier beat downs I took taught me some things about topic selection, delivery, how to not throw tables when you lose, proper movement, story development, and how to really connect with an audience.  I’d need all those tools on December 3.

So now came the moment of truth.  Time to use all the tools.  We drew numbers and I ended up going last. I was so focused on my speech that I barely paid attention to the other 5 orators.  I had to ask around afterwards to find out that I’d beaten at least 3 great speeches.

My speech started off by taking the audience back to my childhood.  I told the story of a childhood neighbor growing a garden in a neighborhood with notoriously poor lawns.  The story had it all

• Intrigue
• Jealousy
• Humor (I spied on her)
• Visualization
• Focus on the audience

I didn’t stop with that story.  I explained to them all how the story tied into their personal and professional lives.  How they had the opportunity to grow through Toastmasters (the speech organization).  How Napoleon Hill (Presidential Advisor), Peter Coors (Chairman of Coors Brewing Company), and Tim Allen (movie stare) all started out in a room just like the one they were in.  I explained that they too could grow and achieve great things by exploring their creativity and expressiveness in Toastmasters.  Thundering applause rang out at my conclusion.
I had finally done it!  The lessons I’d learned from past failures came together in what was my best speech.  Against the highest level of competition to date I’d finally come out on top.
So how does this relate to you?

Conclusion

Failure is a good thing when you allow  yourself to learn from it.  When you lose you are forced to look inside and discover why you didn’t come out on top.  Are you unprepared?  Are you overmatched? Did you take things too lightly? Did you overlook critical details?  Are you really taking steps to improve? Did you give your absolute best effort?  Have you learned anything from  your past failures?

Always remember that failure is temporary and fleeting.  Just because you’ve been trounced once doesn’t mean you’re cursed to lifelong failure.  Every time I got thrashed in a contest I learned something.  Every loss was an opportunity to figure out what people did and didn’t like.  Every loss was an opportunity to experiment.  Every loss was an opportunity to challenge myself and GROW.

Use your failures as learning tools to propel yourself to the next level.  You (and the rest of the world) will be happy you did.

If you like this blog please bookmark this page or RSS subscribe.  To RSS subscribe scroll to the bottom of the page, click on “entries RSS”, and select the page you’d prefer.  Forward this information to anyone who can draw benefit from it.  Thanks for reading and have a great day!

Inside the Mind of a Sprinter

Put yourself inside the mind of an Olympic sprinter right before a race takes place.  Since childhood you’ve dreamed of this moment and its finally here.  All your blood, sweat, tears, weight training, and mental preparation are about to pay off.  As you shed your warm up gear you and your coach connect eyes for a split second.  He smiles, gives you a nod, and waves you off to the starting line.

The other sprinters are already in place as you take your lane.  You take your final glance around the stadium and then get into your stance.  Instinctively your ears perk up as you await the starter’s gun.  Every muscle in your body tightens with anticipation.  Right before you can relax it happens.

On your marks…get set…GO!

Your feet tap the pavement quickly and you begin to separate yourself from the pack.  Halfway through the race the crowd roars.  Out of the corner of your eye you see another sprinter coming even with you.

What do you do?

Do you fold and let him win, remain nonchalant and hope for the best, or dig deep and pull out the victory?

By the end of this article I plan on giving you the information needed to dig deep and compete to win.

Barriers to Competition

For millions of years humans have been competing. By competing I don’t necessarily mean a sporting event or a battle.  It can simply be a disagreement of principles or ideas.

Even though the urge to compete is an essential part of our being many of us take the easy road and avoid it.  Competition is avoided for 2 reasons:

1. Aversion to Conflict
2. Fear of Failure

Aversion to Conflict

It’s amazing when you realize what is considered a conflict these days.  If you form and stick to an opinion that isn’t shared by others then you just may be labeled “disagreeable”, “antagonistic”, or “unpleasant”.  Even if you know the building is going to explode in 5 minutes you shouldn’t tell anyone.  That’s not being very PC .

Have we become so obsessed with “goodness” that we turn a blind eye when something actually needs to be addressed?
It makes me smile when I hear “We can’t talk about that”,”You might not want to say that”, or “What did you just say !?!?”.  These are signs that we’ve stopped tap dancing and starting getting to the root of the issue.  Heads may be rolling but at least things are getting figured out.  What’s so “unpleasant” about that?

Fear of Failure

That little voice in our head can get to the best of us.  It’s remarkably easy to let fear of the unknown totally dominate your life.  Look at the bad things that could happen to us out in the world:

• You could lose money
• You could be rejected
• You could fall flat on your face
• You could lose credibility
• Your may end up with nothing to show for it
• You could end up on YouTube with less money, rejected, flat on your face, less credible, nothing to show for it, with some apple pie on your face

OH NO! The apocalypse is coming.
Seriously, any failure in competition is temporary and should be treated as such. When I was 11 years old I cost my football team a regular season game.  Near the end of the game I threw 2 interceptions that sealed the deal.  I thought the world was going to collapse upon my tiny shoulders.  3 hours after the game I stopped crying due to lack of water in my body.

The sting of that loss stayed with me for a few days.  I moved around the house with little interest in anything beyond moping.  After my father tired of it he basically told me in his straight forward fashion  “suck it up, it’s not the end of the world, move on”.  It wasn’t the nicest thing he’s ever said but it was definitely effective.
People tend to make mountains out of mole hills when it comes to those things they fear.  I just don’t think fears should dominate us.  When you run across something that scares you ask yourself one simple question:

“What good comes from being afraid?”

The answer: “none”.

Avoid letting aversion of “conflict” and fear of failing bury your competitive spirit.  Keeping that competitive spirit alive will always do more for society than letting it die (no matter how large or small the impact).

Competition is Natural

Look around you at all the competition going on:

1. Coke vs Pepsi
2. Yahoo! vs Google
3. Home Depot vs Lowe’s
4. Wal-Mart vs Target
5. Microsoft vs Apple
6. McDonald’s vs Burger King
7. Yankees vs Red Sox
8. MySpace vs Facebook
9. HBO vs Showtime
10. Disney World vs Six Flag

This list could easily go on for days.  I’m sure you get the picture.  Without competition our society would not enjoy the benefits we have in the past,enjoy today, or will enjoy in the future.  Shouldn’t you embrace your competitive side and add your value?

Conclusion

Embrace competition in your life.  Whether it be a simple dispute or an all out sporting event.  The positives will outweigh the negatives . Feelings may be hurt temporarily but the lessons that come along with those feelings last a lifetime.  Competition, conflicts, or whatever you choose to call them bring the best out of people.

Don’t be afraid to step out there and expose yourself.  Only then will you know where you truly stack up and how to improve upon your current situation.

If you like this blog please bookmark this page or RSS subscribe.  To RSS subscribe scroll to the bottom of the page, click on “entries RSS”, and select the page you’d prefer.  Forward the page link to 4 or 5 people who you think may benefit from the information presented here.  Thanks for reading and have a great day!