Never Settle For Less

Picture this.

You’re meeting someone for the first time.  The two of you introduce yourselves and you stick your hand out to shake hands.  The person you’re meeting with grabs your hand, squeezes so hard that he stops the blood flow, and shakes so hard that he tears your rotator cuff.

Your response is?

A) Oh that’s normal

B) I’ve just been blessed by a wonderful, strong, virtuous, powerful, insightful, brave, talented, healthy, and truly remarkable leader

C) Wow I don’t know if the death squeeze and rotator cuff tear was necessary

If I had to guess I’d say your answer is….C.

If you listen to the right people (or the wrong ones depending on how you look at it) you’ll get the impression that a strong handshake sends a signal of strength, power, and courage.  I, on the other hand, think its just a handshake.

I can count on zero fingers the number of times I’ve left a meeting with a person and thought "I wasn’t really sure about him until we shook hands. THEN and ONLY THEN did I know he was the one for the job."

Seriously who is making this stuff up?

Every now and again I’ll run into someone who believes in the myth of a powerful handshake.  They believe that a handshake sends a signal of power.   The last time I ran into a hand shake hero I began asking questions.

Me: Do you shake everyone’s hand like that?

Hand Shake Hero: No

Me: Why not?

Hand Shake Hero: It’s not always appropriate.

Me: Really?  Well when is it appropriate?

Hand Shake Hero: In a business setting or in an unfamiliar environment when I need to show presence, confidence, and power.

Me: You don’t need to establish any presence, confidence, and power with me.  Would you shake your mother’s hand like that?

Hand Shake Hero: No

Me: Show me how you’d shake your mother’s hand.

*Exchange a normal handshake*

Me: Do me a favor and shake my hand like you’d shake your mothers.  I know she may not be as pretty as me but they have surgeries for that

Hand Shake Hero: ………….

Me: Thanks!

Conclusion

A handshake is just a handshake.  It doesn’t make you a titan amongst mere mortals or a king amongst kings.  It only makes you a person that believes in ridiculous myths. I’m not sure where the idea got started but its being passed along to way too many people. If you’re a good person to know then a strong handshake doesn’t make me want to know you more.

Stop hurting people with your handshake and play nice.  People will appreciate it more than a broken hand.  Trust me.
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When I was in high school I did some really stupid things.  At some point during those 4 years I

• Got caught with “unauthorized” females in the house
• Smoke black and milds
• Fought in a weight room full of metal plates and sharp objects (smooth move)
• Chased a school bus 1/4 mile down the street

While all of those things are silly or ridiculous in their own right none of them can come close to my biggest blunder.  At my school shoes and clothes were a status symbol.  If you had the most expensive or exclusive clothes you were seen as coherent and people assumed you could probably spell your name right.  Since I wanted to hold some kind of status I eventually became a sneaker freak.  I was all over just about every new pair of high priced sneakers that hit the market.

Every year the genius squad at Nike would pump out a new pair of must have sneakers (Air Jordans, Air Max, etc).  When I started buying shoes the price tag was only $140. The most expensive pair a bought was $200.  Even though I should have cared, price was no object for me.  I had a job flipping pizzas and nothing else to do with the money. So I did the next best thing…flush it down the toilet.

Things really got out of hand during my senior year.  Cue the almighty air max 95.

One of the executive sales and marketing geniuses at Nike decided to go through their catalog and re-release the all black Air-Max 95 shoe.  It was a pure stroke of genius.  It seemed like EVERYBODY under the age of 30 wanted those shoes.  As soon as they hit the shelf they were gone.  If you weren’t at the store when they were released you could forget about it.  Unfortunately for me my grandmother didn’t see the urgency so I couldn’t get a pair.

At first I didn’t think much of it. After all it was just a pair of shoes.  How big of a deal could it really be?  I found out when I came back to school.  All the cool kids were rocking a pair and I wasn’t. In my little mind that made it a big deal.Since I’m not the type to go down without a fight I launched an FBI style manhunt for the shoes.  I think the FBI has a 98% success rate.  Mine was 0.  Every store I went to was fresh out of size 12 all black Air-Max 95 sneakers.  I was becoming obsessed and depressed at the same time.  All over a pair of shoes.  They were the talk of the town and I was left out.

One day my luck changed.  I walked into Hibbett sports on the hunt.  I asked the salesperson for the size 12 all black Air-Max 95.  She went to the back of the store and returned with a box in her hand. A surge of happiness shot through my body as she approached.  As she got closer that happiness turned to bewilderment.

What’s this??  The size on the box said 14 not when I had requested a 12.  She explained to me that the only size they had was a 14.  Up until then I had been very level headed and rational about my hunt.  Things were about to change. This was the very first time that I’d had a pair within arms reach.

I slipped them on and “walked” around in them.  They were definitely too big. I had room for another adult in there but it really didn’t matter.  I had finally had my shoes within reach!  All rational thought was thrown out of the window as I began to daydream about my new shoes.

“Are you going to buy them?” the sale person broke through my daydream trying to make her sale.  “Ummm…sure I’ll take them.”  I was beaming with joy and pride as I walked to the sales counter.  That was the first and only time in my life that I paid $145 for something that obviously didn’t fit me.

The next day I woke up and prepared for school. My euphoria was broken up by a dose of reality.  I was too caught up in being cool to realize that the shoes were indeed 2 sizes too big.  When I walked tt sounded like my shoes were farting.  I had to fix this and fix it quick.  I took an entire roll of toilet tissue, separated it in half, stuffed it into my shoes, and hit the door for school.

About halfway through the day I noticed that the foot fart had returned.   I looked down to see toilet tissue coming out of my shoes.

GREAT!!  I hustled to the restroom to remove the tissue and create another plan of attack.  Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do accept suck it.  For the rest of the day my shoes flopped around like I had on flip flops.  Actually I did have on flip flops.  They were flip flops disguised as $140 sneakers that happened to be 2 sizes too big .

For a month or two I tried to find ways to make my shoes fit.  Every attempt to look cool only served to make me look silly.  I realized things had gotten out of hand when my cousin asked me when I stole Shaq’s shoes from. After two months of making myself look like a clown I packed the shoes up never to appear again.

Conclusion
I tell this story because its humorous and it packs a powerful point.  I realize today (and I probably did then) that buying $140 shoes that didn’t fit me wasn’t in my best interest.  At the time I was caught up in an emotional storm were fitting in was the only thing that mattered.  I felt so much pressure to fit in that I was willing to do something totally foolish with my time and my money to make it happen.  Ultimately all I did was make myself look like a complete, 100% _______________ (insert your favorite synonym for idiot).

If you’re not careful the same thing will happen to you as an adult. Society has the power to place a tremendous social strain on anyone not strong enough to resist.   I’ve seen some awesome people make some terrible decisions because they want to fit in with the crowd or be “successful”.

Look at the sub-prime mortgage crisis of 2007 and 2008.  Everyone (even the financially unfit) felt the need to buy a home to start building towards the highly subjective “American dream”.  See how great that turned out?  I could go on and on with examples but the picture is already crystal clear.

Analyze your life and start living with your best interest in mind.  Don’t go into the grave living the lift of a person being pushed around and pressured by society.  After all Peer Pressure is 4 da Kidz!

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If you’re like me you take your workouts and nutrition very seriously.  By doing that you will inevitably stand out from the crowd.  Those who work out diligently tend to get heckled, teased, or otherwise annoyed by the coach potatoes of the world.  Coach potatoes outnumber us 87 to 1 so we can expect the issue to remain for years to come.  When your results start to show you will be labeled a Fitness "Nut".  All the coach potatoes will point and life in an attempt to make you feel like an outcast.  The purpose of this article is to arm you with 3 simple and effective techniques to shut down the noise.
1 - Explain what you do

The overriding majority of people who harass you have no clue what you are actually doing.  In their eyes it looks weird that you’re scooping tuna out of a can at 10 am (it’s not lunch time yet), it’s strange that you drink a gallon of water a day (don’t you pee a lot?), and you’ll hurt their feelings if you won’t eat their triple refried banana nut cake (c’mon it’s only 800 calories a slice).

They will continue to heckle you unless you explain why you act the way you do.  Explain that you eat tuna at 10 am to feed your ever growing supply of muscle.  Tell them you drink water to LOSE water weight.  Tell them you won’t eat their triple refried banana nut cake because 800 calories is about 45% of the calories you eat in a day.

In all likelihood they won’t understand you.  At least they’ll be confused enough to buzz off and let you continue to see results.

2 - Show Them Your Results

Every gym trainee worth his/her salt has progress pictures.  Progress pictures serve many purposes.  Mine give me a sense of pride.  It feels good to look back and yourself and realize how far you’ve come.  Progress pictures are also a great way to get people off your back.
I recall having a co-worker (who wanted the same results as me) over my back about my lifestyle.  She was laying it on pretty thick (moreso than usual).  From nowhere she began to fire questions at me:
"Why do you workout so much?"

"Are you in love with yourself?"

"Do you ever take a break?"

"Why won’t you eat any pie?"

Her barrage seemed like it was never going to end.  The more she spoke the more annoyed I became.  After about 30 seconds I asked her to follow me back to my computer.

I explained that I could show her visuals to answer her questions.  I logged into my email account and began showing her my before and after photographs.  We flipped through photos of me at 252 lbs, 240 lbs, 230 lbs, 220 lbs, and so on until we got to the final picture.  She was floored. She’d never seen me as an overweight person.  With each picture she became more and more quiet.  When I was done I looked at her at asked "Is that a good enough reason?"

She hasn’t brought it up since.

3 - Ignore Your Hecklers

You may find yourself dealing with a completely irrational, ridiculous, annoying, atrocious heckler at some point.  When all else fails use a technique I learned from a friend.

One of my friends is notorious for his ability to poke fun at people.  If ANYTHING is wrong with you he’ll pull it out and make some jokes.  Oddly enough it seems that no one can make fun of him.  You can try but it just won’t be very effective.  He has a nonchalant way of looking at you like you’re speaking a langauge never before spoken on earth.  Whenever you start in on him he just blanks out.  He won’t smile.  He won’t frown.  He’ll hardly even acknowledge that you’re alive.  When you’re done he’ll continue on with his day like he’s never seen you.

It drove me and my other friends absolutely insane.  Soon we quit trying to make fun of him.  It was incredibly pointless.  It felt like you were literally walking up to a brick wall and trying to make jokes.

Use this tactic when you’re being heckled by someone who just won’t go away. Nobody likes talking to a brick wall.

Nobody does.

Conclusion

There are so many factors that go into working out and being in shape.  You already have to

1. Research exercises
2. Plan your day to make time
3. Eat correctly
4. Chart your growth
5. Stay motivated

The last thing you need is to worry with the heckling of others.  Use these 3 tips to control the pests in your life.  In all likelihood they are jealous of your success.  If they’re jealous then you must be doing something right

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All of us have turnkey moments in our lives.  Those moments when everything changes.  Those moments when lightning strikes and things become crystal clear.  The "aha" moments that we experience are immediate and unforgettable.  Up until today I’ve had 2 or 3 of these "aha" moments.  One of them in particular sticks out like a sore thumb.

One day in September of 2005 I happened to gaze into the mirror.  This wasn’t just any normal gaze.  This was a long, slow, and excruciating physical examination.  I stared in the mirror and examined every inch of my body from head to toe.

• Hair looking good? Check
• Arms still there? Check
• Neck still attached to my head? Check
• Legs doing fine? Check
• Toes in place? Check

As I turned away from the mirror I noticed something strange.  My stomach was sticking out further than I’d ever noticed.  For weeks it had been there but this was the first time that it ever repulsed me.

There it was staring back at me in all it’s glory.  When I had a shirt over it I could easily call it fluff, loose muscle, the pooch, or any nickname that would help me hide what it really was.  With the shirt off I couldn’t lie to myself.  I was a fat boy plain and simple.

In 30 seconds I ran the gauntlet of emotions ranging from upset, to indifferent, and finally ending up angry beyond belief.  Being upset did something very special for me.  It was the match that set my desire on fire.  I seriously doubt that I would have ever lost a pound had I not been real with myself.

Sometimes the things we need to see are right in front of us hiding behind a veil we create.  It doesn’t help to hide or dish out pet names.  Be real, up front, and honest with yourself.  Get mad, get upset, get pissed off.  After you get yourself all worked up use that energy to make a change for the better.  Do it now and don’t look back.  You’ll thank me later.

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Earlier today I googled "Top 10 Reasons to Workout".  To my not so pleasant surprise I found 140,000,000 records.  I poked around in a few of the articles trying to decide if I should add my own unique twist to this over saturated market.  After close examination I decided that it just wouldn’t be right if I didn’t throw my hat into the ring.  I’m not afraid of 140,000,000 records!

Sit back, relax, and enjoy my 10 More (Top) Reasons to Work Out.

1 - Peep Show

I worked out for a full year and a half at a corporate gym.  Then one day I decided to take things to the next level and join a more advanced fitness club.  My eyes thanked me immediately!  I’d been missing out on some of the best looking, most attractive, motivating female specimens around.

Since I’m all about taking the opportunity to improve myself I decided to improve my sneak-a-peek skills.  Initially, it was awkward so I only used my long range sneak-a-peek vision.  After a while my courage grew and I was staring at people within arms reach.  I’d gotten to the point where I could deadlift, sneak-a-peek, and turn away without being noticed.

I think Batman would be proud.

There have been plenty of times when the sneak-a-peek has gotten me through the workout when nothing else could.

2 - Sense of Accomplishment

A successful workouts provides a unrivaled sense of accomplishment.  The ability to concretely measure the beginning, middle, and end is a huge psychological plus.  There is a sense of gratification from improving your benchpress 35%, beating a personal best in a mile run, or trimming off 20 lbs. Few things can beat the high of knowing you’ve toppled a personal goal.

3 - Vanity Fair

We all like to look at ourselves in the mirror (some of us more than other’s).  Most people may not willingly admit it but that doesn’t make it any less true.  The gym is one of the few places where you may not feel like a self-righteous, narcissistic, pompous, vain, conceited, and egotistical jerk for marveling at the perfection you’ve created for 4 or 5 minutes straight.  Just don’t try it at home.

4 - You can throw things

Ever wanted to throw something at school, home, or in the office but you knew you couldn’t?

In the gym you can pretty much throw whatever you want and call it exercise!  There’s usually a benefit or 2 as well (strength, endurance, etc).  So instead of tossing your lamp, computer, desk, or something else you’d eventually have to replace try this.  Go to the gym, pick up a medicine ball, and toss it around.  At least if you break something you won’t have to pay for it.  That’s what the dues are for.

5 - Meet Very Interesting People There

The gym is a place where interesting people come and congregate in mass.  In my time I’ve run into some interesting people indeed.

1. Man working out in a trash bag
2. Fitness Models
3. Male dancer (who offered me a job in the same line of work)
4. Immigration Lawyer
5. A woman who would eventually stalk me
6. A man who would eventually stalk me

I had to stop the list there because I was starting to get bad memories, but I’m sure you get the picture.  There are some interesting characters in the gym.

6 - Prepares you for life

I sincerely believe that working out prepares you for life.   The experience is so tangible and in your face.  Working out a consistent basis gives you the opportunity to create goals, suffer through pitfalls, pick yourself up, and eventually excel at what you’re doing.

The last time I checked life was about creating goals, suffering through the pitfalls, and learning to dust yourself off and keep going. The gym wraps that up in a neat little package, seals it for you, and delivers it to your doorstep for about $30 a month.

You can’t beat that with a 10 foot pole.

7 - Establishes discipline

Ever felt like you lacked the discipline to get things done?

Ever wished you could involve yourself in something that would help you establish unquestionable discipline?

Setting a workout schedule and sticking to it is the perfect way to establish discipline.  After you establish discipline in the gym you can then carry over to the rest of your life and improve tenfold.

I bet the gym is looking better and better by the moment .

8 - Respect

People seem to naturally respect those that work out.  Some people pay homage through jealousy while others are more positive and upbeat.  The ways in which people pay their respect doesn’t really matter.  I smile just as hard when I’m called a “juicer” as when I get a normal compliment.  To me it all sounds like “you’re doing a wonderful job taking care of yourself”.
Working out, developing a muscular body, and pushing yourself beyond societal biases and norms is definitely abnormal.  People naturally respect that behavior.  Deep down inside they probably wish they could do it to.

9 - Eventually you’ll have to beat them off with a stick

Common sense (and some studies) have shown that people are attracted to muscles.  Big surprise!!  As a society we’ve made it painfully clear that having more muscle and less fat is a good thing.  I’ve definitely seen a noticeable increase in female interest since I’ve made the transition over to be being “buff”.   It’s a simple fact of life that those who are more physically appealing have a better chance with the opposite sex.  While it may not be “fair” its definitely true.

If you get to the really elite level you’ll be beating them off with a stick Fabio style.

10 - It’s Good For You

‘Nuff said.

Conclusion

Am I doing a good job?

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A few months ago I held a seminar on losing weight and keeping it off.  Originally, the audience was supposed to be 10-15 members.  I don’t know what happened in between my announcement and the actual event but nearly 40 people showed up to hear what I had to say about losing weight.  I designed the session to be an interactive group activity in which I could tell my story, entertain, and teach at the same time.

After the session was over I opened the floor for questions.  There were some good questions raised so I decided to post the questions and my answers here on my blog.

Enjoy!

How long have you been working out?

I worked out a few times on and off before I got serious about it.  I’d have to say that I took a stab at it 2 or 3 times before it finally became a permanent part of my life in August of 2005.

What motivated you to start working out?

The mirror was all I needed.  Since the first time I saw a set of chiseled, oiled up, perfectly defined abs on TV I’ve wanted a set.  So like 99% of the people in the gym my original motivation was to have a set of six pack abs to display.

You said you did things wrong for a year before getting things right.  What did you do wrong and how did you turn that around?

Eating right and engaging myself in cardio were not priorities when I started.  I was thoroughly convinced that if I lifted enough weights I would eventually lose weight and reveal the body I’d always wanted.  For a little over a year I saw my weight go up and stand still, go up and stand still, go up and still.  I never EVER saw it go down.

These results began to annoy and frustrate me.  It’s very frustrating to feel like you’re wasting your time (especially a year).

I turned it around by first owning up to the fact that I wasn’t doing everything right.  After that I began bringing high quality snacks to work and implementing cardio.  The rest is history my friend.

I want to make my body over for the school reunion.  I’m currently at 240 lbs.  Can I lose 30 lbs in the next 2 months?

You definitely can but I wouldn’t encourage it.  The odds against you losing that kind of weight and keeping it off long term are low.  You would have to engage in some very risky activity that I’m sure you wouldn’t want to continue after that reunion.

My advice would be to aim for 1.5 lbs-2 lbs per week for the next 2 months.  I’d also advise you to create a long term goal.  Life does continue after the reunion

You said there are certain exercises that you could give a beginner but you aren’t likely to.  What are they and why is that?

I’ll use one of my favorites as an example. I’m a big fan of the deadlift.  I use it in the majority of the workout programs I make for myself because it’s a great total body exercise.  It’s very tiring and exhausting when done right so the benefits are huge.

However, it’s one of those exercises that I consider to be for advanced lifters.  Most beginning lifters won’t really know what it is and the lower back pain that results the first time can be enough to keep people away from the gym altogether.  I’m not trying to scare anyone off that’s why I normally steer clear of those at the beginning.

There are advertisements around here for a "no sweat" workout.  What’s your opinion of that?

I think its offensive to offer people a watered down version of what they need to get results.  You just aren’t going to see noticeable results from a workout that requires no exertion.

That’s almost like saying you can generate income without providing value to your customers.  It’s just not truthful.

I know I don’t eat very healthy right now.  How do you recommend I begin to change my habits for the better?

The easiest and most overlooked thing you can do is create a list of healthy snacks that you enjoy eating.  Make a list, buy them, and have them available in your work environment as well as at home.  Grab a healthy snack 2-4 times throughout the day to keep your metabolism revving.

It’s one of the easiest and most efficient things you can do to get started.

I have no problem starting a program but I can’t seem to stick it out.  What are your suggestions for sticking with it?

The answer to that question begins and ends with you.  What’s your motivation for working out?

I’ve found that people who have short term or no goals at all often drop their program with ease.  If you’re doing it just for the sake of doing it then it probably won’t last.  If you’re doing it for someone else then it probably won’t last.

Your motivation for working out has to be tied into long term fitness or general wellness goals that you have for yourself.  Otherwise you’ll find yourself in and out of the gym all the time.  That’s no good.

My spouse isn’t very supportive of me going to the gym.  Is there anything I can do to change him?

Tell him you’re changing your life for the better.  Losing weight will make you happier, more energetic, more engaging, and it will make his friends even more jealous than they are now .

If that doesn’t change his mind then I wouldn’t worry about it.  I understand that he’s your spouse but at some point you have to do what’s best for you.  Don’t let his lack of enthusiasm hold you back because in the end it’s not his body it’s yours.

I heard somewhere that losing weight makes your penis bigger.  Can you comment on that?

:) NO COMMENT

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One of my pet peeves is when someone looks me right in the eyes and tells me a lie.  I don’t care about little white lies.  Yes you can tell me my faded and ripped up shirt looks good.  That just might land you on my good side.  Don’t look me in the eyes and try to convince me the sky is black.  It’s just not true.  I know it, you know it, the whole world knows it.

I’ve come to realize that  a good number of people look themselves in the mirror and flat out lie about what they’re doing to attain a new body.  There really isn’t a whole lot of mystery to the system.  By now we all know that you need to eat six times a day, participate in some cardio to burn fat, and use the age old principle of progressive overload if you really want to sculpt your body.
Why then do so many people continually lie to themselves with regards to what they’re doing?  It’s not helpful at all.  It only serves to delay your results.  Why not own up to what you’re doing and improve yourself?

I’ll use a co-worker of mine as an example.  He’s been trying for the better part of the last year to lose the same 20 lbs.  Sometimes he’ll temporarily put a dent in the number before his weight always seems to come back.  Every time I see him we have to go through the same song and dance.

Typical Conversation
Coworker: “Hey Marcus I’m still trying to lose these last pesky 20 pounds.  I’m doing everything right but the weight just won’t come off.  You got any suggestions?”

Marcus: “Sure, let’s start where we always start.  What kind of workout are you doing?”

Coworker: “I do cardio 2-3 times a week for 25 minutes”

Marcus: “When is the last time you’ve increased the resistance setting or duration of your exercise?”

Coworker: “I haven’t ever increased it.  It’s comfortable for me and I get a small sweat going.  Isn’t that enough?”
Marcus: “Do you still have the sample workout I gave you with weights and cardio recommendations?”

Coworker: “Yeah I have it but I don’t use it.  I don’t want to bulk up from lifting weights.”

Marcus: “You’re aware that by ignoring what I’ve given you that you’re not doing EVERYTHING required to pull off those 20 pounds right?”

Coworker: “….”

Marcus: “I’m just trying to help you out.  If you’d like to defy years of proven tactics and advice be my guest.  It’s your time.  See you later.”

Coworker: “….”

In the last year or so I’ve had plenty of conversations just like this one.  The words may be different but the results are the same.  The person invariably feels that the laws of physics don’t work for them and they just aren’t meant to lose weight.  Those same people have refused to

• Lift Weights
• Participate in Any Cardio
• Cut out just 1 of the toxic foods they regularly overdose on
• Drink a few glasses of water a day
• Bust a sweat in the gym
• Measure themselves against their starting point

Obviously if you’re avoiding even one of those bullet points then you aren’t doing everything within your power.  The world doesn’t hate you and the deck isn’t stacked against you.  All you have to do is know the rules of the game and play it.  It’s that simple.

Conclusion

Lying to yourself is a terrible habit to develop.  If you’re not doing everything you should be doing to get in shape then at least be honest with yourself about the situation.  Own up to the fact that you’re leaving out important components of the system.  After you own up to it DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

You’d be better served to tell yourself the truth in the long run.  Owning up to the situation will allow you to see some results and stop lying to yourself.  That’s 2 benefits at once.

What more could you ask for?

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For the longest time I’ve been wanting to write this post.  Scratch that.  For the longest time I’ve been needing to write this post.  It’s been burning me up inside and I need to unleash it.   There are certain assumptions, traditions, or ways of life that are supported in the black community that I can’t sit idly by and watch.

I’ve always struggled to grasp exactly what it meant to “be black”.  Even though I grew up in south Georgia I missed the boat.  As I grew older I realized that there was no boat.  I realized that the things black people were holding dear didn’t amount to a 2 inch high stack of nickels.  There are plenty of things being black doesn’t mean.  Here’s a small list of things that being black doesn’t mean.

1- The big bad white man is out to get me

This may be the thing that ticks me off the most about my fellow black people.  Somewhere along the road a small seed was planted.  That seed has been watered for decades and now its grown out of control.  Its a forest now.

If you walk deep into that forest you’ll find about 90% of the black people on earth hanging out.  They are always chanting in unison.  The song they sing is easy to pick up, slightly depressing, monotonous, and yet it manages to build camaraderie. It only has one line and it goes like this:

The White Man Won’t Let Me….

The White Man Won’t Let Me….

The White Man Won’t Let Me….

The White Man Won’t Let Me….

The White Man Won’t Let Me….

One day I mistakenly walked into the group.  Everyone was chanting in unison.  I didn’t want to feel left out so I too joined in.  After about 5 minutes I was incredibly depressed and bored so I left.  I figured that “The White Man” was busy enough holding everyone else back.  He probably wouldn’t even notice if I went off to the side and made something of myself.

2- I must ‘act black’

This is something I haven’t quite mastered yet.  I don’t really know what it means but I’m trying to learn.  So far I think it includes

• eating fatty foods
• having a nasty attitude
• being homophobic
• having no direction in life
• making fun of everything that doesn’t fit inside my 3 inch window of life

Unfortunately, I’m not interested in any of that.  Not that I think eating fatty foods, harboring a bad attitude, hating gay people, living a life of no purpose, and ridiculing the 99% of the free world  are bad things. I just think they are slightly restrictive, somewhat off putting, and very silly.

If you like being restrictive, off putting, and silly then keep up the good work .  You’re passing the test.

3- I should abandon those I’ve grown up with

Every time I hear someone say an athlete, singer, or otherwise noteworthy black person would be better served by leaving their friends behind I cringe.  That seems like a great model to set for the generations to come.  I can see the banners in schools now.

Better yourself and leave those behind that aren’t as gifted as you.

I’m sure Nike execs would be fighting to sponsor that one?  Maybe we can get it printed on some T-shirts and hand them out at school.

I’ve known 3 of my very best friends since the 2nd grade.  According to the standards set by the school system (and the world at large) I’m a “better” person.  I was always in the gifted classes.  They weren’t.  I stayed out of (major) trouble.  They tried to…I think. I went to a great college and earned an engineering degree.  They haven’t completed a combined semester.

After graduation I was told it was best if I left “people like that” alone.  All of a sudden the friends that I’d grown up with weren’t good enough to be in my presence.  All of a sudden  those same people who applauded my academic achievements year in and year out should be forgotten.  All of a sudden the people that would give freely of their time and money were “not on my level”.  Something about that seems wrong…terribly wrong.

What ever happened to progressing and bringing people along with you?

What kind of person grows up with someone and then becomes “too good” because of a little status upgrade?
Seems like a suspect practice to me. I wouldn’t want to hang out with anyone like that.

4 -  I have to turn off my brain

I apologize ahead of time for what I’m about to say.  Here goes nothing:

I have a brain!  I will use it! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

If you’re black and you have a brain you should say it too.  Go ahead you know you want to.  It’s fun.  I promise .

5 - Defend people who have obviously broken the law because they are black

I’ve always known that people can get irrational when it comes to their stars or heroes (not just black people).  The way we defend ‘our’ stars is borderline insanity.  If I have to sit through another conversation about how the police pick on ‘our’ stars I may drive up to Brooklyn, pay the toll, and jump off the bridge.  Backwards.  With an anvil tied to my foot.

The public outrage shown when a black star falls from the sky is a sight to be seen.  I must’ve seen 5 million “free mike vick” and “free T.I.” t-shirts in 2007.  I have a tremendous amount of respect for both of them.  Vick happens to be my favorite football player and T.I. one of my favorite musicians.  That still doesn’t change the fact that they both committed serious felony crimes.  It’s not like the laws are made up as we go along.  We might not agree with them but they are still there.

It’s disturbing to see people throw blind love and support at people who commit serious crimes (over and over again).  We can’t really be that silly can we?

Conclusion

I’m very proud to be a black person.  I get the luxury of associating myself with people like Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, and a list that could wrap around the world twice.  That’s why I get disappointed when I see people disregard all the hard work put in by those great people.  I think its time we start paying attention to what we do and say. We owe that to ourselves at the very least.

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I’ve been asked several times over the last few months what makes me such a happy and optimistic person.  The first few times I heard it I was thrown for a loop.  I never really considered myself to be an excessively happy person until it was continually brought to my attention.  Whenever I think of excessive happiness Ned Flanders always comes to mind and I’m not trying to be Ned Flanders.

I brainstormed a list of things that could possibly contribute to my happiness.  At one point the list was 20 items long.  As I analyzed the list I realized that my constant euphoria is centered around 2 things.

My Body Transformation
A lot of things happened to me when I was losing weight.  The physical changes are obvious.  I went from 250 lbs to around 205.  That’s easy to see.

What’s not so easy to see is the mental transformation that goes along with it.  Along that road I had to develop the mental strength to plan and implement each day with precision.  I had to develop amazing will power to succeed.  I had to learn to focus on the long term benefits of what I was doing because the scale didn’t always display what I wanted.  I had to be alright with being labeled a weird, health freak, who was obsessed with losing weight.

At the end of it all I came to the realization that I could do whatever I set my mind to.  I don’t mean that in a rah-rah YOU CAN DO IT cheerleading sense.  I mean it in a realistic learn and take action sense.

Indifference to Opinions

I’ve always had a rebellious streak.  Not anything nasty.  I’ve never robbed an old lady, extorted money, or put anyone through chinese water torture.  I have managed to do things my own way.

I see it like this.  The life I live is MINE.  I own it.  I have to be satisfied with myself each and every day.  That mind set allows me to challenge some things that others happily except.  Sometimes it makes people angry and ruffles a few feathers.  Sometimes it sparks a good conversation.  I’m fine either way.  It’s my life so I’ll live it how I see fit.

Conclusion

I really don’t think happiness is that difficult of a thing to come by.  Do what makes sense for you and the rest falls into place.  It’s that simple.

Howdly doodly neighbor

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Something dramatic happened to me on Thursday January 4, 2007.  I got beat down by a 60 year old, retired, short, and very well dressed man.  Yes its true.  All 209 lbs of my muscle bound humanity was dominated by an old man who probably couldn’t bench press 180 lbs with 3 people helping him.

So you’re probably asking yourself what was I doing fighting with an old man.  You’ve probably gone so far as to laughing at the the whole thing.  If you’re an old man then you’re probably patting yourself on the chest with old man pride (shame on you).  Let me explain myself.
I’ll have to admit I’ve been a little misleading up to this point.  There was no fight with a 60 year old man.  I’m plenty of things but I’m not disrespectful enough to place my hands on the elderly.

No, there was no physical confrontation.  This one was mental.  The 60 year old man that took me down to the canvas is my mentor.  He’s one of the few people that my personality changes around.  Normally I’m outgoing, gregarious, and opinionated.  When I’m around him it’s the complete opposite.  I always leave our meetings kicking myself and wondering what happened.
On Thursday he called me out on several things.  He disregarded all my proposed topics, poked fun at my speaking technique, demanded that I speak to a challenging crowd sometime in the next millennium, and challenged me to start playing the game or give the equipment to someone who would use it.  I think he enjoyed walking on my face.  After he was done he handed me a stack of reference materials and rushed off into the night.
Needless to say I wasn’t very thrilled with the whole thing.  Oddly enough, I wasn’t angry at him.  He hadn’t pointed out anything that I wasn’t already aware of.  It’s ok when you tell yourself you suck.  The blow is a LOT harder when someone else fills you in on that little secret.  It stings even more when they do it with a smile.

I was very upset about the whole thing until I sat back and reflected.  In 45 minutes he gave me a dose of what the real world tastes like.  He gave me a little remainder that before pleasure there is often pain. I hated it then but I can appreciate it.  That 45 minute conversation put a lot of things into perspective.  My energy is being refocused and I’m getting ready to take some major strides in planning and execution.  All because a 60 year old man kicked me around a bookstore.

Not everything in the world feels warm and fluffy.  Sometimes we need someone to say ” excuse me for interrupting but I was watching you and you’re not very good at that“.  It may not be what we want to hear, but if you open your ears you won’t hear criticism.  Instead you’ll hear a challenge.  Don’t take it personal, use it as a learning experience, and improve yourself.  I know I will.  I’m already tired of getting beat up by old men.