Never Settle For Less

A common trait of the Macho Man is Homophobia.  The hatred and misunderstanding of gay people runs through the veins of every machismo king on the planet.  It’s ridiculous, close minded, and hilarious all at once.  My question has always been simple.  What’s the use?
The Burning Question…Why Hate Gay People?

Of all things to be uptight and afraid of this one confuses me the most.  Gay men choose to live their own lives and take on male partners.  I won’t ever be able to figure out why they do (but they do)!  With that being said I have to ask "Who Cares?".  Seriously, why is it any of YOUR concern who a person chooses to date, marry, or congregate with.

Living in Atlanta makes it virtually impossible to avoid gay people.  A major pride parade and weekend are hosted here. An entire section of downtown is populated by gay people.  With that said  I’ve seen way too many macho men get wrapped up in ridiculing gay men.  Before I got a clue about life I used to think their jokes were funny.  Then I woke up and realized it was childish.
If you’re a man that makes fun of gay men here’s a question.  How can you hate someone so intensely based on the way they live their lives?

What to do if/when a gay man hits on you

Before I continue I have 2 pieces of information I must share:

1. I’m not gay
2. I’ve been hit on by gay men

Yes I’m a straight man defending gay men on a masculine web site.  Shoot me.

The first time a gay man hit on me I was furious.  My blood was boiling beneath the surface.  My eyes filled with rage and I balled my hands into two tight fists.  I was embarrassed beyond belief and I felt violated in a way that I still can’t put into words.  My better judgement kept me from getting into a fight that day.
The 2nd time a gay man hit on me I was surprised.  He “stalked” me for a short while before I let it be known the interest wasn’t mutual.

The 3rd time a gay man hit on me I laughed.  I learned to take their passes for what they were and move on.  The event in and of itself isn’t life changing at all.  It’s good for a quick story, not for a life long crusade against gay men.

Conclusion

If you’re a macho man with homophobia here’s some advice:

1. Grow Up
2. Respect People for who they are
3. Realize 99.99999% of gay men are never going to bother you
4. Grow Up
5. Have a conversation with a gay man (He’s a person too)
6. Figure out why you hate/fear gay men
7. Grow Up
8. Knit a sweater
9. Remind yourself that 99.99999% of gay men are never going to bother you
10. Grow Up!!

Homophobia is by far one of the most ridiculous things I’ve come across in my lifetime.  If you’re an adult macho man and you hate gay men get your act together.  They aren’t out to conquer (or even threaten) the world you live in.

Me - 4

Macho Men - 0

The assault on macho men only gets better next week.

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Yesterday I was sitting at the departure gate of my apartment complex getting ready to leave for work.  For some strange reason the gate takes a ridiculous amount of time to open (nearly 30 seconds at my last count).  That time is normally good to clear my head, get in the right mind frame to work out, or reflect on some things.  I chose option number 3.

Time as it relates to the past, present, and future tends to dominate my thoughts.  As the gears to my apartment gate squeaked and rotated my thoughts began to drift.

• What happened to me yesterday?
• What impact will I make today?
• What do I plan on doing tomorrow?
• Am I forgetting anything?

As I pondered on what I was forgetting the gate opened.  The wooden bar at the gate rose slowly.  A loud honk erupted from the car behind me.  I snapped back into life from my daydreaming and sped through the gate.  The driver behind me was incredibly angry.  Apparently I had stolen the most important 8 seconds of his life.  He rolled his window down and gestured for my attention.
“You wanna wake up buddy??!!!” he screamed.  He appeared to be very frustrated.  I gazed at him for a few seconds sizing him up for a response.  Finally, after 15 seconds or so I replied.

“The day just started.  I don’t really know you but its 6:30 am and I’m sure more important things have happened, will happen to you today, and in the future.  As soon as you press the gas again you’ll forget about this.  Have a great day ” I said.

He was genuinely confused.  I was happy.  I smiled and drove off to continue my day.  My point to him was things happen, they have an outcome, and then they are over.  That incident wasn’t worth the 3 minutes we spent on it.

View yesterday, today, and tomorrow the same way because in fact the wheels keep turning every day.

Yesterday is a Memory

History does have its place in society and in our hearts.  Without the past we’d have no foundation to build on.  It’s impossible to truly measure the impact of all the things that have happened in our lives (positive or negative).  With that said, why bother?  The opportunity to correct the past lies in today and tomorrow.  That’s exactly why the past is just that…the past.

An amazing amount of time is spent everyday wondering about things we can no longer impact.  Wondering with the what if’s, maybe I should have’s, and I really wish’s are wasteful.  Whenever I drift into this mode I picture myself as a hamster trapped in its wheel.  That hamster is working hard to put forth his best effort.  Unfortunately, he’s making no progress.  He’s on the wheel getting all worked up to go nowhere and do nothing.  Clinging to the past is like putting yourself on that hamster’s wheel.  All sweat, no return.

The impact of things past has already been made and is largely out of your hands.  One big thing sticks out to me about the past…IT’S GONE.  It can never be altered so I live in my present and future.

Today is Yours

Wake up with enthusiasm and hope every day for 3 main reasons:

1. You’re alive and able bodied
2. You can control 95% of what happens TODAY
3. You can be as creative as you desire

1 –> Breathing and Able Bodied

There’s something amazing and undervalued about being both alive and able bodied.  Having the ability to get up and go as you please is a privilege.  Viable health and strength give you the freedom to go and come as you please.  Do you know how powerful that really is?
There are so many people who have debilitating ailments that leave them bedridden, hospitalized, or incapable of enjoying all that life has to offer.  It’s utterly ridiculous for me to complain about the complications of my life (car payments, house payments, job nuisances) when there are people suffering from broken bones, cancer, and paralysis.
Celebrate my health and strength by making the most of it.

2 –> I Can Control 95% of What happens to me Today

That’s an incredibly powerful statement.  To prove it I’m going to brainstorm the things that can affect me in a day that I have absolutely no control over.

• Weather
• Traffic
• Gas Prices
• Other People’s Attitudes

It’s a relatively short list.
Now here’s the list of things I can control

• My Salary
• My Clothes
• The places I go
• People I Interact with
• Challenges I Undertake
• Workout or not
• Speed I travel on the Highway
• Amount of Work I do
• Foods I Eat
• Extracurricular activities
• Places I Spend my Money
• Things I Say
• What I Learn
• The Impact I Leave On Society
• My Attitude
• My Image
• The Opportunities I Create

The possibility to influence so many things on a day to day basis is exciting.  Each day presents a thousand opportunities for something dramatic to come into your life.

Case in point.  I’m always interested in finding new people to congregate with.  Age, race, sexual orientation, height, and religion are all arbitrary to me.  I enjoy the company of people who bring energy to life.  As a result my circle is rather unorthodox.  My friends range from young blue collar workers to nearly retired Fortune 25 executives.  To me people are people.

Today I couldn’t make it to the gym in the morning so I went in the afternoon.  During my routine I noticed someone working out that I had casually met a few weeks earlier in a sports bar.  I finished up my last exercise and was preparing to leave.  As I walked away from my machine our eyes connected for a split second.  He looked at me and I could see it in his eyes that he wanted to communicate.  I took my earphones out and the conversation began. I was in no way prepared for how strange it would be!

When the conversation was over I’d been intrigued, complimented, humored, and enlightened. My new found friend had

• Complimented my physique
• Complimented my background as an engineer
• Asked why I wasn’t a model
• Offered to help me start a career as a male dancer
• Requested that I expand my circle to himself and his friends
• Explained his business ideas to me
• Given me his full biography
• Offered to take me to some places I’d never seen in Atlanta
• Provided encouragement for my aspirations to speak professionally

Did I mention the conversation lasted a mere 4 minutes?  My new friend proved to be an interesting character.  He was very direct and forward with his compliments and questions.  Instead of being put off by him and his off centered nature I was refreshed.  I’m always searching for new and unique companions and he proved to be just that.  I quickly took down his contact information and made plans to meet up later.  I’m 100% sure I’ll learn something valuable from him and be able to draw on the positive energy he brings to life.

This happened because I took advantage of the opportunity I was presented with TODAY.

3 –> Creativity

Creativity is a precious cornerstone of existence.  Without creative thoughts and expressions our life would be bland.  Music, TV, blogs, computers, businesses, restaurants, college degrees, amusement parks, government structures, and holidays would all be non-existent if human beings lacked creativity.

Anyone can be as creative as they like.  By tapping into my own creativity I’ve began to create workout programs, stories,  movie ideas, blogs, business ideas/plans, poems, speeches, and non profit ideas that I plan to unleash on the world.  Those thoughts and ideas keep each day fresh and exciting.

Tap into your creativity.  You’ll find yourself refreshed and excited about the day at hand.  You never know, you could change the world while you’re at it.

Tomorrow is Priceless

I have an endless love affair with the possibilities of tomorrow.  Tomorrow I can see the results of what I’ve done yesterday and today come to life.  My blood, sweat, and tears can bear fruit tomorrow.  The new friendship that I created today can pay a thousand dividends tomorrow.  The new workout plan I started can help me shed weight and be ready for the beach tomorrow.  The blog I write can reach 1, 10, 100, 1,000 or 1,000,000 people tomorrow.   You never know .

Conclusion

The wheels of life turn every day.  They move at a steady pace that we can’t control.  Every second, hour, and day that passes us by is part of our history. While our past is important we can’t live there forever.

Today is our greatest asset.  Today you can create change.  Today you can meet new people.  Today you can re-establish relationships.  Today you can be creative.  Today you can correct any mistakes you’ve made. Today you can laugh, cry, frown, or smile at your own discretion.

Tomorrow gives us the opportunity to see everything we do, think, and believe come together.  A better tomorrow is created yesterday and today.

Everyday we live will at some point be a yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  With that knowledge live life to the fullest by respecting yesterday, living today, and being prepared for tomorrow. The wheels of life keep turning…don’t be left behind.

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Here’s a secret.  Going to the gym and working out is good for you…SUPRISE!  The list of obvious benefits is long and exhaustive:

• Improved Cardiovascular Fitness
• Muscular Size
• Better flow of blood to your heart
• Increased life expectancy
• Greater energy
• Lower levels of stress
• Improved confidence levels
• Lower body fat
• Decreased risk of diseases
• Reduced exposure to injury

By now we can recite all these in our sleep. 

Networking Environment

Recently I uncovered a hidden treasure in the gym.  It’s unrelated to fitness yet vital to advancement in life.

Public gyms are an amazing place to network and make contacts.  The environment is perfect.  In the office people are defined by their title, longevity, political standing, or history within the company.  Oftentimes, this creates boundaries that are very unlikely to be broken.  Contrast this with the gym where everyone is on equal ground.  The environment is extremely relaxed  and conversation flows freely.

Who Works Out

People from all walks of life are in the gym.  I’ve only been in my current gym for 9 months and I’ve already met an impressive cast of characters including:

• Accountants
• Bodybuilders
• Football Players
•  Salesmen
•  Engineers
• HR  Managers
• Insurance Salesmen
• Home Builders
• CEOs
•  Martial Arts Experts
• Wealth/Finance Planners
• Fitness Models
• Lawyers
• Professional Speakers (I met my mentor’s wife in the gym)

Where else can you hope to find a network like that? 

Listen to this.  I work out at 6 am when only 10-15% of the gym’s total membership is there.  I’ve received job offers, home deals, wealth planning advice, and free legal counsel.  When only 15% of the membership is working out.  Imagine who’s there in the evenings!

The statement “It’s not what you know it’s who you know” is 100% true.  The gym is packed with resourceful strangers that you’ve yet to tap into.  They are begging to help you.  Do you really want to leave all those connections on the table?

Start a conversation with a stranger in the gym.  It just might change your life, it’s definitely changing mine.

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Little is the most toxic word in the English language.  It’s in all our vocabularies and it rolls off the tongue without any thought or effort.  At the surface the word seems harmless, but a closer look reveals just how crippling the word Little really is.

Definition

Effects

For example

• I’ve started this Little health kick = I’m slightly interested in my health and I’ll likely let it go at the first opportunity.
• I’ve started this Little company on the side = I’m dabbling in something and I’m not fully confident it will work.
• I went to Chris’ Little presentation on sales = Chris is a peer (not an executive) so his ideas can’t possibly hold as much weight.
• I had this Little idea on how to help the department = I have an undeveloped idea that I’d like to express.  Please listen to me.

See what happens?

Just by uttering the word Little you immediately belittle your topic and steal power from its purpose.  You might as well set that idea on fire with gasoline and a match because its toast.
I know of 5 people in my immediate memory that have gone on Little health kicks, weight loss plans, or diets.  None of them have lost any significant weight.  Each and every one of them had all the information necessary to lose weight.  Each and every one of them labeled their efforts Little.

Similarly, I know plenty of people who have had Little businesses on the side for years.  The businesses generate very little traction, leads, or sales.  These are all very bright people who’ve fallen prey to Little thinking.  Whenever we discuss their business they find a way to sneak in a synonym of Little in the description.

Lack of Respect?

Little is a disrespectful word.  When aimed at yourself or others its equally toxic.
It’s a terrible thing to say about someone else’s projects, goals, efforts , or dreams.  Think not?   What’s worse than  saying someone else’s goals are undeveloped, insignificant, or weak?

Calling your own projects, goals, efforts, or dreams Little is self-sabotage plain and simple.  Why would anyone disrespect themselves in this way?

Conclusion

Using the word Little is an easy trap to fall into.  The word seems so insignificant…powerless…small…undetect
able.  Bringing that word to life does those exact things to you.  When you use it you become insignificant, powerless, small, and undetectable.

Words are more powerful than we give them credit for.  Little being one of the more powerful and covert.  We let it fly so often without paying attention.  Saying the word Little is like digesting a flavorless poison.  You don’t detect it and the effects aren’t realized until it destroys you.

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Juggling women seems to have become some type of sport.  It’s not a recent phenomena either.  It seems to have been passed down from generation of caveman to generation of caveman as the thing to do.  You would think something passed down through the centuries would have some positive impact on life.  Unfortunately, it does nothing except bolster the male ego (for reasons I’ll never fully understand).

Here’s a story I’m sure you’ll enjoy.  It happens to perfectly illustrate my point as well.

About a month ago a close friend and I were talking about women, sex, and dating.  The conversation floated and drifted from topic to topic.  We go back and forth as friends do during the normal flow of a conversation.  Eventually, the conversation went into the number of women I man should have under his belt and/or date at the same time.

Let me start by saying we were on opposite ends of the spectrum on this one.   He has some caveman/Macho Men tendencies so I really shouldn’t have been all that surprised.  According to my good buddy a man’s purpose in life is to

"Sleep with as many women as possible.  That’s what we’re supposed to do.  If I have a son I’m going to tell him to have sex with as many women as he can.  That’s what they are here for."

Statements like this make me sick.  First, its incredibly ridiculous.  Second, the idea is passed around to millions as if its ok.  Third, it makes women (except the ones in OUR family) out to be objects used for sex.  Fourth, the creative energy used in attracting, seducing, and later having sex with several women could be better used with many other aspects of life.  So why pour the majority of it into misleading women?

My father taught me something a long time ago that I still carry to this day.  He caught me at the point when I was just becoming interested in girls and sex and said something very profound.

“Don’t treat any woman different than you’d want  your mother or grandmother to be treated“

That is without a doubt some of the best advice he’s ever given me. That one sentence has helped me keep my head on straight and respect the women in my life.

Mr. Caveman if you’re out there please pay attention.  You can still be a man without juggling and misleading 3-4 women for your own personal gain.  Trust me…its not that bad.  You may actually gain some respect for women

Dear Friend

September of 2005 I w in the same position as you. I was terribly ashamed of my body.  My waist was a size 40. I was 25% body fat.  Every shirt I wore was 2XL or bigger.

My eating habits were horrible.  My diet consisted of unhealthy garbage.  On a daily basis I stuffed down one of my favorites:

• Fried Chicken
• French Fries
• Burritos
• Cornbread
• Cookies and Cream Ice Cream
• Remy Martin VSOP
• Potato Chips
• Collard Greens
• Fried Fish
• Homemade Macaroni and Cheese
• Fried Pork Chops
• Soda
• Krispy Kreme Donuts by the dozen

Exercising was the farthest thing from my mind.  I was too busy watching TV, playing video games, or just generally goofing off to exercise.

My thinking was simple: I do not have time to manage my weight.  So like millions of others I went to the only place I could for information…Television.  My eyes would glaze over whenever I saw an ad for “eye popping abs”.  I was overwhelmed.  The announcer seemed to be speaking to my deepest desires.

• Are you ashamed of your body?
• Do you want to get rid of those love handle obliques?
• Want to lose weight without sweat or weights in just 15 minutes a day?

Mentally, I’d answer each question with a yes.  I was being led along right into the trap.  When my skepticism arose I’d be finished off with a view of someone’s rock solid abs doused in baby oil.  I was hooked!

$90 dollars, 1 piece of useless machinery, and a starvation diet later I realized that I had been wasting my time.  Apparently I wasn’t going to shed that spare tire by following any miracles.

Fortunately for me I was fine with that.

I decided to reach out a personal trainer.  He was fit and had already done what I wanted to.  Lifting weights wasn’t entirely new to me so I thought it would be easy.  Unsuspecting and unprepared I paraded into the gym.

Mentally I was prepared…physically I was way off target.

60 minutes later my sweaty back was pressed against the gym wall.  Every conceivable muscle was aching.  My arms and legs were frozen stiff with pain.  To make matters worse I still had to pay.  I forked over the $35 and trudged out to my car.  Pain flashed through my body again as I took the driver’s seat.  20 minutes later I psyched myself up enough to drive home.

I can’t recall being in more physical pain at any single point in my life.  Even though I was hurting the thought of quitting was never an option.  Looking into that bathroom mirror pushed me to places I’d never been before.  Muscle pain couldn’t outweigh the disgust I felt.  A month into the program my body began to develop a tolerance.  My hunger for the gym grew as my muscles began to bulge.  My workouts were going great but my weight was going in the wrong direction.  I was gaining weight because I totally disregarded my diet.
At the time eating 5-6 healthy meals a day seemed so hard.  I started with the common excuses:

• What will I eat?
• How will I fit that into my day?
• Isn’t that expensive?
• How will my coworkers respond?

I continued to plug away doing things my own way.  The weight was going no where fast.  Time was wasting away so I did the only thing I could…I began to eat 5-6 HEALTHY meals a day.  My eating style went from pathetic, unhealthy, and tiring to lean, healthy, and energetic.  The new staples were

• Salmon
• Yogurt
• Walnuts
• Baked Chicken
• Green Veggies
• Protein Shakes
• Turkey
• Whole Grain Breads
• Kashi Bars
• Tuna
• Green Apples
• Lean Cuisine

The weight began to peel off.  Soon I was shedding 7-10 lbs a month!  Between November 2006 and May 2007 I went from 252 lbs to 205 lbs by following the old fashion formula.  Tax the body with weights, eat correctly, and perform cardio 3 times a week.

No magic, No gimmicks, just results.

I’m happy to be in a position to write this letter to you.  I hope it encourages you to continue along your path to losing that unwanted fat.  Before I leave I want to share some photographic evidence to prove that I’m not making this up.  The first picture is my after photo at 205lbs and the second picture is before at 250 lbs.

Unfortunately, the fitness industry is plagued with horrible information.  There are some less than savory characters out there looking to make a quick buck from your dreams.  I can’t help but cringe when I see one of those advertisements promising miracle results with little to no effort.  It’s simply not true.  In the end they get paid and you walk away from the exchange with a useless piece of equipment that usually emulates a movement that you can easily pull off in the gym.
Losing weight isn’t really that difficult of a thing to do.   Your results are a result of your effort. You are a strong enough person to workout 45 minutes a day and manage your diet.  After all aren’t you the same person who went to college, raises children, works a 9-5, balances your checkbook, and deals with the everyday struggles of life.

If you can manage all that you can shed that weight.  The results are really and truly up to you.  Here’s the only true secret to shedding pounds.

Calories Burned > Calories Consumed

Marcus A. Smith

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Everybody has one.  It follows you EVERYWHERE and you never notice it.  It effects every decision you make, every challenge that arises, and every interaction.  When it comes it brings with it feelings of fear, terror, disgrace, and unworthiness.

Most of the time the feelings are subtle but just enough to tie us to the ground.  Just enough to stop you when you’re at the brink of great action.

You would think that something that follows you EVERYWHERE would be easy to spot…It isn’t.

You would think that something that effects all your decisions would be easily heard…It’s silent.

You would think that something that’s with you through every challenge would smell like hard work…It has no scent.

You would think that something able to affect all your interactions could be touched and felt…It can’t.

I call this monster the Inner Coward.  It’s been known to rear its ugly head in a million and one different ways

• Racing Heartbeat
• Sweaty hands
• Inability to concentrate
• Nervousness
• Dry Mouth
• Excuses for days

Here’s the terrible thing…our weaknesses are its strengths.  Failing and staying down only makes it taller and more ominous.  Fear makes it stronger and more dominating. Nervousness makes the inner coward giddy with excitement.   Slowness to act makes the inner coward rise to the occasion faster.

Since we know its there we can now work on killing it once and for all.

How do you shrink it?

The Inner Coward thrives and grows when we fail and stay down.  When you’re laying prone it stands over you to claim its space.  Appearing tall and powerful as you struggle to regain composure.

When you stand up it shrinks and loses its will and position.
How do you make it weaker?
Every time you back down from a challenge the Inner Coward gains strength.  Face your fears head on.  Take baby steps at first and progressively work your way up.  He uses that strength to suppress your desires later.

Learn to manage your fears and steal his strength at the same time.
How do you calm it down?

The inner coward absolutely loves for you to be nervous.  While you struggle with anxiety and nervousness he twitches wildly with excitement.  Each time you get nervous he gets more energetic.  If you don’t watch it he’ll soon be bouncing off the walls.
He doesn’t deserve that type of power and energy.  Take it away from him by handling your nerves.

How do you keep it buried below the surface?

When you sit still that monster moves.  The longer you are inactive the more active he becomes.  He lulls you into a comfortable sense of complacency.  If you allow him too much room to operate he’ll push you down every time you get ready to take a step.

Keep him at bay by remaining active.  Seek challenges, action, and opportunity.

The inner coward is nasty, intelligent, and formless.  We all duel with our own version daily.  He can be big, strong, quick, and aggressive if we allow him to be.

We can also choose to make him small, weak, slow, and passive.  Once we’ve weakened him substantially he shrivels up and dies.  Don’t feel sorry for him when the time comes.  Has he ever felt sorry for you?
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