honeymustard’s BodyBlog

I’m up to 80kg now!! Yippee!!

My next goal is to get to 100kg by Xmas. That will be my present to myself.

all of the weight i lost i’ve put back on again….clinical depression really bites!!! i’ll be feeling great and then will fall into a ‘pit of despair’ where even the smallest of things makes me feel bad and sad and then diet goes out the window.

but at least i am able to pick myself up and still get to the gym…the intensity isn’t there but at least I am! lol

So now I start again I hate feeling (and looking) fat!

It seems that every time I get my weight to approximately 60kg I feel naked, vulnerable and I’m not sure why. It’s so confusing. Why do I sabotage myself. I mean, I REALLY want to compete and figure, be muscular, lean, strong so why when I get close do I lose the plot??

Is it some underlying insecurity? Do I ‘hide’ behind those extra 10 kilos?? Why do I feel ’safer’ with the weight on when I DON’T want it there? Gee the human psyche is soooooo complex!!

I’d love to hear from anyone else who has encountered and/or mastered this problem..PLease!

I WILL compete for the first time in September next year!!!! WOO HOO!! I’ve been rubbishing on for far too long.

I don’t know what I was waiting for! I think I wanted to go in to win when I should be going in just for the experience (at least initially). Going in to win for my first competition I think caused a negative effect on me mentally this last year. Too much expectation, pressure etc so I kept falling off the wagon, quite possibly from fear.

BUT NO MORE!!!

In 2010 I am going to compete. I know it will be a wonderful experience and that is all I am going to focus on. Having fun! That’s what it’s all about isn’t it???

So no more pressure….I am doing this because I enjoy it, because it’s fun….i’m not going to think about placing but having said that I’m going to work really hard to put on muscle and compete with my previous measurements.

I am starting now of course, lifting heavy and I’m going to keep my diet in check as much as possible over the Xmas break (but still enjoy myself) and come the new year I will be focused 100%.

My competition countdown will begin at the beginning of May. I’m going to give myself 20 weeks of ‘dieting’ as I am not sure how my body will react to everything so better to have a little too much time than not enough (i can always throw in a ‘free’ meal if I come in lean a little early)

So excited!!

I’d LOVE to hear from other first timers about their experiences - diet, comp day, suits, pressure, cravings etc etc.

Any advice is very welcome

Well, the 12 week challenge is over….but the journey is not.

Even though my measurements were not what I had hoped for when I started the challenge I could still not wipe the smile from my face. During the 12 weeks I had learned a lot about myself. Mostly that I should not be afraid to ask for help. I know that knowing this will help me with my goals in 2010. Also my personal trainer Jess has been so supportive and positive and with that AND the the DVD The Secret that she loaned me I KNOW that I am responsible for my own outcomes.

I will call, text, email when I need help, reassurance, questions answered etc. That is my promise to myself.

This is all powerful knowledge, I hope everyone knows it or finds it soon.

As for 2010 I have my whiteboard calendar on the wall already with all relevant dates marked and goals set -

* Compete in a figure competition

* Finish my studies to become a Personal Trainer

* Write and have an article published in Oxygen Magazine

* Have a photo of myself in Oxygen Magazine

* Travel overseas

* Inspire at least one other person to change their lives and NEVER GIVE UP!! (I used to think that I was a failure because I kept failing but now I know I’m actually a winner because I keep trying) (A friend recently told me that I was the most motivated person she knew (!!) That amazed me and made me happy, especially coming from her as her life is so constant and busy)

I think that’s it for the moment. LOL. No Wait!!!! My ULTIMATE goal is to motivate and teach others about fitness/health/nutrition and how in can immeasureably change your life to a wider audience.

The future is today everyone so grab it with both hands!

Had a lousy day and I let it get the better of my diet…my willpower just died. i’m a bit bummed about it as tomorrow is the last day of the challenge and i’ve pretty much put on all the weight i lost BUT my strength gains have been amazing and i do see changes in my muscle tone and shape.

I’m focusing on 2010……i AM going to compete!! but i’m also going to become a personal trainer and travel overseas. I’ve set 3 huge goals and am to make 2010 MY YEAR!!

I’m also thinking further than 2010!! I have a book that is titled ‘5′. It’s basically a motivational book that centres on making plans for the next 5 years….it’s a book you write in (as we all know written goals are better) so that’s what i’m going to do this sunday.

so exciting!!

Lost 0.2g since yesterday. I am hoping for a greater loss tomorrow.

I hit another PB today which has made me really happy…..210kg on the 45degree leg press….and that felt kinda easy so next week i’m going to up it to 220kg and see how i go! can’t wait!!

Increasing weights is sooooooo much fun. lol. ‘Normal’ people will think I’m crazy but i know you guys will understand. haha.

Friday the 13th tomorrow……13 is my favourite and lucky number so will be an awesome day.

Stay tuned till then for my PB on shoulders!

Ok…a loss of 0.5kg since yesterday…not as much as I’d hoped but I’m happy (it’s going down. lol)

I had the BEST morning!! I hit a new PB on deadlifts…75kg and now my trainer and I are working towards 100kg!! I was stoked after doing 10 reps but another great thing happened. A (totally hot!) chick came over to say how impressed she was with my strength!!!

That has made my week. The satisfaction I feel knowing that I’m getting stronger is amazing.

I am so unbelievably happy today!! hope everyone else is too. xx

today’s weigh in - 65.3kg, down 1.1kg from yesterday. i was hoping to hit 65.0kg but i’m satisfied.

no night time cardio today so not sure what tomorrow’s weigh in will bring. i’m hoping for at least 64.5kg.

the final official weigh in for the 12 week challenge is on saturday and i won’t be hitting my original goal (because of my binges of course) but i’m back on track and looking for balance now.   night time cardio will come down to 3 times a week (if that)     i think i was overdoing the cardio and was stressed by it.

wish me luck for tomorrow

today i weighed in and after yet another bad weekend i am back up to 66.4kg….i know some will drop off fairly quickly this week but my bad weekends are seriously setting me back so i’m going to incorporate one free meal each week.

every sunday night i’m going to have whatever i want….and enjoy it but first thing monday morning i am back to 110%.

i’m going to have either a chocolate bar, ice cream, hot chips, a dinner with friends (but still keep a whole dinner fairly clean ), greek yoghurt with muesli mixed in (the BEST in the world….i could eat a tonne of it!!)

i think having a ‘free meal’ (or cheat meal if you like) each week will keep me going…..i’ll just keep telling myself….’only 7 days until something yum!’  hopefully that will keep me going hard during the week with training and diet.