Post Comp Depression?
Definitely. I am binging. It has not stopped since Oct 10 so what does that make it? 18 days? 18 days and 25 pounds up. Isn’t that depressing? YES! And I run bootcamps, I inspire women AND men on and off BS, I train hard at the gym, I competed on stage!!
Yes I’ve heard this already - "I put my body through a lot of stress and deprived it of many thing during my prep. I will bounce back in no time because I already know what it takes to get there." Well, that’s great words of encouragement and I DO appreciate all of your support.
But how do I get the confidence to be seen again? I have never really been embarassed to walk into a room. At 210 pounds I could steal the eyes of many. But now I want to go to the gym when no one is there and wear my hat really low. i want to stay in for Halloween when I have 4 invites for some sexy costume parties!
I have tried to evaluate why I feel this way. I do know better. Trust me - I DO! I take value of people for what they are on the inside and I expect the same, but when what I do for a living depends on an image, I feel I have failed to represent that now. I ripped my own self off of what I worked 3 1/2 years for. I didn’t go on stage to compete. I set that goal to force myself to get to that size within 2 years instead of a lifetime of rollercoasting.
But i appear to have BUILT the rollercoaster for myself. Don’t hop on this ride. It may never end.
Studying a binging article right now:
October 29, 2009 at 10:26 am
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I used to have a huge problem with binging, and thank God I haven’t felt the need to do so in over a year. I stopped binging when I completely changed my lifestyle and decided to focus on being healthy rather than dieting. Since you were on contest prep you were dieting- who can eat that way for life?? Not many…unfortunately you didn’t have a rebound plan in place and you are not the only competitor who has rebounded badly because of this.
I think you need to really focus on where you’re coming from and the amazing accomplishments you have achieved in the past two years….I know you don’t want to go back to 210lbs and you won’t!
Take it one day at a time and don’t be too strict with your diet…just focus on eating clean for today- you can worry about tomorrow when you get there.
I hope this helps chica..you can do it!
October 29, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Christina,
It is very common to gain what seems like an unimaginable amount of weight after a contest. Especially if it is after the first one! You weren’t just dieting to get fit…you dieted to get on stage and get a body that you were proud of! That kind of diet is not a normal diet that a person can maintain indefinitely. Anyone who has ever prepped for a contest knows this. The light headedness, weakness, lack of energy, and the bodies telling you to eat and you overcoming what is essentially an automatic function of your body.
When we finish the contest we eat, we relax and most of all we struggle for some semblance of normalcy in our life. Spending 12-16 weeks fighting what our body and mind desire is a challenge that is fatiguing and very exhausting. I have done 55 shows…as many as 8 in one year! When I first started competing my only goal was to make it to the finish line. The entire time I was focused on one thing…getting through the season and trying to be the best bodybuilder I can be! At the end I would relax, eat and feel strength surge back into my muscles that felt as if they were dormant for the last 16 weeks. My mind climbed out of the carb starved fog, my focus returned to school, work, friends and family. In this light a competitor begins to realize that what has been a half year endeavor to be a champion as also been a challenge and a burden that others in your life must also bear. Along with this other aspects in life are often ignored or at best set on cruise control.
To say this was overwhelming would be an understatement, and how I dealt with it or how anyone deals with it can be very different. It isn’t surprising you feel as if your hard fought gains seem to be slipping out of your grasp! That vast majority of competitors have post-contest gain of 10, 20 and even 30 pounds, and most aren’t happy about it either. However, all of this doesn’t lessen my or your desire to be the best physically we can be! This is where finding balance in your life is so important. You are without a doubt an inspiration to others and your experience and knowledge is indeed very invaluable!
For me I made the decision I was going to get promoted, I was going to finish my degree and I would most certainly improve upon my past athletic and physique accomplishments. Once I made this decision I had a direction a focus and a whole bunch of goals I had to prioritize and work. It wasn’t easy to tackle, but I at least knew what I was going to do. Most importantly I stopped competing to be the best on stage or be the best bodybuilder in a room. What I did do was set a goal to be better than I was before, and if you follow my earlier blogs you will know this is when I truly began to be my best. I have no doubt that you are stronger now and look better now than you did one year ago! Do you feel and look the same as you did just one month ago..no, but 99% of us don’t look stage ready all of the time. It is an unrealistic expectation, and it isn’t normal.
All that being said I know you know what is important in your life, and I expect you could easily right the short list of what you want to do! I don’t like giving orders in this forum. It isn’t my place to tell anyone what they have to do, but I will say this. Don’t look at what your physique today as a fall back or failure of what you have accomplished. No one, especially you, can take away anything you have accomplished. Those accomplishments don’t disappear or get erased with time. They are real and they definitely are a product of your incredible talents and abilities. Everyone reading this knows you have shown the determination and drive to make changes in your life and others. You are now at a new starting point…a new adventure. It is what makes life so wonderful and most definitely worth living.
I can’t tell you how many times I have started the new chapter in my life without even realizing it was happening. Sometimes I will catch a glimpse of the title page turning, but most of the time I will suddenly realize I am on totally unexpected new path and direction in life without a clue on how I got there. Don’t try to stop a rollercoaster. This is the ride of your life and you certainly have control over what you want out of it. I have no doubt you thoroughly enjoy helping others to overcome their own battles and that doesn’t take away from your spirit and energy. It adds to it! Join in with them and share their enthusiasm for the improvements you are helping them to enjoy. Whatever you decided to do we all know you will do a fantastic job of it, and we all will be right behind you all of the way.
Your friend, Troy
October 29, 2009 at 2:12 pm
YOU GUYS ARE SOOOO WONDERFUL TO ME!! I FEEL REFRESHED TODAY. THANK YOU OODLES!!! I AM GOING TO WRITE A BLOG AGAIN WITH MY RENEWED SPIRIT. OMG TROY, WHY AREN’T YOU WRITING BOOKS LET ALONE ARTICLES!! AMAZING…AND NATURALLY FROM INSIDE OF YOU FOR ME! THANKS A MILLION TIMES OVER!
October 29, 2009 at 10:35 pm
I feel the same! I did alot of modeling this summer (like my profile pics) but gained 15lbs of fat since
And im in FL its hot as hell this halloween and all my grl friends have sexy lil costumes! I decided to help out at my church just to aviod it all :/ People expect me to look like that "model" i was all summer..they dont get its a rollercoaster sometimes and hard to live this way…I was 160lbs when i was 12 too and then developed an eating disorder in high school so my mind and body never meet eye to eye anymore :/ you r gorgeous! and I have seen almost everyone on this site i swear but for some reason I think you are my biggest inspiration after seeing your site. 
stick with it girl ..gaining and loosing weight is a part of life..i know tons of grls who r fit (**** i live in south florida!lol) but with no confidence who do not come close to being as pretty as you! And I dead load sometimes and when i hit the gym hard after., though cardio is a little more difficult i usually can make quick gains that way…i wish you the best of luck!!:)
October 30, 2009 at 6:43 am
Hottie ,I wear the same hat.I know exactly what you are saying.I loved the idea of doing shows of setting goals with the shows,but in the end all it has done is screw up what in my mind is my perfect physique.I’m never satisfied.I make myself crazy.If I have a mishap on my diet I’m brutal.I was supposed to do a show the same day as you Oct 10th got injured couldn’t do it.Sooo all that dieting,then had to step out,I’ve never not done the show that I’ve set my sights on,put me on an eating tear.I feel like in the past 2 wks I’m a little more under control ,but still not 100%.I think we need to focus just on feeling joyfull and what it is that gets us there and some how finding the balance.let’s do this girl! We are tuff broads! Let’s kick some butt !!
November 15, 2009 at 9:40 pm
WOW. thank you for your honesty, and for writing this blog. Like the others here, I have always struggled with "perfection" and who’s idea i’m trying to acheive. Good to know I’m not alone. You seem like you have a very strong character and will (if you haven’t already, based on your profile pix.. hot as all get out, btw!) pull out of this and get back on track. Again, thank you for your honesty!