gymrat0226’s BodyBlog

I finally went a night without having a coughing fit.  That’s progress.  I still have to constantly clear my throat though.  I can’t wait to be able to do cardio.  I think I might ever try do to some tonight.  I’m feeling a little puffy since I haven’t been doing cardio.  It’s almost like everything accumulates in my legs when I don’t do cardio.

I still haven’t decided if I’m doing the show in May.  I’ve been sick for so long that I feel like I’ve missed my crucial muscle building time.  I’ve been going to the gym but not at 100%.  It takes my breath away and it’s hard to work out.  I’m going to see how the next 2 weeks go and then make my decision because I really don’t want to stress like I did last time.  I’m not looking forward to the strict diet.  It’s so easy to slip back into bad eating habits but it seems easier to control it than it did before.

I’ve been doing some cheating on my diet but mostly because I’ve been sick.  I’m not like normal people who don’t eat when they’re sick.  I feel like I need comfort food when I feel crappy.  It’s really one of the few times I cheat.

So I planned out my meals for today.  Jay gave me my new diet so I don’t have to eat so much protein.  I was getting quite sick of chewing…lol.  So we’re off to a great start today.  I just went to have my shake and I think the pineapple juice was bad.  I buy the tiny cans and put 3 oz in my shake and this can had been sitting in my fridge since Friday.  It had that tin taste so I dumped it because I wasn’t taking any chances on getting sick again!

I haven’t written in a while because I’ve been sick and a little depressed about being sick for so long.  It all started at Christmas when I went home and started eating all those great things we eat at Christmas.  My stomach was upset the whole time I was on vacation.  I tried my best to eat as healthy as I could but it’s kind of hard when you’re not in your own house.  When I came home and started eating healthy again my stomach was in serious knots and I was in pain all the time.  Then I got a pinched nerve in my back from I don’t know what and then I got this nasty cold.

So between being sick and depressed I was bouncing all over the place not know what to do this semester at school.  Do I continue to branch out and finish my digital media degree or do what I love….become a personal trainer.  So after adding and dropping classes about 50 times I said I’m just going to take Nutrition and work on brushing up on my Flash skills on the side.  Then I was undecided about competing in May.  The way I am is I’m in or I’m out, not halfway.  I can’t train not knowing if I’m going to do the show because I won’t train hard.  So I’m just going to train and diet as hard as I can and come April if my lower body hasn’t responded the way I want it to then I’ll start over again and work twice as hard for the September show.  The May show is almost 9 hrs away and I’m not too excited about traveling so I won’t be heartbroken.

On top of all my indecisiveness, I have to deal with my step-children, husband, cat and dog and being away from my home in Canada.  I don’t get homesick until things get rocky around here.  And right now they’re rocky.  I’m wondering right now what the hell I’m doing here.  I was in Toronto with my daughters and we all lived together and did our thing.  No men around to piss us off, no one to answer to, go out with the girls if I wanted to, don’t have to come home and cook for anyone, don’t even have to come home if I didn’t want to and I only answered to myself.  So what ever possessed me to pack my shit and move to Wichita, KS!!!???  I’m still trying to figure that out.  I think I was out of my mind at the time.

I guess it all started when my husband died in 2005 and then shortly after got conned by a sociopath out of $22,000.  Then I tried to do the online dating thing and men 100 idiots.  It was fun but extremely lonely.  I went out at least 3-4 times a week and it got real tiring after awhile.  Then I met William from Wichita, KS.  At the time I didn’t even know where it was.  So being the crazy, risk taker that I am, I flew out here by myself and only 3 people knew where I was really going.  I came here and realized how laid back it was and how friendly the people were compared to Toronto and packed it in.  I left my job of over 17 years that my daughter now has (and by the way she’s being promoted to Art Director at the age of 24).  I’m thinking damn…that could have been my job.  But I’m really happy for her.  Gave up my life, family and all my friends and came here.  I think I was tired of being under the microscope all the time.  Everyone was always watching what Jenny was going to do next.  I was tired of being Sam’s wife (he was my husband who died).

Here I am, working for $25,000/yr less, coming home everyday to 3 teenagers, cooking, cleaning, making sure they do their homework and the list goes on and on.  To make matters worse my husband works afternoons and he doesn’t even get the same days off as me.  So….it’s like I’m single but I have a thousand things to do.  I feel like I’m the live-in nanny.  He doesn’t include me in anything to do with the kids and he hides stuff from me all the time yet he expects me to play the mother.  I’m sick of this crap!  What the hell!  I really just want to go home and live my peaceful life again.  I raised my kids already.  Both went to college.  One’s an accountant and the other’s a package designer soon to be art director.  So I ask myself again….what am I doing here???  What is my purpose?

Well the cold really took over.  I’m mostly tired more than anything.  I’m taking lots of drugs and I’m going to take the night off tonight and just rest and drink tea.  Get caught up on some things like upload songs to my new ipod touch I got for Christmas.  I would like to go to the gym tomorrow so I need a good nights rest.  I didn’t get much sleep at all this week.  Only about 5 1/2 to 6 hrs a night and I’m so tired all day at work.  The problem is my husband works afternoons and he doesn’t get home until 11:30.  The good wife that I am, I wait up for him every night.  I can’t go to sleep until he gets to bed.  And then I’m up at 5:45 to go at it again.

It’s 15 weeks until my next show and it’s time to straighten out my diet.  I finished off the rest of the chocolate today at work.  I like to share all my food with everyone. I’m not a candy hoarder at all.  So I went around and made everyone take a big handful and that’s it!  It’s all gone now.  No more yummy Canadian chocolate or candy.  The only weakness  I have now is treats at Starbucks because the chocolate here sucks and there’s no good bakeries in Wichita except for my kitchen.

I’m hiring Jay again to help me with my diet and workout.  I can’t wait.  I’m very motivated and ready to go at it again.  I’m sure he will go above and beyond like he did last time.  He really knows his stuff so if you need anyone to do up a diet and workout for you, he’s the man….JaruebaT is his bodyspace handle.

I had a great Christmas holiday in Canada and New Jersey.  I ate entirely too much.  Didn’t do what I said I would do.  I was good for a bit and even went to the gym while I was in Canada but when we went the NJ we didn’t have time to go to the gym or eat proper.  We basically at three square meals that were full of fat and sodium and alot of junk in between.  I weighed my self yesterday and I’m up to 130 lbs.  That’s 11 lbs heavier than my show weight on November 15th.  It’s funny because when I weighed 130 lbs in the summer I didn’t look like this.  I had more bodyfat and I was bigger in size.

The trip from NJ was exhausting.  I’m not sure how I’ll do when I travel to Pioria, IL on May 2nd.  My friend told me that most competitors are traveling too so we all feel the same way.  I’m just worried I’m going to be too tired to compete.  I’m going to wait and see what happens closer to the show.  I’m not registering until the last minute because I’m not traveling 8 1/2 hours if I’m not going to be ready.  That means lots of leg and glute work.

I’ve been in Canada for 10 days and my diet….well I don’t think you would call it a diet, has not been great.  I’m surrounded by food that I haven’t had in 6 months not to mention the strict diet I was on for the show.  So pretty much I’ve been pigging out since I got here.  But I have been going to the gym and getting my workout in along with at least 30 min of cardio a day so I’m not feeling totally gross.  Plus I got to work out at my old gym with all my friends so that was awesome.  No one can believe I did a competition.  They can’t even believe it when I show them pictures.  It’s such a great feeling.  And when I walk in the gym everyone stares at me like I have three heads.

I think I gained about 2 lbs.  I weighed myself yesterday and I know the scale is off a bit so i had to add a few lbs.  Not bad considering the amount of food I’ve been eating.  We’re leaving in the morning for NJ for New Years so another 5 days of bad eating.  It’s going to take 8 1/2 hours to drive there so I cooked up some chicken breast and cut it up for the road.  We have our stash of protein bars, kashi bars and water so we’ll probably just stop for one hot meal on the way.  I’m sad to go because I know I won’t see my kids and family for another 6 months.  I really need to get serious about moving closer to home.  It’s all timing though.

So my husband who was totally against me competing in the first place cracks me up.  He says when we get back home "we have to get back on the diet and training to get ready for the next show."  Like he’s my manager or something…lol.  Well at least he’s being so supportive now.  I think he just loves the fact that I look good.

Have to get some shut eye for the long trip tomorrow.  Peace out…

It’s been almost 4 weeks since my first show and I’m doing alot better than I thought I’d be.  I think my motivation is the fact that I’m going home to Canada next Friday and I want to look good.  And an even bigger motivation to continue to eat as clean as possible while I’m there is that I’m meeting my husbands family in New Jersey for the first time after being married for 2 1/2 years!  It’s really hard with all these tempting snacks everywhere I go.

I’ve been doing my cardio at least 4-5 times a week, eating clean and breaking into the heaving lifting scene.  I only gained 5 lbs since the show and I’m really happy about that.  I can still see all the veins in my arms and I still have abs and I want to continue to maintain that.  I still cheat now and again but I make sure I go work it off if I do.

I decided to take some courses at my community college in January towards the Personal Trainer degree.  I’m taking nutrition first.  I figure that’s the foundation so that’s where I should start.  Without it I wouldn’t have this body for sure.  I want to take Physiology and Anatomy but there’s a prereq of Medical Terminology and for that I have to wait for my transcript to get there from the college in Canada for my English credit.  Such a pain going through all this process.

So I’ll be extremely busy after Christmas because come January 1st it’s 17 weeks out from my next show and alot of studying for school.  I figure I have a pretty good foundation (body wise) so I shouldn’t have to work so hard and so much for the next show.  I’ll be hiring Jay again as a nutritionist because he is awesome and really knows his stuff.  I’m very happy with him.  I definitely won’t be hiring a personal trainer because I just don’t have the money.  I feel I know what I’m doing.  I know what works for my body so what’s the point in paying someone to stand over me and tell me to do it.  I don’t need motivation…I already have it.

K…off to the gym in this aweful snowy weather….peace out…

Wow…I think I finally recovered from the show.  The after eating is the worst!  You eat everything you want to eat that you’ve been so deprived of over the past few months…..and then you blow up like a blow fish!  Sunday morning I just wanted to have cereal with milk.  It’s been months since I’ve had milk.  We went to Chilli’s for lunch and I had mini cheeseburgers and I just kept eating them.  I was almost able to finish all of the them but seriously I was full after 2.  I was so full that I couldn’t even drink water and I was so thirsty because of the amount of sodium in the food.  I couldn’t eat dinner and then I really, really wanted a cinnamon chip scone from Starbucks so I had one around 8:00.  Well, when it was ready for bed I took my socks off and my feel looked like pillsbury dough boy feet!  OMG I freaked out!!!  I weighed myself and I had gained 4 1/2 lbs since morning!

So right back on the diet Monday morning but ended up eating some munchies last night and felt like crap again!  Today I swore no more!  I can’t do this.  I feel awful and tired and bloated.  So I stuck with it today and went to do cardio at lunch.  I feel sooooo much better now.  I’m back on my bland diet but I get to have yogurt, fruit, a kashi bar, stuff like that.  I enjoy eating that food because it makes me feel good.  I don’t know how people can eat take-out, chips, cookies, just garbage all the time.  They have no idea what it does to their body.

I’m not 100% yet but I’m sure by tomorrow I’ll be fine.  I’m going to head back to the gym and start off slow.  I’m not going to dive right into anything yet.  I’m not going to start seriously training for my next show until after Christmas.  Right now I’m going to stick with what I was doing before except focus on glutes and hams and maintain my upper body for now.

I just spent the last 16 weeks preparing for something I wanted to do my whole life….compete in a bodybuilding competition!  I finally did it…my life-long dream and now I’m hooked.  I’m already planning to do another show on May 2, 2009 in Washington, IL.  I know what I have to work on now (well, I already knew before) but it’s confirmed by the judges I need to work on glutes and hams.  So it’s going to be “The Great Bum Project of 2009!!!”

It was a really great experience for my first show.  All the competitors where really nice and it wasn’t “catty” like most people would think.  Everyone helped everyone out but I’m sure everyone wanted to win the 1st place trophy.  I didn’t go with that mindset because I never want to be disappointed.  I was in two divisions, Masters (+40) and Middle Class (5’2”-5’ 4”).  There were only two girls in each class and I placed 2nd.  When the MC announced I was 2nd place the whole crowd was silent and you could only here Danielle’s little voice scream out “No!”  It was kind of funny.  The girl who handed out trophies ended up giving me the 1st place trophy with a gift basket.  So everyone got confused and the MC said to the girl “I think you got them switched”.
After the show I was standing in the lobby and 4 people who were in the audience came up to me and congratulated me on how great I looked and how well I did on stage.  An older couple that go to my gym came up to me too.  They are serious bodybuilders.  She’s close to 70 and he’s probably a few years older.  This woman can lift as much as me and she’s ripped up!  It really is something to see.  Anyhow, they came up to me and said they go to these bodybuilding competitions all over and they predict the winners and this was the first time they’ve been wrong!  That made me feel really good.  Then one of the judges came up to me and said I did awesome.  I had a great stage presence, my upper body is perfect and the only notes he had was that I needed to work on hams and glutes….yes, yes, I know!  He told me about his show in May, 2009 and said he’d be honored if I came to his show to compete and it would give me enough time to work on my rear parts.

After the show I was so hungry and thirsty I just wanted to eat anything so me, William and my friend Alice went to Denny’s and I had Philly Cheese Stake and Fries and I ate pretty much the whole thing and OMG I felt like crap after.  Then I came home and took Williams chocolate covered almonds and started eating those and fell asleep watching TV with my hand in the bag.  So today I started off with Kashi cereal and milk!  I haven’t had milk in 2 months!  It was yummy.  Then for lunch I ate a burger at Chilli’s.  I think that did me in.  I can’t eat like that.  It totally grosses me out.  So I cooked a bunch of chicken breast and brown rice to freeze for the week.  It’s funny because I felt like a prisoner that just got out of jail.  You’re free and now you don’t know what to do because you’re scared you’ll get into trouble.  And that’s how it is with food now.  So I have to stay on track which won’t be hard because I’ve been deprived of the healthy food I like, like salad, milk, yogurt, kashi bars and now I can have them.  I don’t even think about chips or cookies I just want to have some milk with cereal…lol.

Oh well, I had fun and I know what to expect now.  So my long-term plans are to compete in the May show and start looking for a show in the summer around Toronto so I can do that show and all my family and friends can come and watch.  That would be awesome!

I have 5 days left until my competition.  My practice carb deplete/load was
very successful and I’m very happy with the results.  My trainer saw me on
Sunday to do posing and he flipped.  He told me not to loose any more weight
but I feel that I need to because my legs still have too much fat on them.

My nutritionist said we got the results we wanted so we’ll follow exactly
what we did last week so I’ll probably loose a few more pounds.  He told me
to cut back on my cardio to no more than 30-40 min/session.  And he said I
should come out 10% to 25% sharper than last Saturday.  I think that means
leaner, I’m not sure I’ll have to ask him.  So ready or not, I’m walking on
stage in 5 days!

My carb deplete/load was quite a diet experience.  When I saw my diet for
the deplete I just about flipped.  How on earth was I going to survive on
such little food and do my full body workout and 2 cardio sessions!  Well I
survived the first day.  I felt a little dumb by 2:00 pm.  I was light
headed and felt a little stupid like nothing could sink in my brain.  The
second day was worse in the morning.  I was starving by 10:00 and that’s
when I got the light headedness.  I didn’t do cardio at lunch because I just
didn’t have any energy at all.  I had to train in the evening with my
trainer and he has no idea that I’m doing this because he told me I didn’t
need to and that it’s not good for you.  I’m just about the most stubborn
person in the world and I do what I feel is best for me and I feel like he
didn’t help me at all with my diet like he promised so why should I listen
to him.  We ended up finishing 15 min early and did posing instead because
he could see I just had nothing left in me.  I tried to do cardio and that
lasted 10 minutes.

The first day of carb load was the best day of all the 5 days.  Wheat toast
and jam for breakfast tasted like a big cinnamon bun with icing on it!  The
2nd day was gross.  I had to eat so much food I felt like I was going to
explode and then no water after 6:00 pm except my shake.  Saturday a.m. I
had to pretend that it was show day so I had to get up at 5 and eat a bagel
which was yummy, then at 7 eat 2 Reeces Peanut Butter Cups and I’ve never
tasted anything so sweet in my life!  I took pics at 8:00.  Then for lunch
burger and fries.  I was so thirsty that my mouth was burning so I didn’t
enjoy it at all.  I ended up sipping about 16 oz of water throughout the day
until I took my final pics at 6 pm.  I later found out that I’m not supposed
to let myself get so thirsty and to drink 8 oz of water if I get like that.

This last week I’m extremely busy finishing my suits, getting my dress
altered, nails, training, etc, etc so I’ll probably only post one more time before the
show.

Well this is the last 12 days for me and it’s critical!  My butt is not ready and my diet has been so messed up so I hired a nutritionist for the last 2 weeks.  =”window.location=’member.php?u=410441′;” style=”cursor: pointer”>JaruebaT on bodyspace is helping me get ready and he’s awesome!  I don’t know why but it’s so much easier for someone to tell you what to eat and I’m actually sticking to it.  He cleaned up my diet for me and I started today.  I weighed myself this morning when I woke up and again when I came home from work and actually lost 1/2 lb!  And…my bodyfat read 14.9%.  I’m soooo happy about that.  The only thing now is tightening up my butt and getting rid of that fat on my outer thighs.  I really want to do this show and I’ve trained so hard, dieted and spent at s*@tload of money but I really don’t want to humiliate myself on stage and walk out there and not be ready so I hope this works.

What he’s doing for me is a practice mini carb load/deplete to see how my body responds to it and then he’ll adjust the real thing next week according to the results we get.  Tomorrow and Wednesday will be carb depleting and I’m not looking forward to it because I’m a carboholic.  Thursday/Friday will be carb loading with diuretics and no gym!!!  I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself so I have to plan something to keep myself busy.  So Thursday I’ll work on my one piece doing the stoning and practice my posing and Friday my friend who’s going to be at the show with me is coming over after work and she’s going to come to the gym with me to practice posing.  Saturday will be the practice show day and I get to have a bagel for breakfast, Reeces Peanut Butter Cups an hour before my pretend judging at 8:00 am and Cheese pizza for lunch.  Through this whole practice run I’m taking pictures everyday including 1 hour after my peanut butter cups at 8:00 am and again at 6:00 pm which would be the evening show.  I’m sure this whole process can’t hurt me at all because I was eating all the wrong things and way too many carbs.

He also told me that I need to walk on a 15% incline on my lunch and then 1 hr on the stepmill or stairmaster after my evening workout.  I didn’t have a stepmill at the gym I went to tonight so I did the 1 hr on 15% incline and holy mother of God!  My hamstrings and glutes have never felt like this in my life!  I should’ve been doing this for the past 2 months!  So tomorrow and Wednesday I’ll be at another gym that has a stepmill and I’ll be stepping my life away.