heidismommy’s BodyBlog

So I had actually gotten up intending to do a cardio video.  Jillian’s Burn Fat, Boost Metabolism video to be exact.  Unfortunately about 30 minutes upon awakening we lost power and it stayed out until early afternoon.  I’m just glad I had gotten in a couple cups of coffee in before the power outage.  My husband had to work and I was with my daughter so outdoor exercise was out.  So I just decided to take today off as I’d originally planned.  Tomorrow is back to my usual stuff, assuming I’m feeling well (I started feeling achy and fluish this evening).

Just a random thought that popped into my head this morning:  all my pants still fit me from when I was sick with anorexia only now I actually fill them out.  But I don’t even own anything bigger than a size 1.  I’m a 00, 0, or 1, depending on brand and store, but in general I still almost always where the smallest size on bottom (I’m only 5′1" with a small frame and weigh just under 100 lbs).  On top is a different story.  I cannot wear some of the jackets I wore even a year ago because they’re too tight in the shoulders.  I can put these jackets on, but not if I expect to move my arms.  With cottony shirts it doesn’t matter, but with structured material I have to go a size up on top for most things.  It’s weird though because whenever I’d gain weight in recovery in the past, I’d outgrow my pants, but never my shirts or jackets.  It’s just weird how body composition affects the way things fit.

My sister and brother-in-law picked Heidi and me up late this afternoon to go to a light-up festival at a local park.  It was a bit chilly, but fun.  I got took some pictures before we left and I’m going to post them here.  I took a bunch more pictures from the festival, but I’m not going to post those (with the exception of one photo).

She was not screaming, she was making faces, lol.

carriage ride—we didn’t get to go because the line was too long

So my plan to not work out until Monday failed.  I woke up this morning really motivated, but also wanted to stick to my plan of not working out.  I still wanted to lay off the heavy weights until Monday, but decided to compromise and do a full body workout video instead.  So I did Jillian’s 30-day Shred, only I did all 3 levels because 20 minutes isn’t nearly enough time.  I could never *just* do her videos because while I use different sets of weights for the various exercises, it’s more of an endurance type workout.  When I was done with it I felt like I had done a great cardio workout, but didn’t feel the muscle fatigue that I normally feel from my lifting sessions.  But it was fun to do the video just to switch things up.  And it was unplanned so I didn’t feel I was missing out on my normal routine.  But I do look forward to getting back to my usual routine.  And I do still need to schedule myself a break of more than a day or two soon.

No strength tomorrow, but I may do some cardio.  I won’t plan on it though, I’ll just see how I feel.  Then Monday it’s back to my usual heavy split routine.

My husband has to work this weekend so it’s just Heidi and me.  I took her to Target a little while ago and we picked up some more ornaments for our tree (she picked them out), a Christmas villiage, and a pair of footed pajamas for Heidi.  Oh, and some Christmas cards that I’m going to mail out soon.  We’re getting ready to eat lunch, then watch a movie or play or something, then I’ll pick up around the house.

I hate doing this, but I’m going to take off from strength training until Monday.  I just have so much going on and it is going to be hard to fit everything in with my daughter being off school for the holidays.  I want to spend time with her.  Plus I’m feeling really burnt out and just need a few days to breathe and think.  Then when Monday rolls around I’ll feel more refreshed.  I keep getting sick and I think it’s my body telling me I’m doing too much.  I will get some cardio in today when my husband gets off work.  He works retail and had to be at work at 4:45 this morning.  He’ll take a nap when he gets home, then I may go for a walk before we have to be at another family get-together tonight.  I’m not going to plan for anything on Saturday or Sunday, but I may do some cardio if I’m feeling up to it.  I haven’t taken a planned break of more than a day in a LONG time and I think it’s overdo.

I got my chest/arms/abs workout in this morning and it felt great after having taken the full day off yesterday.  I also got my walk in, my usual 6 miles.  It’s pretty chilly outside, I should have worn gloves.  But I just stuffed my hands inside my sleeves and I was fine.  It was hard to type when I got back though.  We’re going to bake some cookies to take over to the get-together tonight with family.  Other than that, not much going on.  I’m going to another get together tomorrow night where pizza will be served.  So I’ll have 2 cheat days in a row.  Not a huge deal though, most weekends tend to be cheat days anyway lol.  But my husband has to work this weekend and on the weekends he has to work I tend to just eat my "usual stuff".  So my "cheat weekend" just won’t be on the weekend this week .

I had a scheduled day off from strength training as my current split has me working 3 days on, 1 day off, 3 days on, etc.  I decided to also take a day off from cardio since it’s been several weeks that I’ve taken a full day off from training.  Normally if I have a day off from strength training I at least do some cardio.  But since I’m still not feeling 100% and woke up this morning with a dull headache I decided to take it easy.

My daughter has a 5-day weekend due to the Thanksgiving holiday.  She loves kindergarten, but also values her breaks.  I think she likes having time to just chill and play with her toys and stuff.  I took her grocery shopping this afternoon because I’m not about to leave the house on Black Friday…but I hadn’t thought about the fact that everyone would be in the grocery store buying food for Thanksgiving.  So the aisles were packed and it took forever to get through.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow of course and I have my chest/arms/abs workout planned for the morning and then I may take a walk in the early afternoon.  We’re going to visit with extended family tomorrow night and I plan on eating a little bit of whatever looks appealing.  I always allow for cheats throughout the week so it really won’t make any difference eating what I want tomorrow.  I never "overeat", even when I indulge in what is appealing.  I can’t stand being overly full (which is why eating 7-8 times daily has always worked better for me than big meals).

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving to all of you out there who celebrate it!  I hope you enjoy time with loved ones tomorrow.

When you’re just getting started on a program, it’s hard to even imagine sometimes the road ahead of you.  It’s hard to imagine the changes you’ll make with hard work and lots of drive and determination.  I was looking back at pictures from 2 years ago and I cannot even believe the changes I’ve made since then.  Back then I was still using 10 lb dumbbells.  Now I lift heavy.  Now I eat a lot more, but in general I eat healthier and "cleaner".  And my body has changed a lot, more so than I even realized.  It never really hits me until I compare my pictures from then.

September ‘07 vs November ‘09

December ‘07 vs November ‘09

December ‘07 vs November ‘09

My upper back is feeling much better.  It was still hurting on Monday, but I still managed to work chest, arms, and abs, but didn’t do any cardio.  Yesterday was supposed to have been legs day (my favorite), but I had a sinus infection and was running a fever and feeling achy.  Sore throat and other typical sinus infection symptoms.  I’m sinus-infection prone, I average about 5 or 6 of them per year, always in the fall and winter months.  And I can tell it’s a sinus infection rather than cold or allergies because the symptoms are different.  I could go into detail, but it’s a bit TMI.

I did manage to get a walk in yesterday, mainly just to get fresh air, but I ended up walking the full 6 miles I normally do.  I was feeling okay in the evening, but my fever went up in the middle of the night last night and I woke up around 3am and couldn’t get back to sleep (my throat was really hurting).  I’m feeling okay again this morning.  I’m going to try and get legs in today after I drop off my daughter at school.  I’ll just go lighter in weight than I normally do and rest longer between sets.  I’ll probably skip the cardio though, I don’t want to do too much because I don’t want to get worse.

I somehow injured my upper back, in the area right between the shoulder blades.  I woke up in the middle of  the night and turned the wrong way and all of the sudden felt excruciating pain.  I ended up not being able to go back to sleep for quite a while after that, but finally managed to out of sheer exhaustion.  My upper back has been hurting pretty badly today, more so at certain times than others.  Right now it feels a tiny bit better so I’m hoping that it will gradually improve.  Luckily today was my day off from training so it didn’t affect anything.  Tomorrow is chest/arms/abs so I hope that I’m better by then, but I’m going to try to workout no matter what.  I seriously doubt it’s anything serious.  I do have osteoporosis in my spine due to my struggle with anorexia (and ammenhorrea) so I need to be careful, but it hasn’t caused me any problems so far.

In other news, I have a new favorite snack—nonfat Greek yogurt mixed with 1/2 scoop of Xtreme Formulations Lemonade flavor whey.  I also put a packet of Splenda and sometimes sprinkle a handful of Fiber one.  It is SO good!  The lemon whey/yogurt mixture tastes like lemon bar filling.  I like new food discoveries, it makes the eating healthy thing much easier.   I’m actually hooked on different protein powders—I have quite a wide variety and use them all for different reasons.

Well I cut back on cardio for about 3.5 weeks, but I didn’t like it that way so I’ve upped it this week.  I’m back to doing it 6 days a week.  Initially my goal was to put on muscle through the fall and winter, but I cannot handle gaining body fat right now.  Not even a tiny bit.  So right now my goal is just to maintain where I’m comfortable and see what happens from here.  I’m actually content with the way my body looks and I never thought I’d be able to say that.  I love the more muscular look, but I can’t deal with the fat gains that go with it, even with knowing that I can always cut later.  Maybe at some point I’ll be able to take that leap, but not now.

I hear all the time about how you can’t out-train and that cardio makes little difference and I only partially agree.  Say that I burn 1500 calories a week doing cardio.  That is 1500 calories extra I can have a week just to maintain.  I like to eat—I have a ton more energy when I’m able to eat more, even if I end up burning it off.  I like cardio too so it works out perfectly.  I don’t have a bad diet anyway.  In fact compared the the vast majority of Amercians it’s super clean.  But it certainly isn’t perfect and I’m not going for a perfect diet.  My day-to-day diet consists of: oats, eggs/egg whites, milk, Greek yogurt, string cheese, 100% whole wheat products (bread and pasta), nuts, peanut butter, chicken breast, lean ground beef, protein powder, fruits, and veggies.  Also some olive oil for cooking.  And a square or two of dark chocolate (Lindt 70%) most days.  I allow myself plenty of splurges and treats, but I fit them in and never go over my allotted calories.  For instance if I eat pizza I’ll adjust some of my other meals to be a little lower in calories, carbs, and fats.

I’ve recently switched my split so that I’m doing a bit more.  Instead of going 5 days in a row and then taking 2 days off, I’m now doing 3 days on and 1 day off, 3 days on, then one day off, etc.  I had been combining chest with tris, back with bis, then doing separate days for legs and shoulders (I had 2 legs days).  Now I’m combining chest with arms, back with biceps, and a separate legs day.  I do this in the 3 days, take a day off, then repeat.  I’m just trying it out for something new and just started it last week.  I’ll see what happens .

I’ve tried keeping both a blog and journal here, but it hasn’t really worked out.  I’m just not good at keeping them updated.  But I wanted to have at least one entry giving a bit of background as to where I’ve been and how it fits into where I am now.

I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa at the age of 14 when my weighed dropped from 100 lbs to 76 lbs in a month and a half.  I had to be hospitalized at that time, but that ended up being the first of a long string of hospitalizations.  My longest stay was at the age of 16.  I was admitted as an inpatient to a medical unit weighing 67 lbs and was transferred to a psych unit upon medical stabilazation where I ended up staying 4 months.  Twice I was sent to a treatment program out-of-state since I’d exhausted all options locally.  My last hospitalization was in 2000 at the age of 21, but I wasn’t cured after that.  I maintained my recovery for several years.  In that period of time I got married (still married to him) and had a daughter.

I relapsed again in 2005 (pictures of that relapse are in profile) and slowly dipped down to about 80 lbs.  With help I was slowly able to gain enough mental strength to be able to fight through.  I gained a few lbs, but was feeling extremely uncomfortable and "relapse-y".  It was around that time that I picked up a magazine that had a pull-out section of workout demos.  I pulled out a set of 5-lb db’s from my closet, dusted them off, then followed the workout.  At the time I think I only wanted to be "toned".  I had no clue how the whole thing worked, I’d never lifted in my life.  This was in 2007 btw.  Not long after this, I started doing Gilad’s Total Body Sculpt on TV and started to notice some changes right away.  Those changes scared me so I backed off, then I’d miss lifting and the freedom I felt with food when I was lifting, so I kept feeling pulled back to it.

By the time I had joined this site near the beginning of 2008 I had already gotten up to about 95 lbs, but was still lifting only 10 lb db’s.  My workouts alternated between Gilad and Cathe Friedrich by this time, but was very hesitant to lift more than 10 lbs (didn’t want to bulk up, still had major misconceptions).  Over time and through looking through the boards here, gaining information and courage, I finally broke down and bought heavier db’s and a barbel set in March of 2008.  In the beginning I couldn’t use more than 40 lbs, even for stuff like squats and deadlifts.  But I stayed consistent and gradually progressed in weight in all areas.  Last Christmas I even had to buy more plates for my barbel. I stopped using videos and created my own routines.
Fast forward to now and I’m in the best shape of my life, both mentally and physcally.  I still lack proper gym equipment, but I’m going to get a bench and more weights for Christmas.  The bench will allow me to not use my couch for a squat rack.  Using my couch is potentially dangerous, esp. now that I’m using 120 lbs for squats on average, sometimes even up to about 140 lbs.  I’ve been having to put the barbel onto the couch, lower myself to get the bar on my shoulders, then get into starting position from there.  The hardest rep is actually that one, lol (though I don’t actually consider it a rep).

My weight hasn’t gone up that much since I joined here.  I’d gained most of my weight before that.  But my body has changed significantly.  I weigh right around 100 lbs right now at a height of 5′1".  I’ve weighed this much before, but my body looks a lot different now than when I weighed 100 lbs in the past.  An example of 100 lbs then vs. now: arms, back and delts are bigger now.  Waist, hips, and thighs are smaller now.  My band size is bigger around chest, but I have pecs now and much less breast tissue (one of the only downsides).  My butt has about the same amount of fat, maybe a bit less, but it is higher, sticks out more, and doesn’t sag (thank you squats, SLDL’s and good mornings!).  So a big difference in body shape now vs. then.  Again I’m comparing my body at the same weight now vs. when I’ve weighed that in the past (pre-lifting).

My current goal is to slowly add more muscle through the winter, then cut some body fat for summer.  It’s tempting to want to cut fat now, but I’ll look a lot better if I have more of a base first.  Cutting is easy for me, esp. with my background with anorexia.  I’m not proving anything to myself or anyone else by finding out how lean I can get.  I know I have the drive and determination to get there.  Gaining weight is much harder for me, esp. psychologically.  It requires me to step way outside my comfort zone.  I do want more muscle though so I’m going to slowly try to add more muscle while keeping fat gains to a minimum.  I know that I can always cut later.  I’m good at that part.  This is the test for me, what I’m doing right now with regards to adding more muscle.