Proven ways to cheat on your diet.
1.If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2.If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
3.When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do.
4.Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5.If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6.Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel.
7.Cookie pieces contain no fat– the process of breaking causes fat leakage.
8.Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
9.Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
10.Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and Popsicles.
11. Foods eaten while watching a major event on television do not count. Major events include: Superbowl, Hockey Finals, Indy 500, Jerry Springer show.
12. Powerbars and other type energy bars make you thinner. In all my years of exercising (at least three times a year) I have only seen thin people eating energy bars. Ergo (therefore) they must make you thin.
13. Snickers is the same as an energy bar (see #12)
14. Tasting other people’s food does not add to your calorie count.
15. Containers of food that list the number of servings as greater one are lying. Every container includes one serving. Half gallon of ice cream, box of cereal, bottle of soda, bag of chips are all one serving.
16. Splitting an appetizer or dessert is the equivalent of licking a knife or spoon. You’re barely having any, and you KNOW your dining companion ate way more than half!
18. Whatever you just ordered at that restaurant is healthy, as long as it has "salad" in its name.
19. If the recipe to a dish or dessert is older than your grandmother, it does not have calories, as your grandmother was alive before they existed.
20. If it is "whole grain" or "organic" it has no calories. Calories are added during processing.
21. Food that you do not pay for has no calories.
July 3, 2009 at 10:14 pm
22. Breakfast in bed cooked by a loving spouse has no calories.
23. Any food called "salad" has no calories.
24. Any food <i>accompanied</i> by a salad has no calories.
25. If you were eating well, but then broke at lunchtime today and ate junk food, tonight’s dinner junk food will not make things any worse.
July 3, 2009 at 10:18 pm
HAHA! 5, 13, and 21 were the best. Why doesn’t anyone tell you these things when you start working out?
July 3, 2009 at 10:43 pm
I laughed the whole way through this !
July 4, 2009 at 12:16 am
I would laugh, but I see myself in too many of these situations.