TLC: Trust, Love, Consistency

and I need every one of them.

Mentally I’m exhausted. I’m so glad I bit the bullet and got Jon to look after me. I can’t imagine the mess I’d be in otherwise. Doing my pwo cardio I’ve been wiped but then I suddenly realise, I really am following my dreams and succeeding and all of a sudden I get a new wave of energy.

My workout’s are feeling a bit half assed. I’m telling myself it’s all mental focus, because if I really work on the visualisation I can still match my PBs. My shoulder is really starting to hurt again too. I can’t wait for contest prep to be over so I can get back on a program that works better for it. Right now I’m following Nick’s instructions and not arguing with the big boss about anything.

Today I went and handed in my music and completed my registration. If you’re looking for me, I’m competitor #1, which has to be a good omen. Sean, one of the organisers, still has me pegged for a top 3 finish which has bouyed my spirits after I got my first rush of nerves at registration.

My organisation seems to have back fired on me, as the diuretics JD wants me to get haven’t been available in Australia for 9 months according to the boys in Aussie Muscle. I found them on ASN and have ordered them and bought backup ones for 1/4 of the price incase they don’t come through. I went to the stage shop to get my foundation and they have to order it in, but promise it by Friday (!). I got them to write down the color and I will ring the other dance shops on Monday morning and see whether I can get some before then, otherwise it’s Revlon color stay mixed in my dream tan.

I’m only working 3 days this week, which I’m entirely thankful for. I was starting to get a bit snappy at work on Friday, which isn’t a good thing for a new job. I’m really worried how I’m going to be in the 2 weeks between comps. I’m actually starting to feel quite crazy for entering the Whyalla titles, but it’ll be good stage time if nothing else. I really wish I could get the Friday beforehand off work, but I’ve already asked the boss for too much time off.

So I’m taking each day at a time, meal by meal, workout by workout. When I feel down I find a mirror and look at my (sunburnt) quads and feel a bit better.

Tonight I’m off to a posing workshop run at City Gym. I’ll get to meet some of my fellow competitors (did I mention there are 12 people in my line-up!?). I wish I could feel a bit more excited about the workshop but I really need a night on the couch.

I actually sound a lot less happy than I am. Sorry it’s just easier to complain. This is all an amazing process and I’m so lucky  to have family who support me.

*end ramble*

Inspired by Charlotte, here’s some inspiration.
This is my desktop wallpaper. I will have those legs, one day.

Here’s a sneak preview of my ‘kini. I love it.
I’ve been bejewelling the front all weekend and am almost ready to start on the back.

12 days to go and I’m feeling GREAT.

P.S congrats to everyone who competed in the WNBF show on the weekend you all looked amazing and it was a great show. Vivienne Kristic’s routine and posing was particularly inspiring.

I was honestly expecting to feel like death heated up by now, but I feel great. Better than I did a week ago even. I have to give credit to JD. I’m sure I piss him of with my "can I have this? why not that?" questions, but he’s got me feeling great and looking awesome.

It’s strange, the diet is pretty much lean and green but I don’t feel at all carb depleted. I’ve been on similar macros before and felt like a zombie so it must all be in the timing. My diet is very conservative body-builder stereotype (though this really isn’t JD’s style from what I understand) as I needed urgent ass-kicking. Breaky is egg-whites+egg and greens with 1/3 cup oats if post cardio, 3 of my meals are 120g roo/fish and buckets of green and lunch is always a chicken, almond and avocado monster salad. The secret weapon, I suspect, is the 20g pure-carbs in my training drink. On non-weight days I really miss it and feel flat. If I’d been in charge I would have ditched this weeks ago, shows what I know.

A lot of people complain that lean and green is boring. I’m doing pretty well. It’s really not that different from how I’ve eaten for a few years anyway, just less fat and forbidden sauces and condiments. I’ve been buying lots of different kinds of fish to add variety and love my roo and zucchini meatloaves.The one thing I miss is my weekly restaurant meal which has been strictly off the books for the last 5 weeks. I jokingly asked JD if there was a curry in this week’s diet plan and he handed me a freebie! Tomorrow lunch I have a date with a thai curry, a whole mess of rice and maybe some quail to be eaten beachside at my favourite Thai restaurant. I swear I almost cried with excitement. Along with being told fruit is no longer forbidden I was a happy girl this week. I thought things were meant to be dissapearing from my diet not re-appearing. AWESOME!

To be honest, I’m a little worried about my ‘free’ meal. My weight’s been hitting all time lows this week and dropping daily and I’m going to be a little thrown by the inevitable spike. However, after 4 weeks of no movement on the scales I have a reasonable disregard for them. I know how to get the lighting just right in my house to make me look great in the mirror (it’s my tan substitute).

I spent the day gluing diamantes to my bikini. I’ve done an impressive job on the bottoms but haven’t quite got the boobs even (story of my life). From where the judges/audience sit it shouldn’t be to noticeable.

I went on a huge shopping spree, Friday after work, and bought my nails, toe-nail polish, eye-lashes, jewelry and a feather combo for my hair (thanks stage shop lady). Teeing up a time with my makeup girl is proving dissastorous so I may just end up doing my own. C’est la vie. I also bought my only pair of ‘comp-prep’ pants, a pair of skin-tight black jeans. They were only $50, reduced for $140 and I figured I needed something to remember me by as I have no plans of staying quite this skinny for any longer than I have to.

It’s getting late and I have a early morning chest workout, visit to the farmers market and a date with a thai curry tomorrow so it’s beauty sleep time. Good luck to the ladies doing the WNBF this weekend.

Wow, this week has flown by. I’m feeling a lot better since my last post. My joints are much happier and I’ve had some excellent workouts and delightful morning walks. It was so delicously warm this morning, just a little overcast, a great day for walking in the national park. Sunday was my rest day so I added in some extra fats to replace the carbs I wasn’t eating (didn’t tell the boss any of this) and it seems to have helped my joints and also triggered a nice bit of weightloss (FINALLY). Who knows, I might actually break the 60kg mark after all.

I got my suit last night, with both pairs of bottoms. The cut of the second pair is much more flattering in the front, the bum is still tiny but I think I’ll wear it. The embarrassing thing is, I couldn’t figure out how to tie the top onto the bottoms. I thought there were meant to be loops in my bottoms but couldn’t see any. I looked a lot better in good light and felt a lot happier with how I’m looking. JD told me this would be the case, and that I’d look silly in it without my heels and a good tan. Now I’ve got to pick up some sparkly bits to start decorating my suit.

I think I’ve finally managed to please JD. He actually said I was looking good and just needed a tan! I was grinning from ear to ear. I’m not going to do the WNBF show this weekend, but am still thinking about going to Whyalla for the second INBA show. It’ll be good practice. I just don’t know how long it takes to get up there and back.

I need to start a things to do list.

• Buy sparkly bits for costume
• Sew sparkly bits for costume (my mum used to do this for my sisters ballet, maybe I can con her)
• Book waxing (Legs & bikini, eyebrows)
• Buy nails
• Meet with S, my makeup girl
• Buy foundation, lippy, nail polish & other makeup bits
• Practice routine, lots
• Burn CD of music for comp
• Panic

I can’t wait. Some day’s I’m excited and can’t wait, other days I’m sick of it all and can’t wait.
The weekend fell into the latter category. My joints have been achey and stiff for about a week now. The problem started in my knees but has progressed to my wrist and fingers. In the morning’s I can’t trust myself to carry my tea cup with one hand. Luckily, by the time I’ve gotten to work and my fingers are a bit more functional but in the meantime getting ready is a slow process. I’ve added a bucket load of glucosamine to my supps in the hope that this problem will get better and I’m starting to notice improvements in my knees.

This morning was true test of my commitment. I spent 20 minutes looking for my keys and was ready to give up on the whole morning walk, but Kevin insisted. About 10 minutes into my walk I remarked to Kev that the sky was looking pretty dark and that we might be in for some rain, in addition to the gale we were already battling. Within seconds a flash of lightning lit up the sky and, to my astonishment, sheets of hail came raining down. At this point, Kevin grabbed the lead firmly in his mouth and decided it was home-time. I told him ‘not a chance, we’ve got 20 more days of this; rain, HAIL or shine’, so on we walked. The hail lasted for about 5 more minutes and there was only a hint more lightning. The roads became pretty icey and I had to do some serious bargaining with Kev to get him to not send me sliding. In the end we managed 45 minutes of our planned hour walk, I cut it short not due to weather but due to my key incident and time. I ended up with the same calorie burn as my usual 1 hour walk as I’d intentionally upped the pace.

Saturday I went to the local NABBA show. I was impressed with the physiques but not the number of entrants. I could have got up there and won a trophy and I’m at least 1 week from being anywhere near ready. Most classes had only 3 entrants! The girl who took out the novice WFF, who I’ll be competing against in INBA had a great upper body but her lower body still needed leaning out. I was most annoyed though as we appear to both have very similar suits!

Speaking of suits, I made the long drive yesterday to SuziQ to do my suit fitting, only to find out she’d forgot to change my bottoms from g-string to brazillian brief. Luckily she had an extra bit of material and I’ll have both to choose from. I also got to get her to change the scoop at the front as  didn’t like the depth. THe whole time I had my suit on I felt very mutton dressed as lamb. The lighting there was dingey and I felt anything but a figure-gal. I’m hoping when I get it in the post on Wednesday I’ll be feeling a bit differently.

I haven’t practiced my posing quite as much as Nick suggested but it’s surely coming along well. The changes he suggested have made the world of difference.

In housekeeping duties I wish to say a belated happy birthday to Liz and to my boy Kevin. I can’t believe he’s all grown up.
To make you all go gooey, here’s Kev on the day we got him (3 months).

I’m doing OK
*phew*

Jon didn’t like my skins or my posing and decided to rope the lovely Nick Jones in to give me the once over. I’m so glad he did, as Jon doesn’t give much away on the phone, leaving me slightly batty.

I did a absolute killer back and glute workout, with the intensity I’d been missing for over a week. I don’t know if it was the thermofuel or that I was trying to train extra hard so that Nick wouldn’t tell JD I’m a slacker, but I was wrecked by the end.

After my workout Nick got me to pose. I was absolutely beat, shaking and could hardly stand on my heels. Despite this, Nick seemed to think my fat loss is on track and that I could step up for the WNBF, 2 weeks earlier if I wanted. A huge wave of anxiety disappeared instantly.

We also changed all my poses, which will infuriate my posing coach no end. Nick and I had the same opinion on my legs position in my bicep poses and are going legs crossed, which I’ve alway preffered. I’ve really got to try and relax my hands more and ‘hips to the side- shoulders wide’. Those boys are giving me a shoulder complex!

For the next 4 weeks Nick wants me to do 3 rounds of symmetry and 3 rounds of compulsories every day. I’m thinking I’ll video the last round and do it without mirrors so I can see how I’m going. Other than that, I’ve been instructed to stay the course.

I’m back to being excited.

This week my weight has gone up, skins have gone down and my posing is slowly getting better.
I’m a little scared, but in JD we trust. Tomorrow is our weekly meeting. I really feel like I should be doing more, but I’ll have to wait and see.

Today I started my new job. I guess I’m no longer a full time body builder. The upside is I can afford more supps and chicken. The new job should leave me less grumpy than the old one. They’re a really lovely crowd and I’m working with some former clients/contractees which is nice. I always feel weird explaining I’m a figure athlete. So many people have weird ideas about bb.

It’s way past my bedtime and I must finish some freelance work.
Goodnight

As in, if you rattled my brain this would be what would fall out:

Last night I went to bed sick of this whole competing process. I hunkered down and said to the boy ‘only 33 more sleeps and it’s over’. I then slept really badly, my last meal not digesting and my brain turning over and over. However, I’d done one really clever thing before I went to bed. I’d left my blinds just slightly open. I awoke at 6.30am and the sun had started to come out. By 6.55 when Kevin let out his wake-up yap at my window there was glorious golden stream of light coming in. I had my supps, drank my tea and made S’s latte, emptied the dishwasher and grabbed the dog and iPod to do cardio. That’s when I realised all my wishes had come true. 3 months ago when I started my am cardio and it was cold and wet I’d wished for the last 30 days to be beautiful spring weather. The last 2 days we’ve had the most glorious walks. Today I walked up into Brownhill Conservation Park and let Kev run off lead for a bit, much to the telling off of the ranger.

I listened to two very fortuitous (is that the word?) podcasts. The first ‘Feeding Motivation‘ by Gill at Zencast which talked about deciding and feeding areas of right effort and was a generally great reminder of mindfulness practice. This was a great way to walk and had me really noticing the how all my body felt (not just the sore bits). I realised I was feeling strong and healthy and thankful for the opportunity to be out and about.

The second podcast I put on was for my home stretch. I chose The Daily Boost from Motivation to Move. The episode (can’t find which one- sorry) spoke all about consistency. How determination can get you started with anything, but it’s the consistency which really gets you achieving. I thought to myself, how true. I’ve consistently showed up for my cardio every morning, consistency in the diet JD has given me has given me great energy and sense of wellbeing,  consistency is what’s going to get me my next job. I can be as determined as I want, but without the consistency to back it up I’m just starting over again everyday.

It was nice to walk in the door after my walk, and instead of feeling behind, just take the time to do 1 thing at a time and take notice of what I was doing. My breakfast was more delicious (zucchini, watercress and mixed herb fritatta), I finally noticed the subtle sweetness in my Oolong tea that the package mentioned and I’d got the same amount done in the same amount of time that it would have taken but felt better about doing it. (GAWD! you’d think I’d remember this for more than 2 days!!!).

Other cool things:
The herb box and pre-prep: Yesterday I went the markets for some fish and other veg supplies and picked up some cheap herbs from the asian herb lady (Adelaidians will know where I mean). When I got home I had the smarts to wash and rinse each lot and, rather than my usual slide them into ziplocs, I got a 4 section divided container and placed each bunch with their stems removed in a section with a little kitchen paper. This morning I had the most delicious blend of watercress, a pinch of basil, parsley (from my garden), and coriander all mixed into my egg whites. At lunch I’ll be able to grab a handful of each and sprinkle it through my salad and on my fish. I’m in flavour country!

Zucchini: Yesterday’s post is a prelude to my ode to zucchini. Maybe it’s the sunshine, but zucchini is making me happy. They’re not quite in season here yet (trucked in from QLD- my bad), but are already dirt cheap. They’re my new favourite breakfast vegetable. I grated a whole one and fried it up with a little of my flavour mix (pre-chopped spring onion and capsicum) then poured it into my egg white and herb mix and back into the pan to make the most delicious fritatta.

I’ve felt the urge to get back into sketch journaling again. I’m hoping this will help me find my creative mojo a bit more and a little peace and quiet in my comp addled mind.

Weird things:
Figure competing is a weird sport. I was chatting to the boy in bed the other night about my lack of mojo; the Austin Powers kind, not the aforementioned kind, and best explained it as the following. I feel a strange sense of conflict with my body image. By all normal sense of normality (huh?) I’ve got a lean, hot body. The boy tries to tell me this everyday and I know this is true. However, I don’t have a body which is yet ready to step on stage and be competitive. My goal is to have this competitive body, which in a sense means I need to be dissatisfied with the body I have. Am I? At many stages I’ve looked in the mirror and said this is where I want to be after I’m done. Boy pointed out that if this wasn’t for a competition goal then this would be the thought process of eating dissorder. Scary, but hopefully not the case. I think last night’s countdown wasn’t anything more than 33 days and I can appreciate what I’ve achieved. Typing this I realise that there’s nothing from appreciating what I’ve achieved already. I then worry about my motivation. THIS is where consistency takes over from determination……… and my whole post is wrapped up nicely!
Thanks blog.