Never Settle For Less

It’s that time of year again.  The time when all hope springs eternal.  That special time when we re-align, reassess, and re-focus our lives (or so we say).

On January 1, 2008 I got trapped in a New Year’s Resolution discussion.  As is the tradition on New Year’s Day she let me in on a little secret…she had New Year’s Resolutions!  After telling me what things she planned to update, change, or improve in 2008 she then turned the spotlight to me.

"What New Year’s Resolutions are you making this year?" she asked with a smile.

I knew the answer well before she asked me so I decided to build in some suspense.  What’s the use of having friends if you can’t have a little fun with them right?

I wrinkled my eyebrows, placed one hand on my chin, and pretended to be in deep thought over this puzzling question.  The more I waited the more anxious she become.  Torturing her was a little too easy so I stretched the "thought process" out even longer.  After 45 seconds of fake thinking I was ready to let her have it.

"I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions" I said.  She recoiled as if I were a monster.  I’m not a monster, I’m just into jumping into death traps.  Not my style .
The New Year’s Resolution is by far the worst trend that I’ve ever observed.  Trends like zubaz pants and pet rocks were at least kind enough to die.  The New Year’s  Resolution does us no such favors.  On January 1 18 billion goals are launched into the sky.  A mere 2 weeks later 7.99 billion have come crashing down to earth.

Read on to find out how to avoid falling into the New Year’s Resolution Death trap.

1-Don’t Buy Into The Hype

Too much fuss is made about the new year and the new opportunities that it brings (even though nothing much has changed).  December 31, 2007 was a Monday and January 1, 2008 is a Tuesday.  That’s the only difference. How much times in our lives have we went to sleep on Monday only to wake up on Tuesday oh glorious Tuesday?  Is this one really that much different?  Did something miraculous happen to you in your sleep last night?  It’s doubtful…extremely doubtful.

When it comes down to the nitty gritty it’s just another day.

2-Listen Up

This time of the year has become an interesting time for me.  Since I’m seen as a weight loss expert I am constantly barraged with questions about what to do, when to do it, and how to do it.  Before I can begin I have to break down the wall of misinformation in everyone’s heads.  I’m shocking people every day by simply telling them to eat less, exercise more, get some H2O flowing in their systems, cut back on the beers , and create realistic expectations.  You’d swear I was beating up little children with some of the faces I get.

Some people listen and some people spout off about the newest diet pill on TV.  I don’t have the time or the energy to argue about "scientific research" at the sugar pill factory so I’ve learned to let it go.  I work with those who will listen and I let the rest do as they please.  It’s nearly impossible to convince someone who wants to waste their own time not to do it.
Don’t be bull-headed when you set out those 2008 goals.  If you know someone who’s been there and done that.  Open your ears and listen.  You just might save yourself the trouble of making the same resolution in 2009, 2010, and 2028.

3-Prepare for the Stumbling Blocks

Planning for success is a very tricky thing.  Our natural urge is to be as optimistic as humanly possible. Use your rational thinking skills to be both optimistic and realistic.

Preparation for the hard times needs to go into that thinking. Just think for a second:

• What happens if the weight doesn’t come tumbling off?
• What happens if you don’t land that dream job in 3 months?
• What happens if you lose on American Idol?
• What happens if you don’t have a Valentine’s Day date on February 13?

These are all very real possibilities.  Not everything will line up perfectly and you need to be prepared.  Some days you will come outside to perfect temperature, dancing children, and an express way free of traffic.  Other days you’ll come outside to sleet storms, kids rolling in the mud, and bumper to bumper to bumper to bumper traffic.

Be prepared for both.  Your sanity will thank you.

4-Lay a Foundation and Progress From There

Rome wasn’t built in a day and your new life won’t be either.  DO NOT be so caught up with your new goals that you allow yourself to overlook all logic.  The largest and most beautiful buildings in history were built one unit at a time.  Look at the Taj Mahal, Eiffel Tower, The Great Sphinx of Egypt, and the Roman Colosseum.  You think these buildings came together overnight?  Of course you don’t.

Avoid being naive and thinking things will change overnight.  By and large they won’t.  You’ll only damage yourself looking for the quick and easy route to long lasting change.  Spend the next few months laying the foundation for the lifestyle you will create for yourself.  Let somebody else get their life changed for 3 easy payments of $19.99 (or whatever the rate is these days).
I always say if its worth doing then it’s worth doing right.  If you’re not going to do it right then why bother?

Conclusion

You can level-set, re-align, get your act together, rejigger (yes that is a word ), or otherwise improve your life at any point you so choose.  It doesn’t have to be and it most likely won’t be on January 1.  1/1 is competing with 364 days.  That’s a lot of pressure for Tuesday to handle!

Remember to avoid the hype, open your ears, prepare for the stumbling blocks, and lay a foundation. You’ll be well ahead of 99.99999999% of the New Year’s Resolutions crowd.  Oh yeah one more thing.  You can use this outline for other goals too .

If you like this blog bookmark this page or RSS subscribe.  To RSS subscribe scroll to the bottom of the page, click on “entries RSS”, and select the page you’d prefer.  Forward this information to anyone who can draw benefit from it.  Thanks for reading and have a great day!

I’d bet you any amount of money that your life is a series of routines and patterns.  Those routines include everything from the time you wake up until the time you start counting sheep. In order to illustrate just how routine our lives are I’d like you to answer the following questions:

• What time did you wake up?
• What time did you eat breakfast?
• What time do you go to work?
• What time did you go to lunch?
• What time did you drop the kids off for school?
• How many times a day do you check your favorite webpage?
• What time did you eat dinner?
• What time did you leave work?
• What time did you workout?
• What time did you tuck the kids in to bed?
• What time did you got to sleep?

Now answer that question for the past 10 days.  Unless you are extremely sporadic you’re bound to see a trend develop. Those trends are unique to you and your life fully justifies them.

Nothing really seems wrong with your daily habits until you want to create a significant change. The interesting thing is that it doesn’t really matter what area of life you want to change.  It can be anything from reading more literature, starting a new workout plan, getting your own business of the ground, or meeting new people.  In order to be effective at those things you must fit them into the very fiber of who you are.  Your routine is just that.  It’s the shining definition of who you are day in and day out.
So many people get started on things but never quite finish them out. People pledge to build better relationships, lose weight, become well read, and be more active in their communities all the time. In the beginning they take off like a rocket ship.  They’ll talk to everyone they see, work out like a championship athlete, read 10 pages per day, and sign up for charities like crazy.  That burst of energy usually lasts for a few weeks.  Then before you know it they’ve crash landed back to planet earth.  After they rise from the smoldering ashes the old routine takes over like it never went away.
Creating significant change in your life is something that takes a good bit of time and commitment.  I refuse to say its “hard” because that word doesn’t mean a whole lot to me.  It won’t happen in 2 or 3 days and reasonable people really don’t expect it to.

Reprogramming yourself falls into 3 major phases:

1. Identification of Patterns and Gaps
2. Reprogramming
3. Maintaining the program

Phase 1 Identification of Patterns and Gaps

Identifying and acknowledging that you do indeed fall into a morning routine that includes X-rated magazines, 12 cups of coffee, and a CIA evidence kit be a slight challenge.  It may be embarrassing.  It may me even be a little demeaning. You’re here because you’re a trooper and you want to change things…you can handle it.

In order to create significant changes in your life you must be able to map out your day.  Identifying your patterns allows you to do just that.

When I weighed 250 lbs I wanted nothing more than to lose weight.  I constantly read magazine articles, web pages, newspaper articles looking for information on how to get it done.   I daydreamed about ripping off my shirt and revealing rock hard six pack abs below. I soon realized that I’d have to change my entire lifestyle to do it or else I’d keep sporting the spare tire.
My first challenge was finding the right time to workout.  Research and previous failures told me that I’d need to find a time that I wouldn’t readily wiggle out of.    At the time my days looked like this:

12:00 A.M. - 7:30 A.M. –> Sleep

7:30 A.M. - 8:00 A.M. –> Prep for Work

8:00 A.M. - 8:15 A.M. –> Travel to Work

8:15 A.M. - 6:00 P.M. –> Work

6:00 P.M. - 6:15 P.M. –> Travel Home

6:15 P.M. - 8:00 P.M. –> Dinner

8:00 P.M. - 10:30 P.M. –> Read, Watch TV, Play Video Games, Talk on Phone, etc

After 10:30 P.M. –> Get ready for bed and go to sleep

Wash, Rinse, Repeat every single day

At the time the mornings were off limits.  Its not that I wasn’t capable of working out in the morning.  I just flat out refused to do it.  Instead of interrupting my much needed beauty sleep I decided to squeeze a workout into my remaining 4.5 hours of life after work.

Now think about a significant change you’d like to make. How much time a day would you need to start making this change.  Take a look at your day to day schedule.  Do you see any time slots that could be moved, shifted, or tightened to accommodate that change.
I’m sure you can readily identify some time you could move to start getting things done.  That’s the painless part of this exercise.

Phase 2 Reprogramming

During phase 2 your way of life begins to change dramatically.  That new activity becomes a part of who you are.  Everyone who attempts to reprogram themselves goes through the same cycle.

Excitement

It’s very easy to tell when someone has picked up something new. THEY ABSOLUTELY WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT .  I remember when I started working out.  Everyone I ran into had to hear about my workout schedule, the foods I ate, how much fun I was having, and how much stronger I was feeling.  Back in those days if you talked to me you were going to hear about it whether you wanted to or not.  Now that other people do it to me I see just how annoying it can be .
The same thing happened with a close friend of mine. He picked up a sales job with high hopes of supplementing and eventually replacing his income.  We couldn’t have a conversation without him brining it up. He worked Company X’s name into every possible sentence.  To an outsider I’m sure he seem hypnotized (or at least crazy).

I experienced this again with another friend and his blog site.  One day out of the blue he decided to start a web site that would serve as his personal rant. This e-rant would bring him traffic in waves, glory, and eventually a big company buyout. For 3-4 days he worked diligently on the main page design.  His first post was a passionate declaration of what his site would have to offer filled with all the bragging and profanity that should accompany a personal rant site.

The next time I saw him he stopped me in my tracks.

“Did you see my post?????!!!!!!” he shouted with pride in his eyes.

“Yes, yes I saw it” I said.

That enthusiasm soon died off due to the next step.

Dip/Slump/Negative Feelings

That immediate rush of excitement is great.  You’re doing something new, the possibilities are endless, and the world belongs to you!

Then it happens.  Reality rears its ugly head.  Excitement and reality are like fire and water.  Excitement serves to ignite the fire.  Reality comes through and slowly puts the fire out.

This is bound to happen to anyone attempting to reprogram themselves or change their behaviors.  The 10 Million dollar question is “How do you handle this dose of reality?”
Fight or Flight?

Remember this concept from elementary school?  If not here’s a brief refresher.  The fight or flight response is the natural tendency to either run or fight in the face of danger.  That dose of reality is the flash of danger that triggers a fight or flight response.
Unfortunately, this is where many people slip in the reprogramming process.  It’s much easier and convenient to just give in and say “I can’t”, “it’s too hard”, or “that’s just not for me”.  Think about it.  They just roll of the tongue so easily.  They’re so comforting.  They’re there to stroke you when your feelings are hurt and provide a soft cushion to land on.   Statements like this relieve all the pressure from the situation you tried to correct.

There’s just one problem…it really does you no good in the long run.  None…Nada…Zip

Staying to fight is truly the road less traveled and for good reason.  Fights can get nasty.  Fights drain you mentally and physically.  Fights also introduce the possibility of doing something most of us dare not do.  It’s something so horrendous that it makes most people cringe just thinking about it.
Fights introduce the possibility of PAIN, LOSS, EMBARRASSMENT, or outright FAILURE.  We don’t like that word very much these days.  It’s a nasty little demon.

Here’s something to chew on when you’re thinking about reprogramming yourself.  If you start something and then stop at the first sign of danger you’re wasting your time, energy, and other valuable resources.  On top of that you’re still failing to do what you set out to do.  No matter how comfortable it may seem it’s really not helping you do what you set out to do.  If you stick with it and fight at least you’ve given yourself the chance to be fully reprogrammed.  9 times out of 10 thats all it takes to let the program become a part of you anyway.  Remember, without pain we’d never know what pleasure truly  is.

Phase 3 Completely Reprogrammed

If you’ve made it this far that means you’ve decided to fight rather than give up.  At this point you’ve done 95% of the hard work.  The highs of excitement put you on cloud 9 at the beginning.  Each day you jumped into the task giving it your heart and soul.  You set reminders for yourself.  You charted your accomplishments.  You sounded off to everyone that would listen about your new goal, program, or lifestyle.

At some point you experienced a dip in motivation to keep things going.  That zest that you had for this new lifestyle began to choke as results came slower than you expected.  Negative images and thoughts began to creep into your brain.  People may have urged you to return to your old lifestyle, you considered giving up, you considered going back to your old habits, and then you had to make a decision.

Will you fight or will you run away.  Hopefully, you decided to take the road less traveled and continue to fight.  People who resist the urge to run away begin to notice a change in themselves about a month into their reprogramming process.  Those things that were once too inconvenient now fit perfectly into your day.  Those mountains that you couldn’t climb over are now molehills that you stomp on.  Before long the new habit is so important that you don’t feel whole when it isn’t done.

That’s when you know you’ve successfully been reprogrammed.  Congratulations!

Conclusion

Reprogramming yourself and developing new habits isn’t a “hard” thing to do.  All it takes is consistency.  I’ve been through this process several times.  Most notably with weight loss and blogging/writing.

The first time I did it was when I decided to begin working out and lose weight.  In order to do it my lifestyle needed a complete make over.  Reprogramming myself was the obvious answer.  I experienced all the steps mentioned in this article.  When I began I was too excited to sit still.  Shortly  after that I became impatient and began doubting myself.  When the time came to fight or run I decided to stay and fight until the job was done.  Before I knew it was working out 5 days a week.  It’s developed into an unbreakable habit that’s helped me lose 50 lbs, improve my bench press from 180 lbs to 370 lbs, and drop 5 pants sizes.  Pretty effective if you ask me.

The second time I entered this process was when I decided to blog and write articles.  When I started I could write for 4-5 hours on end.  Words would glide off of my fingers and onto the page like magic.  It was effortless.  As the weeks passed it began to feel more like a chore than something I could genuinely enjoy and continue.  I was writing articles, submitting to blog carnivals, and checking my statistics like crazy.  When the numbers weren’t what I wanted them to be I began to reconsider my decision.

Was it really worth it?

Should I be doing this with my time?

The answer was a resounding  “Yes”.  It was  worth it and I will continue to do it.  I already have plans to continue writing, submitting to carnivals, submitting to ezines, and providing value for years to come.  The emails and comments I get on my blog and home page let me know that my writing is doing what I intended.  There’s really no reason to stop now.  In due time the proper results will come.

Reprogramming yourself is a process we all attempt at some point.  All of us try and many of us fail.  Failure to reprogram yourself is your own fault because you can only do so by selling yourself short and giving up.  Always remember that the process of changing your habits always follows this outline:

1. Identification of  Patterns and Gaps
2. Reprogramming
1. Excitement
2. Dip/Slump/Negative Feelings
3. Fight or Flight?
3. Completely Reprogrammed

This process mirrors life.  You get out of it exactly what you put into it.  Nothing more and nothing less.

If you like this blog please bookmark this page or RSS subscribe.  To RSS subscribe scroll to the bottom of the page, click on “entries RSS”, and select the page you’d prefer.  Forward this information to anyone who can draw benefit from it.  Thanks for reading and have a great day!

When I was six years old I got a new neighbor.  That in and of itself isn’t a remarkable or drastic feat.  People move in and out of neighborhoods all the time.  She was different in her own special way.  She was one of the first people to give me insight into what this life is really all about.

Cordele, GA is my hometown. For those of you who don’t know its the Watermelon Capital of the World.  I wish I could say there is a lot going on there.  I wish I could say it’s a great place to launch your career as an astrophysicist.  I wish I could say it has more than 2 exits on the interstate.  I wish I could say the median salary wasn’t $25,000.  Unfortunately, I can’t say any of those things. I know you’re jealous. That’s ok .
However, I can say this.  The new neighbor that moved in next door around the time I was six was a blessing.  Thanks Cordele.
I lived on the "wrong side of the tracks" in a literal sense. A train track runs down through my town (have-nots on one side and have-it-alls on the other).  My neighborhood was made of 10 houses with notoriously poor lawns.  At least 8 of the front lawns looked like plots from the Sahara desert.  At some point everyone on the block had tried to plant flowers.  One by one they all failed.  Even my beloved grandmother with her midas touch of gold couldn’t get her flowers and trees to grow (sorry grandma).

My new neighbor didn’t have that problem.  2 or 3 days after she moved in I saw her out in the yard with a stick.  She bent over and put her 60 year old knees into the dirt and began to crawl around.  Curiosity got the best of me so I waltzed over into her yard to figure out what was going on.  To my disappointment she was only drawing small "X" shapes in the sand.  I said hello to her and went on with my day.

About a week later I noticed her out in the yard again.  This time she carried a bag in her right hand and a small shovel in her left.  At a pace all her own she methodically planted seeds at every "X" mark in the yard.  One by one she’d move over to a spot and follow this exact process:

1. Shovel dirt
2. Deposit Seeds
3. Cover the hole
4. Pack it down

I must have watched her shovel dirt for at least an hour.  The process was intricate yet simple.  I’d never seen anyone else go through such great lengths to START their garden.  It was obvious to me that she was up to something.  I just didn’t know what.
Over the next couple of months my new neighbor diligently watered her plants.  Every single day she’d be out in that yard.  Her movements were precise and calculated.  I’d never seen anyone so interested in pouring water into the grand.  It was interesting, boring, and crazy at the same time.  Watching her water plants was one of the few things that could make me sit still.

Every single day for the next six months the process continued without fail.  People in the neighborhood grew suspicious and began to gossip about the woman who was “obsessed with her garden”.

• Who does she think she is?
• Doesn’t she know plants don’t grow here?
• Why does she waste her time out there?
• Is she crazy??

About a  year later all her critics grew silent.  What was once a lonely plot of dirt was blossoming into a gorgeous front lawn.  Around the perimeter of her yard were trees that stood taller than anything else in the neighborhood.  Inside that small forest of trees grew rows of petunias, roses, and other assorted flowers.    In a little over a year she had the most dazzling yard on the block!

I was green with envy.  My grandmother had been trying for years to get grass to grow in her yard.  Meanwhile, our neighbor was building a tropical rain forest.
My neighbor’s flowers and my jealousy grew out of control at the same rate.  It became my mission to discover her secrets.  One day I decided to get up close and personal.   Since I was a James Bond fan at the time I decided to use some 007 tactics.  I pressed my body against the wall of her house and slid along the bricks until I made it to the edge of her garden.  As I peaked around the corner  I noticed that my neighbor was nowhere to be seen.  I knew she couldn’t have disappeared that quick so I advanced into her yard.  Out of nowhere a bucket of water soaked my face.

“Young man would you mind telling me what you’re doing snooping around in my yard!!!??’ she screamed.

“I…I…I…was trying to steal your secrets” I stammered out.

“What secrets are you talking about?” she asked in an irritated tone.

I gathered myself and explained that I was jealous of her yard and wanted to share her success with my grandmother.  She burst out into a taunting laugh that I’ll never forget.  After she got done laughing she asked that I pay very special attention to what she was about to say closely.  She paused for about 15 seconds and said something that I (along with everyone else on earth) really needed to hear:

“If you want anything on this earth to grow you must work towards that growth.  Some things may happen quick.  But that’s the exception, not the rule.  I haven’t done anything special except pay attention and water my plants with care.  I know what I have to do and I do it.  Tell your grandmother that’s the only “secret” she needs”

My little heart plummeted to the floor.  I was expecting her to surprise me with secret planting or watering techniques.  Instead she told me to poor water into the ground every day.

As an adult I can fully respect that message.  I’ve seen it work in my life and the lives of others.    In order to grow and progress you must be willing to go that extra mile, be consistent, and drive towards your goals whether you have 0, 1, 10, or 10 thousand people supporting you.  In the end it’s all the same.

So here’s the final question.

Are you leaving the water in the hose or using it to water your own personal soil of growth?

If you like this blog please bookmark this page or RSS subscribe.  To RSS subscribe scroll to the bottom of the page, click on “entries RSS”, and select the page you’d prefer.  Forward this information to anyone who can draw benefit from it.  Thanks for reading and have a great day!

Very few words twist me up or get my blood boiling like the word "normal".  I always have been and always will be annoyed by the idea that being "normal" is the most desirable way to live life.  Don’t get me wrong.  I understand that you must wear shoes in public places, eat food with utensils, and hold the door for the fairer sex.  Honestly, that’s where my list of "normal" behavior ends.

My propensity for abnormal behavior has led me to some crazy places.  I have wild scarring on my arms and legs, I love public speaking, I constantly challenge things I don’t agree with, act like a white person (whatever that means), and I’ve changed my life by dropping 50 of the most disgusting pounds I’ve ever carried.  All of these things are fun and rewarding for me but they aren’t considered "normal" by any stretch.
From what I’ve seen the people who avoid being "normal" are the ones who enjoy their lives the most.  They may not be the richest (in a surprising number of cases they are pretty well off), they may not have the best bodies, and they may not have the most complex words in their vocabularies.  However, they are enjoying their lives 100 times more than the "normal" people who just go around fogging up mirrors.
I could probably list 99 reasons why being "normal" sucks but I’ll keep it to 3.

1 - “Normal” People blend right in with the crowd

Have you ever noticed how most people seem to be carbon copies of somebody else.  That’s a weird trend if I’ve ever seen one.  If I run into one more person who is an up and coming, enterprising, detail-oriented, data driven,  business minded, self-starting (fill in the blank based on career) I may and hold a pillow over my nose.  Here’s a news flash.  Not everybody is detail-oriented and data driven.  If they were 70% of the people on this great planet wouldn’t be complaining about job dissatisfaction.

Sometimes I think we were all made at a people printing plant.  I challenge anyone to disprove my theory.

2 - “Normal” People are not Memorable

People have an overwhelming tendency to ask what you do for a living when they meet you.  For the longest time I’d blurt out a short description of what I actually do between 9-5 on a daily basis.  I’d give my pre-prepared spiel on how I ran reports, provided ad-hoc analysis, and brought dollars back to the bottom line as a logistics analyst.  95% of the people I met couldn’t remember that 4 weeks later.

About six months ago that answer morphed into something totally different.  To amuse myself I shortened that answer down to one word…nothing.  I know exactly what you’re saying.

Why would you tell people that you do nothing?  The answer is simple.

It’s probably the most memorable answer you can give to that question.  It’s only done for shock value.

Usually I’ll come back to the person 4-5 minutes later and explain to them what I actually do. So far nobody has forgotten that!
It’s memorable and it allows me to position myself as someone who’s comfortable, confident, and MEMORABLE.  How many “normal” people can you remember a month after you’ve met them?

Exactly.

3 - “Normal” People Never Challenge Themselves

In order to be normal you must truly aspire to astrological levels of “normal” activity.  “Normal” people just  aren’t comfortable pushing their boundaries.
Go ahead and challenge yourself.  Beware, people may look at you like an alien.  Get ready for questions like:

How dare you take a risk?

How dare you enter a contest that you may lose?

How dare you stand up for yourself?

How dare you lose weight?

How dare you gain muscle?

How dare you congregate with and meet people that are “out of your league”?

How dare you set a goal and do everything within your power to achieve it?

Just who do you think you are?

What’s gotten into you?

Are you ok?

The list could go on and on for days so here’s the point.  Stretching yourself outside of your normal comfort zone is the only way to grow and break the “normal” mold.  Whether its finding an instrument to play, meeting people of a higher pay grade, or taking a risk to measure yourself against the competition.  It’s all a part of breaking that “normal” mold and figuring out what works for you.

Conclusion
As I said earlier being normal requires that you be just that…normal.  Nothing is inherently wrong with it.  It just requires you to be a robot that walks, talks, stands, sits, coughs, dances, smiles, cries, and wears the exact same clothes as everyone else.  Go ahead and rip that bar code off your neck and discover yourself.

Here’s a piece of advice: stick out like a sore thumb, do something memorable (big or small), and challenge yourself. Trust me, its the only way you’re going to get anywhere.
If you like this blog please bookmark this page or RSS subscribe.  To RSS subscribe scroll to the bottom of the page, click on “entries RSS”, and select the page you’d prefer.  Forward this information to anyone who can draw benefit from it.  Thanks for reading and have a great day!

I’ll assume that if you’re reading this article then you have some interest in going through a body transformation. I did just that in 45-60 minutes a day, 5 days a week, while holding down a corporate 9-5 position with enough stress and politics to drive the president crazy! At my heaviest weight I tipped the scales at 252 lbs. At my lowest I’m 205 lbs. Since losing that weight I’ve had the pleasure of helping people shed weight along with the pain of witnessing people fail due to some easily avoidable mistakes.Losing weight is one of those topics that confuses even the smartest people on our planet. Confusion leads to mistakes, which lead to frustration, which ultimately leads to failure. In this article I will outline the 9 Most Common Body Transformation Mistakes I’ve seen.

I’ve noticed an interesting trend in the fitness world.  When I say the fitness world I mean everyone who’s ever embarked on the journey of building a muscle or losing an ounce of fat.  The fitness world hates bodybuilding.  The mere mention of the word bodybuilding can start an avalanche of misplaced information and opinions.

There are 2 main sources to blame for the world turning its back on bodybuilding

1. TV
2. Word of Mouth Discussions

TV

TV has become a place where anyone with a voice can express their opinions on a topic.  The validity of the information has gone out the window as stations search for ways to fill their time slots. The best information is swept under the rug while pumped up and overhyped “secrets” and “shortcuts” are dished out to the masses.

Every time I see a fitness commercial or advertisement my interest is peaked.  I’ll openly admit to being gullable and thinking that someone will eventually give people all the information they need. Each time I think someone will come clean I’m proven wrong.
The forumula is always the same:

• The Hook –> The hook is always a question that appeals to our inner desire to look like models.  “Are you tired of those love handle obliques?”
• The Promise –> The promise is always a distorted lie about how their product (that targets one bodypart) or their diet (which often alienates an entire food group like fats or carbs) is the key to a total body transformation.
• The Proof –> The proof is always a fitness model (who obviously trains with bodybuilding principles) that has no problem associating with a liar.

I’ve come to accept these products as a part of life.  As long as people want to be fit these products will have their place.  The bigger issue at hand is the word of mouth that travels along with these pseudo-bodybuilding products.

Word of Mouth Conversations

Pseudo-bodybuilding products start the war on bodybuilding.  Word of mouth takes it to another level.  I witnessed one of these conversations just last week.

After a group meeting some of my coworkers fired up a conversation about diets.  I’m always interested in what they have to say so I tuned in. Even though I’m no longer on the diet scene I recognize the “hot” diets.  Just as I thought they all came up one by one:

• Atkins
• Zone
• South Beach
• Master Cleanse
• Low Carb
• High Protein

I sat idly by for about 5minutes as slew of terrible information flew through the air.

• If you drink too much water you’ll die! (you can but highly unlikely)
• Doing over 20 minutes of cardio will start to lose muscle
• Lifting heavy weights will make you big like a bodybuilder
• Never under any circumstances should you eat fat

Eventually, I’d had enough and decided it was time to add some truth to the conversation.

I told the story of how I lost 50 lbs, reduced my bodyfat down from 25% to 13%, and started to build the body I’d always wanted.  They all seemed so disappointed that I didn’t have a diet to evangelize and raise up to the high heavens.

I gave them all pointers and began to make my way towards the door.  Just as I was about to leave one of my co-workers shouted out “not everybody is into bodybuilding like you”.

I’ll never forget the way she said bodybuilding.  She said it like a kid who was cursing for the first time.  I didn’t want to crush her so I decided to handle the situation gently.

“What are your fitness goals?” I asked.

“To lose some fat, go down a few dress sizes, and firm up my body” she answered as if she’d been anticipating the question and was outsmarting me.

“How do you plan on doing that?” I asked with increasing interest.

“By running on the elliptical machine and gradually building weights into my weight loss program” she answered again becoming even more excited.

“That’s nothing more than bodybuilding!” I shot back as she completed her sentence.

That statement sent shockwaves through the room.  My co-workers were mortified that they were using BODYBUILDING techniques on their precious bodies.  As confusion set in I let them know that it was ok.  As I walked out the door I could here them all arguing about how wrong I was.

A common trait of the Macho Man is Homophobia.  The hatred and misunderstanding of gay people runs through the veins of every machismo king on the planet.  It’s ridiculous, close minded, and hilarious all at once.  My question has always been simple.  What’s the use?
The Burning Question…Why Hate Gay People?

Of all things to be uptight and afraid of this one confuses me the most.  Gay men choose to live their own lives and take on male partners.  I won’t ever be able to figure out why they do (but they do)!  With that being said I have to ask "Who Cares?".  Seriously, why is it any of YOUR concern who a person chooses to date, marry, or congregate with.

Living in Atlanta makes it virtually impossible to avoid gay people.  A major pride parade and weekend are hosted here. An entire section of downtown is populated by gay people.  With that said  I’ve seen way too many macho men get wrapped up in ridiculing gay men.  Before I got a clue about life I used to think their jokes were funny.  Then I woke up and realized it was childish.
If you’re a man that makes fun of gay men here’s a question.  How can you hate someone so intensely based on the way they live their lives?

What to do if/when a gay man hits on you

Before I continue I have 2 pieces of information I must share:

1. I’m not gay
2. I’ve been hit on by gay men

Yes I’m a straight man defending gay men on a masculine web site.  Shoot me.

The first time a gay man hit on me I was furious.  My blood was boiling beneath the surface.  My eyes filled with rage and I balled my hands into two tight fists.  I was embarrassed beyond belief and I felt violated in a way that I still can’t put into words.  My better judgement kept me from getting into a fight that day.
The 2nd time a gay man hit on me I was surprised.  He “stalked” me for a short while before I let it be known the interest wasn’t mutual.

The 3rd time a gay man hit on me I laughed.  I learned to take their passes for what they were and move on.  The event in and of itself isn’t life changing at all.  It’s good for a quick story, not for a life long crusade against gay men.

Conclusion

If you’re a macho man with homophobia here’s some advice:

1. Grow Up
2. Respect People for who they are
3. Realize 99.99999% of gay men are never going to bother you
4. Grow Up
5. Have a conversation with a gay man (He’s a person too)
6. Figure out why you hate/fear gay men
7. Grow Up
8. Knit a sweater
9. Remind yourself that 99.99999% of gay men are never going to bother you
10. Grow Up!!

Homophobia is by far one of the most ridiculous things I’ve come across in my lifetime.  If you’re an adult macho man and you hate gay men get your act together.  They aren’t out to conquer (or even threaten) the world you live in.

Me - 4

Macho Men - 0

The assault on macho men only gets better next week.

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Here’s a secret.  Going to the gym and working out is good for you…SUPRISE!  The list of obvious benefits is long and exhaustive:

• Improved Cardiovascular Fitness
• Muscular Size
• Better flow of blood to your heart
• Increased life expectancy
• Greater energy
• Lower levels of stress
• Improved confidence levels
• Lower body fat
• Decreased risk of diseases
• Reduced exposure to injury

By now we can recite all these in our sleep. 

Networking Environment

Recently I uncovered a hidden treasure in the gym.  It’s unrelated to fitness yet vital to advancement in life.

Public gyms are an amazing place to network and make contacts.  The environment is perfect.  In the office people are defined by their title, longevity, political standing, or history within the company.  Oftentimes, this creates boundaries that are very unlikely to be broken.  Contrast this with the gym where everyone is on equal ground.  The environment is extremely relaxed  and conversation flows freely.

Who Works Out

People from all walks of life are in the gym.  I’ve only been in my current gym for 9 months and I’ve already met an impressive cast of characters including:

• Accountants
• Bodybuilders
• Football Players
•  Salesmen
•  Engineers
• HR  Managers
• Insurance Salesmen
• Home Builders
• CEOs
•  Martial Arts Experts
• Wealth/Finance Planners
• Fitness Models
• Lawyers
• Professional Speakers (I met my mentor’s wife in the gym)

Where else can you hope to find a network like that? 

Listen to this.  I work out at 6 am when only 10-15% of the gym’s total membership is there.  I’ve received job offers, home deals, wealth planning advice, and free legal counsel.  When only 15% of the membership is working out.  Imagine who’s there in the evenings!

The statement “It’s not what you know it’s who you know” is 100% true.  The gym is packed with resourceful strangers that you’ve yet to tap into.  They are begging to help you.  Do you really want to leave all those connections on the table?

Start a conversation with a stranger in the gym.  It just might change your life, it’s definitely changing mine.

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Little is the most toxic word in the English language.  It’s in all our vocabularies and it rolls off the tongue without any thought or effort.  At the surface the word seems harmless, but a closer look reveals just how crippling the word Little really is.

Definition

Effects

For example

• I’ve started this Little health kick = I’m slightly interested in my health and I’ll likely let it go at the first opportunity.
• I’ve started this Little company on the side = I’m dabbling in something and I’m not fully confident it will work.
• I went to Chris’ Little presentation on sales = Chris is a peer (not an executive) so his ideas can’t possibly hold as much weight.
• I had this Little idea on how to help the department = I have an undeveloped idea that I’d like to express.  Please listen to me.

See what happens?

Just by uttering the word Little you immediately belittle your topic and steal power from its purpose.  You might as well set that idea on fire with gasoline and a match because its toast.
I know of 5 people in my immediate memory that have gone on Little health kicks, weight loss plans, or diets.  None of them have lost any significant weight.  Each and every one of them had all the information necessary to lose weight.  Each and every one of them labeled their efforts Little.

Similarly, I know plenty of people who have had Little businesses on the side for years.  The businesses generate very little traction, leads, or sales.  These are all very bright people who’ve fallen prey to Little thinking.  Whenever we discuss their business they find a way to sneak in a synonym of Little in the description.

Lack of Respect?

Little is a disrespectful word.  When aimed at yourself or others its equally toxic.
It’s a terrible thing to say about someone else’s projects, goals, efforts , or dreams.  Think not?   What’s worse than  saying someone else’s goals are undeveloped, insignificant, or weak?

Calling your own projects, goals, efforts, or dreams Little is self-sabotage plain and simple.  Why would anyone disrespect themselves in this way?

Conclusion

Using the word Little is an easy trap to fall into.  The word seems so insignificant…powerless…small…undetect
able.  Bringing that word to life does those exact things to you.  When you use it you become insignificant, powerless, small, and undetectable.

Words are more powerful than we give them credit for.  Little being one of the more powerful and covert.  We let it fly so often without paying attention.  Saying the word Little is like digesting a flavorless poison.  You don’t detect it and the effects aren’t realized until it destroys you.

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Juggling women seems to have become some type of sport.  It’s not a recent phenomena either.  It seems to have been passed down from generation of caveman to generation of caveman as the thing to do.  You would think something passed down through the centuries would have some positive impact on life.  Unfortunately, it does nothing except bolster the male ego (for reasons I’ll never fully understand).

Here’s a story I’m sure you’ll enjoy.  It happens to perfectly illustrate my point as well.

About a month ago a close friend and I were talking about women, sex, and dating.  The conversation floated and drifted from topic to topic.  We go back and forth as friends do during the normal flow of a conversation.  Eventually, the conversation went into the number of women I man should have under his belt and/or date at the same time.

Let me start by saying we were on opposite ends of the spectrum on this one.   He has some caveman/Macho Men tendencies so I really shouldn’t have been all that surprised.  According to my good buddy a man’s purpose in life is to

"Sleep with as many women as possible.  That’s what we’re supposed to do.  If I have a son I’m going to tell him to have sex with as many women as he can.  That’s what they are here for."

Statements like this make me sick.  First, its incredibly ridiculous.  Second, the idea is passed around to millions as if its ok.  Third, it makes women (except the ones in OUR family) out to be objects used for sex.  Fourth, the creative energy used in attracting, seducing, and later having sex with several women could be better used with many other aspects of life.  So why pour the majority of it into misleading women?

My father taught me something a long time ago that I still carry to this day.  He caught me at the point when I was just becoming interested in girls and sex and said something very profound.

“Don’t treat any woman different than you’d want  your mother or grandmother to be treated“

That is without a doubt some of the best advice he’s ever given me. That one sentence has helped me keep my head on straight and respect the women in my life.

Mr. Caveman if you’re out there please pay attention.  You can still be a man without juggling and misleading 3-4 women for your own personal gain.  Trust me…its not that bad.  You may actually gain some respect for women