TLC: Trust, Love, Consistency

It’s been 10 days since I last set foot in the gym. There’s nothing I’d like to do more than a good hard weights session, but it’s not an option.
I’ve still got the dregs of my cold/flu and my energy levels are almost non-existent. A visit to the chiro yesterday left me feeling a fair bit better this morning but by lunchtime I knew I couldn’t train again today.
I’m taking each day as it comes. If I’ve got the energy I take Kevin for a walk before work, but even this wipes me out. I’ve been keeping my food clean, lean and green and my weight has stayed consistent even after my 10% meals.

All this inactivity and inability to achieve new goals is leaving me in quite a dark headspace and I’m worried that I’m sleeping too much and am actually making my energy levels worse.

I noticed I’d totally dropped off my water intake so I’m trying to get that back up above 4L again. In addition, there’s lots of glutamine and fish oils with every meal and I’ve got some fancy herbal medicine from the chiro which I’m hoping will help.

I’m open to any suggestions from people as how to get out of this hole. All I want to do is get back in the gym and get on with my life!

My last few workout with Joe, my trainer, have left me feeling a little lack-luster. We trained shoulders last night and i just couldn’t get my head into the right space, again. I love training shoulders and left feeling disappointed. I think I like setting my own pace in the gym and working through the weight and reps that I know I can do. On the other hand I love having someone there to help me get out that last 2 reps that I just can’t do myself. I’ve got about 3 more sessions with Joe paid for and I’ll feel guilty if I don’t keep training with him up until my comp, but I just don’t see the benefits right now. All this being said, I’ve had generally unfocussed and weak workouts for about a week now, hopefully it’s just a monthly problem and I’ll be firing again next week. I sure hope so, I can’t handle feeling weak for much longer. On a contradictory note, I’ve also been thinking it’s time to start chatting with more of my co-gym rats. We’ve all trained together for ages and I’m always to shy to say hello.

I’m on day 2/3 of the no caffeine, no chilli, no AS (in addition to my other no wheat, no dairy) and I’ve failed on the no AS and no chilli fronts. When no chilli means, no paprika or chilli I’m just stuffed. Lemon juice, salt and smoked paprika are my staple chicken seasonings. I’m going to have to check how much paprika counts. The no AS (artificle sweetner) is something I would have thought would be a breeze; and it would be, if it weren’t for Xtend. I tried taking BCAA capsules instead but the Xtend has all sorts of other goodies which are just to nice to avoid. Again I’ll be querying this one.

On the no coffee front, I think this was an excellent idea. At 6am I thought it was a lousy idea, but I have slept really well the last few days and anxiety levels are right down. I think I was getting really used to the caffeine and thermofuel wasn’t as fun as it was when I started. Hopefully this means when I’m back on it in a month it will all be magic again. In the meantime my new pre-workout stack is BCAAs, glutamine (must buy more), tyrosine capsules, acytle L-carnatine and creatine. Without a scoop of Xtend in this mix it’s truely gag worthy. I’m also trying to get back on the green tea and have just started taking spuralina powder.

This morning’s workout was only so-so as I didn’t really get enough sleep last night; quality- excellent, quantity-poor. It took me the whole workout to figure out why I wasn’t on the game, so sleep is back on my priority list. After my workout I picked up some berocca high performance, which is what I’ve been using as my multi-vitamin. In all the fandangle of my other sups I’d run out and forgotten about it. The combo of a berocca and a pot of green tea was just what i needed to get my energy back and I’m very glad I didn’t cave on the coffee.

Reading the results from last year’s SA INBA show I noticed that there is an award for ‘most potential’. Normally I squirm at such things, but I really want this one. This is my goal. My body is looking awesome, but I just don’t know where my left delt is going to come from. So my plan is to step on stage absolutely smokin’ and get that award….. That or they need a new category for most deformed!

Tonight, it’s back to Dr Frank for more crunching, poking and worried looks. He does claim to have a plan for my left delt, but (un)fortunately he only works on a whole body basis (kinda why I chose him). I donated blood at the Red Cross yesterday in an effort to find out my blood type. I won’t know this until next week and then he’s going to start blood typing my diet. I’m not sure how I feel about this, but anything is worth a shot and my body is my science experiment.

A quick update after a relaxing weekend.
Friday night I was doing my head in. I was a tightly coiled spring, so I decided Saturday, I would try to think about something other than competing. I stuck to my meals and did a quick bit of cardio (jumped rope for 15 minutes) and that was it. No crazy sprints, hours of planning diet on CalorieKing I was just a normal civilian eating a lot of green vegetables. By the evening I was tired but feeling so much more recovered. It was lovely. I really get worked up sometimes on account of having to work all my diet and exercise out myself and then not being so sure of my plan. As if by magic (or maybe a drop in anxiety levels) my weight nicely dropped Sunday morning and I was given a double booster as I could already see great progress in the mirror.

Sunday, hound and I had a lovely 45 minute walk through the hilly parts of our neighbourhood. We took a new route and found a nice walking trail in need of further investigating. I then stocked up on my vegies and eggs at the farmers market. I love that while I have to eat so much crazy food for my lifestyle I can be responsible for where it comes from. I tried my best to do my quads and biceps workout that afternoon, but I just couldn’t get my left arm to co-operate with front squats and moved on to angled leg press instead. I slaughtered it. I’d knock out 15+ reps put on another plate, and easily another 15. I think I wound up doing almost double what I normally would. Weird. Mentally I really wasn’t there and this wasn’t getting me fired up. There were also these 2 (weedy) guys absolutely screaming at each other ‘****in pull mate’ etc. etc. jerking weights about and throwing them to the ground at the end of every set, it was driving me and everyone else in the gym crazy. Halfway through my leg extensions I cracked and turned into gym bitch from hell. Apparently they work out like that every day and no one had ever complained before. The guy look like he wanted to hit me. Gawd I love being a chick!

This morning I went back to the same gym to train chest (my gym has multiple locations and I prefer different ones for different days), luckily they weren’t there, but the heating was cranked up to maximum, making for a very off-puting workout. I really struggled to bring my mind to the game and couldn’t channel a huge amount of strength. I played around with a combo of DB work, hammer strength and cables and eventually decided I’m due a refeed. Good thing I’ve got one scheduled for tomorrow. Bring on the carbs! I’d totally not left myself enough time to do cardio and had to knock out 15 minutes of inclined sprint intervals. Running felt really good and I would have loved to have gone for longer but I had an appointment with a new member of team Michelle, Dr Frank. Dr Frank is an osteopath/chiropractor/accupuncturist/kineisiologist/natropath and general body guru and I’d read and heard good things about him. He gave me a thorough quizzing about my entire medical history and then very matter of factly dictated my defects to his assistant. It seemed like I have a lot of defects, but he really seems like the guy to fix them Again, we was worried about the atrophy of my left delt. He treats lots of BB’s and want to work really hard with me to get it sorted. I so want my shoulders back!

I was poked and prodded inside and out (he poked around in my mouth and now my sinuses are clear). He did that horrible thing that chiropractors do to your neck, which makes you vow never to see one again, but it wasn’t so jerky so I’ll forgive him. In general I left wishing I’d got onto the whole thing sooner. His whole body approach made so much sense and is so much better than the patch-up work I’ve been getting done. I’ve got 2 more sessions this week and then have to visit him regularly for a total of 12 sessions at least. By the end of today’s session he’d made my neck and shoulder feel a fair bit better,  cleared my sinuses and made my hips feel like I actually have control of them (I’m very flexible and they cause no end of problems to me). I really do feel as light as air.

Dr Frank also furnished me with a little guide book of tips and how tos and asks all his clients to go wheat, caffeine, orange, pork, chocolate, peanut, dairy and spicy food free for 1 month. I was doing fine until this point, but no coffee and no chilli make Michelle go something, something (go crazy? don’t mind if I do). Also no artificial sweetners. At this point I wasn’t really sure which of my supps I have left. No Xtend, no whey, no fat-burners; oh my! I promised him I’ll do my best. I also have to find out my blood type so that he can fine tune my diet. A-types don’t do so well on red meat apparently; and blood type  might help explain my rice issues too.

Looking forward I’ve got a huge week, tomorrow, operation monster shoulder begins with Joe. Wednesday and Friday I’m back to Dr. Frank, Thursday posing classes and tomorrow lunch fish and healthfood shopping on my lunch hour. Good thing I don’t have too much on at work!

Last night I was in the foulest mood. My ankle was absolutely killing me and I couldn’t walk on it without my boot on. Boy’s first opinion when he picked me up from work was that I need an X-ray, but at that point I wasn’t feeling too bad. An hour later he’d got to me and I was starting to loose it. What IF my ankle was broken? I was starting to feel like such a failure. I yelled at the hound, who was just trying to be caring. I yelled at the boy, who was cooking me a tasty, clean meal. I hung my head and shoveled my dinner and grumbled off to bed.

Lying there feeling foul, I wanted chocolate. I NEEDED chocolate. F-it if I was going to have stuffed ankle then I could eat chocolate. There MUST be chocolate somewhere in my house. Wow! I’m not much of a chocolate person, but this was getting crazy. Then I remembered the free samples Well Naturally sent me. It included 1 bar of sugar free 70% cocoa dark chocolate. I crawled from bed (literally) to the other end of the house and broke of 1 square. Hmmm orange flavoured chocolate, oh well. Then I read the back of the packet. Yeeehah! I could have had the whole bar and still been within my calories (macros were out). I broke of another 2 more squares, to make half a bar (100 calories) and crawled back into bed. You know what? I felt so much better! I know chocolate doesn’t buy happiness, but right then I was so pleased to have my dark chocolate, my electric blanket and not to have blown my calories I slept like a baby.

Good news is that I woke up this morning and almost all the swelling on my ankle had gone down. I’d love to say it was the chocolate, but bed rest and glutamine are more likely responsible. Boy poked at it again and there was almost no pain so his orders (he’s a Nurse Practitioner) were to keep it strapped, elevated and iced for the rest of the day; and to not run any marathons. The poor hound was a little upset by the whole thing, especially when he got locked in time-out (the laundry) for bugging me about his walk. The upside of it all was that I was in bed by 9.30pm and got over 9 hours sleep which is a record for me.

I woke up this morning to a jaw dropping surprise on the scales (TTOM is now over and done with). I’m down over a kg in a week (I even ate some rice last night, go figure). I didn’t feel like questioning my scales too hard so didn’t go back to check my hydration levels but am glad my scales are catching up with my mirror and belt!

If I’m not too sore by the end of the day I’m going to see if I can get my bi-tri-ab workout done tonight. I’ll have to do something horrible like rowing for my warm-up. Then I’m faced with a monster busy weekend in which I’ve promised Joe I’ll fit a leg workout.

Don’t remind me about the half a block of 70% chocolate with a hint of Valencia Orange Oil sitting in my gym crate.

Sometimes I wonder what other competitors motivations are. Do they still look in the mirror and not like what they see? This is totally not the case for me. Every morning I step on the scales, but I’m not so phased by the number that comes up. I could have eaten too much salt or rice the day before and then I’ll hold up to 3kg of water for the next day or so, so I write the number down and get on with my morning cardio. It’s when I look in the mirror after my shower that I really take notice. Every day I’m happy with what I see but today my abs were looking amazing, my biceps were popping out and my legs looking firm and shaped. I actually thought, this is perfect, do I really want to cut any more? I’m actually scared of getting skinnier. I love the way my body is now.

Is this just an excuse for me to be slack? I certainly couldn’t step on stage how I am now. So I move forward with excitement and trepidation. I tell myself that my arms are going to look firmer and more muscular and that soon I’ll have a cool little V on my belly and that I’ll only be ‘too skinny’ for a week or so and maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll be solid carved granite.

In other less positive news I rolled my ankle this morning pushing my bike through the pedestrian underpass. It’s pretty sore to walk on but I managed my bike to work within my usual time without too much pain. I’m now going to hobble down to Woolworths to get some frozen peas to ice it. Maybe I can eat them with my sweet potato and kangaroo steak later.

I know I sound like a softy and a year ago I wouldn’t even try the foam roller exercises my physio gave me for my knee problem, but with nothing to loose I tried it out on my recovering shoulder. Wow! My ROM is 100% and strength is racing up. I’d been coming into the gym just to use the foam roller, but today at my physio appointment I was able to buy one. I showed my physio the exercises I’d been doing and he’d never seen anything like it but agreed I was hitting the exact right spots for my shoulder and neck pain, and was slightly amazed at my recovery.

I am so excited about the prospect of using foam rollers to help with speedy muscle recovery over all.

I know that I’d never be able to afford/justify a weekly massage but now I can do self myofascial release I know I’m going to be bouncing back from all my weights sessions. I used it on my tight hamstrings the other day and felt amazing!

I’ve got lots to be excited about today, as it’s my first training session with my PT and I anticipate getting a flogging. Hopefully he’ll also do body fat measures with callipars so I can see where I am. I’m slightly nervous too, as he’s had stacks of experience with BB and figures and I’m worried he’ll say I won’t cut it. Joe, my fate is in your hands!