into the basket
when i do my squats i teeter somewhere between giddy girly laughter and flat out fear.
i have to laugh because i think of dipping down "into the basket" as i heard it called once when doing push ups. That place that only feels right when you know you’ve removed all mental doubts and put your ass right down to your heels. I play a game called "looking like i’m working but i’m not really putting it out there". Until now.
Every exercise I do with this 3 day a week routine makes me want to push it past the limits. On my squats this morning I had 60kg up and made myself turn around to face the mirror so I could see myself (see? just one way of not making myself truly look at what i’m doing) and realised I’ve only not even been taking my quads down to the parallel. Hence my only pushing out 16 today. And on my 16th I went down "into the basket" and couldn’t get out and it’s that fraction of a second which makes you ask the tough questions to yourself. What if. What if I can’t get back up? And a voice in the back of my brain goes "You disgust me". It reminds me that if i can’t get back up then you walk away, go back in two days and do 17 before you walk away. That’s how it goes.
Don’t even talk to me about my straight arm pull overs. I went way back past my head and pushed out 15 x 25kg - thought my arms were gonna rip out of the sockets. And THEN i have to go push out 3 circuits of chin-ups, dips, decline sit ups.
I feel torn up by the time i finish my pullovers much less having to do chin ups. If it was up to me I’d do chin ups first and call it quits i think.
Makes me strong.
