The Self-Love Journey of an Amateur

I’m not grouchy today. Why? Well, I, uh, erm, durrr… see…

I did something that would cause most bodybuilders to drop their jaws and shout "INSTANT FAILURE" — yup, I cheated on my diet this weekend. Royally. That’s right, I went out drinkin’, partied my ass off, ate things I never would eat sober, and then gained a crap ton of water weight. It’s gone now. I’m back to normal and I didn’t gain any fat. In fact, once the water disappeared, I actually appeared leaner and more vascular than before. So, do I regret what I did? Honestly? No. I don’t. I had FUN. I got to behave like a NORMAL freakin’ person, even if just for one night. I’m obviously not going to do this again until AFTER my contest, but it was lovely. If it costs me a contest win, so be it.

I’m back on track now and hittin’ it ferociously… like before, except more so. I actually felt like working out the morning after. I’ve been pushing it the hardest I’ve ever pushed it and I don’t mind at all. The cravings for bad food have subsided… ironically, most of the cravings I get are for healthy things, anyway — just not things allowed on my contest diet.

When I was inebriated, I kept asking myself if bodybuilding was worth it. My attitude towards contest preparation became increasingly negative, as I asked, "Is it worth all the torture? Is it worth all the money I’ve spent on supplements, the perfect posing suit, tanning, clean food, and the perfect posing song mix? Is it worth all the social sacrifices I’ve made? Is it worth the mood swings? Is it worth the brain fog? Is it worth the time? The effort? The sacrifices? Uhh… THE TORTURE?"

…yes.

It is. I’ve been blessed with a genetic gift along with a rare desire, and it would be self-destructive for me not to take advantage of that.

I hear of people who actually don’t mind contest dieting and I wonder if they are lying… if they aren’t, then I wonder what kind of drugs they’re on and if they’ll hook me up with ‘em! I’m jealous of those people. Very, very jealous. To me, the diet is the hardest part. I LIKE training hard with weights and pushing my body to the limit. I don’t like feeling like a hamster on a wheel with endless cardio/HIIT, but I do enjoy biking (anywhere, any time) and running (mostly in nature) for fun. I LOVE being active and will choose grueling physical work over ass sitting any day of the week. I HATE dieting, though! Actually, I was a fatty once for a little while. I went on a "diet" and lost 50 pounds in 6 months, but that was easy because I got to eat more filling things, more carbs, and took plenty of cheat meals. I knew I could get back on track after the cheat meals and they wouldn’t hurt me as long as I kept going and ate clean/healthy around 90% of the time. I wasn’t trying to meet a deadline or look amazing on stage. I just wanted to be back to my high school size again. If I wanted a little somethin’ unhealthy, I’d eat it and figure it into my macros. Piece of cake. Keeping the weight off was a piece of cake, too, as I stayed active and could still HAVE a piece of freakin’ cake every now and then. This is far, far more difficult.

Sometimes, I feel tortured, but let me share the up side:

I can ride my bike up very steep hills on top gear due to all the intense squatting, leg pressing, and HIIT on top incline that I do.

I can run for a very, very long time at a consistant pace due to all the endurance training I’ve done.

I can effortlessly open any jar and am frequently the go-to person when some of my female friends need someone strong and a boyfriend/other male presence is not available.

I can persevere at so many other things in life. Hard day at work? Easy. 100 mile bike ride? That’s nothing. Practicing music for hours until it’s perfect? Sure. Bodybuilding has taught me to strive for perfection in a way that many people will never know. Excellence is required in all that I do and I think bodybuilding is partially to thank for that.

I look pretty good and I am only going to look better. I’ll have a week of perfect pictures.

I’m glad I’m doing this, even if just to say I did it. The answer to whether I’ll do another contest when this one is over really depends on the second, but most of all, I am doing this for me.

Since Monday, I’ve gotten up, done HIIT for 45 minutes, rode my bike to work, rode my bike from work to the gym, worked out 1-2 hours with weights, and rode my bike home. I’m proud of myself. I know I will have to continue going the extra mile (literally?) in order to make up for that cheat night (in the long haul), but I don’t care. It was way, way worth it.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009 at 11:12 am and is filed under Training. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.