With a 3 hour lay over in San Francisco I FINALLY found some time to blog! And with this blog, comes an epiphany...
The past 2 weeks I have been vacationing in Texas and altho just being in the kissing cousin Country to the South, I felt a world away. Removed from influences that have clouded my mind, I was able to whole heartedly absorb my freed Spirit.
Major changes in my life this past year have tested my Steel in a way I never anticipated. Workouts continued as always, I found self therapy thru blogging here, and comfort and support thru the incredible friends I made thru it all. Not a day passed that I didnt anxiously await putting my thoughts to blog and interacting with others...but now something has changed. I have lost that blog lovin feeling...
At first, I thought it was because of the changes here on BB...so many of the near and dear peeps I call friend left when BB Admin thwarted the social interaction the blogs once had. But in the past, no matter what travels I had on the go and despite the changes I ALWAYS blogged...it was as essential to me as breathing.
But, as I sit here alone in an airport...returning from spending time with the person who has given new meaning to my life...I realize it was me that changed. In the past few weeks, I didnt once feel a need to blog...I did write one, but more out of a feeling of duty. See, I dont NEED the blog therapy anymore. The deep personal struggle I was being strong for has been replaced with complete and overwhelming Happiness.
And just as the blogging was never intentionally planned to help my personal strength, but did...this new Love has unexpectedly all consumed me...and sent my need for emotional support packing.
Ill still be around...but I lay down my Blog Whore title and replace it with my New Stainless Steely smile!
It was 3am with a few minutes to spare and I awoke feeling my usual middle of the night need for agua...taking BCAAs before bed ALWAYS ensures this. But as I rose and headed for my watering hole, I was hit with the dizzies...and the familiar and oh so unwelcomed FLU feeling...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I leave for Texas on Saturday for 2 Wicked, Active, and Adventurous weeks and I DO NOT want to be anything less than on top of my game. I will not permit it...
So...Plan B was in full effect today. I scrapped the gym and expediated some self healing with Vit C bombs, Flu F/X shots, protein shakes, plenty of water and good eats, and rest...I even fell asleep at my desk (shhh, dont tell the boss).
And Im calling on my lucky horse shoe to banish the bug before I rise for my flight. I lead a blessed life, this I know for certain. And I know my conditioning and healthy habits will kick this germ to the curb before you can say, "Can I have a Yee Haw!" PS
Years ago, one too many falls off a horse combined with a totally Rad snowboarding wipe-out (which I still maintain was so frickin awesome it was worth the pain), are highly suspect as to why I have a fubar'd left rotator cuff.
Hey, life happens and it can get rough and tumble...I wouldnt want it any other way...I didnt sign up for uneventful.
So...I work my shoulders with utmost respect. Some days I can go heavy...some days I get over the Macho and lift light with more reps. Its all good, it is still highly effective...the proof speaks for itself.
Last night, in the midst of some crazy dream involving a HAWT text and visions of my upcoming vacation, I awoke in a pretzled, contortionistic position. And as I unraveled myself, my shoulder screamed in protest. Darn, she is being pi$$y again.
Fortunately, I am headed to a hot destination with a masseuse at my disposal and plenty of agua therapy to loosen her up. No problemo. Now I have a great excuse to indulge in hours and hours of spa treatments!
There are many hiccups in life, its how you choose to manage them that separates the LIVING from the dead.
Oh ya, Baby! PS
We all have people in our lives that we find inspiration in. They may be elite fitness models, talented athletes...or a friend who has demonstrated that dreams really CAN come true. We also find fulfillment thru guiding and mentoring others...setting an example...hearing someone say that they found inspiration in YOU.
Pay it forward as they say, keep that snowball of positive energy rolling.
The Realistic Optimist in me knows these motivators exist...I participate in the cycle daily. But, I have also come to realize that the GREATEST form of inspiration is neither something you strive for or set an example of...its not ahead or behind...its right beside you.
If you reach that place in life of complete awareness that the person next to you makes you want to be the best you can be...theyre beside you encouraging and supporting...believing in you...then there is no greater inspiration. None. If you think there is, then youre not in that place.
I thought I was there when I transformed years ago...I was mistaken. It was my own reflection beside me...and even tho I managed to transform, it wasnt with overwhelming feelings of inspiration. Self love isnt as electrifying.
Find that one who stays beside you, making food taste better, music sound sweeter, and empowering you to be that incredible person you know you have within you. PS
In my long in the tooth years, I have learned that personal challenges have a way of popping up outta nowhere...but its how you react to them that shows what youre truly made of.
Take my left shoulder for example...I did kinda injure it years ago snowboarding, so it has a valid incident that scarred it...but I dealt with it best I could and continued living life to its fullest, I never babied it. And now when I have a flare up of my wounded wing, I assess it, manage it, and get on with it. No sense stressin on it, the sun will still rise in the am...in full splendor. I keep focused on the big picture.
So, today when a text bomb sent my eyebrows to the ceiling, I was surprised...but worry was the last thing on my mind...talk is cheap...show me facts and the situation gets managed...and yes, life goes on as it had in its full, glorious splendor...of that Im positive, and I aint worrying about it.
An achievement I am very proud of is being able to see the positive side of most any situation. This optimism is often mistaken for being cavalier...but thats only because at times of perceived crisis, most dont share my instant vision of whats beyond the moment....like their fast forward button is broken.
My ability to manage personal challenges lyes in that button....zipping ahead to what things look like after the shiit is dealt with...and reminding others of it as well. Life happens...its unpredictible, challenging, and sometimes scary, but thats some of its charm...without it, the road in life would be dead straight and utterly boring.
So when that curve ball comes at your from left field...just remember...its what you do with it next that determines if a homerun is scored or not. And...no matter what, there will still be plenty of cold beer and good friends at the pub afterwards. PS
Sitting on my luxurious downy, comfy bed...looking out the glass doors to the ocean Wonderworld just inches beyond, I smile silently to myself...I am blessed.
This work trip Im on has sent me to yet another miraculous piece of the planet...Alert Bay, a teeny village on a teeny island off Vancouver island...where I call home. Its unusual, its natural, its untamed...its exactly the kinda anything I love.
While packing for this trip, I decided I wouldnt try to get any workouts in...a taunting sebadical of sorts...no workouts for 4 days and Ill be feverishly eager to consume all the iron once again when I return. 'Permission' to physically chillax and focus on my work challenge and my personal horizon...allowing my energies to be all-in to my head and heart.
Altho, I DID get in an impromptu 'PUSH' workout of sorts last evening...as I left the grocery store, I jumped in to help a man start his stalled car. I chuckled to myself as I walked back to my room, visualizing the scene from onlookers point of view...Big man in car rolls by as small Blonde woman pushes his car while he starts it. Its moments like this that I am most proud I lift.
They say, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder,"...I dont really subscribe to 'They'...but what they say does create a good starting point for ponder. And as I take in my inspirational surroundings, I know there is some worthy thought to this statement. I know breaks from workouts are important beyond the physical recovery it gives...it DOES recharge the drive as well. Its essential to step back now and then and smell the roses.
And the roses smell oh so sweet. I may be sitting on this bed alone on this trip, but I wasnt alone for one second of it. Being alone in body vs soul are two VERY different things...and despite my physical needs, the emotional ones will always rule my planet.
Does absence make the heart grow fonder? I dont think so...physical presence is not what engages the heart...how easy it is to be in a room standing right next to someone and still feel lonely. No, the heart is engaged thru the soul. But, the physical presence of that soulmate DOES become increasingly missed the longer they are away...even if they are always right beside you.
I know in a couple weeks time, the physical absence will be removed once again and that helps ease the missing right now. And I exhale. So as WE looked out to the breathtaking sunset...I know Im not alone...and that is a blessing Ill never forget to pack with me in my travels, no matter where I go. PS
Be prepared...Boy Scout or otherwise, I say its a worthy motto.
Im packing my bags tonight for a 4 day venture to a remote island for work. I have my cooler stashed with cooked chicken, boiled eggs, apples, and oodles of healthy nosh. My backpack has the dry goods...almonds, oats, PB, soy nuts. And a cold jug of water will be beside me in my passenger seat. Ready to Wheelin.
I have given myself 'permission' to forego formal workouts for those 4 days, in exchange for packing along my trail hikers to explore the island on my off time. No lifting, but plenty of miles of new territory for exploring. THIS is when Im in my zone.
I know Id have been one of those explorers back in the day...Id never have believed the earth was flat...Id always have wanted to see for myself. Its this trait that I accredit my determination to make my dreams reality...that, or Im just too daamn stubborn to turn around!
No, I take that back...its not pigheadedry that pushes me...I know its my Passion for not only needing to see what's on the horizon...but needing to FEEL it too PS
Squished into 3/4 of my 3/4 sized teeny seaplane seat today, I was very appreciative of only NEEDING that 3/4...the girl pressed up against me was also very appreciative of my unneeded 1/4...it did not go to waste. And I was reminded that at one time the girl overflowing her seat was me.
She had a familiar look on her face...trying to be brave but with flickers of terror in her eyes...awkward tension. To any other never-been-fat person, the expression worn by the girl next to me, could easily have been mistaken for flying nerves. But, I knew better...she was hoping to God her seat belt was long enough to click.
The passenger across the isle was watching her with caution...and with an edge of disgust. And so I did what I do...I turned to her and smiled, "I hope its a bumpy flight!"
The other passenger's eyes widened at my remark...almost in disbelief that I said it. But the girl next to me paused...smiled...and replied, "Oh me too!"
We chatted about the sunny day, the dolphins we saw feeding along the tide line, how there was still snow on the mountain peaks, why is it that everyone in the city always wears black?....and how if we hear one more news story about body parts in the mail, we'd puke. We laughed and had great fun. I like this girl.
The best lesson I learned from once being that girl is...its a near impossible feat to pull yourself out of that dark place when everyone treats you with caution. Its the very subtle looks you get...or no eye contact at all...things left unsaid...and all you really want is to just be treated like anyone else. When youre overweight, you become very perceptive to the non verbal messages.
Im not saying it isnt our own responsibility to take control of our life and get to the root cause of our weight problem...Im saying that society is quick to dismiss empathy and unknowingly projects disapproval...in turn, contributes to the difficulty to overcome it.
Until youve walked in those shoes, you dont realize the tremendous NONSTOP emotional turmoil going on behind the scenes. Do not doubt that there is a genuine underlying problem beyond just eating too much...the weight is the OUTCOME, not the cause of whats wrong. Factoid.
And so my new friend and I left the seaplane and went our separate ways. And even if it were only for 20 mins of her life, I know I made her laugh and forget her worries for a brief moment. I couldnt help but feel that if she had more opportunities to exhale and let go of some stress, that she might build enough self confidence to face her demons one day, whatever they may be. I hope she makes it.
Be kind...despite appearances, were not all that different. PS
Ive always admitted to being a 'Changeling'...someone who embraces change. Not to be confused with changing just for the heckovit...no, I only welcome change when it has obvious benefits...but, I dont fear it.
And so when I ended up buying a blue dress tonight, a thought I normally wouldnt entertain as I dont like wearing blue, I just chalked it up to "Time for a change".
I am an open minded person, really I am...most people wrongly think Im not because I am decisive. But dont be fooled...Im game for most anything...even a blue dress if my curiosity is peaked.
I was in search of a dress to wear to impress...a dress that was worthy of a 'coming out' of sorts...a dress to make him proud I was on his arm. I knew what qualities I wanted to state...and as I slipped in and out of many a frock, I was getting a bit discouraged that the dress didnt exist...until thru the dressing room door I heard the sales girl say, "This one is devilish"...and I knew I had to try it sight unseen.
And so I bought a blue dress...a dress that clearly states, Im all woman...and Hell ya, I lift weights!
I may love to lift...and love what lifting does to muscles...and oh Hell Ya, love a gang of muscles on a guy...but what REALLY catches my eye isnt eye candy...its the eyes themselves.
A fit body says alot about how a person takes care of themselves...but the eyes take it one step further by saying how a person takes care of others as well. To a perceptive eye, staring back into someone else's speaks volumes.
Leg day at the gym...the girls at the front counter give me, 'Familiar, happy eye'...the guest checking out gives me, 'Frazzled eye', the Maintenance man in the hall...'How u doin eye'...and then...in the ladies changeroom...there it was...'Stink eye'.
Two pool goers were changing, one in the bathroom stall, the other waiting her turn. Theres only one toilet stall in the changerooms, and Im there for the sole purpose of using said potty. These ladies were not.
And so in my best, ya I gotta pee voice, I politely asked the awaiting syncronized swimmer (I cant believe they still make those goofy flowered caps)..."Ya, I gotta pee."
To which she replied in her best Esther Williams wanna be but SO wasnt voice,..."Ill just be a minute..." But heres the thing...shes in one of those Clydesdale harness kinda swim suits of armour. SHE WONT BE JUST A MINUTE.
No sooner does the perceptive flower capped, fully rigged Draft horse read my eyes than she tosses me back a Stink Eye! Sigh...now Im seriously thinking about peeing in the pool.
The stall door opens, and my Gotta Pee smile greets her partner in style crime...Helga the water polo Nazi....with a matching cap...and equally matchy, matchy Stink eye.
Enthusiasm will get me no where here I can see, so I retreated to the biffy down the hall.
Leg day went off like my yoga pants did when I finally got to that biffy! PS
When we lift...we strive for achieving failure. We give everything we have until there is nothing left to give...until the tank is empty. The fibers tear and the muscle breaks down...and usually leaves us with a painful, short term reminder. But, as long as we remember to nourish it with the healthy energy it needs, we build a stronger, bigger muscle.
I live for today...but it is important to remember that tomorrow WILL arrive. I take comfort in the hard times thru knowing they will pass and as long as we take proper care of ourselves...and if done right, we will ultimately gain personal strength.
My Chest and Triceps met failure in the gym today...followed by a big chocolatey protein shake and a yummy fish dinner. The rest of me...is diving into vacation planning.
Today was a Strength Building Day. PS
Have you ever done something thats been EONS since youve last attempted doing it and been overwhelmed by how much your physical ability has changed since then?
Ya, well....that was me today.
Only, heres the thing...I was way BETTER at it!
At my age I get a real CHARGE outta kickin a$$ at the physical stuff. Most I know are grumbling about how they USED to do this or that with ease and now its a struggle.
My new digs are a few miles from work so I see it as a great opportunity to ride my looong neglected bike. I hoofed it over to the money pit and got my bike outta the shed. It looked like HELL...2 flat tires, and years of filth. Nice.
After rigging up the air compressor, pumpin 'er up, and wiping the rat shiit off, I was ready to roll. I stopped riding years ago after moving here because of all the hills...respecting my rebuilt knee. Whenever I DID ride, it was so very hard...not only on the knee, but on my cardio and fat a$$ too...I slogged with every push of the peddles.
Today I RODE.
Its off to the pool tonight to splash about, bikini style with the girls...hardly a workout, but very much a good thing. Social release is all a part of healthy living. And afterwards its a relaxing evening of trip planning...yes, the next trip is on my horizon. I keep my smile WIDE when a plane ticket is on the agenda! PS
Everyone has stuff they ROCK...and stuff they really SUCK at...its all part of life. It keeps us likable...it keeps us trying.
And whether we spend more time at one end of the scale or the other, all that really matters is what attitude we bring. I view the one who seems to screw up everything, but laughs at it all as a Champion...The perfectionist who is never satisfied is the one I feel sorry for.
I ROCK my smile...and I own that with pride. The physical properties of my smile are better than average, but not by much. My teeth are not perfectly straight, my lips have never been mistaken for being botoxed, I have smiley cheek creases. What makes the smile glow is the energy behind it...I always wear attitude.
I am a truly SUCKY singer. No, I take that back...I am a painful screacher. I do not have a melodious fiber in me. But as I was singing in the shower tonight, feeling the after burn from Shoulder day...in my new ecoustically gifted bathroom...realizing I still didnt sound any better...I smiled WIDE as I butchered a Queen song...having a good time and not giving a rip if the paint was peeling off the walls in agony.
Rockers or Suckers...as long as we OWN it, we nail it. PS
Its been a week since Ive worked out proper...but I havent been resting...Ive been trying with all my might to keep breathing.
After my returning from my down South vacation, I have been consumed with far more reality than I can handle well. In fact, I handled much of it extremely shiitty. But Ive come away with a very good life lesson...Bad things done by good people still end badly.
Recently, Ive had alot of practice causing unintentional harm to those that meant the most to me in my life...kicking that pedestal they placed out from under my feet...and in turn, removing the pressure to remain there as well. A very bittersweet sense of relief. And...yet another trial for personal strength.
Those that know me know I never stay down long...I do fall...frequently these days...but I always dust off. And with each pick up, I add a wee bit more to my life lesson book. Learning from our mistakes is a genuine way to find some good in even the most rotten action. At this rate Ill be hitting genious by summer.
Its the first night in my new digs. Im unpacked, semi organized, and as ready as I can be to start a fresh week. I will most certainly be hitting the gym tomorrow. I am seeking a bit of comfort by resuming my regular scheduled workout plan...Shoulders and Abs and with any luck, a big dose of self forgiveness. PS
*thank you Jim...your tune recommendation hit it square on the head.
Im having a Mid Life Crisis...or so I have been "Labelled." What irks the bejeebers outta me about this isnt what others think about me...but the whole concept of undermining great achievements with a media induced Label. It stems from those who are emotionally shallow minded and quick to blame others for disappointments in their own life. And...quite frankly, its insulting.
Heres what Ive accomplished...the things I take complete CREDIT for...
Ive ended years of yoyo weight gain/loss, maintained a healthy eating and active lifestyle and built a muscular as heck body...all from my own inner strength. Im in the best shape of my life.
Im confident and no longer putting myself second, dismissing my own needs for fear of hurting others.
After more than 40 years in this world, I STILL think its an amazing and miraculous wonder...always. My optimism and enthusiasm remains unjaded...I see thru whiners.
I LAUGH alot. Dont think for one second thats not an achievement...nowadays folks scowl FAR too much.
I openly indulge in my quirky behavior and non conformist perspective...and I share it all without concern for doing what I 'Ought' to be doin. If you dont like it...pound salt.
Whats so very disappointing is that there are people who judge others and label them with some kinda title to justify their own shortcomings. Not things I think they are lacking, but rather their own feelings of inadequacy transferred to those who are havin a great time with Life.
Dont confuse the half full glass with the half empty one...Im in no crisis here...happy and lovin life my own way aint no hardship or episode for me...hang that tag on your own toe...Im still very much alive, thank you.
Life's meant to be LIVED...get on with it already. PS